Author: mary

These are the observations of an ordinary woman in a very crazy world...which doesn't have to be a bad thing, especially when common sense prevails. Right now? I'm thinking that commons sense is close to extintion and should be put on the endangered list...except it has to be recognized to be protected, and there are too many people out there who don't seem to recognized it anymore

Lies and Living on a Higher Plane

Today is my mother’s 95th birthday, as well as my country’s 250th birthday…both fill me with conflicting emotions, hence the subject of this post.

This is an uncomfortable topic for me, I admit, given my history, and I also admit that I am not always adept at knowing when someone is lying to me or not. I usually take people at face value in the beginning…assuming they presumptively tell the truth, especially since most people want to put their best foot forward right away (and yes, I know, some lie about that too). And because I often feel like I’ve been thrown into a game where everyone else knows the rules except me, I do pay attention to what follows afterwards to see if their behavior is consistent with the words that come out of their mouths and how they treat other people. I have spoken before of being a person with no filters, so I believe that I am borderline incapable of the kind of deception that creates a persona that doesn’t really exist, and it kind of freaks me out at how good some people are at creating a whole new external facade than what truly lies underneath. And while I used to see that as a weakness, perhaps it is one of my greatest strengths. Modern culture thrives on the fabricated and presents people who society should mirror as smooth and sparkly in the attempt to create a template of the flavor of the moment, both for what a person “should” be and then offer the kinds of products or ideologies that can make the rest of us sparkly as well (I’ not just speaking here in the US, but globally). There is also the flip side to this negative worldly influence on those authentically smooth and sparkly people who just want to shine their blueprint and are obstructed or inhibited to do so by the tendency of masses of individuals who obsess over, and idolize their gifts and talents rather than use that influence as inspiration to develop their own. Putting someone up on a pedestal above the rest does nothing help to help anyone’s authenticity, since we are all of the same fabric. While its true we all have different gifts, and are on a spectrum of how they are developed and used in the world, remember, we are all on this journey together and it is incumbent upon us all to do our fair share. It’s more than appropriate to celebrate the talents people are born with and the hard work they’ve put in when sharing those gifts to the world, it’s quite another to anchor oneself to them and emotionally feed off them like a vampire…they end up depleted, and leave many gifts left undeveloped.

Since I started this journey so many years ago, I have learned to listen to my gut, my intuition, my native good judgement a lot (even if sometimes it takes a beat). All the lessons that I have learned along the way were hard won, and have taught me to let go of illusions and falsehoods that have cluttered my life for so long, so believe me when I say that the most important requirement of living on a higher plane is rejecting all that bullshit the world is trying to shove down our throats that corrupts who God created us to be. Maybe I was lucky to be born the way I was, without smooth and sparkly attributes, because I’ve learned that life isn’t supposed to be like that, and there is no magic product or social construct that can make us perfect except for adhering to who and what were created to be in the first place…and I firmly believe that God created us intentionally, with the exact gifts necessary to fulfill/complete the journey we were placed here to make to not only evolve personally, but to use our gifts to evolve humanity, the only necessity for growth being love, and learning to wield it in the world. And I will say that most of my grief at the moment is recognizing how much energy, from important people in my life was put into keeping my own blueprint from shining (which I truly believe is the result when the illusion of one comes face to face with the authenticity of another). Rather than seeing it as an Achilles’ heal, though, I have chosen to see it as a strength, one that has made me even more forceful (my badass butterflyness), and more dedicated to following the path God has laid before me. I have come to understand that there is a power in being unknown and pretty much invisible, because better than most, I can grow unimpeded by all the vacuous enticements out there…like clothing that shrouds rather than enhances our true selves, they just don’t fit me, like ever.

As far as wielding love in the world to establish, grow, and shine our blueprints, it is more of a logical than mystical process than people would think, and also a mechanism to determine if someone is being truthful or not. I have spoken before of using logic when referencing leadership and love, and if you pay attention, you begin to realize that putting faith in either one has to be rooted in the truth of beginning with if how you present yourself to the world. So, instead of looking at whether an argument is valid, let’s use logic to determine if a person is being valid. If someone presents themselves as one thing, but behaves in ways that are contrary, they are not who they say they are. Even if a person truly believes the illusion they present to the world, (for a host of reasons from no self knowledge, to the more nefarious) the truth of that illusion will be exposed eventually, because that is the nature of truth. Let me be clear, self knowledge is not only hard because it is entangled in all the past damage/hurt/fears that have come before, but also because the world itself encourages so many of us, in order to be successful or thrive, to become something “other” to be acceptable. The result is that there are too many people out there who aren’t clued into their authentic selves, and that they don’t really know or understand the gifts they bring to the world that are not only meant to drive the passion for their path forward, but build the connections with others they were meant to influence and affect. I know how arrogant that sounds, I really do, but I’ve been at this game (and it is a game, of sorts) long enough and been dismantled down to the bones enough to recognize that authenticity is one of the fundamental rules of living on a higher plane and moving evolution toward the Love that initiated everything.

Choosing to reject the world’s illusions has always been an essential part of my journey, so choosing to live on a higher plane, then, ups the ante even more. Walking unhindered by a host of things that can obscure or twist the blueprint we were created to be is even more necessary out on “the water” because gaining a solid proprioception is impossible when covered in illusion, or rooted in falsehoods, because then a person cannot walk unhindered, they just sink. I can’t become a facsimile of the person I was created to be, as dictated by societal appropriateness and expectation, or bypass the work of evolution by pretending to be something I am not, because it not only inhibits my ability to successfully live my truth and bear good fruit from the gifts I was born with, it completely corrupts them. The true path to shining one’s unique light on a higher plane has to be based on the perfect creation the God of Love intended you to be, flaws and all, societal acceptance be damned. To choose otherwise, decreases your ability to shine your unique light at its brightest, which in my mind is the same as allowing the darkness to dim your light (or as Jesus said, hide it under a bushel basket). It also means that whatever comes out of our mouths must also be the truth as we know it at the time, because as we all know, developing our “blueprint” as I call it is an evolving proposition, as the truth of the world expands its presence. We all have to be willing to make mistakes, and to fail at times, to be sure, but mistakes for the sake of evolving is what is required. We have to be willing to embrace our own personal dishevelment and look foolish for the sake of growth, and still focus on how our unique talent helps the whole lot of us evolve. The connections we make, demand truth, demand our authentic selves. Lies, illusions, and all the subterfuge that come with modern living will ruin those connections. I should know, I have first hand experience…both of being lied to and trying to conform myself to what I believe the world thinks is appropriate…and I don’t really like it, so acknowledging those experiences, I chalk them up to learning to love unequivocally with even more power. To wielding love I am dedicated and sure…and I will never break the promises I’ve made to those I choose to love and send love to…the Savior didn’t, and neither will I…whatever the expression.

Prayers for You on my Birthday

It is that time of year again…I made it yet another cycle around the sun, although this last year was packed with, well, more than anything I’ve experienced on this journey I’ve travelled so far combined. For someone who proclaims how easy faith in the God of Love is for me (you know how some are naturally good at science or sports) this natural proclivity was tested at every measure, and I think I came out the other end even more adept…time will certainly tell. Add six months of my next theme, “living on a higher plane”, which is mind blowing (to me anyway) and wouldn’t have been remotely possible without all the ways my faith had been tested (and continues to be, part of evolution, I guess). So here I am, in all my dishevelment, (made even harder because I despise selfies, or any pictures in general…with no makeup, all sweaty, with the humidity wrecking havoc on my hair, which in this weather is pulled back 90% of the time, because of curls and cowlicks in all the wrong places) because this unequivocal and unfiltered state is my new normal. Per usual at this time of year, let me take a moment to send out prayers to all of you “trajectories” I’ve sent love to over my lifetime. Whether you know it or not, you all helped keep me on this journey as well as expand my own small blueprint helping to add my unique song and light to the world.

I was born at 6:40 in the morning, so today I got up early (it is Saturday, after all) and at that moment sent of blast of love outward into the world to all of you, in the hopes that the ripple will add to your individual beautiful blueprints in facing your day. Never forget the Savior’s promise that whatever you ask for in goodness, shall be given to you. So extend that same prayer to your own trajectories. You’re welcome. Here is my prayer, (in general, some are private)

I pray that the light you share to the world through your unique and exclusive gifts are magnified tenfold sending not just ripples, but waves of love out into the world

I pray that you make sacred even the simplest of actions you perform today and everyday because you never know how they will influence or affect another.

I pray that you love unequivocally, fully and freely without conditions or expectation of return, and watch its beautiful influence in your world. Losing yourself to love increases you, and never diminishes you because love is an inexhaustible and continuous energy.

I pray that you surround yourself with those you have tamed, and who have tamed you and strengthen those connections for any trials and tribulations to come, asking for help and support when you need it…especially from the God of Love who always has our backs. None of us were meant to take this journey alone.

I pray, most importantly that you really come to know and understand that Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things…LOVE NEVER FAILS.

Believing the above statement alone, is the key to living happily on a higher plane, where walking on water is the new norm, where we can face the unknown with confidence, balance, with grace, together.

I’m off, to celebrate me!

Seeing Through Shadows on a Higher Plane

I took the above picture initially so I could gage what flowers to purchase to decorate our back patio on the edge of our beautiful woods where I tend to spend a lot of time in the summer. I noticed the interesting shadows, and retook it from another angle…the picture almost appears to have a large demon/monster towering over me (I am covered in a huge blanket, since it was cold that day, and no I am not in a wheelchair, but a high top bar chair sipping iced tea. 😉 ). It made me laugh, but also made me think. How often do we give credence to looming shadows in our lives and allow them to instill fear in us? Except when we really look at them from multiple angles, allow light to disassemble them or ask those we love for another perspective, they become nothing like what we feared they would be. I am guilty of succumbing to fear initially, but am also diligent in shifting direction and shedding light upon them. The operative word here, is “light”. With so many shadows that creep up on all of us every day, given how deeply invested the shadow masters of the world are into keeping us steeped in illusion (you know all the liars and wolves in sheep’s clothing out there), it does take a continuous commitment to the truth, to love, to having faith in a future free from those illusory fears that often impede our movement forward, especially in a world that is filled with an increasing and evolving reality. I have experienced first hand that I cannot face the darkness alone, and that, in and of itself, is releasing a shadow over me. It is often with herculean effort that I release the kinds of shadows that trap me into thinking that I am alone on this journey every single day, and ask for validation, for additional help from those I trust, and the support necessary to see things clearly as I move forward. Face it, we need each other, and while stating that may seem simple and obvious, asking for it, not only from heaven, but to someone’s face can feel heroic. So, be a hero…ask for what you need.

Heroism on a Higher Plane

Today is Father’s Day. I miss mine every day, and am comforted that he is watching over me spiritually and extending prayers my way. And while I can’t comprehend how, I do sense and feel his presence when most needed, and it also brought to mind the subject matter of this post. So, before I begin thoughts on heroism, let me share another caveat of being in an uncomfortable social situation, and asking for, and receiving validation. Like the last social event I spoke about, making the choice to act as my evolving self, and humbly asking for help to do so, I had another fortuitous encounter with my recent past. The venue where this social event was held looked remarkably like the venue of my son’s wedding, the memories of which brought me so much love and happiness. It turns out, both venues are owned my the same people (the properties are hundreds of miles apart), and for that reason I felt calmer…but that wasn’t the end, the same two bartenders, mother and daughter who served us so efficiently at Riley and Bri’s wedding were there. She recognized Steve and I and the moment felt heaven sent, as we were gathering to sit for dinner, (dinner placement is always unnerving for me, since I have no control and have to sit where I am told) she came running around the bar and gave me a big hug. We chatted and she remembered so fondly that day, how we teamed together to make sure all the bridesmaids drank water in between open bar cocktails…Isn’t that remarkable? How extending simple love does make an impact on a person. She wanted to give me her card in case we ever needed them for another event, because the venue we presently were at was just sold, and this was her last event there, so fortuitous!. Any way, just another example of how wielding love does make a difference, and love itself came around to give me another big hug for doing so.

Teilhard describes human existence as a heroic evolving quest, having the courage to push evolution forward by embracing the physical world, harnessing the “energies of love,” and willingly enduring suffering for the greater good. He believed it is far more “heroic” to dive into the work of the world—science, politics, and daily labor—and sanctify those actions instead of looking down on them like traditional religions tend to. Jesus displays this notion clearly by disassembling traditional understandings of power and redefines heroism from a focus on power, strength, and glorification of conquer, to a model based on love, humility, service to others, and self sacrifice. Jesus also says that the greatest show of heroism is to sacrifice personal preferences and safety for the sake of another, and to break the cycle of violence and vengeance by doing good for those who hate us and pray for those who persecute us. A difficult skill to master, assuredly, which is why it is all so important to master it in the everyday. Just like you can’t climb a mountain without the rigor of training, nor can you be your best hero without the same kind of diligence.

That is what my father represented to me. He wasn’t perfect, he knew that, but he showed up everyday, and committed to the kind of qualities Jesus preached about. He was one of the few men in my life who actually saw me, and loved me for it. He desired the best for me, and while in the end he questioned whether or not he was successful, the fact that he was committed to being a hero according to his faith for all those he came in contact with certainly made him a hero in my eyes. Happy Father’s Day!

Simple Love

This post may sound a bit unlike my usual intensity, a slight deviation from usual workings of my brain, but I think it’s necessary sometimes to step outside of oneself and try something new. Waking in the wee hours of the morning, overwhelmed by the energy in my heart and mind of the love that propels me forward and invigorates my soul (that often comes in the throws of creating a painting) where the practice and practicality of expressing it at the moment was pretty limited, I usually try to pray and send that energy outward into the world to all those I love and pray for. However, this time it wasn’t really effective, so I got up, and decided to try a new tactic. Love is energy, and the more I learn about, and embrace it, the more I feel like a conduit that is ready to explode if I don’t share it. So today, I decided to take that energy and infuse it in every action I performed, from cleaning, to grocery shopping, to engaging with everyday people in everyday ways, and to try and see and approach these tasks and interactions and transform them into something more. Yes, I am aware that my mind works a bit differently from most, but strangely? I did feel different as I walked in my world today, and I don’t think it was my imagination. People do respond differently when you try to incorporate the “love” energy in all you do. It was pleasant. It was moving. It was validation that I am definitely onto to something here. The love is real, it is palpable and efficacious. While it may go under the radar for most people, I am good at reading faces, and the responses I received seemed to be happy ones. Imagine if we all did this in our simple interactions every day. I think we change the tide for how the world moves forward…for all of us. One of the last things I did, was share a bit of love to myself by getting a pedicure. The whole experience was magical (and I admit, I get them all the time and usually sitting that long and feet touching is uncomfortable for me). I was lucky to get someone at the last minute, who I remembered I sold a piece of jewelry to a few years ago, and she was happy I remembered who she was…I could feel that simple love as she massaged my legs and feet. It was subtly transformative. I see why the washing of feet in the Gospel was such a moving experience for Jesus to share with people.

In a time where we focus on the “big” impacts of love, we can’t dismiss the simple and subtle ones either. Massaging the tension out of one’s life does make a difference, whether it is by using words or our hands. It was a good day. Tomorrow, practice simple love, you won’t regret it.

Weathering Turbulence

The above is a painting I’m working on which calms me a great deal while I forge ahead with building and sharing my gifts. I’ve placed some of my jewelry in a local boutique, and am finalizing details of the installation of my paintings in the public library during the month of July…both of which while great, still make me a little sick to my stomach.

Not that I believed living on a higher plane would be smooth sailing, or a simple exercise in mastering my sea legs…but I didn’t expect this kind of turbulence, especially the kind that nobody else can see, but those who choose to live on a higher plane. I hated writing that last sentence, because it sounds so pretentious, but really, its the opposite. The turbulence comes from the interactions and situations I am presented with, where I can’t unknow what I know now and am forced to choose between the person I was, or the person that I am in the moment, or the person who, in continuous evolution, I really desire to become, meaning every movement forward is a conscious choice between who I am going to be in that exact moment. I’m exhausted, and yet determined to never go backwards…so far, so good (except when I’m alone and I spill or break shit and swear like a sailor…that hasn’t changed). I’m not talking about the overthinking that I sometimes get trapped in…it is those obvious moments where I instinctively know there is a choice to make. The evolution also hasn’t been without help. I’ve had enough smacks on the head from God over my lifetime to remind me to ask for Love’s help when I need it, or to reach out to those I trust to ask for help too, and I’m getting better at it.

I was in a particular unsettling situation recently, ( for me anyway) when I needed a reminder that I was indeed a good person, who does good things, and has made a difference for good in my own way. So being aware that I was in a vulnerable place and didn’t want to backslide, or just coast through, I asked God for a little validation in the physical world from my trajectories, and it came…but not from where I thought it would. I recognized one of my old students at this social gathering, (I had to look him up on Facebook to make sure I didn’t embarrass myself, and it was him) I approached him and said Hello, and it was wonderful! It’s nice to not only be remembered, but to be remembered so fondly and then be introduced as his mentor, and have him share with me how much I have helped him in his life, especially with his faith, well, it made my heart full, and that one validation circumvented those who didn’t. It felt fortuitous that our paths crossed in the way it did and I am thankful to God for that. Accepting that we are all works in progress, evolving at our own pace is what I needed to be reminded of in that moment so I could learn to better deal with any turbulence that comes my way in the future, as well as be supportive of others during their turbulent times. It takes practice to be vulnerable and ask for help, and not look at it like its a weakness, because needing help is a simple facet of being human, and the quicker we all understand and embrace that notion, the quicker we can all evolve forward.

I told someone recently that everyone needs a place where they can feel safe to get all messy and emotional as we work through leaving our past selves behind and not be judged or rejected for it. It’s certainly what I want from those I choose to love, and expect from those who choose to love me. Regardless of my whirling dervish nature, I am worthy of that kind of safety as are those whom I have tamed, not only in the physical world, but the spiritual world as well, because we are forever responsible for those we tame, and also because that is what unequivocal love looks like in my book and it is the only way we keep moving forward together.

Before the Storm

I’m on my way to see my mother for the first time since she was placed in memory care. The above picture is full of trepidation, sleep deprivation and my last look in case I don’t make it out alive…Even though I feel pretty calm and almost resigned, it’s crazy the level of fear that she inspired in me my whole life, the remnants of which still lie deep beneath the surface and in the last 24 hours have come out sideways. I simply don’t understand the tendency for people to shut down, pull away or a host of other responses when someone goes to great lengths to give them their love, without reservation or strings. I guess, I will never understand it and I have chosen to love anyway…and not just in this instance, or with this person. I won’t ever be one who allows someone else to determine how I move forward, I’ve come too far, regardless of how confusing and awkward it may feel.. Anyway…pray for me.

So…I think the prayers worked, and I dodged a bullet. While I was meeting with my sister and talking about how to navigate the visit if things went awry, the nurse at my mother’s facility called and because of an incident, I couldn’t visit her (and for my safety). Obviously, while it was fortuitous that she called, I was frustrated and sad (hence the post pic, after some tears and a bit of comfort). I know I look like shit, so don’t judge. Gonna lose myself in a new painting I’m starting and sending her soul some love.

Reaping What We Sow and Standing Together

I feel like I’m at a pivotal point in my journey forward. Leaving false humility aside, I cried like a baby when the above painting was finished, it was a soul wrenching experience of beauty for me. After a bit more than seven days of its creation, when I was done with it, I soaked it in and deemed that it was good (the reference to the creation story was intentional). The gifts that I have been blessed with are beginning to manifest in a powerful way, standing as proof that all that has come before in my past is a result of the painstaking work of getting my hands dirty cultivating and building my house, my blueprint, on solid rock that will withstand all that the world may throw my way (even amidst the walking on water images I use, my “building of stone” floats easily 😉 ) . Most importantly, I have not done this on my own, in fact, none of us have. No gift, or fruit, regardless of its goodness is a result of a solitary effort, but comes from a myriad of sources, many of which remain in the background. I suppose it is why I harp so much on the idea that we are all connected, that we are all of consequence and are all essential in moving evolution forward. In the center of all of this is the faith I have in the uncompromising affirmation of a personal God, who provides for and loves us with watchful care and who’s love is revealed through the wakening of souls and bringing us together. It is through learning to love unequivocally and allowing myself to be loved that cracked my soul wide open, and it is in awareness of, and gratitude for this experience that has readied me for whatever is to come next.

Jesus shares a powerful parable after the end of his sermon on the mount where he lays out behaviors that are necessary to be known as one of his disciples. In a cautionary way he warns them against false prophets who come to them in sheep’s clothing saying by their fruits you will know them, that it is impossible to pick grapes from a thistle or thornbush, essentially meaning a bad tree cannot bear good fruit, only a good tree can do that. Goodness can only come a store of goodness, evil comes from a store of evil…its as simple as that. He likens being known by good fruit as to building a house on solid rock that can withstand all the pressures and scrutiny that life may bring. The building of which, by abiding Jesus’ teaching, is as important as the fruit itself. I am responsible for “the tree” and “the building” and keeping it good, according to Jesus’ teachings, how the world sees and grows from my gifts…well that remains to be seen. But as I always say, to quote Julian of Norwich: All will be well, all things shall be well, and all manner of things shall be well. Shine that blueprint of yours! I am praying for you and sending unequivocal love your way.

A Rare Revision

Ok, you know how I said living on a higher plane meant there were no limits anymore? The above picture is just the perfect example of the quick karmic turnaround that happens when I get it…a bit wrong. I know I want to embrace the passion I had as a youth for just going for it…and I still do, with this qualification: it doesn’t mean I can throw common sense to the wind. I love movement and working out, and yesterday I amped it up and while I won’t go into details…it appears that my body, specifically my right knee wasn’t too happy about it…especially my knee cap which stopped tracking correctly and boom, is now swollen and sore(thankfully, no permanent damage). It appears, that with Love there is no risk…there is risk when it comes to understanding the frailty of our human structure. I’m embarrassed, I should know better, especially when it comes to handling the accumulation of damage I’ve done to my body over the years, while still embracing a healthy regimen of exercise. I have been schooled, and now forced to sit still, apply cold laser, and ARP (a tens unit on steroids). At least my art will keep me occupied. Pray for me.

Risk on a Higher Plane

I love Michelle Obama…she inspires me, and I really needed the inspiration this week, so I decided to paint her portrait…there is much still to be done…but I am excited about the progress so far.

After a rough couple of days falling prey to particularly painful and familiar emotional triggers, I literally bolted up in the night and suddenly said out loud, “this will not do”. I cannot live my life on a higher plane tripping over the same responses I have to situations that appear hard, hurtful, beyond my power and control, or deceptive. None of what I’m doing on this journey matters if the emotions ruling the moment are rooted entirely in someone else’s choices and behavior. In this instance, I acknowledged the limitations of my perspective and focused only on my choices, my behavior, my truth and then responded accordingly. I am no longer in the boat where fear and typical colloquial human behaviors rule, because I stepped out onto the water awhile ago, and the rules of survival here require that I let go of the old risk assessments that ruled my life and I must put into practice all that I’ve learned up until this point. It suddenly became clear to me, that if living on a higher plane is to be a real way of life and not just a hopeful pipe dream or philosophical fodder, I have to embrace the necessary spiritual proprioception that allows me to move smoothly into the future. I have to practice the belief’s I hold, whole heartedly, which means acknowledging the risks I’ve been fearful of simply don’t exist anymore. There. Is. No. Risk. Anymore. None of what I do from this point forward matters if I’m not all in with respect to the promises extended to me by the God of Love. Loving unequivocally means embracing that power fully and allowing it to be the force that drives my life forward and that another’s fear won’t sway me away from the love I already know is in my heart. I’ve worked too long and hard over these past years evolving this blueprint of mine, not to trust the journey at this point, and while I also may not understand all the who, what and why’s of everything that have happened thus far, the result is that I do love and wield love with so much more color, passion, and hope than ever before, and I certainly don’t want that to stop. While expressions change, the power of Love does not.

For a long time I have become so cautious that I can’t help but trip over myself over and over…which, if we are all being truthful, is a common experience that most of us learn to do after a lifetime of accumulating bumps and bruises. Following Jesus command to step out onto the water with him has brought me back to my childhood and youth where throwing caution to the wind was the natural way go to. While I still respect limitations, (age and wisdom will do that) I am also choosing to believe that if I let Love guide me, move me and light up this path I’m on, I will have all the protection I need, whatever challenges are presented. I also pray every day for those whom I love and send love to that they know they will be protected too…and because life on the water is glorious.

Symbols on a Higher Plane

My father loved elephants and collected them most of his life. My children inherited the collection, and while cleaning out the last remnants of my mother’s apartment, these two jade beauties came home with me until they are claimed. Elephants have been present in my mind and dreams lately, and are a spiritual link to my dad. As I’ve said before, I’ve always been a vivid dreamer, and in my study of world religions and psychology, developed a deep understanding of the symbology of dreams. Often in my work with youth, who occasionally described their vivid dreams to me in counseling, I would help give them possible insight into the messages of their unconscious, which I believe are meant to help and guide us, to navigate issues, often the intangible, illusive and emotional parts of us that, while part of our waking life, often escape the clarity needed to bring understanding into our lives. Looking into my own dreams has always been very instructive…especially those that wake me up with such a sudden clarity, that there is no question as to its meaning. After the emotional turmoil of the last couple of weeks, last night’s dream let me know that I am exactly on the right track.

I was in a crowd of people that I didn’t know (per usual) and I was taking a phone call on an ancient deep blue cellphone given to me by a caterer for a big event who wanted to make sure she could reach me (not sure why I was chosen). The call revolved around two families who couldn’t be more different, and she was asking for my help to navigate the situation. The scene shifted to what I was doing at the time, which was getting on a boat and moving into a sound that was bordered by two large hills. I told her I had to go, hung up the phone and then witnessed something so amazing I used the phone’s old camera to get pictures of what transpired. Standing at the front of the boat, in a Titanic-like moment, I looked to my left and saw a huge oversized elephant, and white tiger, and a normal sized water buffalo. They all ran down the hill and dived into the deep water toward me. A huge green and yellow elephant shaped building came out of the center of the water, as these huge animals came forward to stop them from running into the boat. I was never afraid, but totally amazed, and regardless of the age of the phone, wanted to document it somehow because it was so unbelievable. When I woke, I knew exactly what the dream meant to me, and felt such a huge relief, resolve and renewed commitment to this journey that I am on.

Sometimes the war between my rational and logical brain gets tangled up in all the emotional struggles that present themselves in my life. As I have said before, the emotional aspects of my life are largely my weakest point, and I am working diligently to get that emotional intelligence up to speed, so I can be more balanced as I move forward. The clearest point of the dream, (although most of the other details are for me alone) is that while in my life I was experiencing a clash between overwhelming pressures, fears, pushing against my deepest instincts, the elephants represent a safe haven of wisdom and protection, and by the color and nature of the building…an unshakeable foundation. The color green represents healing, growth and renewal, while yellow signifies joy, intellect and clarity. The shape of the building is important because it suggests that I am made safe by my own inner strength and wisdom and I can trust my instincts to shield myself from the turmoil of the moment. Because this dream came to me after the final clearing out of my mother’s apartment, putting to rest and finally being able to release all the weight of the past, I know that however I move forward will be rooted in my own strengths and lessons learned. I know I am more capable than I give myself credit for, especially regarding moving into a future that is full of unknowns and intangibles, and it seemed apropos that my validation came in dream form. Teilhard viewed the “dreams” of humanity and mystics not merely as nighttime visions, but as a profound psychological and spiritual drive toward unity with the divine. I have always trusted my dreams, they have never led me astray before, and I’m not about to lose faith in them now.

Appreciating symbols, dreams, instinct and intuition as central a tenet of living on a higher plane is as important as trusting what you see and hear with your very own eyes and all that the rational world presents. We are first, as humans, spiritual beings having a human experience that demands the appreciation and embracing of both the inner and outer worlds. The job of all of us is to reconcile both expressions as necessary parts of being all that we were intended to be. Whenever I waiver in trusting my gut…I think of this great line from “‘The Little Prince”: it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.

Truth on a Higher Plane

The above picture is my mother, nee Ruth Gleason, on her high school graduation day, a picture I had never seen, but was tucked away in all her stuff. The second is a ruby ring I made for her, also tucked away. I will now wear it as a reminder to think positive thoughts…about her and try to understand her., and me, I guess

It’s been a minute. Today is Mother’s Day, and while my mother is safe at her new residence, she is still so angry at all of us that the director there requested a no contact put in place for all of her children until she settles in so they don’t have to move her to a facility that deals with overly combative patients, especially since her delusions are still very front and center she still refuses to take the medications that will help her brain. While continuing to purge my mother’s apartment yesterday, my sisters and I were talking about how sad we were not to send flowers or visit her on Mother’s Day, (regardless of our feelings, we have never missed a one), I suggested we buy a beautiful plant and card that was simply signed: “Happy Mother’s Day, from all of us”. That way she could believe what ever she needed to, as to who sent it, and would put a smile on her face. I do want her to have a happy day, and whether or not I think it is true, she is proud to be a mother and grandmother, and I was taught to honor my parents. There is a post I wrote about my father before he passed that is quite popular, and I suddenly wondered what I would write when Ruth passed. It will be difficult, because I won’t be that person who waxes philosophically, full of platitudes simply because the moment requires me to say nice things, we never had that kind of relationship. But, I also know that all evolution is predicated on what went before us and to a large significance, I am who I am because of her. She is a gifted woman…intelligent, social, hard working, passionate about justice, and very committed to her Catholic faith. As I mentioned, my siblings and I have been clearing out my mother’s apartment, and oh my…the accumulation of stuff she has is mind boggling. I actually thought we had taken care of much of it when we cleared out my parents house and sold it almost a decade ago. She had boxes in storage that she hasn’t touched in a decade, with the demand that we keep them after she was gone (like every card she has ever received). My first thought was that she did this to remind us that she was popular, regardless of, well, whatever. All this (including about a thousand selfie-style pictures of she and my dad in random places), which to me felt like a true reflection of her life and treasure, went to recycling, because for the most part, they meant nothing to anyone else, but her. The furniture and decorations will be donated. There were a few things left that my brother and sisters all shared, and were things I’m positive she wouldn’t understand why they held any meaning for us like her high school graduation picture, or the ruby ring I made for her (because mostly they were packed away in boxes in her storage unit and not in a place where she could enjoy them). Anyway, it led me to today’s post, and I don’t say this lightly; truth on a higher plane can’t be rooted in the kind of figments of our imagination that supersede the truth of the life that we actually live, and what still lies ahead. While my hope is that once she settles in, my mother will be able to share in the love that her children have always had for her when we visit…if not, the truth of her life will become, like scripture taught us, a clanging gong or symbol and there isn’t anything I can do about that. She is worthy of love, and her life was filled with interesting things, and this post is in no way meant to disparage her, but to be a lesson for both of us on how to precede forward. So what about truth for the rest of us?

As I have shared in an earlier post, Teilhard saw the universe as an “unfinished” creation, moving toward greater complexity and consciousness. He also viewed truth not as a static dogma, but as an evolving, unified reality where science and faith converge. As a priest and a scientist, he believed that evolution is the process by which God culminates in a “Christ” consciousness (the Omega Point) that integrates all scientific and spiritual truth. He had no problem seeing that a search for truth was to be a joyful active exploration of an often time messy, yet vital potential of God’s creation, which was controversial at the time, given how obsessed the church was with original sin and the true nature of God…which Jesus showed us was love, love, love. He also believed that what I now call living on a higher plane (the Noosphere for Teilhard) truth itself is not static, but evolving and has two criteria: coherence and fecundity (consistent, logical integration of diverse elements that result in a productive expression of fruitfulness).

Jesus taught us that the Kingdom of Heaven is not of this world, therefore truth does not come from earthly systems or power structures, but a higher spiritual realm and that truth brings freedom, not just from sin, but from the limitations of deception, fear, and human insecurity that are often imposed by human systems and power structures. Life with Christ is depicted as a higher plane characterized by overflowing forgiveness, unconditional love, and spiritual guidance rather than just physical reality laid in front of us. This is where truth on a higher plane can be difficult…because it is the foundation of bringing into existence, the intuited belief, hope and enduring love that we hold in our hearts. It is manifesting an evolving global creation that integrates all our creative connections and personal gifts/paths that are a productive expression of the Body of Christ, rooted in a love that hopes all things, believes all things, endures all things and never fails. What that exactly looks like is largely left up to how we, collectively, decide to define and live it. And like the relationship with my aging mother, there is a lot of reflection left for me to do that is necessary to find the goodness and truth necessary to evolve forward.

I also feel inclined to add that on my social media feeds, my algorithms have developed to show me things that I enjoy, make me laugh, are instructive, am passionate and feel deeply about, there is also a lot of garbage passing through that is completely contrary to any thing that even remotely interests or excites me, and is actually deeply offensive (true to the nature of the nooshere that includes both good and bad). To this, I am reminded of a dream I had last year when while looking for my car, I found a woman standing in front of it smugly holding my keys toward me in her outstretched hand, and I screamed in her face to give me back my motherfucking keys, that I was going to change the world’s weather (butterfly effect). I grabbed the keys from her hand, loving the surprised expression on her face and drove away, fast with music blaring. Regardless of the bullshit passing as truth about me that exists out there in cyber world…I will never be appropriated into something I am not. I am unequivocal about that…and how I choose to love and live my truth on a higher plane is mine, and mine alone and no one can change that…it is simply how truth on a higher plane works. No one will ever stand in the way of that. Love’s expressions, when we let it lead and drive our movement forward, and not society, or the liars that lie, or those rooted in fear, will help truth evolve for each of us and enrich all our lives on a higher plane.

The Secret of Success

So between a shit show and shining success…that is the attitude of what yesterday and today felt like, to which I write with a quick deviation from instruction on learning to live on a higher plane, because I’m not all too sure that what I feel at the moment is actually representative of living on a higher plane. To start, the day of the move to memory care ( and the day of my show) was laden with anxiety, mostly for my sisters who were on site, directing the move right under my mother’s nose (first time I’ve name her as THE family member), and me not being present, because I had committed to participate in an art show, feeling powerless to help in any way. At about an hour before I was done with my first day showing and selling my art, I started getting emergency phone calls dispatched from my mother’s life link button she wears around her neck. I spent the last portion of the show walking back in forth in the parking lot desperately trying to, and and delicately explaining to this company not to dispatch the emergency crew because she was safe at her new memory care facility, and was just unhappy with her circumstances. Finally, in a hysterical laughing, crying way…I just had to tell the truth, that my mother would continue to push this button because it was “her means” to call her husband, Elon Musk to whom he had given her full responsibility to distribute his money, to come and get her. I could hear silence on the other end, and then a choking voice (I knew she was covering up her laughter) that she would transfer me to her supervisor. Once connected, the same funny noise came, when she read the explanation of her underling, and I had to interject and say out loud, that yes, I knew it was crazy, and yes, it was it was ok to laugh…to which she let out the loudest guffaw I have ever heard. Her response: Mam, this is the singular best story I have ever heard in this job (most of the details, I did not share here). She closed the account and even gave me a refund. for the rest of the year…to which the full staff at her new place and my sisters now think I am a rock star (because the staff finally witnessed, first hand, the transformation that we, my siblings, all knew personally that was akin to the most frightening horror story character ever created). In this moment, and I know I’m not being kind and loving unequivocally and I’m OK with that, given how this ordeal unfolded, I am not sorry for it, I released a huge burden. And if God happens to give me a smack of karma, I’m ok with that too. The true heroes of this story are my sisters and the people that have to deal with her now. We all did the best we could for her to honor my dad’s promise and keep her safe, and now realize she has made her bed and well….enough said.

The other side of the last two days is the pride I felt when so many people were amazed and impressed with my art. I received an invitation to display some of my pieces at the new libraries’ artists gallery wall this summer and also met a wonderful gallery owner who is excited to what we can do in the future. I would be lying if I didn’t admit that I felt pride at my ability to squelch the fear that started to rise up when I accepted the invitation at the library and also when I told the other gallery owner I would be proud to have her present one or more of my pieces in her space. There was also an artist who saw the piece I did called, “A portrait of an artist at rest” (Wang Yibo), and said that it reminded him of one of Rembrandt’s techniques regarding shading and depth. I absolutely had no fucking idea what he was talking about, and also didn’t tell him that I just acted by the seat of my pants, and simply thought that if I added an iridescent paint to the black it would give the appearance of a velvet background….which means that I guess that the attempt was successful…and even though I didn’t have a clue about anything else that came out of his mouth. I just smiled, like Mona Lisa and shook my head in the affirmative. Also, both my brother, (who came in from Florida) and my youngest sister came up to see me, in leu of seeing my mother and I was so shocked and pleased because my brother had never seen my art in person before. So, as far as I’m concerned at the moment, I am happy that I stood on my own two feet and weathered both storms…my mother and my own fear of success. I still have one more day to show tomorrow, but somehow I already feel like I’ve won and passed the test, because I know my mother is now safe, regardless of how angry she is…and I believe that am really good at what I do, end of story, which leaves me better equipped to live and love on a higher plane.

One quick epilogue that I am amending to this post…I added a picture of a little hedgehog who picked out a piece of jewelry…my favorite customer of the weekend. Also? I have conflicted feelings about a lot of the gushing about my work…often, I didn’t like it at all, because it felt like the focus was on the wrong thing and was often followed by words like I have no talent, or you are so lucky. I wanted them to be moved by the art, or feel encouraged to make their own or use their own gifts. Regardless of how many times I explained that I only started this a few years ago, and didn’t know what I was doing either, that if they felt a passion for it, they should just try. The important part is in the creation…because it changes the individual as well as the environment…most looked at me like I was nuts…and it made me feel sad. I am even more resolute to bring love into the world one piece of art at a time.

Success, the Within and the Without

The above is the first self portrait I did requested by my mentor early on…I updated it a bit, but still kept the rough edges of representing an early work…

I have been dreading this post…circumstantially, it has been physically (although my lungs are finally clearing from the crud), emotionally and materially overwhelming in every regard. And it was within this context that the subject of success, primarily my own, has been hammering in the forefront of my mind (and the incessant chattering of my spirit guide, which more than any other time lately, I even tried to convince myself was a function of my imagination…to no avail). I am a participant in a county wide art show coming up this weekend. That in and of itself is a challenge: finishing pieces, pricing, organization, presentation, packaging, setup utilizing all aspects of advertising and promotion offered to me, etcetera, etcetera all in the context of baring my soul to the general public, many who are perfect strangers, which I find deeply disconcerting. Also, at the same time, the moment came suddenly for “the move” to a safer space for a family member which, being the medical representative, demands my presence in a myriad of ways, from physically approving the space, to the myriad of checks, paperwork and meetings with medical professionals. The move, of course, happens over the same period of time as my show…which fucking sucks, especially since we can’t say anything to her until the last minute. I have to take time off work (the running of our clinic, which also takes a huge chunk of my time) this coming week to join with my sisters and healthcare representatives to break the news just prior to the move and it will not be pretty. Thankfully, I have amazing sisters who have generously given me permission to focus on the show during the actual move and they would do the dirty work, (my son Riley offered to help move the heavy stuff…love you for that, my bebe). They were all so excited to be present with me at this show, but now will sadly be otherwise occupied…leaving me to stand on my own two feet.

The other issue, which is a direct connection to what I described above, were the messages this person hammered into my head from as early as I could remember. Messages like: Don’t shine, you will make everyone else feel bad, Don’t stand out, Don’t be better than, Be quiet, Be invisible, You can’t do that, I won’t allow that, I won’t pay for that, Be this, don’t be that, Who do you think you are, You were built wrong, Respecting me means doing what I say, Being smart is good enough, don’t get greedy, You think you know so much, you’re so arrogant…etc. were axioms that took so much of my time and life to untangle that I was left not only with a skewed view of what my God given talents were, but how I was supposed to use them, actually, of how I am still supposed to use them. This is NOT in any way, shape or form, a mechanism for your pity, that is insulting to me, especially since there are so many others who have risen from more harsh circumstances than mine, It is, however, merely an explanation of how I ended up where I did. As in all our lives, some of the worst points of darkness, offer the greatest opportunities for uncovering a deeper and more beautiful light, and that is how I am trying, amidst great consternation, to look at it. But…as was made clear by all that has been ruminating in my mind and intuition, I still have some dismantling to do with some of the more pervasive messages, namely, it is perfectly acceptable to have been given many different kinds of gifts from God that may make me stand out ahead of the herd and it is time to stop running from them, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me feel right now. My focus must be on taking the “talents” I’ve been given, like the parable says, and make something of them. I have taken comfort in Teilhard’s definition of success: The slow work of God often involves passing through stages of instability, meaning success requires patience and faith in God’s ultimate plan rather than immediate and measurable results, and how well one acts according to God’s will and participates in the ongoing, creative work of the universe. True success is moving toward a greater awareness of a “higher” state of being where individual spirits converge and unite in love. I have also taken comfort in the words of scripture: love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love. Never. Fails.

I had a sudden and harsh realization amidst all the myriad of emotions this week, that I will never reach a higher state of being, or converge and unite in love unless I face my own fear and worthiness of success. While I cognitively know how capable I am, and talented…I do hide and am comfortable in anonymity, which, according to the parable is tantamount to burying my talents in the ground. (and the very reason this parable has always made me a little sick to my stomach). So, regardless of my natural inclination to be “supportive” rather than be in the lead…it is important, at this point anyway, to prove to myself and “her” that I can be and will be in the forefront of a creative movement, even if only momentary, and that is the lesson at this appointed time. Ironically, the circumstances of the moment only seem to serve as the exact incentive for to me to forge ahead. It is her messages that I bury in the ground, and not my talent…and doing so with just my own two hands and feet seem to be the appropriate way to do so.

Evil and Living on a Higher Plane

I don’t think it would be incorrect to say that evil is a subject that most human beings are curious about. Just look at its presence in the world, from its popularity in all the mediums of storytelling, to religious institutions using it as leverage to ensure appropriate behavior, to world politics who use it to vilify their enemies and as a reason to wreck havoc on them. And yet from another perspective, the fragile nature of human beings has shown throughout history, that they are not only capable of, but have committed horrible evil acts for a host of reasons and moral guidance is a necessity in developing a personal ethos, as well as cultural ones, which can’t be done without the recognition that evil does, in many forms, exist. In a particular turbulent time for me, I once read a book called: “When bad things happen to good people” by Harold Kushner that I found incredibly helpful. The online synopsis describes it like this: ‘It tackles the theological problem of evil, proposing that God does not cause tragedy or intervene to stop it, but rather offers comfort, strength, and love, enabling people to find meaning in a flawed world’. I would also add that while the gift of free will allows humanity to choose our future road forward, it also becomes glaringly obvious (to me, anyway) how much we need God/Love’s assistance to do so successfully. For me the jury is still out on how evil actually manifests itself in our world, except to say that I have had experiences of it that have pushed the limits of believable reality, and I am humble enough to admit that I am the limited one in this scenario and therefore walk forward with the knowledge that there are things in reality that I can’t completely understand, that I do not walk alone, and that the cornerstone of my faith must be in the power of love that will ultimately protect me and the world from evil. I also think it is futile to try and understand the nature of evil in any other way except to say this; 1) it is parasitic in nature and cannot exist independently on its own, my faith taught me that Jesus took care of that when he bore our sins and conquered death and before he fully transformed, broke the walls of hell, and 2) it feeds off our fear in a myriad of ways. In my experience, it also roars its ugly head whenever we are close to a change in state forward…to create a cosmic setback, as it were. Because of the latter reason, it also makes it difficult for me not to ascribe some intelligence and malice to it, hence why I often refer to evil as if it were the serpent in the old testament from the Garden of Eden.

The reason I started with a look at evil, was not to explain what it is, exactly, but to simply accept it is definitely a part of the human journey, and figure out how best we can counteract it as we live on a higher plane. I’ve always found Teilhard’s suggestion of using the evil that happens to us as opportunities to transform it into good (kind of like Faust did when Mephistopheles tried to trip him up with evil acts…there was always an option for good too) as the simplest and most positive way forward.

Teilhard says we can turn evil into good in three ways:

  • 1) Occasionally one of our failures will divert our energies to another channel that may be a more virtuous one.
  • 2) Sometimes the loss we experience will cause us to return, out of frustration, to less material areas.
  • 3) The most common way, because we see diminishment all around us almost continually, is by uniting with God and transfiguring our suffering within the context of a loving annihilation and union. God carves out a hollowness in us in order to make room for love’s entrance into our innermost being. Thus everything can be taken up again to be recast in God (love) even our failures.

This approach keeps the road forward open, regardless of any obstacle thrown on our path…we can always find an alternative route, an opportunity to use the empty spaces created by experiences of evil by filling them with Love and utilizing its power to transform our failures and recast them as learning experiences and into an even stronger love and faith life. It is the action of moving beyond the evil that make us powerful, and utilizing the power of Love in those very moments that shed a light into that darkness and dispel it so we can move forward unhindered by it.

Jesus, too, acknowledges evil in the desert when he was presented with three temptations by Satan:

  1. Physical Needs: Turning stones into bread to break his fast, to which Jesus responds: humanity cannot live on bread alone.
  2. Testing God: Throwing himself from the temple pinnacle to prove God’s protection, to which Jesus responds, do not put the Lord your God to the test.
  3. Worldly Power: Worshipping the devil in exchange for all the kingdoms of the world, to which Jesus responds, the Lord your God you shall worship, to God alone you shall serve.

Jesus showed us that even when we are at our weakest and we are tempted to give into evil, we are never alone, we have the power of Love on our side, and the promise that when God is for us, there is nothing that will get in the way of that power of Love. It is also important to remember, while the apparatus of the world may not always visibly change, the way we act in it does, and those actions, in turn do change the world apparatus. Teilhard puts it this way: when we come to realize that the divine milieu has been revealed to us, it is possible to make a pair of important observations. First, the manifestation of the divine causes no apparent changes on the outward nature of things as perceived by our senses—though their meanings may be accentuated. Second, the persistence of the revelation is guaranteed by Christ himself. No power can keep us from the accompanying joys of acting with love as our source of movement into the future.

I conclude with this: let love be your source of power to react to the evils that befall you, let love transform any obstacle into an opportunity for good, and let love open up new and exciting paths forward.

The Nature of Omega

The above pictures are some pendants I just made for my show, that while making, I tried to express the sacred qualities of the beauty of nature in stones formed over millions of years with my personal expressions of love. Each piece is unique, I never replicate anything…people love that, and it is my hope that the hundreds of pieces I have out there are worn as a reflection of nature’s beauty. FYI, I never sell anything on line, (including my drawings/paintings) because, well for one I don’t want to, and second, because I think I need to make a connection with the actual person that is buying it. I know its a terrible business model, but it is what I feel driven to do.

So lets jump right in. As I alluded to in the last post, The Omega Point, or destination of evolution (scripture calls it the Kingdom of Heaven) is present and within us right now, and not just a future concept or goal. Teilhard, like the laws of evolution, ascribe four attributes to this unified concept of the universe as such:

  1. It is autonomous, the Omega (which is synonymous with God/love and from now on I will be referring as “Love”) that was there from the beginning and acts as a pole drawing evolution upward, outside of time and space.
  2. Love is actual, conscious and intellectual and not an abstract, representing supreme personalization whose function is to maintain the unanimity of all human beings (blueprints).
  3. Love is irreversible. Its emergence in the course of evolution can only occur through successive stages and is independent on what proceeds it. It is “the soul” of all creation.
  4. Love is transcendent. While it is the first product of its own evolution, it is at the same time outside of all evolution or space time. It is insufficient to say that it emerged from the rise of consciousness, it was the source and incorruptible energy that drove it.

The framework of these four attributes mirror the teaching’s of Christ about the nature of God. There is a place that Teilhard does diverge from traditional teachings in the epistles, about not being “of” the world. In Teilhard’s view there are no “religious acts” and “secular acts”. He even goes so far as to intimate that is a dangerous perspective. Since all of our evolution, to this point, is rooted in the world we must strive for detachment with a striving for development, i.e. when you act, you do so not for public acclaim, but for God: Matthew 6:1-13, where he ends with the only prayer we need, which is the Lord’s prayer:


(But) take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father. When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your almsgiving may be secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. In praying, do not babble like the pagans, who think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them. Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

This is how you are to pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven. Give us today our daily bread; and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors; and do not subject us to the final test, but deliver us from the evil one.

If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions. When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites. They neglect their appearance, so that they may appear to others to be fasting. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden. And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you .Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be. The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be. No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

Jesus taught us that actions have no value except in the intentions that motivate them. All work, all striving rooted in love cooperates to complete the world in the sanctifying grace of Jesus Christ. I learned this lesson when I was at the Benedictine monastery in the desert. St Benedict taught that work, labor, is an extension of prayer, an encounter with God, a way to build community (the body) and a means to contribute to society (with our own special gifts/blueprint). Teilhard uses this syllogism and explanation of work:

All work, all striving, cooperates to complete the world in Jesus Christ (Love). At the heart of the universe every soul exists for God, but all reality exists for our souls, therefore, all reality exists through our souls for God (Love). Love’s creation, after all was not completed long ago, it is a continuing process and we, humanity, serve to complete it by what we do and how we do it. It is no less than bringing Christ to fulfillment. In action we cleave to Love’s creative power, we coincide with it and prolong it. There is a specifically God like perfection to human endeavor. We cripple our lives if we see work as only an encumbrance. Because of the incarnation of Christ anything on this earth is profound for those who see it properly.

I know this post is heady, and I worry that people will grow bored with my theme this year, but living on a higher plane demands that we understand how to wield love, and bring the divine to life in all we do…even in the simplest of activities. To understand that whether we are a laborer, doctor, artist or whatever we feel called to do will offer us all opportunities to evolve us forward by “how” we perform our daily actions is truly the key. To become aware that how we wield love in relationships from lovers, friends, to communities and countries is what will strengthen the bonds that hold us together and move us into the future is our true power. If I’m being honest, it has been a particularly difficult time for me in this regard. Life feels immeasurably burdensome this week from being sick, to a broken connection, to crisis management at almost every turn in one of the busiest times in my life…it has not been easy to respond to these circumstances bombarding me with the love I seem to so casually preach about above…such is the nature of learning how to live on a higher plane, and how I am personally being held to account (you know the whole never wanting to become an asshole thing). Pray for me, I definitely need it. Its also apropos to what comes next…how to turn evil to good on a higher plane.

The Omega Point and the Theory of Everything

I begin with a piece of jewelry I created for my upcoming show the first weekend in May. I love this piece of ocean jasper, because I see a person wandering forward in a field of flowers…nature is truly amazing. The following post touches on theoretical ideas, so I thought I would begin with the picture above showing you a bit of nature’s magic…so lets jump right in….

According to Wikipedia, a theory of everything (TOE) is an overarching hypothetical coherent theoretical framework of physics that contains all physical principles. The scope of the concept of a “theory of everything” varies. The original technical concept referred to unification of the four fundamental interactions, or forces of nature: electromagnetism, strong and weak nuclear forces and gravity. While yet unproved, it is the subject of many scientists to find one single equation that explains the physics of the universe. But just because it hasn’t been proven yet, simply means, in my mind anyway, that we are not at that point of evolution, or have all the necessary information yet. Albert Einstein learned a painful lesson when he dropped a constant to his equations to ensure a static universe after the expansion of the universe was proven, because modern physics now uses that very concept to explain dark energy. My point here, and you should all breath a sigh of relief, is not to try to go into a physics lesson, but more as a gentle reminder to remain open to where evolution is moving us, embracing that while it may not make sense yet, faith and new information will keep moving us out of “intuited” ideas, into principles that become rooted in reality and giving us the necessary hindsight to keep moving into the unknown.

From the perspective of theology, however, and from my standpoint specifically, we are stuck in the same old, same old, and refuse to look at love as the internal reflection/workings of those same natural powers science is trying so hard to understand and unify. From a theological standpoint, we are obligated to work to see and hear how the “within” of this power (love) continues to express new facets of itself giving us not only a greater understanding of its nature, but leaves us better equipped as to how to wield it. Instead, many religious institutions hammer their faithful with rote recitations of scripture and their literal and uniform interpretations on how “to be” in the world we are living in that deny the very essence of its message. Memorizing scripture and its regurgitation to ‘the faithful’ without the substance and the power of love propelling one to put those words into action is what has made much of the Christian faith, in my humble opinion, as Paul says, a resounding gong, or clanging symbol. It is simply noise with no benefit to anyone except to give them the belief that somehow “following the rules” and the uniformity it demands, they remain in an elite club with a free pass to heaven in the end. Like Physicists working to understand the power that holds this world together, I, along with others, want to understand the “within” of this power, because as the gift of reflective thought has made clear, we are acting in concert with this power as cocreators of our future and are responsible for how it propels us forward toward a final goal, one which Teilhard called “the Omega Point”.

There is a distinct difference in our journey of evolution from all other linear journeys that move through time. All the power necessary to move in the right direction is already present here amidst and amongst us even if we are not completely aware of or can see or hear it fully yet. We, the human element, are the change agent so as we evolve and begin to see and hear with greater depth and understanding, we will also have greater access to this power, called love, which will be as tantamount a discovery as fire was to early humans. And this understanding can’t be rushed; (as Jesus says, neither the angels of heaven or the Son, only the Father in Heaven knows the timing of all of this movement forward) we must have faith in the whispering of the music in our souls that moves us to connect with, by following the blueprint Jesus laid out so carefully for us, others who, like parts of a body, make us so much more than we are alone. It’s important to remember that a heart, while beautiful in its own right, only has function and purpose when connected to other unique parts that comprise a body. We don’t cease to become any less individual, but become demonstrably so much more. That statement helps me understand Jesus words when he said: “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Understanding what I do now about God, and love…that means to truly “become” myself, I have to let go of control and let Love control, pulling me into the kinds of connections that will not only sustain me but fulfill my purpose…which I fully admit, even after all this time, I am still just a neophyte, and seem to mess up daily. The good news is that in every failure (and successes, I’m not completely inept), I see and hear the power of love in greater depth and how it augments my human limitations with the heavenly kind. Teilhard explains the deep discovery of self through love like this:

It is through love and within love that we must search for our deepest self, in the life-giving “coming together” of humankind. Love is the free and imaginative outflowing of the spirit over all unexplored paths. It links those who love in bonds that unite, but do not destroy, causing them to discover in their mutual contact an exaltation capable of stirring in the very core of their being all that they possess of uniqueness and creative power. Love alone can unite living beings so as to complete and fulfill them…for it alone joins them by which is deepest in themselves. If love accomplishes on a small scale, in a couple or in the team, the magic feat of a ‘personalizing’ unity, why shouldn’t it repeat this some day on a world wide scale? All we need is to imagine our ability to love developing until it embraces the totality of people on the earth. We usually seem to think that, with the love of a spouse, children, friends or country, a person has exhausted all natural forms of love. Yet, the most basic form of passion has been omitted from this list: ‘cosmic love’. Not only is a universal love psychologically possible, it constitutes the only complete and final way in which we are capable of loving.

To do this, Teilhard tells us we were never meant to do this alone, and reminds us of the first great commandment, that you must love the Lord, your God with all your heart and with all your soul, followed by the second which is to love your neighbor as yourself. The only way for cosmic love to happen, for this deep kind of love to be possible is that it must be co-existent with us right now. If love, or as Teilhard calls it in the context of our evolution, “Omega” were only an ideal or potential, which is to emerge only in a remote future, how could it possibly have any real effect on us today? A present and real super consciousness must have a present and real center. Like physicists who poster ideas we can’t presently prove mathematically, yet, to work toward future proof, so too must we poster ideas about love and move into them with the faith that, based on Jesus’ blueprint. that we are moving in the right direction.

Next time we will talk about the nature of Omega, to which Teilhard says has four attributes rooted in what Jesus laid our for us.

In the In-between

The picture above is a painting I’m working on, and I’m in that uncomfortable place of being in “the middle” or “in-between” when an artistic expression isn’t quite anything yet, but has the potential to be. I don’t like this place, but the discomfort still stands second to actually showing the completed piece to other people, which by then is an extension of my actual soul. As for now, I’m not sure what the end result will be, and it requires me to have faith that I have what it takes to complete it…and it is also where all the hard and careful work lies.

This is what Holy Saturday is for me…what happens in the place between Jesus’ death on the cross and when he walks out of that tomb transformed? I wonder if the in-between was as uncomfortable as it would appear to be. What occurred in that period of space time that made it possible for him to rise from the dead and transform and move in the world as something else? I know my brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s…but I do think about stuff like that. Creating a painting, while it doesn’t start with a real death, for me it is the death of an idea by transforming it into art by putting it onto a canvas, where it becomes something else, an expression of what I see in my soul. I wish I could explain it better than that…but I think that there is definite work being done during the space between death and new life. I think God took the idea of Jesus sacrifice of love from just an idea and transformed it into his final masterpiece, a piece of God’s soul into a resurrected Christ. There isn’t much written about how Jesus felt about the transformation in the moment, except to say, he wasn’t recognized by even his disciples until he wanted them too. He defied the rules of physics by appearing and disappearing at will, but yet broke bread and ate with his followers. From the book of Luke, here are some of his final words:

While they were still speaking about this, he stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you.” But they were startled and terrified and thought that they were seeing a ghost. Then he said to them, “Why are you troubled? And why do questions arise in your hearts? Look at my hands and my feet, that it is I myself. Touch me and see, because a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you can see I have.” And as he said this, he showed them his hands and his feet. While they were still incredulous for joy and were amazed, he asked them, “Have you anything here to eat?” They gave him a piece of baked fish; he took it and ate it in front of them. He said to them, “These are my words that I spoke to you while I was still with you, that everything written about me in the law of Moses and in the prophets and psalms must be fulfilled.” Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures. And he said to them, “Thus it is written that the Messiah would suffer and rise from the dead on the third day and that repentance, for the forgiveness of sins, would be preached in his name to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. And (behold) I am sending the promise of my Father upon you; but stay in the city until you are clothed with power from on high

What a wonder it would have been to see the final canvas, the God of love’s soul exposed to the world…it must have been amazing.

Building on the Richness in my Head

Holy Thursday, the first day in the Christian triduum, which represents Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday, is the most difficult for me. The last supper occurs on that day, as well as Jesus visit to the Garden of Gethsemane where he asks his fellow disciples to stay awake with him as he prepares for his coming sacrifice…in which they all fall asleep, leaving him alone in his fear and despair. I’ve written about this before: https://maryfrancesflood.com/2013/03/30/agony/ Ironically, it was when I finally fell asleep last night after hours of trying to do so that I finally received some comfort and insight.

I was in the garden…after the fact. At first, I sat quietly and waited, and finally he came in his risen form and I tried to breathe amidst the turmoil of the moment. He reached over and took my hand in his and with the other gently turned my face toward his and looked into my eyes and said: “Tell me.”

“Remember when that priest told me the movie in my head was much better than the real thing, and that I was setting myself up for disappointment? In this moment, more than ever, I feel like he may have been right. I am finding that trying to bring the richness of what is in my mind and make tangible in the world feels impeded or blocked at every turn. I so want to honor the choice you made…” The tears began to flow, “that you bore the weight of my sin, of our sins.” He rubbed his thumb over my hand and waited for me to continue. “Sitting here, is where you chose to sacrifice yourself so that people like me would have unlimited access to the power of love to wield in the world. I have spent my lifetime trying to figure out how to do that and looking around, I’m not too sure I am any better at it than I was when I started.” He looked at me with brow furrowed and sighed deeply.

“Stop trying to be perfect, you are not me!” And he put his hand up by my mouth before I could interrupt him. “I never expected you to love perfectly, or follow exactly in my footsteps. This”, pointing to the garden “was my journey, my choice, my sacrifice. I embraced it in the beginning. I knew everything that was coming, and even though I became human, and I was afraid, your beautiful face and the faces of so many other beautiful blueprints were my inspiration in that moment to say yes, to what was required of me. You, Mary Frances and others like you gave me hope that it would be all worth while. Your love and light inspired me in the darkest moment of my journey to drink from my Father’s cup. Love saved us all in that moment…and I want you to look into my eyes and let that sink in. Your journey is unique to you alone, with all you need to succeed already given to you and I am perfectly happy with your progress thus far. But I sense the depth of your sadness…so talk to me.”

“But what of those who you love, but don’t love you back? I don’t want to be a resounding gong or a clanging symbol like Paul talked about. I have forgiven and tried to appreciate all the good things I’ve been given and I’ve tried hard to love according to Scripture’s definition, promising to be unequivocal, but when I expect the same in return,…” Crest fallen, I started to fall apart, a bit, and in an incredible intimate gesture, Jesus pulled me on his lap and held me tight.

“You can’t make someone love you, if they don’t (like the song you love says)…but what you need to know is that how she decided to live with, or bury her gifts is her decision alone. I saw how hard you worked to be a good daughter. And now, I know signing that paper placing her where she is safe, is an act of love, on your part, and on your siblings part and not a betrayal. Sometimes wielding love is painful.” He turned my face toward his. “But that isn’t everything, is it?”

I sighed deeply and shook my head in the negative. “No. but compared to your sacrifice, it seems almost insipid to bring it up.”

“Love in any expression is never insipid. I would have thought you would know that by now.” He took a deep breath and continued, “All I have ever asked of you, of all of you, is believe that I am the way, the truth and the life and that none of you come to God, to love except through me…” he paused, looked at me and smirked “and I can already see the wheels turning in your head, so when I say ‘through me’ you know I mean by how you love one another, as I have taught you, so trust the plan I have for you and utilize all the gifts you’ve been given to shine your light in the darkness and you will move mountains. And believe me when I say all who seek me will find me. We are tethered together, you and I, and you need to trust that my grace is sufficient, and trust those whom I have placed with you on your journey. You are never alone. Simply concentrate on utilizing your gifts to bear good fruit in the world, and your song of love will shape the future.” He looked deep into my eyes, and said: “I know all the prayers you asked for, in goodness, not only for yourself but for others, and I always keep my promises. Remember, Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…Ever” He kissed my on the forehead and I woke up to a new day,

I hope my dream can inspire you. Have a Blessed Easter…and never give up on the movie in your head.

Perception and Reality

The above picture is a contemplative monastery, Christ in the Desert, that I stayed at while in college trying to figure out, as I wrote in my journal, “this whole faith thing”. As you can see, I’m still trying to figure it out.

Lately, I’ve been dealing with the very difficult and problematic task of how to handle a loved one and her increasing descent into dementia from Alzheimer’s disease. My sister and I are her medical/legal guardians and it is up to us to decide how to move forward, however challenging that may be. However, I had a curious thought during all our interactions over the past months that seems apropos to what I am doing here…and it was how adamant and confident she had become in her delusions, many dangerous to her well being…which I won’t go into, but it begged the question: how are the delusions she moves in any different than someone like me, or Teilhard, or Scientists or Mystics who from an intuitive place put faith in a future potential of/in something yet unknown or not physically obvious at our present point of evolution in this world? For one thing, having it come to fruition at a later date in time…from both the perspective of the “without” and the “within” is essential in continuing to invest in those kinds of intuitions that keep pushing our understanding of reality, but from whom or where does that intuition come? From my family member’s perspective, she believes she is the “chosen one” (and because she has fallen prey to a foreign money scam that preys on vulnerable people…which we have in hand). What of the rest of us?

When I speak for myself, regarding things I can’t explain, like the fact that I have a firm belief that God has spoken to me auditorily…how is it that I continue to move forward in my faith journey that is rooted in something that could easily be tossed aside as delusional so confidently? Where is the proof? First and foremost, I challenge myself on this notion pretty much all the time to keep me grounded in how I move forward. I also am aware, however, that I am not alone when I state that there are plenty of others who stake their lives on things beyond their present understanding that they believe move our evolution forward. Throughout my lifetime, many individuals who have crossed my path were shown, by experience, to be predators and charlatans preaching a bunch of malarky to buy into something for the sake their own enrichment (i.e. snake oil salesmen). Especially in the present environment, I am astonished at how many people root their belief in things that are patently untrue, and easily fact checked. I don’t want to ever fall into that trap or lead anyone astray, which is why, for the most part, I throw all this stuff out into cyberspace with no conditions whatsoever except to say it is my hope that it can in some way give people hope in their own potential to make a difference in the world and shine a little light. I am also aware that having a stake in future possibilities cannot be rooted in just a single or few minds or disciplines, which is why I have tried to broaden my perspective to see things from the angle of multiple disciplines. And in doing so, I see so many similarities in their expressions in the physical world (like a similar musical theme, to use my favorite metaphor). From Teilhard’s idea of the Noosphere shaping into the blanket of reflective thought we know as the internet, to Scientists identifying and understanding different natural forces, only to have that insight become even more altered as time and understanding and science continues to develop, to Artists who express an intuitive golden proportion that is pleasing to the eye, all the way down to my little, small and fallible voice who believes in an omnipotent God who loves me deeply enough to answer all my prayers asked in goodness and also guides me and helps me exist with others on a higher plane (and as I explained to another…when our lives have transformed so much how can we believe that we made all this shit up?). Obviously, my starting point is the fact that I don’t have Alzheimer’s disease (regardless of how others may see me, I am definitely of sound mind). Secondly, I always go back to that point on the mountain where God claimed my attention and acceptance, and where my real faith journey began (and has been validated immeasurably over the years,) and it wasn’t through adulation, but through all the hard lessons (of which I wear my scars proudly), along with the successes I’ve achieved through facing all challenges that were presented to me, and yes, here I go again, often through dreams and the direction of my spirit guide, and amazing people I’ve met along the way. Thirdly, continuing to challenge and reinvent my faith according to the wise instruction of my father who taught me that faith unchallenged is dead. And lastly, the cumulative efforts of those people throughout my life via education, travel, adventures, jobs, etc., that have resulted in hindsight giving me an even deeper and stronger faith in love guiding the world. Through them I continue learn how how to wield love’s power in all its expressions to help other’s share their blueprints and light to build up the Body of Christ, and also give me the love, strength and intuition/foresight to continue to move into the unknown. Here are two quotes by Teilhard, that explains my position:

Though frightened for a moment by evolution, the Christian now perceives that what evolution offers us is nothing but a magnificent means of feeling more ‘at one’ with God and of giving oneself more to God, the whole. To be able to say literally to God that I love you, not only with all my body, all my heart, and all my soul but with every fiber of the unifying universe…is a prayer that can only be made in space-time.

Someday, after mastering the the winds, the waves, the tides, and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, humanity will have discovered fire.

Both quantum physics and Christian theology teach us that the relationship of one thing to another is what creates reality, AND that the sum is greater than the individual part…remember according to quantum theorists, the observer is essential in determining reality, and that the apostle Paul described us all as one body, but with many members, all different but essential for the body to function. I am adamant in the belief that however I express/wield love as an observer is essential to building this future potential, and I really don’t give a a whoop if no one else thinks so. As I’ve said before, I am the cumulative result of a lifetime of experiences and evolution that gives me the unmitigated gall to declare that I am, (of course along with unnumerable others) a maker of our future potential (the power of a mustard seed or impact of a butterflies wings). Importantly, relationships are not objects, they are experienced (which is why I love the quote from “The Little Prince” which says that it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye). The invisible part, or the part that is beyond the four dimensions (height, width, length and time) that humans are presently defined by is the issue that I’ve been focused on this week, and also propels me to continue on this unknown road, delusional or not. Why? because it all makes sense to me, after balancing so many different perspectives…there is proof that I am on the right road, that my foundations are on solid ground and not some madness I’ve embraced to face an illogical and increasingly troubled world. We have had our future success laid out on a silver platter by an omnipotent and loving God, we only need to keep walking forward, rooted in those axioms left to us by the Savior of the World.

As a final caveat for this post, that I will build on for next time, let me share how science has moved from an intuited position to one that became, with new measurement and understanding, the new norm. Originally, it was understood that there were four different fundamental forces of nature (the without): gravity, electromagnetism (responsible for the structure of atoms and molecules) , nuclear weak force (causes beta decay, where a neutron changes into a proton crucial for nuclear reactions in the sun and radiocarbon dating), and nuclear strong force (responsible for holding the nucleus of an atom together). Over time, physicists combined the electromagnetic force with the nuclear weak force. Now, through theories based on supersymmetry (interestingly represented by the circle) they are working to unite additionally, the strong nuclear force leaving only two forces of nature. Now I do know how to count…but now, what scientists hope to prove is that there really is ultimately only one force…or so called The Grand Unified Theories (known as GUTS). Interestingly, the GUTS theory works out mathematically if you add an additional dimension or force…which perhaps humans, who are presently limited to four dimensions (within) haven’t developed enough to comprehend completely, the fifth…which for all intents and purposes is Love…the most powerful source of all. Keep tuned.