Success, the Within and the Without

The above is the first self portrait I did requested by my mentor early on…I updated it a bit, but still kept the rough edges of representing an early work…

I have been dreading this post…circumstantially, it has been physically (although my lungs are finally clearing from the crud), emotionally and materially overwhelming in every regard. And it was within this context that the subject of success, primarily my own, has been hammering in the forefront of my mind (and the incessant chattering of my spirit guide, which more than any other time lately, I even tried to convince myself was a function of my imagination…to no avail). I am a participant in a county wide art show coming up this weekend. That in and of itself is a challenge: finishing pieces, pricing, organization, presentation, packaging, setup utilizing all aspects of advertising and promotion offered to me, etcetera, etcetera all in the context of baring my soul to the general public, many who are perfect strangers, which I find deeply disconcerting. Also, at the same time, the moment came suddenly for “the move” to a safer space for a family member which, being the medical representative, demands my presence in a myriad of ways, from physically approving the space, to the myriad of checks, paperwork and meetings with medical professionals. The move, of course, happens over the same period of time as my show…which fucking sucks, especially since we can’t say anything to her until the last minute. I have to take time off work (the running of our clinic, which also takes a huge chunk of my time) this coming week to join with my sisters and healthcare representatives to break the news just prior to the move and it will not be pretty. Thankfully, I have amazing sisters who have generously given me permission to focus on the show during the actual move and they would do the dirty work, (my son Riley offered to help move the heavy stuff…love you for that, my bebe). They were all so excited to be present with me at this show, but now will sadly be otherwise occupied…leaving me to stand on my own two feet.

The other issue, which is a direct connection to what I described above, were the messages this person hammered into my head from as early as I could remember. Messages like: Don’t shine, you will make everyone else feel bad, Don’t stand out, Don’t be better than, Be quiet, Be invisible, You can’t do that, I won’t allow that, I won’t pay for that, Be this, don’t be that, Who do you think you are, You were built wrong, Respecting me means doing what I say, Being smart is good enough, don’t get greedy, You think you know so much, you’re so arrogant…etc. were axioms that took so much of my time and life to untangle that I was left not only with a skewed view of what my God given talents were, but how I was supposed to use them, actually, of how I am still supposed to use them. This is NOT in any way, shape or form, a mechanism for your pity, that is insulting to me, especially since there are so many others who have risen from more harsh circumstances than mine, It is, however, merely an explanation of how I ended up where I did. As in all our lives, some of the worst points of darkness, offer the greatest opportunities for uncovering a deeper and more beautiful light, and that is how I am trying, amidst great consternation, to look at it. But…as was made clear by all that has been ruminating in my mind and intuition, I still have some dismantling to do with some of the more pervasive messages, namely, it is perfectly acceptable to have been given many different kinds of gifts from God that may make me stand out ahead of the herd and it is time to stop running from them, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me feel right now. My focus must be on taking the “talents” I’ve been given, like the parable says, and make something of them. I have taken comfort in Teilhard’s definition of success: The slow work of God often involves passing through stages of instability, meaning success requires patience and faith in God’s ultimate plan rather than immediate and measurable results, and how well one acts according to God’s will and participates in the ongoing, creative work of the universe. True success is moving toward a greater awareness of a “higher” state of being where individual spirits converge and unite in love. I have also taken comfort in the words of scripture: love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love. Never. Fails.

I had a sudden and harsh realization amidst all the myriad of emotions this week, that I will never reach a higher state of being, or converge and unite in love unless I face my own fear and worthiness of success. While I cognitively know how capable I am, and talented…I do hide and am comfortable in anonymity, which, according to the parable is tantamount to burying my talents in the ground. (and the very reason this parable has always made me a little sick to my stomach). So, regardless of my natural inclination to be “supportive” rather than be in the lead…it is important, at this point anyway, to prove to myself and “her” that I can be and will be in the forefront of a creative movement, even if only momentary, and that is the lesson at this appointed time. Ironically, the circumstances of the moment only seem to serve as the exact incentive for to me to forge ahead. It is her messages that I bury in the ground, and not my talent…and doing so with just my own two hands and feet seem to be the appropriate way to do so.

Evil and Living on a Higher Plane

I don’t think it would be incorrect to say that evil is a subject that most human beings are curious about. Just look at its presence in the world, from its popularity in all the mediums of storytelling, to religious institutions using it as leverage to ensure appropriate behavior, to world politics who use it to vilify their enemies and as a reason to wreck havoc on them. And yet from another perspective, the fragile nature of human beings has shown throughout history, that they are not only capable of, but have committed horrible evil acts for a host of reasons and moral guidance is a necessity in developing a personal ethos, as well as cultural ones, which can’t be done without the recognition that evil does, in many forms, exist. In a particular turbulent time for me, I once read a book called: “When bad things happen to good people” by Harold Kushner that I found incredibly helpful. The online synopsis describes it like this: ‘It tackles the theological problem of evil, proposing that God does not cause tragedy or intervene to stop it, but rather offers comfort, strength, and love, enabling people to find meaning in a flawed world’. I would also add that while the gift of free will allows humanity to choose our future road forward, it also becomes glaringly obvious (to me, anyway) how much we need God/Love’s assistance to do so successfully. For me the jury is still out on how evil actually manifests itself in our world, except to say that I have had experiences of it that have pushed the limits of believable reality, and I am humble enough to admit that I am the limited one in this scenario and therefore walk forward with the knowledge that there are things in reality that I can’t completely understand, that I do not walk alone, and that the cornerstone of my faith must be in the power of love that will ultimately protect me and the world from evil. I also think it is futile to try and understand the nature of evil in any other way except to say this; 1) it is parasitic in nature and cannot exist independently on its own, my faith taught me that Jesus took care of that when he bore our sins and conquered death and before he fully transformed, broke the walls of hell, and 2) it feeds off our fear in a myriad of ways. In my experience, it also roars its ugly head whenever we are close to a change in state forward…to create a cosmic setback, as it were. Because of the latter reason, it also makes it difficult for me not to ascribe some intelligence and malice to it, hence why I often refer to evil as if it were the serpent in the old testament from the Garden of Eden.

The reason I started with a look at evil, was not to explain what it is, exactly, but to simply accept it is definitely a part of the human journey, and figure out how best we can counteract it as we live on a higher plane. I’ve always found Teilhard’s suggestion of using the evil that happens to us as opportunities to transform it into good (kind of like Faust did when Mephistopheles tried to trip him up with evil acts…there was always an option for good too) as the simplest and most positive way forward.

Teilhard says we can turn evil into good in three ways:

  • 1) Occasionally one of our failures will divert our energies to another channel that may be a more virtuous one.
  • 2) Sometimes the loss we experience will cause us to return, out of frustration, to less material areas.
  • 3) The most common way, because we see diminishment all around us almost continually, is by uniting with God and transfiguring our suffering within the context of a loving annihilation and union. God carves out a hollowness in us in order to make room for love’s entrance into our innermost being. Thus everything can be taken up again to be recast in God (love) even our failures.

This approach keeps the road forward open, regardless of any obstacle thrown on our path…we can always find an alternative route, an opportunity to use the empty spaces created by experiences of evil by filling them with Love and utilizing its power to transform our failures and recast them as learning experiences and into an even stronger love and faith life. It is the action of moving beyond the evil that make us powerful, and utilizing the power of Love in those very moments that shed a light into that darkness and dispel it so we can move forward unhindered by it.

Jesus, too, acknowledges evil in the desert when he was presented with three temptations by Satan:

  1. Physical Needs: Turning stones into bread to break his fast, to which Jesus responds: humanity cannot live on bread alone.
  2. Testing God: Throwing himself from the temple pinnacle to prove God’s protection, to which Jesus responds, do not put the Lord your God to the test.
  3. Worldly Power: Worshipping the devil in exchange for all the kingdoms of the world, to which Jesus responds, the Lord your God you shall worship, to God alone you shall serve.

Jesus showed us that even when we are at our weakest and we are tempted to give into evil, we are never alone, we have the power of Love on our side, and the promise that when God is for us, there is nothing that will get in the way of that power of Love. It is also important to remember, while the apparatus of the world may not always visibly change, the way we act in it does, and those actions, in turn do change the world apparatus. Teilhard puts it this way: when we come to realize that the divine milieu has been revealed to us, it is possible to make a pair of important observations. First, the manifestation of the divine causes no apparent changes on the outward nature of things as perceived by our senses—though their meanings may be accentuated. Second, the persistence of the revelation is guaranteed by Christ himself. No power can keep us from the accompanying joys of acting with love as our source of movement into the future.

I conclude with this: let love be your source of power to react to the evils that befall you, let love transform any obstacle into an opportunity for good, and let love open up new and exciting paths forward.

The Nature of Omega

The above pictures are some pendants I just made for my show, that while making, I tried to express the sacred qualities of the beauty of nature in stones formed over millions of years with my personal expressions of love. Each piece is unique, I never replicate anything…people love that, and it is my hope that the hundreds of pieces I have out there are worn as a reflection of nature’s beauty. FYI, I never sell anything on line, (including my drawings/paintings) because, well for one I don’t want to, and second, because I think I need to make a connection with the actual person that is buying it. I know its a terrible business model, but it is what I feel driven to do.

So lets jump right in. As I alluded to in the last post, The Omega Point, or destination of evolution (scripture calls it the Kingdom of Heaven) is present and within us right now, and not just a future concept or goal. Teilhard, like the laws of evolution, ascribe four attributes to this unified concept of the universe as such:

  1. It is autonomous, the Omega (which is synonymous with God/love and from now on I will be referring as “Love”) that was there from the beginning and acts as a pole drawing evolution upward, outside of time and space.
  2. Love is actual, conscious and intellectual and not an abstract, representing supreme personalization whose function is to maintain the unanimity of all human beings (blueprints).
  3. Love is irreversible. Its emergence in the course of evolution can only occur through successive stages and is independent on what proceeds it. It is “the soul” of all creation.
  4. Love is transcendent. While it is the first product of its own evolution, it is at the same time outside of all evolution or space time. It is insufficient to say that it emerged from the rise of consciousness, it was the source and incorruptible energy that drove it.

The framework of these four attributes mirror the teaching’s of Christ about the nature of God. There is a place that Teilhard does diverge from traditional teachings in the epistles, about not being “of” the world. It Teilhard’s view there are no “religious acts” and “secular acts”. He even goes so far as to intimate that is a dangerous perspective. Since all of our evolution, to this point, is rooted in the world we must strive for detachment with a striving for development, i.e. when you act, you do so not for public acclaim, but for God: Matthew 6:1-13, where he ends with the only prayer we need, which is the Lord’s prayer:


(But) take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father. When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your almsgiving may be secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. In praying, do not babble like the pagans, who think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them. Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

This is how you are to pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven. Give us today our daily bread; and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors; and do not subject us to the final test, but deliver us from the evil one.

If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions. When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites. They neglect their appearance, so that they may appear to others to be fasting. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden. And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you .Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be. The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be. No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

Jesus taught us that actions have no value except in the intentions that motivate them. All work, all striving rooted in love cooperates to complete the world in the sanctifying grace of Jesus Christ. I learned this lesson when I was at the Benedictine monastery in the desert. St Benedict taught that work, labor, is an extension of prayer, an encounter with God, a way to build community (the body) and a means to contribute to society (with our own special gifts/blueprint). Teilhard uses this syllogism and explanation of work:

All work, all striving, cooperates to complete the world in Jesus Christ (Love). At the heart of the universe every soul exists for God, but all reality exists for our souls, therefore, all reality exists through our souls for God (Love). Love’s creation, after all was not completed long ago, it is a continuing process and we, humanity, serve to complete it by what we do and how we do it. It is no less than bringing Christ to fulfillment. In action we cleave to Love’s creative power, we coincide with it and prolong it. There is a specifically God like perfection to human endeavor. We cripple our lives if we see work as only an encumbrance. Because of the incarnation of Christ anything on this earth is profound for those who see it properly.

I know this post is heady, and I worry that people will grow bored with my theme this year, but living on a higher plane demands that we understand how to wield love, and bring the divine to life in all we do…even in the simplest of activities. To understand that whether we are a laborer, doctor, artist or whatever we feel called to do will offer us all opportunities to evolve us forward by “how” we perform our daily actions is truly the key. To become aware that how we wield love in relationships from lovers, friends, to communities and countries is what will strengthen the bonds that hold us together and move us into the future is our true power. If I’m being honest, it has been a particularly difficult time for me in this regard. Life feels immeasurably burdensome this week from being sick, to a broken connection, to crisis management at almost every turn in one of the busiest times in my life…it has not been easy to respond to these circumstances bombarding me with the love I seem to so casually preach about above…such is the nature of learning how to live on a higher plane, and how I am personally being held to account (you know the whole never wanting to become an asshole thing). Pray for me, I definitely need it. Its also apropos to what comes next…how to turn evil to good on a higher plane.

The Omega Point and the Theory of Everything

I begin with a piece of jewelry I created for my upcoming show the first weekend in May. I love this piece of ocean jasper, because I see a person wandering forward in a field of flowers…nature is truly amazing. The following post touches on theoretical ideas, so I thought I would begin with the picture above showing you a bit of nature’s magic…so lets jump right in….

According to Wikipedia, a theory of everything (TOE) is an overarching hypothetical coherent theoretical framework of physics that contains all physical principles. The scope of the concept of a “theory of everything” varies. The original technical concept referred to unification of the four fundamental interactions, or forces of nature: electromagnetism, strong and weak nuclear forces and gravity. While yet unproved, it is the subject of many scientists to find one single equation that explains the physics of the universe. But just because it hasn’t been proven yet, simply means, in my mind anyway, that we are not at that point of evolution, or have all the necessary information yet. Albert Einstein learned a painful lesson when he dropped a constant to his equations to ensure a static universe after the expansion of the universe was proven, because modern physics now uses that very concept to explain dark energy. My point here, and you should all breath a sigh of relief, is not to try to go into a physics lesson, but more as a gentle reminder to remain open to where evolution is moving us, embracing that while it may not make sense yet, faith and new information will keep moving us out of “intuited” ideas, into principles that become rooted in reality and giving us the necessary hindsight to keep moving into the unknown.

From the perspective of theology, however, and from my standpoint specifically, we are stuck in the same old, same old, and refuse to look at love as the internal reflection/workings of those same natural powers science is trying so hard to understand and unify. From a theological standpoint, we are obligated to work to see and hear how the “within” of this power (love) continues to express new facets of itself giving us not only a greater understanding of its nature, but leaves us better equipped as to how to wield it. Instead, many religious institutions hammer their faithful with rote recitations of scripture and their literal and uniform interpretations on how “to be” in the world we are living in that deny the very essence of its message. Memorizing scripture and its regurgitation to ‘the faithful’ without the substance and the power of love propelling one to put those words into action is what has made much of the Christian faith, in my humble opinion, as Paul says, a resounding gong, or clanging symbol. It is simply noise with no benefit to anyone except to give them the belief that somehow “following the rules” and the uniformity it demands, they remain in an elite club with a free pass to heaven in the end. Like Physicists working to understand the power that holds this world together, I, along with others, want to understand the “within” of this power, because as the gift of reflective thought has made clear, we are acting in concert with this power as cocreators of our future and are responsible for how it propels us forward toward a final goal, one which Teilhard called “the Omega Point”.

There is a distinct difference in our journey of evolution from all other linear journeys that move through time. All the power necessary to move in the right direction is already present here amidst and amongst us even if we are not completely aware of or can see or hear it fully yet. We, the human element, are the change agent so as we evolve and begin to see and hear with greater depth and understanding, we will also have greater access to this power, called love, which will be as tantamount a discovery as fire was to early humans. And this understanding can’t be rushed; (as Jesus says, neither the angels of heaven or the Son, only the Father in Heaven knows the timing of all of this movement forward) we must have faith in the whispering of the music in our souls that moves us to connect with, by following the blueprint Jesus laid out so carefully for us, others who, like parts of a body, make us so much more than we are alone. It’s important to remember that a heart, while beautiful in its own right, only has function and purpose when connected to other unique parts that comprise a body. We don’t cease to become any less individual, but become demonstrably so much more. That statement helps me understand Jesus words when he said: “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Understanding what I do now about God, and love…that means to truly “become” myself, I have to let go of control and let Love control, pulling me into the kinds of connections that will not only sustain me but fulfill my purpose…which I fully admit, even after all this time, I am still just a neophyte, and seem to mess up daily. The good news is that in every failure (and successes, I’m not completely inept), I see and hear the power of love in greater depth and how it augments my human limitations with the heavenly kind. Teilhard explains the deep discovery of self through love like this:

It is through love and within love that we must search for our deepest self, in the life-giving “coming together” of humankind. Love is the free and imaginative outflowing of the spirit over all unexplored paths. It links those who love in bonds that unite, but do not destroy, causing them to discover in their mutual contact an exaltation capable of stirring in the very core of their being all that they possess of uniqueness and creative power. Love alone can unite living beings so as to complete and fulfill them…for it alone joins them by which is deepest in themselves. If love accomplishes on a small scale, in a couple or in the team, the magic feat of a ‘personalizing’ unity, why shouldn’t it repeat this some day on a world wide scale? All we need is to imagine our ability to love developing until it embraces the totality of people on the earth. We usually seem to think that, with the love of a spouse, children, friends or country, a person has exhausted all natural forms of love. Yet, the most basic form of passion has been omitted from this list: ‘cosmic love’. Not only is a universal love psychologically possible, it constitutes the only complete and final way in which we are capable of loving.

To do this, Teilhard tells us we were never meant to do this alone, and reminds us of the first great commandment, that you must love the Lord, your God with all your heart and with all your soul, followed by the second which is to love your neighbor as yourself. The only way for cosmic love to happen, for this deep kind of love to be possible is that it must be co-existent with us right now. If love, or as Teilhard calls it in the context of our evolution, “Omega” were only an ideal or potential, which is to emerge only in a remote future, how could it possibly have any real effect on us today? A present and real super consciousness must have a present and real center. Like physicists who poster ideas we can’t presently prove mathematically, yet, to work toward future proof, so too must we poster ideas about love and move into them with the faith that, based on Jesus’ blueprint. that we are moving in the right direction.

Next time we will talk about the nature of Omega, to which Teilhard says has four attributes rooted in what Jesus laid our for us.

In the In-between

The picture above is a painting I’m working on, and I’m in that uncomfortable place of being in “the middle” or “in-between” when an artistic expression isn’t quite anything yet, but has the potential to be. I don’t like this place, but the discomfort still stands second to actually showing the completed piece to other people, which by then is an extension of my actual soul. As for now, I’m not sure what the end result will be, and it requires me to have faith that I have what it takes to complete it…and it is also where all the hard and careful work lies.

This is what Holy Saturday is for me…what happens in the place between Jesus’ death on the cross and when he walks out of that tomb transformed? I wonder if the in-between was as uncomfortable as it would appear to be. What occurred in that period of space time that made it possible for him to rise from the dead and transform and move in the world as something else? I know my brain doesn’t work like everyone else’s…but I do think about stuff like that. Creating a painting, while it doesn’t start with a real death, for me it is the death of an idea by transforming it into art by putting it onto a canvas, where it becomes something else, an expression of what I see in my soul. I wish I could explain it better than that…but I think that there is definite work being done during the space between death and new life. I think God took the idea of Jesus sacrifice of love from just an idea and transformed it into his final masterpiece, a piece of God’s soul into a resurrected Christ. There isn’t much written about how Jesus felt about the transformation in the moment, except to say, he wasn’t recognized by even his disciples until he wanted them too. He defied the rules of physics by appearing and disappearing at will, but yet broke bread and ate with his followers. From the book of Luke, here are some of his final words:

While they were still speaking about this, he stood in their midst and said to them, “Peace be with you.” But they were startled and terrified and thought that they were seeing a ghost. Then he said to them, “Why are you troubled? And why do questions arise in your hearts? Look at my hands and my feet, that it is I myself. Touch me and see, because a ghost does not have flesh and bones as you can see I have.” And as he said this, he showed them his hands and his feet. While they were still incredulous for joy and were amazed, he asked them, “Have you anything here to eat?” They gave him a piece of baked fish; he took it and ate it in front of them. He said to them, “These are my words that I spoke to you while I was still with you, that everything written about me in the law of Moses and in the prophets and psalms must be fulfilled.” Then he opened their minds to understand the scriptures. And he said to them, “Thus it is written that the Messiah would suffer and rise from the dead on the third day and that repentance, for the forgiveness of sins, would be preached in his name to all the nations, beginning from Jerusalem. You are witnesses of these things. And (behold) I am sending the promise of my Father upon you; but stay in the city until you are clothed with power from on high

What a wonder it would have been to see the final canvas, the God of love’s soul exposed to the world…it must have been amazing.

Building on the Richness in my Head

Holy Thursday, the first day in the Christian triduum, which represents Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday, is the most difficult for me. The last supper occurs on that day, as well as Jesus visit to the Garden of Gethsemane where he asks his fellow disciples to stay awake with him as he prepares for his coming sacrifice…in which they all fall asleep, leaving him alone in his fear and despair. I’ve written about this before: https://maryfrancesflood.com/2013/03/30/agony/ Ironically, it was when I finally fell asleep last night after hours of trying to do so that I finally received some comfort and insight.

I was in the garden…after the fact. At first, I sat quietly and waited, and finally he came in his risen form and I tried to breathe amidst the turmoil of the moment. He reached over and took my hand in his and with the other gently turned my face toward his and looked into my eyes and said: “Tell me.”

“Remember when that priest told me the movie in my head was much better than the real thing, and that I was setting myself up for disappointment? In this moment, more than ever, I feel like he may have been right. I am finding that trying to bring the richness of what is in my mind and make tangible in the world feels impeded or blocked at every turn. I so want to honor the choice you made…” The tears began to flow, “that you bore the weight of my sin, of our sins.” He rubbed his thumb over my hand and waited for me to continue. “Sitting here, is where you chose to sacrifice yourself so that people like me would have unlimited access to the power of love to wield in the world. I have spent my lifetime trying to figure out how to do that and looking around, I’m not too sure I am any better at it than I was when I started.” He looked at me with brow furrowed and sighed deeply.

“Stop trying to be perfect, you are not me!” And he put his hand up by my mouth before I could interrupt him. “I never expected you to love perfectly, or follow exactly in my footsteps. This”, pointing to the garden “was my journey, my choice, my sacrifice. I embraced it in the beginning. I knew everything that was coming, and even though I became human, and I was afraid, your beautiful face and the faces of so many other beautiful blueprints were my inspiration in that moment to say yes, to what was required of me. You, Mary Frances and others like you gave me hope that it would be all worth while. Your love and light inspired me in the darkest moment of my journey to drink from my Father’s cup. Love saved us all in that moment…and I want you to look into my eyes and let that sink in. Your journey is unique to you alone, with all you need to succeed already given to you and I am perfectly happy with your progress thus far. But I sense the depth of your sadness…so talk to me.”

“But what of those who you love, but don’t love you back? I don’t want to be a resounding gong or a clanging symbol like Paul talked about. I have forgiven and tried to appreciate all the good things I’ve been given and I’ve tried hard to love according to Scripture’s definition, promising to be unequivocal, but when I expect the same in return,…” Crest fallen, I started to fall apart, a bit, and in an incredible intimate gesture, Jesus pulled me on his lap and held me tight.

“You can’t make someone love you, if they don’t (like the song you love says)…but what you need to know is that how she decided to live with, or bury her gifts is her decision alone. I saw how hard you worked to be a good daughter. And now, I know signing that paper placing her where she is safe, is an act of love, on your part, and on your siblings part and not a betrayal. Sometimes wielding love is painful.” He turned my face toward his. “But that isn’t everything, is it?”

I sighed deeply and shook my head in the negative. “No. but compared to your sacrifice, it seems almost insipid to bring it up.”

“Love in any expression is never insipid. I would have thought you would know that by now.” He took a deep breath and continued, “All I have ever asked of you, of all of you, is believe that I am the way, the truth and the life and that none of you come to God, to love except through me…” he paused, looked at me and smirked “and I can already see the wheels turning in your head, so when I say ‘through me’ you know I mean by how you love one another, as I have taught you, so trust the plan I have for you and utilize all the gifts you’ve been given to shine your light in the darkness and you will move mountains. And believe me when I say all who seek me will find me. We are tethered together, you and I, and you need to trust that my grace is sufficient, and trust those whom I have placed with you on your journey. You are never alone. Simply concentrate on utilizing your gifts to bear good fruit in the world, and your song of love will shape the future.” He looked deep into my eyes, and said: “I know all the prayers you asked for, in goodness, not only for yourself but for others, and I always keep my promises. Remember, Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…Ever” He kissed my on the forehead and I woke up to a new day,

I hope my dream can inspire you. Have a Blessed Easter…and never give up on the movie in your head.

Perception and Reality

The above picture is a contemplative monastery, Christ in the Desert, that I stayed at while in college trying to figure out, as I wrote in my journal, “this whole faith thing”. As you can see, I’m still trying to figure it out.

Lately, I’ve been dealing with the very difficult and problematic task of how to handle a loved one and her increasing descent into dementia from Alzheimer’s disease. My sister and I are her medical/legal guardians and it is up to us to decide how to move forward, however challenging that may be. However, I had a curious thought during all our interactions over the past months that seems apropos to what I am doing here…and it was how adamant and confident she had become in her delusions, many dangerous to her well being…which I won’t go into, but it begged the question: how are the delusions she moves in any different than someone like me, or Teilhard, or Scientists or Mystics who from an intuitive place put faith in a future potential of/in something yet unknown or not physically obvious at our present point of evolution in this world? For one thing, having it come to fruition at a later date in time…from both the perspective of the “without” and the “within” is essential in continuing to invest in those kinds of intuitions that keep pushing our understanding of reality, but from whom or where does that intuition come? From my family member’s perspective, she believes she is the “chosen one” (and because she has fallen prey to a foreign money scam that preys on vulnerable people…which we have in hand). What of the rest of us?

When I speak for myself, regarding things I can’t explain, like the fact that I have a firm belief that God has spoken to me auditorily…how is it that I continue to move forward in my faith journey that is rooted in something that could easily be tossed aside as delusional so confidently? Where is the proof? First and foremost, I challenge myself on this notion pretty much all the time to keep me grounded in how I move forward. I also am aware, however, that I am not alone when I state that there are plenty of others who stake their lives on things beyond their present understanding that they believe move our evolution forward. Throughout my lifetime, many individuals who have crossed my path were shown, by experience, to be predators and charlatans preaching a bunch of malarky to buy into something for the sake their own enrichment (i.e. snake oil salesmen). Especially in the present environment, I am astonished at how many people root their belief in things that are patently untrue, and easily fact checked. I don’t want to ever fall into that trap or lead anyone astray, which is why, for the most part, I throw all this stuff out into cyberspace with no conditions whatsoever except to say it is my hope that it can in some way give people hope in their own potential to make a difference in the world and shine a little light. I am also aware that having a stake in future possibilities cannot be rooted in just a single or few minds or disciplines, which is why I have tried to broaden my perspective to see things from the angle of multiple disciplines. And in doing so, I see so many similarities in their expressions in the physical world (like a similar musical theme, to use my favorite metaphor). From Teilhard’s idea of the Noosphere shaping into the blanket of reflective thought we know as the internet, to Scientists identifying and understanding different natural forces, only to have that insight become even more altered as time and understanding and science continues to develop, to Artists who express an intuitive golden proportion that is pleasing to the eye, all the way down to my little, small and fallible voice who believes in an omnipotent God who loves me deeply enough to answer all my prayers asked in goodness and also guides me and helps me exist with others on a higher plane (and as I explained to another…when our lives have transformed so much how can we believe that we made all this shit up?). Obviously, my starting point is the fact that I don’t have Alzheimer’s disease (regardless of how others may see me, I am definitely of sound mind). Secondly, I always go back to that point on the mountain where God claimed my attention and acceptance, and where my real faith journey began (and has been validated immeasurably over the years,) and it wasn’t through adulation, but through all the hard lessons (of which I wear my scars proudly), along with the successes I’ve achieved through facing all challenges that were presented to me, and yes, here I go again, often through dreams and the direction of my spirit guide, and amazing people I’ve met along the way. Thirdly, continuing to challenge and reinvent my faith according to the wise instruction of my father who taught me that faith unchallenged is dead. And lastly, the cumulative efforts of those people throughout my life via education, travel, adventures, jobs, etc., that have resulted in hindsight giving me an even deeper and stronger faith in love guiding the world. Through them I continue learn how how to wield love’s power in all its expressions to help other’s share their blueprints and light to build up the Body of Christ, and also give me the love, strength and intuition/foresight to continue to move into the unknown. Here are two quotes by Teilhard, that explains my position:

Though frightened for a moment by evolution, the Christian now perceives that what evolution offers us is nothing but a magnificent means of feeling more ‘at one’ with God and of giving oneself more to God, the whole. To be able to say literally to God that I love you, not only with all my body, all my heart, and all my soul but with every fiber of the unifying universe…is a prayer that can only be made in space-time.

Someday, after mastering the the winds, the waves, the tides, and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, humanity will have discovered fire.

Both quantum physics and Christian theology teach us that the relationship of one thing to another is what creates reality, AND that the sum is greater than the individual part…remember according to quantum theorists, the observer is essential in determining reality, and that the apostle Paul described us all as one body, but with many members, all different but essential for the body to function. I am adamant in the belief that however I express/wield love as an observer is essential to building this future potential, and I really don’t give a a whoop if no one else thinks so. As I’ve said before, I am the cumulative result of a lifetime of experiences and evolution that gives me the unmitigated gall to declare that I am, (of course along with unnumerable others) a maker of our future potential (the power of a mustard seed or impact of a butterflies wings). Importantly, relationships are not objects, they are experienced (which is why I love the quote from “The Little Prince” which says that it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye). The invisible part, or the part that is beyond the four dimensions (height, width, length and time) that humans are presently defined by is the issue that I’ve been focused on this week, and also propels me to continue on this unknown road, delusional or not. Why? because it all makes sense to me, after balancing so many different perspectives…there is proof that I am on the right road, that my foundations are on solid ground and not some madness I’ve embraced to face an illogical and increasingly troubled world. We have had our future success laid out on a silver platter by an omnipotent and loving God, we only need to keep walking forward, rooted in those axioms left to us by the Savior of the World.

As a final caveat for this post, that I will build on for next time, let me share how science has moved from an intuited position to one that became, with new measurement and understanding, the new norm. Originally, it was understood that there were four different fundamental forces of nature (the without): gravity, electromagnetism (responsible for the structure of atoms and molecules) , nuclear weak force (causes beta decay, where a neutron changes into a proton crucial for nuclear reactions in the sun and radiocarbon dating), and nuclear strong force (responsible for holding the nucleus of an atom together). Over time, physicists combined the electromagnetic force with the nuclear weak force. Now, through theories based on supersymmetry (interestingly represented by the circle) they are working to unite additionally, the strong nuclear force leaving only two forces of nature. Now I do know how to count…but now, what scientists hope to prove is that there really is ultimately only one force…or so called The Grand Unified Theories (known as GUTS). Interestingly, the GUTS theory works out mathematically if you add an additional dimension or force…which perhaps humans, who are presently limited to four dimensions (within) haven’t developed enough to comprehend completely, the fifth…which for all intents and purposes is Love…the most powerful source of all. Keep tuned.

The Within of Language in Science and Religion

I wrote and taught a class for high school students called “Science and Religion” more than 30 years ago. While challenging, it was popular, especially since I enlisted teachers from the math and science department to help give validity to the claims presented (and for one, in particular, became a mind-blowing experience…thank you very much). I begin this post with a few quotes that were included in the study guide by important scientists, followed by two quotes from Christian Scripture to set the foundation.

The rapturous amazement at the harmony of natural law, which reveals an intelligence of such superiority that, compared with it, all the systematic thinking and acting of human beings is an utterly insignificant reflection. Albert Einstein.

Isolated material particles are abstractions, their properties being definable and observable only through interaction with other systems. Niels Bohr

In the absence of the observer, an atom is a ghost, and that the universe is not a collection of physical objects, but a complicated web of relations between various parts of a unified whole. Quantum theorists

But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. Matthew 5:44-45

As a body is one though it has many parts, and all the parts of the body, though many, are one body, so also Christ. For in one Spirit we were all baptized into one body, whether Jews or Greeks, slaves or free persons, and we were all given to drink of one Spirit. Now the body is not a single part, but many. 1 Corinthians 12: 12-14

After I did a brief introduction of Teilhard de Chardin, (which I’ve already done here), I told my students that as we progressed in the course, I would approach the world of “Science” as the expression of creation’s “without”, and the world of “Religion” as the expression of creation’s “within”. I then asked them to look at these two disciplines as basically two sides of the same coin, each a different look, or expression, but linked in a way that gives truth to each only in consideration of the other. I was impressed with how quick and amazing these students were and how much they added to the dimensions of this course.

While I don’t plan on going through the whole course here…I did want to jump to a point in the course that excited everyone. Joseph Campbell, a famous anthropologist and mythologist said: “that mythology is not an ideology (ideas created by humans) it is not something projected by the brain, but something experienced by the heart, from recognitions and identities behind or within the appearance of nature, and seeing life as a ‘thou’ (relationship) where it otherwise would be an ‘it’ (object)”. Imbedded in many religions, a deeper meaning exists which correlates to scientific expression and meaning. For example, we discussed how numbers played an intuitive and abstract presence in religious stories in multiple religions. Here are a few of examples:

To Hindus, the cycle of time was called a kali-yuga and it lasted 432,000 years–a great cycle from the big bang to the end times is 4,320,000 years.

To Icelandic Eddas, the day of the Wolf (end of an age) would occur when 800 warriors would pass through 540 doors and engage in the antigods in battle in the warrior hall of Voholl. 800×540=432,000.

In Vedic astrology, the Vendanga Jyotisha a sacred Sanskrit text, notes a 27 hour cosmic day related to the lunar mansions (Nakshatras), which aligns with this numerical system (27, 54, 108, 216, 432).

To the Egyptian, Sumerians and the Greeks, special vibration frequencies were considered sacred…432 stands for the natural cycles of the earth and cosmos.

Pythagoras, who studied the mathematical relationships between numbers and tones, believed the 432 Hz was superior to the standard 440Hz because it is in harmony with the human body, nature and universe.

In Revelations 144,000 will be marked with the seal as a sign of a servant of the triune God (Father, Son, Spirit) 144,000×3 (the sacred number of the trinity) is 432,000.

I have also spoken of this before in other posts, but the golden proportion or golden ratio (depicted above in Davinci’s Vitruvian Man, is a mathematical ratio of 1:1.6 which is represented by the Greek letter Phi, creates aesthetically pleasing and harmonious proportions used in art, architecture and is frequently seen in nature as well. In experiments, when asked to place a crossbar on a line, most frequently it is placed at that exact ratio. Bully for build in harmony…

Now, I don’t believe any of this is at all coincidence, nor can I delve into what it all means, because I don’t think we, as humans, are ready to able comprehend it all…yet. I do, however, believe that it is evidence of God, revealing the song of creation and embedding that omnipotent melody into our path forward. I also think that there is indeed a method to the madness in our evolution, of which we will all participate in its ultimate conclusion. And, so not to leave us limited and en masse on our own, God entered human history and in every sense of the Word the gospel writer John wrote of (quote below), made it possible for all of us to move forward by laying out the blueprint to do so through the Son, Jesus, who fully human and fully divine, sacrificed his life for ours, and made it inevitable, if we so choose, to reach creations culmination, the Kingdom of Heaven. And the only way we can do that is by the power of LOVE.


In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. He was in the beginning with God. All things came to be through him, and without him nothing came to be. What came to be through him was life, and this life was the light of the human race; the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it

Loves Triumphant Song

I took a moment, giving my brain a rest, and tried in the silence to rediscover the song in my soul, to hear its whisper, but the snowstorm outside and incredible wind kept me distracted (I don’t like the hard kind of wind that worries me whether or not the trees will make it till morning). So to quiet that fear, I listened to music…a song in particular that I hadn’t heard in a long time, but was brought to mind during the Chanel show and it slowed my mind and I could begin to hear, in pictures, the song that is brewing inside, which is demonstrably different than the song above, but moves me in the same kind of way…and can’t share because it isn’t ready yet.

Standing still with arms raised, a maestro quells the cacophony of noise inside that often times occurs when fear takes hold and and gloams into the rising light that love’s song quietly brings. With a subtle shift of her wrist, she moves her wand and offers a prayer to God above and around us to fill her with the power of love and the necessary silence required to hear the song’s subtle beginning whisper and again moves her wand with a gentle gesture, and like a chaste kiss the orchestra begins.

She celebrates love’s triumphant song, with multiple melodies and instruments yet none to reign supreme but created to blend together in harmony. Her wand sways, hones and weaves together notes to become more than what they are alone. Tempering movements from dissonance to congruous symmetry, melodies all uniquely inspired by love become the heart song she longs for.

One voice low and uncomplicated, from disordered to measured in equivalent beats pushing past the present to future’s possibilities, directed and soul understood, pensive and building toward a moment of perfect harmony.

One voice even, temperate but eager to dance to creation’s beauty and the celebration of higher potential, drawn forward by heaven’s pull and the promise of a blueprint fulfilled.

One voice, quiet, continuous and with foresight, rearranging the stars above to places of harmonic unity, bringing wholeness and happiness to those who choose to be and share their light.

Finally one voice, dramatic, unequivocal and full of love that celebrates the ties that bind together multiple voices, each unique but adding dimension and fullness to the song of her heart.

Notes upon notes, upward and forward along with voices, whose lyrics sometimes strained but sounding hope in trying times, stills the cacophony of fear that drove the discord disrupting and pervading our world, to advance in fullness the song of the Kingdom. Today, I share the idea of my melody song as a prayer for all soul songs of love…

The Power in Choice

I will totally understand if this post seems way too much for consumption, which is why I chose a completely unrelated photo of the 2026 Chanel runway show that was, in essence, simply breathtaking and beautiful not because I didn’t think the actual content would draw many, but I felt it important, nonetheless, to create a foundation to accentuate how important “choice” is to the ability to live on a higher plane. It is rooted in the very fabric of evolution itself, God’s amazing blueprint (which in my mind is as ethereal and beautiful as what was shown on the runway) for the culmination of our efforts moving toward the Kingdom of Heaven.

Teilhard taught that once humanity evolved into a being capable of reflective thought, and because of the limitation of our small planet and their close proximity to each other, the result was the establishment of the noosphere: a geological layer of consciousness and information that enveloped the Earth (the without). Humankind succeeded in stretching a single organized membrane of reflective thought, a new binding force (see prior post) And yet, since everything that evolves has the “without” as well as a “within” we must also understand what the “within” of the noosphere looks like. The world’s future now rests in humanities hands toward an unlimited future or its annihilation, a feat in which they must not falter, and there are, according to Teilhard only two ways to go: isolation and uniformity, or a coalescence of all human elements and the coming together of the branches of humankind where we all contribute to the unification of our world. Humanities first reflex, though, as they increased in number in a limited space, often lead them to seek fulfillment in isolationism and uniformity because of some inherent survival instinct that inclined humanity to think that to “increase one’s personal being” they must remove themselves as far as possible from the crowd of “others”. Survival of the fittest may be imbedded into life forms that don’t have the gift of reflective thought, but for humans…well Teilhard puts it this way:

Unique in this respect among all the energies of the universe, consciousness is a dimension to which it is inconceivable, and even contradictory, to ascribe a ceiling or suppose it can double back upon itself. There are innumerable critical points on the way, but a halt or reversion is impossible, and for the simple reason that every increase of internal vision is essentially the germ of a further vision which includes all the others and carries still farther on. Hence this remarkable situation…that our mind, by the very fact of being able to discern infinite horizons ahead, is only able to move by the hope of achieving, through something of itself, a supreme consummation- without which it would rightly feel itself to be stunted, frustrated, and cheated. After the long series of transformations leading to humanity, has the world stopped? Or, if we are still moving, is it not going in a circle? Either nature is closed to our demands for futurity, in which case thought, the fruit of millions of years of effort, is stifled, stillborn in a self-abortive and absurd universe…or else an opening exists-that of the “super-soul” above our souls: but in that case, the way out-if we are to agree to embark upon it-must open out freely onto limitless spiritual spaces in a universe to which we can entrust ourselves without hesitation. First: that there is for us, in the future, under some form of another (at least collectively) not only survival, but a superior form of existence. Secondly: to imagine, discover, and reach this “super life”, we have only to walk in the direction in which the lines passed by evolution take on their maximum coherence. (In other words, where consciousness is at its greatest.) Between nature being closed (pessimism) and the super-soul (optimism), there is no middle way because, by its very nature, progress is all or nothing. We are confronted accordingly, with two directions, and only two: one downwards, and the other upwards, and there is no possibility of finding a halfway house.

I know the above quote is pretty heavy, so let me try and break it up a bit. For humans, while all three rules of evolution still apply: unity, plurality and energy, there is something operating at a different level that has not happened before in the levels of evolution below humans. So while individual humans are identical in that they are “thinking” units, it is important to remember that they are also highly individual, i.e. different parts of a body. And like parts of the body, their individuality means nothing in isolation or uniformity because we are all connected, related to each other, but each performing a different function. Perhaps if humanity evolved in an unlimited space, humans never would have reached the necessary saturated state to burst forth into something new. But because they evolved in a limited space, human elements had to infiltrate more and more into each other, their minds mutually stimulated by close proximity. Each person, then, extends, their influence upon the earth and the earth in effect shrinks steadily. The pressure of proximity combined with the nature of our thinking souls to coalesce causes the radial energy (which is directional) of consciousness to concentrate toward a “super consciousness”, or what we come to understand as the “within” of the noosphere.

An extreme example of the lower polarity that has occurred throughout history is the doctrine that seeks to elevate one group or race to a position of superiority…and we all know how this system turned out. So why did Teilhard believe that isolation is a blind alley to be avoided? He believed this because, like evolution prior to reflective thought, where each molecule behaved in an almost uniform way, to animals who behave in a way to instinctively survive, humanity being capable of reflective thought, was therefore capable of not only planning their own actions, but planning the future as well. Humans cannot blindly react to the kind of animal behaviors such as birth, death and reproductive function that ruled their primitive selves, but instead must assimilate those basic functions and transform them with intelligent meaning and moral value.

All in all, ultimately the choice about “what” we do in the real world, is rooted in “how” we do it in the real world…and that is where, for me anyway, the power of love comes in and what moves us to living on a higher plane. As much as I’ve spoken about what “love” is and how it defines us, instead of the other way around…the choice for how to move ahead will always be rooted in the information that is disseminated to every individual in the noosphere, (the physical envelope of conscious thought) and how to check the veracity of that plethora of information to achieve the true essence of building the super consciousness (the Omega Point) that will move us forward. Because to root a choice in something, while proclaimed to be a truth, but is in reality is something less, will ultimately inhibit the body to move functionally forward, regardless of the desire to do so. All this I will delve into further at a later date…but for Teilhard, Jesus and a host of others, what drives the choices we make must be rooted in accurate and factual information, and the understanding that none of us are separate entities and it is only collectively using all our gifts, that any evolution can happen. The power of that choice is everything.

No Room for a Saint

Awkward subject to follow…just a head’s up.

When I was a child attending Catholic school, we spent a lot of time learning about the saints, I suppose as an incentive on how to behave as a good Catholic/Christian. What I remember in a general way were that male saints performed heroic deeds in the name of spreading the gospel against those who would try and silence them and often died horrible deaths. For women saints, however, the highlight of their heroic deeds included defending their virginity against those men of power who would forcibly take it from them, and by refusing to do so, also died horrible deaths, or another prerequisite was remaining a virgin because the church decided it was an indication of purity. I made a decision early on that saint hood was definitely NOT for me…best decision of my life. I want to tread carefully here, I DO NOT mean to defame or demean those in history who did what they did for God. But remember what I said about love…that just because you decide an act/behavior/expression is love, doesn’t necessarily make it so. Well, I believe the same goes for the kind of behavior that “the church” had decided was requisite for sainthood…in particular, for women.

Early on in my theological training, especially as I became more knowledgeable in scripture, I saw major contradictions between the interactions Jesus had with women and those historically, who went on to become saints in his defense. I’ll just say out loud what I’ve thought for a long time…Jesus didn’t give a shit about whether a women was a virgin or not. Sure he challenged them to straighten out their lives, but didn’t he challenge everyone to do the same? I think he meant that everyone should live a good and honest life, live up to their greatest potential and choose the greater path (remember the choice offered to Mary when her sister Martha demanded she help serve?). One of my most favorite gospel stories (included in all four), is when a woman, (in one it is Mary, in others she is unnamed and a woman of “ill repute” they are each a bit different) comes to where Jesus and the disciples are dining to wash his feet with her tears, wipe them with her hair and anoint his head with expensive oils…one of the most beautiful images I can recall about an intimate physical and loving expression between Jesus and another woman in scripture. When the men present (the gospels differ, some of the men are his disciples, others those he met along the way, and yet another is a healed leper) are vexed by what she is doing, especially since the oils could have been sold for a great deal of money to help the poor, he chastises them and says she has done a good thing, they offered no hospitality to him, but she did. And then he said the this famous line: “The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me.” I’ve always loved this story, because as a man, Jesus declared that she had shown him “great love”. Mary Magdalene (after who I am named) another woman Jesus loved, stood with and supported Jesus until the very end, at his crucifixion and was the first to see him when he rose from the dead…an apt tribute to her behavior in my book…and it had nothing to do with her virginity, but that they loved each other. Contrary to popular belief, no where in the bible is she described as a prostitute.

I completely understand that in the context of the time and culture in the stories of the early saints, when a woman chose to remain a virgin and unmarried, it was more likely that she did so to retain her own agency and the freedom to live independently and preach and teach the gospel in the way she felt compelled to, and also because as a women she was considered chattel and under the control of a man, whether it be a father or a husband. Jesus openly challenged that antiquated social convention over and over, and it has always made me sad that the church never seemed to embrace his attitude. It has always seemed ridiculous that women were continued to be sanctified by simply abstaining from sex, as if the breaking of her hymen whether by force, culture or marriage somehow made her “less than” or not as pure, it’s not only irrational, but unreasonable in response to the gospel message. That their sainthood rested in protecting their “greatest virtue” from another man’s appropriation of it stymied even my 11 year old self (I clearly wrote about it in my fifth grade diary and please note that I had just “found out” about sex the year before, to which I believe sounded awesome…although I was unsure of the mechanics of it, my passion for David Cassidy at the time led me to believe that I was in for something big and I was 10… and also yes, I was indeed a very strange child). When I became older and studied theology, I was pissed off even more, especially since Jesus never saw the women that surrounded him in that way. I felt the church clearly put the onus on me to be a woman who remained functionally “unexciting” and still preach about love and the gospel. While it was clearly obvious, although unfair, I knew, as I prepared for ministry, it was simply a reality that I had to navigate carefully in a church culture of totally fucked up sexual understanding, value and behaviors. I did “abstain” because it was true that the expectations and standards were different for women than men, and given that I was attractive and dynamic (which is simply a fact, so get over it) I simply kept to those definitions of love, laid out by Paul, and did the best that I could in any given situation to retain the highest integrity that I could. What helped me, in a weird way, was recommitting to the child hood decision I had made that sainthood was definitely not for me. I loved men too much, even though I was completely clueless how to “engage” (but not in any way that was untoward, because deciding that I wasn’t a saint, didn’t mean I rendered null and void the rules of love). The sad truth, beyond the fact that I sucked at it, what often kept me from “dating” a man I liked was what I did for a living: a spiritual and social “cold shower” as it were. More importantly, I truly believe that if God could choose me, a whirling dervish and the antithesis of sainthood, to walk this path as a whisperer of love, then perhaps there were better qualities/gifts I had to focus on rather than worry that I had a fowl mouth, no filters and well, the rest will be unsaid.

Anyway, the reason I bring all this up is another attempt to challenge the draconian cultural rules (total crap) that historically have plagued, mostly women, but also those who express love in different ways, so there is a clearer understanding of how to live on a higher plane. I am no less a disciple of the God of love because of the manner in which I choose to express love. I, and only I, ultimately know whether its source is love or not…no one else. And, I must say with the increasing stories of sexual exploitation and abuse in modern society, we have to hit this bullshit head on. I don’t care how awkward it is. Look at the colossal horror story the Epstein files have created and the damage that has occurred. And the fact that there is so much secrecy and pushback about bringing the perpetrators and the truth to the public is even more reason to address this issue. Like I’ve said countless times before, we are all connected and in this together when it comes to moving into our future and the misguided ideas about sex and sexuality have to be addressed. How we do that is a whole other matter and way above my pay grade, but as a casualty of the distortion of a beautiful expression of love, I do not want any other human being to become collateral damage of the way the darkness has weaponized it.

As I’ve said in many posts this year, we have to decide which cultural rules or the world’s rules (as defined by humans) help us live successfully on a higher plane (which are never defined but discovered by or revealed to humans), and which ones hinder us. I think history has shown, especially through all the arts, that humanity can progress in a way where it is possible to live in the world as well as on a higher plane, but sometimes, however, it doesn’t. So, one of my main goals this year is to offer, rationally, when its time to let go of antiquated or illusory “world” views when it comes to what is necessary to live on a higher plane, especially when it comes to the power of love, and understanding how to wield it according to its true nature: the source of life and what guides and evolves us forward, and sainthood, happily is not a prerequisite. I am not a saint, never was, never will be…I am a simple whisperer for the God of love, a mustard seed, and my small little butterfly wings (although a badass one) will express my love and will change the weather a world away. What gives me faith in this statement? Jesus said that they will know you are my disciples by how you love one another.

Flaws and All

This picture is a fourth in a series I’ve done drawing micro expressions of epiphanies (you can see the others on my Instagram page). The character (actor Kim Hee-sun) plays a grim reaper who learns the value of unacknowledged service…you’ll just have to watch the series, its called “Tomorrow”. Anyway, if I got it right, the epiphany is in her eyes…..I liked this story for many reasons, one important being that one continues to evolve even after death…

I had written something else entirely for this post, but as it often does, something else came up, that I felt it was important to address, so I’ll save the other piece (which is kind of related) for next time. So, let me preface my remarks with a statement that I have repeated over and over throughout my journey here: We. Are. All. Fallible. At. All. Times. There is never a moment, as long as we are breathing, that we aren’t flawed or make mistakes. It’s what happens after the mistakes are made or when we recognize a flaw that matters, and when it comes to living on a higher plane that awareness makes all the difference in the world. It’s natural to not always be aware of mistakes we’ve made or flaws we have based on our limited perspective, simple ignorance, or because we simply choose not to. That is when I, personally, rely on those I trust and love to help make me aware of those failings, or challenge me when I don’t face them. Living on a higher plane isn’t about perfection or being saintly, but how we choose to evolve. I also know that no one likes to be confronted about their failings or flaws, which is why it is of utmost importance to have people you love and trust around you, (you know the whole “taming” thing) because there will always be those who, for a multitude of reasons, may claim to have your back, but do not and they simply break you down and never build you up. Only time and behavior can decide which group those people fall into, because the truth of who they really are always, ALWAYS comes out. I have also found that there is a distinct difference in attitude between how “the world” regards flaws and how those who choose to live on a higher plane should regard them. The world in many ways, demands that we don’t have any flaws at all, if we are to be acceptable in society’s eyes, at least publicly anyway. Flaws and imperfections should be hidden behind the kind of acceptable subterfuge that society demands which results in a fake persona, one that can’t allow the beauty of one’s blueprint, to be truly celebrated, because that blueprint has it’s own built in imperfections. It becomes difficult, then, to not only evolve to our blueprint’s best possibility, but limits our ability to bear good fruit that will help each other along the way..

I’ve heard plenty of people say that “I can fix or address my flaws in my own private way, or on my own”…And while I’m certainly not advocating that anyone hang out their dirty laundry publicly, I do think that to keep flaws or mistakes wholly personal is a bit dishonest. It’s dishonest because you still leave everyone “out there” in your wake probably convinced that you walk around without any visible flaws at all, and that attitude doesn’t encourage anyone else to recognize or show theirs either. If we truly embrace the idea that we are all connected and are all in this together regarding the future of humanity, then we had better act accordingly and that means regularly acknowledging we suck at certain things, accepting that we all have weaknesses, and have wronged each other at times and make mistakes at times. I like this phrase in response to my own fallibility: I’m sorry and I promise to do better, it’s simple and uncomplicated. How often do we admit mistakes and apologize? Jesus says seven times seventy, which in my book means pretty much all the time. I would also like to say, (because I am so guilty of this, I blame being born Irish and Catholic) we have to stop punishing ourselves because we are flawed and aren’t perfect… because NONE of us are, and I actually find comfort in that. I think that is why I find such beauty in dishevelment, regardless of how innately beautiful you are…when you have the courage to simply just be your own self first and foremost, your true beauty shines and then we can all begin to see each other differently.

Quenching Thirst

The above picture is the pool we once had but had to dig up in 2018 because of the increasing harsh conditions of winter (one in particular) and we just couldn’t sustain it anymore. I cried for a long time when we had to remove it. Steve didn’t mind as much because he isn’t a fan of water and doesn’t know how to swim beyond dog paddling. Me? I love water, I always have. Perhaps its’ because I am a water sign, but water calms me, invigorates me and is the one place where my body completely relaxes giving me temporary freedom from the limits of my damaged structure. So it is with water as my metaphor that I speak about what is necessary to live according to the rules of a higher plane. For me, the first and most primary rule is love. Allowing the power of love to express my heart is like being given a cool, fresh, glass of water and while drinking it, suddenly become aware of how thirsty and parched I had been all along. The transforming effect of quenching a deep thirst besides being mind-blowing, is exactly what it feels like when I let love in its multifaceted expressions, move and propel me forward, especially when it is essential to my very survival. I know there are other “things” that can offer a feeling of euphoria, or temporary sustenance, but the transitory “high” that comes from, and the crash that follows after it passes, is proof that those “false” facsimiles don’t really quench anything at all, and most often create an even deeper thirst, a longing, or a a bigger hole that is impossible to fill…an apt description of addiction. Since the human body is roughly comprised of 60% water, and without it…we die, water is the very substance of survival. It doesn’t take a genius to see that most of the modern options of quenching thirst, other than water , more times than not, eventually shorten life, not sustain it. It is a simply fact that living without water, though,is virtually impossible. And if water is the “without” using the terminology of Teilhard, so too, is water necessary on a spiritual level, for the “within”.

I know I’ve spoken about the remarkable exchange that Jesus had with a Samaritan woman before, but importantly, this is also the first time he declares what he is offering at the beginning of his ministry, is a kind of “living water” from the gospel of John 4:9-14:


The Samaritan woman said to him, “How can you, a Jew, ask me, a Samaritan woman, for a drink?” (For Jews use nothing in common with Samaritans.) Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God and who is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked God and God would have given you living water.”(The woman) said to him, “Sir,  you do not even have a bucket and the cistern is deep; where then can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us this cistern and drank from it himself with his children and his flocks?” Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again; but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life

Jesus goes on to say later in John that once we embrace him, “Rivers of living water will flow from within them.” Most scholars equate “living waters” with the gift of the Holy Spirit, or grace, that was bestowed upon us after Jesus death and resurrection giving us a continuous and inextinguishable source of God’s power, i.e. love. I wrote a piece once, asking how anyone’s life would change if their wallet was as unlimited as the love of God is… https://maryfrancesflood.com/2019/08/07/love-and-quid-pro-quo/ Human beings are often restricted, because they see themselves as simply entities unto themselves, a construction of a single perspective. But, as Teilhard and Jesus remind us, we are not entities unto ourselves, but part of a much greater whole. It is that understanding that we are all connected that enabled me to move in the world with an unlimited source of love that flows from within me and outward toward others. Here is the rub, though, even though the source of love is unlimited and as promised we need never be thirsty again, as humans, we still have the free will to decide how and when to wield it. And as I have mentioned before, just because an individual decides that an action is rooted in love, doesn’t necessarily make it so. Love is never defined just by our intent and desire for it because it is so much bigger than we are…love demands relinquishing personal control and giving it the freedom to lead us. How we know we are successful in doing so, we need only look to what those essential qualities of love are, as they are listed so clearly in 1 Corinthians 13 and whether or not, over time, our spiritual thirst is indeed being quenched or we are left wanting. Gaging whether an action is rooted in love or fear is essential and sometimes, because its not always clear from a human perspective, we may have to change course. Looking at how we love is a continuing proposition, which demands both circumspection and a desire to continue to evolve. The upside is the promise that we are not alone, and by extending love, we are promised its return to us. And I have personally celebrated an abundance of that return.

The freedom to embrace this “living water” as Jesus calls it, doesn’t depend on our doing it “perfectly” because after all, we are all moving toward a greater synthesis. Living on a higher plane doesn’t require sainthood either, but simply a desire to, with the help of the God of love, do it better every day.

The Noosphere

This post was particularly mind stretching to write…so I begin with pictures of many of the beautiful places I’ve been to remind and humble me into seeing how perfectly beautiful and majestic this world we occupy is, and to remember the sacred trust given to all of us as its caretakers as we move forward. We humans, by our amazing reflective minds, have great power in determining the direction we take into the future, a road, one in large part I firmly believe must be chosen together. In order to be successful on this journey that began in the spark of life so many millions of years ago, we must abide by the rhythm that propelled it forward from the beginning. The future needs all of us and all our gifts and strengths to appropriate another phrase: “be all that we can be”.

Let me begin with repeating something Teilhard said about how evolution moves forward; when the addition of “one more” that brings an organism into to a supersaturated state, it bursts forth into something new, and so it was with consciousness. Teilhard posited the idea that because humanity, as they evolved in increasing closer proximity to each other and restricted by geometrical limitations of the spherical shape of the earth, its consciousness was like giant molecule closing in upon itself toward its own supersaturated state:

The limited surface of the earth causes a pressure build up as population densities increase, at first gradually and now explosively. Under this pressure, the “human elements” infiltrate more and more into each other, their minds mutually stimulated by proximity. So that each person extends-little by little- the radius of their influence upon the earth…and the earth, in effect “shrinks” steadily. With the increase in each person’s area of activity, humankind-forced to develop in a confined area-has now found itself subjected to an intense pressure. This pressure, combined with the nature of our “thinking souls” to coalesce i.e. to grow together, causes radial energies of consciousness to concentrate toward a sort of “super consciousness”. It represents the “sphere of human thought”. It is conceived of as a new, developing geological layer of consciousness and information enveloping the Earth. This results in humankind succeeding in stretching on single organized membrane of reflective thought, a new binding force-the noospere.

The origin of the word “noospere” comes from the Greek, noos, mind or reason and sphaira, or sphere, it represents the “sphere of human thought”. After humanity became aware of itself and reflective thought evolved humanity forward, and by multiplying bringing it to concentrated proximity, a new, developing geological layer of consciousness and information enveloped the Earth, i.e. an organized membrane of reflective thought. Considering he wrote this in the thirties (after being banned by the church, the book was finally published in the 1950’s), I think his depiction of super-consciousness as an envelope of reflective thought surrounding the globe was a strikingly prescient way of describing what we experience in modern day terminology as the internet. We have the ability to be connected to every person on the globe in a way that is almost instantaneous, where we all have access to a plethora of information literally at our finger tips. The difference between how we evolved to the point of reflective thought thus far, and how we move forward now, is the impact that we as humans will have on determining the means by which we all move forward. It isn’t just divinely directed anymore, humanity has been partnered with the divine architect by being given the gift to think for itself. And according to Jesus and Teilhard, it is of utmost importance to remember, we are all connected, it is an all or nothing proposition. At this point in time, we are facing the sum total of individual particles of reflective thought grouping themselves together and reinforcing each other in the act of a single unanimous reflection…the future of humankind. According to Teilhard and his colleagues, there are two ways this organic super aggregation of souls can go, 1) toward isolationism, to remove oneself from a crowd of “others” by a sense of superiority, (pretty much every totalitarian group in history) which essentially Teilhard says is a blind alley to be avoided, or 2) a mega-synthesis or a super-arrangement to which all the thinking elements of the earth find themselves individually and collectively subjected to become a super-consciousness. This latter view is a a scientific description of the Body of Christ talked about that the apostle Paul talked about.

Teilhard’s theory says plainly that humanity can hope for no evolutionary future except in association with each other. It is already understood that humanity is dependent on getting resources from all over the world to sustain itself. Acknowledging that is a no brainer in concluding that working together, however we decide to do that, is the way to go. Not only that, those who hold greater resources are obligated to help sustain those who are demonstrably lacking. Just like each person possesses a unique blueprint and set of gifts that add to the whole, from the standpoint of the “without” or physical world, so too does each grain of thought add to the “within” of the super-consciousness of our reflective thought. Jesus speaks of this kind of thinking effort like this:

Give and gifts will be given to you; a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing, will be poured into your lap. For the measure with which you measure will in return be measured out to you.

Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect

And Jesus isn’t the only spiritual force that spoke about the power of how we move forward into the future:

The law of karma is a fundamental principle of cause and effect in Indian religions (Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, Sikhism), stating that every mental or physical action known as a “deed” or “karma” produces corresponding consequences that must be experienced. It is often summarized as, “as you sow, so shall you reap,” meaning good actions yield positive results and bad actions yield negative ones.

Hopefully you aren’t too confused by this post. I felt the need to jump into the idea of the “noosphere” because in many ways it does represent the higher plane, in my mind. And, given the potential dark ways that information and reflective thought can and are being used to perpetuate fear, illusion, lies and deceptions (of which I myself have been a victim of in several instances lately), I think it is important to understand how damaging it can be to our ability to move humanity forward. And while I know and have faith in the power that sourced the big spark that brought us here, choosing love, both in thought and deed, multiplied and sent out en masse will be the key to our survival. But, and its a big one…we need each other, all of us to use the power of love, in our own way and our own expressions to do that.

Rules on a Higher Plane

This was a heady post to write, so I’m starting off with a couple of pictures of my boys climbing when they were younger…it made me happy to allow them to try the things I wasn’t allowed to do and also share something that I love, even though I haven’t been able to do it for awhile. I’m thankful to my sister-in-law and nephew for supervising, because it made me too sad just to watch.

I have learned a lot on this journey by seeking clarity and seeing and hearing things clearly by stripping away illusions from my life, letting go of antiquated social rules as well as groups that no longer represented the foundational beliefs they touted. I’ve come to understand that we are all of consequence in God’s eyes and each of us have a unique blueprint with the expectation that sharing the fruits of that blueprint shines out light into the world, dispelling darkness. I’ve also had to come to grips with understanding truth and its essential function not only my life, but in society in general. I’ve faced many weaknesses and fears in my my own personal hell and released the power they had over me, many of which I have spoken about here. In doing so, I feel better equipped to truly and fully wield love more effectively and hold a sense of joy in doing so. I’m saying all this because every yearly focus was necessary in getting to this pivotal point…especially last year’s year of faith. Living on a higher plane, as I’m beginning to understand, almost demands that we reassemble the rules by and how we live and move forward as the body of humanity. We do this by individually letting go of and by stepping away from those cultural rules that limit who God created each of us to be in the practical world. Let me be clear, I’m not saying cultural rules are inherently limiting, but they are of human design and not necessarily created to serve the whole population. So I poster another idea, that there are inherent “higher” rules imbedded into the stuff of the first spark that over millennia resulted in who we are now at this moment in time, and stands to serve each of us in becoming all we were intended to be. And because we are at this moment cocreators of our how we move into the future, it is incumbent that we discover what those rules are.

I do understand that all cultures have a right to their autonomy and offer their own special gifts to the world, just like different parts of the body add dimension and function to the whole. My purpose here isn’t to say (and I’ve said this before, plenty of times) that living by certain cultural rules is bad thing, actually, I think living by cultural rules is a necessary requirement. But, and its a big one…if any particular cultural rules acts in opposition to the rules of living on a higher plane (which I will get into)…then they MUST be put aside, because living on a higher plane supersedes cultural norms and takes precedence. In terms of development, evolution and growth, living on a higher plane helps each of us elevate how we live within the culture we were born into and also establishes connections that can hold and unite us all together regardless of where we live on this big beautiful globe. We do that by following those universal rules that dictate how we must live on this higher plane. You’re probably thinking who the fuck am I to tell anyone what the rules of living on a higher plane are? My simple explanation is to say that I didn’t make up these rules, I just spent the greater part of my life learning to recognize what they are and how they apply to all of us. So if you’ll indulge me for a bit, read on, I will tell you how I came to the conclusions of what rules are required for living on a higher plane. I’m not starting with a religious philosophy, but a scientific one.

According to scientists, everything in the universe is made of elemental matter (subatomic particles). Teilhard says this elemental matter has three characteristics:

  • 1) Plurality: these small particles are scattered throughout the universe and compose matter
  • 2) Unity: these particles are all perfectly alike and co-extensive with the universe…that is they are all related
  • 3) Energy: all these particles are held together by collective bonds. The energy of matter is called tangential energy linking atom to atom and mineral to mineral etc. simply stated, it is the energy that holds everything together

Add time to this picture and we find that all matter is in a constant state of “genesis” these elementary particles go on being concentrated into ever higher life forms. Over a sufficient period of time (like millions of years) these small particles are drawn together and condense into a supersaturated state so that with addition of one more particle there is a change of state. Over several millennia, comes the world of the atom, then mineral, to the mega molecule, and the simple cell of a living organism. For example, a crystal can only grow according to the same pattern, however, but when condensed into a saturated state, the mega molecule emerges and can form according to a variety of patterns. Then, after millions of years and another supersaturated state results in the simple cell finally emerging and begins developing its own complex patterns and new forms of life. From these events, an important law of evolution emerges: The Law of Complexity, whereby there is a tendency for all things to evolve and become more complex. As a result, different orders, spheres, and levels appear in the unity of evolving matter.

As I mentioned in another post, Teilhard spoke of evolution in terms of the “without” the physical expression of evolution and the “within” the seeds of consciousness which direct the whole show. As he had laid out, the progression forward by which humanity would have the necessary physical components to become aware of itself was not random, but directed. He also said that matter of consciousness had three characteristics as well:

  • 1) Plurality: each particle has its own particular consciousness or within.
  • 2) Unity: each particle is perfectly alike and co-extensive with the universe.
  • 3) Energy: this is where a distinction between energy of consciousness and elemental matter are different. The energy of consciousness or “within” is called radial energy, which is the energy which moves matter forward in time toward greater complexity and consciousness.

This brings us to the heart of Teilhard’s theory: the Law of Complexity-Consciousness which states that with every step up the ladder of physical complexity, there is a corresponding increase of consciousness. The energy of “without” holds everything together while the energy of “within” propels us forward into more complexity both physically and consciously. In “living” organisms, i.e. animals and plants, this law is expressed as instinct or adaptive behavior toward survival, until that moment in time, when a result of entering a super saturated state where the seeds of consciousness exploded onto the planet simultaneously in early humans and they became conscious and aware of themselves.

I know this is a pretty rudimentary explanation of Teilhard’s theories of evolution, which are almost impossible to put into a short form. Suffice it to say, these rules of living on a higher plane existed in the stuff of evolution right from the start, and they are thefoundation of how we move forward. Just remember plurality, unity and energy, the colors and dimensions that the Savior brings to these evolutionary rules will be added as we move forward together. I hope reading this didn’t make your head explode…because mine almost did.

Freedom on a Higher Plane

There is nothing that represents freedom to me more than a full moon upon a full body of water…so here is a picture of the snow moon up on Lake Superior…

free·dom

/ˈfrēdəm/

noun

  1. the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint

While I am aware that all of us live within different cultural rules depending on where we exist on this beautiful globe, this post is not about which societal rules are most beneficial. I am speaking about freedom in the context of living on a higher plane. And when it comes to living on a higher plane, the concept of freedom differs from the standard definition I listed above. While all of us are born with the power and right to express our blueprints as God intended without hindrance or restraint, there should be an additional addendum to that definition…Because we are all connected, the freedom “to be” must also be done in accordance to the special part each blueprint plays with respect to the rest of the body, both in a physical and spiritual sense and embracing the kind of behavior that will keep the body healthy and moving forward. Paul in his first letter to Corinthians explains it like this:

Now the body is not a single part, but many. If a foot should say, “Because I am not a hand I do not belong to the body,” it does not for this reason belong any less to the body. Or if an ear should say, “Because I am not an eye I do not belong to the body,” it does not for this reason belong any less to the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But as it is, God placed the parts, each one of them, in the body as he intended. If they were all one part, where would the body be? But as it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I do not need you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I do not need you. “Indeed, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are all the more necessary, and those parts of the body that we consider less honorable we surround with greater honor, and our less presentable parts are treated with greater propriety, whereas our more presentable parts do not need this. But God has so constructed the body as to give greater honor to a part that is without it, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the parts may have the same concern for one another. If (one) part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part is honored, all the parts share its joy. Now you are Christ’s body, and individually parts of it.

It is within the context of this living body of humanity, and the fact that we are all connected together in one body, that the freedom to be as we were intended is balanced with the direction that God has intended for us to follow. In practical application, no single body, community, or civilization can exist without the application of systems or conventions that balance individual freedoms with the freedom of the whole to prosper. As humanity evolves, so too must those systems that balance individual freedom and responsibility to the whole. Think of it this way; the brain, lungs, hands have evolved over time to achieve greater function, but without the body…they cease to have any function or purpose at all. Their value must be seen in light of the whole. This is a bit of a conundrum, especially if ‘the whole’ deviates from God’s purpose and somehow decides that you can’t be who you were meant to be for often fear based reasons. I think the Savior understood the necessity of challenging power and money for this reason. It is also why Paul emphasized that there would always be parts of the body that are given greater spiritual power and understanding because it was their responsibility to make sure greater propriety was given to the weaker parts, because they too, are essential to function of the whole. If the weaker parts fail, so does the whole…if the weaker parts thrive…so does the whole.

When I think about living free from hindrance or restraint, and expressing my blueprint to the best of my ability, I must also take into consideration all those other essential parts of the body who choose to walk with me on a higher plane wherever they are. And rather than being left to figure out on my own how to do that, it is my faith and commitment to the God of love to lead the dance on this higher plane and show me the necessary steps I need to take to balance developing my own blueprint, and the responsibility I have to the rest of those I choose to love as we all move forward. I make this distinction because I can’t be everything to every part of the body of humanity, but I can center my regard and love to those parts of the body who cross my path every day, especially those trajectories I send out love to. I also have to acknowledge how much regard and love I’ve received from those who have been instrumental in helping me figure out the melody of my soul so the part I play in this body is also effectual in the body moving forward. I’m beginning to see that my simple footprint in this world does make a difference and choosing love as the source of my actions every day is all the proof I need to believe in its power.

Besides working to keep the body healthy and in tact, standing still is never an option. The body of humanity will continue to evolve, perhaps not as much from the physical sense…but directionally from a consciousness perspective, and the stakes could not be higher. According to my faith, and indeed many other faiths, there is a cosmic consciousness that has set the direction of humanities’ journey through time, and because of the freedom to choose, it is incumbent upon all of us to decide individually, if we are going to choose God as the cosmic brain that moves us forward or not. The Savior didn’t really give any of us a ton of options. Either we follow him forward as expressions of the Kingdom of Heaven, or we choose the alternative…which is bleak. Now I hate ultimatums just as much as anyone, but laid out over time, not only throughout history but my own life, I came to the conclusion early on that the choice the Savior offered me makes perfect sense, especially in regard to the rhythm of my own soul. Now I also know that humanity has made terrible mistakes when it comes to the applications of all the Saviors teachings especially within traditional church structures, which is why it is always important to keep challenging them, as even Jesus did when their behaviors run contrary to tenets and axioms of what God requires. It is at this point in time where choosing which kind of energy: fear or love will determine whether we evolve forward or backward. For a moment, let me also use science to support this argument.

So, there is also a natural blue print for life as we know it from a scientific perspective which I will explore in a deeper sense in my next post, so I’ll just give you a taste…Teilhard spoke about the necessary precursors to the development of consciousness in humans:

To culminate in humanity at the stage of reflection, life must have been preparing a whole group of factors for a long time and simultaneously. It is true that in the end, from the organic point of view, the whole metamorphosis (i.e. evolution) leading to humans depends on the question of a better brain. But…how was this cerebral perfectioning carried out–how could it have worked–if there had not been a whole series of other conditions brought together at just the same time? The birth of reflective thought marked a critical transformation–a mutation from zero to “everything.” But that birth could be compared with the emergence of a fetus from the womb. The baby at that point still must undergo constant growth before they would become a mature complete human. So it is with humanity: what first issued across the threshold of reflective thought was not yet a complete human, but rather a sort of pre-human. If the creature from which humans evolved had not been a biped, their hands would not have been free in time to release the jaws from their prehensile function, and the thick band of maxillary muscles which had imprisoned the cranium could not have been relaxed. Thanks to two-footedness freeing the hands, the brain was able to grow; and thanks to this too, the eyes (brought closer together on the diminished face) were able to converge and fix on what the hands held and brought before them–the very gesture which formed the external counterpart of reflection. How is it then, that we are not more sensitive to the presence of something greater than ourselves moving forward within us and in our midst.

In conclusion, I will say this about freedom on a higher plane: God gives us individually the right and power to develop our blueprint without hinderance or restraint, but also with the understanding that we do so within the context of being a part of the body of Christ. It is in this context that embracing the power of love, which is the source of our existence and the power by which, in all its expressions, we will keep evolving forward. Like the famous line in the Beatles tune “The End” says: ‘And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make’…

Anger and Life on a Higher Plane

I spent the afternoon working on a drawing in the next in a series of epiphanies and a sketch of a new painting…and thinking about what was next on living on a higher plane when I had my own epiphany. I am angry at what is happening in our country right now, in the state of Minnesota where I grew up and spent half my life.

I know many people are angry, and I won’t limit the anger to just what is happening in America, any kind of injustice affects us all, regardless of where we are on this beautiful globe because we are all connected in some way, shape, or form. So, it is my stance that everything that happens sends ripples outward to the rest of the world, and I would like an opportunity to intensify the energy of all the righteous anger out there by pleading to everyone that it be rooted in love. And the power of that love can move mountains. Let me say first that it is a fallacy to believe that there is no room for anger when wielding love and existing on a higher plane. Jesus was angry plenty of times, but he was always motivated by love, like when he turned out the money lenders at the temple because they were denigrating the sacred, or when he rebuked the disciples who tried to turn away the children brought to him saying that the Kingdom of Heaven belonged to the likes of them, or when the church hierarchy showed no compassion or love to a man with a withered hand, and most importantly, how he rebuked the Scribes and Pharisees for the depth of their hypocrisy. I also believe that he would be just as angry at what is happening in Minnesota with two unjustified killings, and the complete disregard for the rule of law and compassion for those immigrants, many of which were detained in violation of the law and were shown absolutely no mercy like the Savior commands of us as followers. I say these things dispassionately because I did do my research, and I do know the law, and you would have to be willfully ignorant of the most basic foundational principles and axioms of our Constitution, or blindly and ridiculously naïve, or are simply so tied to a particular bias that you refuse to believe what is right in front of your eyes. To believe the messages of this administration, in all the false representations they have been pedaling when there is definitive proof to the contrary, and are also asked to disregard what you can see with your very own eyes, means living and existing on a higher plane is just not for you. I don’t say this lightly…because to stand for what can only be called a master class in gaslighting and behavior that stands in direct opposition of the most basic tenets of our Christian faith, hell against the most basic tenets of how we are expected, as civilized people of this great country, to comport themselves mean that you have chosen fear over love and lies over truth and will have to live by the consequences of that choice.

So be angry and act on it…but let me be clear, the source by which those actions are fueled means everything. Any action forward must be powered by the proper motivation: love and not fear. The goal must be positive and honestly address the problem of the moment which simply stated is defending and treating those who are seen as the least of us as if they were Christ, because all God’s people are of consequence, loving our neighbors as ourselves all while acting within the laws and tenets laid out in our Constitutional principles and laws that we all must abide by if we are to move forward together. We the people, are the core of this nation, not those who would place themselves above us by claiming positions of power and authority. The people of Minnesota have shown the rest of this country and the world how to channel righteous anger into powerful examples of efficacious love, by supplying food, gathering to watch over their neighbors, supporting affected local businesses, soliciting legal help, peaceful marches, prayers and vigils, and presence and protests in subzero weather, filming and keeping those in power accountable and standing for truth and justice against tyranny, and joining their voices together in large and small ways to challenge the assaults on personal freedoms protected by this great country that are not acceptable. Those who choose to live on a higher plane have to know that all real power does not come of this world or any political ideology, but from the God of love. Love is sovereign, not fear. Love is sovereign, not control. Love is sovereign, not forceful violence. Love is sovereign, not the dissemination of lies over truth.

In truth, I hated writing this post…but to remain silent would make me complicit in the destruction of so many essential connections and parts of the Body of Christ, and I can’t do that. Living on a higher plane demands actions that are in accordance to the power of love as scripture defines it:

Love is patient,

love is kind.

It is not jealous,

It is not pompous,

it is not inflated,

it is not rude,

it does not seek its own interests,

it is not quick-tempered,

it does not brood over injury,

it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

It bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things. 

Love never fails

Blessed are the Ties that Bind

To begin on a light note, there are about 50 turkeys that sleep up in the trees in our woods, and every morning I wake up to the noise, noise, noise, noise of their waking and coming down from their perches. In turkey speak its probably what I sound like before my morning coffee.

Per usual, when I said one of the foundational axioms of living on a higher plane is understanding that we are all connected, and that as wielders of love we are charged to strengthen the ties for the body of humanity to continue to evolve forward, that I would be presented with a challenge to practice what I preach. And while I have alluded to this connection before, I will say it is the most significant and yet also the most damaging connection of my entire life, and like a huge boulder put right smack dab in the middle of my path, dealing with it was the only option for me to move forward. After all the work I did last year recognizing weaknesses and facing fears and and in doing so how it strengthened my faith, I must take all these lessons and put into practice all the behaviors that are expected in living on a higher plane. Honestly, I knew this was coming, especially with this directive from my spirit guide, as the incarnation of the Savior:

“If you cannot respond in forgiveness to the most broken connection right in front of your nose, not only is it impossible to have the authority to speak on God’s behalf as a whisperer, you cannot even exist and move onto a higher plane. You have asked in the past: how are my followers demonstrably different from all others? Acting on the knowledge that all people are of consequence and are connected you must love them as if they are me, even those who have caused you pain. I have preached endlessly that you must being willing to forgive seven times seventy, to turn the other cheek, to love those who persecute you, to love your enemies, to forgive others as my Father forgives you, and pray for those who persecute you, then and only then and will the power the pain caused be released.”

I also know that reestablishing or mending a connection doesn’t require another’s compliance or acceptance of it simply because I cannot control anyone but myself, but it does demand actual interaction in some way, shape for form because wielding love is demonstrable, actionable and efficacious. The bottom line, for me, is that I have the power through the God of love to reestablish and mend connections through love and forgiveness when the situation presents itself, and present itself it did. Sparing the details, two songs came to mind as a result of my interactions (you know the whole trying to connect to the music of my soul thing): “I can’t make you love me if you don’t” by Bonnie Raitt, and “For Good” from the musical Wicked. The first song came to me after, from my vantage point anyway, mending/forgiving the connection…of course not in the romantic way the song intended, because she is family, but the sentiment is still there. There is absolutely nothing I can do to when someone is just not willing to see or understand the wounds they have created, and still holds onto the rigid conditional and demonstrably unloving behavior that they’ve maintained all along. Could and Should no longer enter into the equation and I had to embrace the sad truth that it would never be reciprocal, I can never force that to happen, and yet remarkably, even though it took a moment and some needed love from others, I felt a certain freedom by releasing the power that pain held in my life, and I was able to extend the loving behavior that was needed and necessary in the moment even when there were attempts at pushback and manipulation. The song “For Good” came to me afterwards amidst all the messy emotions, which I still hate, by the way, defining the true transformation of this experience. After I accepted the fact that my forgiveness was one way, I was able to see and understand that even amidst all the negatives I have focused on for so long, as the song says: “because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” Yeah, it made me cry…because I am a composite of her, the building blocks of my soul come from her, as well as all I learned along the way. I can see that now and I am grateful for it.

While I am aware that every situation is unique, and there is such a wide spectrum of weakened or broken connections out there that only we as individuals can set out to mend, some may not be so difficult, but procrastination and the kind of self talk that one can engage in thinking it doesn’t really matter, keep the forgiveness from happening or those who have experienced irreversible damage making forgiveness all the more difficult but absolutely necessary need to know that the whole idea of forgiveness is not to excuse bad behavior, but to free up whatever pain and fear linger as a result of said behavior. Jesus makes it crystal clear that forgiveness is a requirement to be a true follower, and essential in moving forward. Forgiveness heals the broken parts of the body of humanity, releasing the negative power that holds each one of us captive, darkening our view, and limiting our ability to love fully and unequivocally.

This lesson showed me that no one, not even the most powerful in our world can proclaim to be successful in wielding love, or expressing their blueprints to the fullest without, at minimum, addressing the most significant broken connections in their lives, whether shared with others or experienced individually. We all have to do the work, and the release of that negative power will allow the power of love to expand exponentially bringing us all to a higher plane.

Dimensionality, Horton and a Who

I often find it difficult to write about abstract ideas in a way that gives them a certain dimensionality so they become more real, more concrete, and also so people don’t look at me like I’m nuts. It’s why Jesus used parables to instruct us about God, his own ministry, and his purpose of reconciling God and humanity and connecting to a world, much of which at the time anyway, was beyond human comprehension. So, using the same kind of idea, I am appropriating, once again, a story that I think gives concrete dimensionality to what living on a higher plane looks and feels like from my perspective. “Horton Hears a Who” by Dr Suess is one of my favorite books from child hood and I have to thank my older brother for bringing it to mind one day when we were talking.

The gist of the story is this: Horton, a big elephant is relaxing in the water one day when a speck of dust floats by and Horton could swear he hears a noise coming from it. Because his ears are more sensitive than other animals, he thinks that maybe the noise was a cry for help. It turns out it was, a creature so small was calling from atop the speck of dust that he can barely hear him. Concerned that the speck of dust would float into the water and drown this small creature, Horton puts the speck of dust on a clover and delivers the most famous line of the book: “I’ll just have to save him. Because after all, a person’s a person, no matter how small.” Horton realizes that there is a whole other world living on that speck of dust, and the voice he was hearing belonged to the mayor of Whoville, an entire town of small creatures and right then and there commits to keeping them safe. Unfortunately, a kangaroo and her “joey” over hear and see Horton and mock him for conversing with a speck of dust and because of their small ears they can’t hear the little Who and decide that Horton can’t either. No amount of convincing by Horton in explaining how sensitive his ears are is enough to elicit trust from the kangaroos that he is, in fact, telling the truth. Soon the whole jungle hears about the speck of dust and there a many who try to take away the clover and one in particular, a nasty black bottom eagle, finally succeeds in grabbing the clover tosses it into a huge field of clovers. Horton spends night and day going through the whole field and finally, to the great happiness of the mayor of Whoville, gets reunited with Horton…only to be confiscated again by the largest Kangaroo and other jungle animals. They plan on boiling the speck of dust in oil, and in a last ditch panic, Horton implores the mayor of Whoville to have everyone yell at the same time, which they do. Surely everyone had to have heard the singular cry. But to no avail, they don’t. They overcome Horton and cage him. In a last desperate moment Horton implores the mayor to check and make sure everyone is doing their best. The mayor does one last search and sure enough, he finds his small son, JoJo, playing with a yoyo. He grabs him and brings him back to the top of the town, and with JoJo’s little “YOPP” as the final addition, the sound finally travels to all the other animals ears. Horton rejoices and says: “Their voices were heard! They rang out clear and clean. They’ve proved they ARE persons, no matter how small. And their whole world was saved by the smallest of ALL!”

I love this story. It gives credence and context to my journey, not because my story mirrors the Suess tale specifically, but in ways that challenge individual truths and perspectives to go beyond their direct experience and be open to embrace truths that are just beyond their present periphery. At times I have felt like all three major players in this story, Horton, for hearing a whispers that no one else can hear, the mayor for knowing we need help from a world beyond, and little JoJo who even in his smallness turns the tide to save their world. I have felt exhausted, in the past, knowing that many don’t believe or understand the whispers I hear, or in the cry to heaven that our world needs help and we can’t be saved on our own, and in finally in the belief that one small voice joining with all the others who demand to be heard can turn the tide. I don’t feel exhausted anymore, because my periphery has shifted, I know without a doubt that it is in loving unequivocally and the power and efficacious actions of love in all its expressions that strengthens the ties of God’s beautiful blueprints, and is the very source and breath of what living on a higher plane requires.

As I move forward, this little story gives me hope, and if you choose to read it, I hope it gives you hope too; a hope that we the many, both large and small, can join our voices together and with love as the source of our power cast out the the darkness that surrounds us, and shine a light toward a brighter future.

I’ll just have to save him. Because, after all,
A person’s a person, no matter how small.

To Infinity and Beyond

I found the picture from climbing Chichen Itza…and the view looking back down. It was exhilarating and scary at the same time, but the story didn’t end there. When we got to the top and just after I took this picture, Steve told me that I had to go down and get a helicopter to come up and pick him up, at first I laughed, but then realized he was dead serious. His face was completely white, and I suddenly knew he was not only afraid of heights, but also agoraphobic as well. I told him I wouldn’t leave without him, so either we died up there or we took our time getting back down together. It took me over an hour to talk him down backwards, which is quite a feat for someone who is 6 ft 4, and a size 14 shoe. I went down backwards first, right behind him, he knew if he fell or slipped I would go tumbling downward, and it kept him thinking with a level head, to move one small step at a time, until we reached solid ground.

The reason I brought up this story is not to disparage anyone because of their fears, I’ve talked about my own plenty, but more as a reminder that we all have them, regardless of how you look to the rest of the world, and most often they remain hidden. In the moment, though, when we act in a way that disregards, or is a denial that we have them, the end result is that the fear can and often does win. In my small and insignificant world, after the shooting by ICE in Minneapolis, where I spent much of my life, I too was paralyzed with the kind of fear that left me wondering if the darkness had finally won, that this journey of mine was nothing more than a fools errand, and that the little bit of light I brought to the game was nothing compared to the black whole of chaos that is beginning to swallow this country. The lies from those in power, come so frequently and blatantly that, from a leadership position, I began to wonder if it is just impossible to keep this ship afloat. And yet, I know, that throwing the lying, liars that lie overboard is not an option. Why? because according to everything I know about living on a higher plane, the foundational axiom is this: we are all connected. So every movement I make affects the whole, regardless of how small…even if it is just a whisper. Every choice made in fear, weakens and as in the case of Renee Macklin Good, destroys connections that are meant to move and evolve us forward.

It is that very concept, a reminder that we are all connected, that gave me the strength to continue on this journey, fools errand or not, and a very specific connection that talked me away from my fear, and that’s all I’ll say about that. All I know, in my lifetime, I have had plenty of opportunities to help people face their fears and move beyond them, and it is my prayer today that all those lights, blueprints or whatever you want to call them I feel connected to have someone, right now, who can do the same for them. We, those who choose love over fear, need each other right now. And while I love the amazing solidarity of people protesting the violence, I do caution that while doing so, we take the time necessary to face and acknowledge the fears we have right now, and enlist those we love to help overcome them. Fighting for justice and change is important, but reaching out and loving each other is just as important, because that love will define what the fight looks like.

And now the title I used for today’s post, yep, another appropriation…I think quoting Buzz Lightyear is perfect. He may have suffered an identity crisis after learning that he is just a toy, and not the hero that saves the universe, but when he finds his true purpose of being a loyal friend, and being loved and cherished for who and what he is, perhaps he really does…save the universe, I mean. And Buzz also reminds me that it only takes the faith of a mustard seed to move a mountain…