I took a moment, giving my brain a rest, and tried in the silence to rediscover the song in my soul, to hear its whisper, but the snowstorm outside and incredible wind kept me distracted (I don’t like the hard kind of wind that worries me whether or not the trees will make it till morning). So to quiet that fear, I listened to music…a song in particular that I hadn’t heard in a long time, but was brought to mind during the Chanel show and it slowed my mind and I could begin to hear, in pictures, the song that is brewing inside, which is demonstrably different than the song above, but moves me in the same kind of way…and can’t share because it isn’t ready yet.
Standing still with arms raised, a maestro quells the cacophony of noise inside that often times occurs when fear takes hold and and gloams into the rising light that love’s song quietly brings. With a subtle shift of her wrist, she moves her wand and offers a prayer to God above and around us to fill her with the power of love and the necessary silence required to hear the song’s subtle beginning whisper and again moves her wand with a gentle gesture, and like a chaste kiss the orchestra begins.
She celebrates love’s triumphant song, with multiple melodies and instruments yet none to reign supreme but created to blend together in harmony. Her wand sways, hones and weaves together notes to become more than what they are alone. Tempering movements from dissonance to congruous symmetry, melodies all uniquely inspired by love become the heart song she longs for.
One voice low and uncomplicated, from disordered to measured in equivalent beats pushing past the present to future’s possibilities, directed and soul understood, pensive and building toward a moment of perfect harmony.
One voice even, temperate but eager to dance to creation’s beauty and the celebration of higher potential, drawn forward by heaven’s pull and the promise of a blueprint fulfilled.
One voice, quiet, continuous and with foresight, rearranging the stars above to places of harmonic unity, bringing wholeness and happiness to those who choose to be and share their light.
Finally one voice, dramatic, unequivocal and full of love that celebrates the ties that bind together multiple voices, each unique but adding dimension and fullness to the song of her heart.
Notes upon notes, upward and forward along with voices, whose lyrics sometimes strained but sounding hope in trying times, stills the cacophony of fear that drove the discord disrupting and pervading our world, to advance in fullness the song of the Kingdom. Today, I share the idea of my melody song as a prayer for all soul songs of love…
Yes, I am aware that the title of this piece is from a famous documentary about climate change. I appropriated it, but not for the reasons you may think. It did not originate from my clever mind, hence why I’m telling you this upfront. Also, this post is not about climate change, I borrowed the title to make this point; every idea, thought, both academic and non came from direct learning and experience from me alone. Perhaps my age will give validity to this statement, but there is and never will be chatgpt, or any other mechanism available today for taking shortcuts to understand or describe how I know what I know and how I got where I am today (a portion of the old hard copies of books and curricula of what I’ve been studying are in the picture above and are what I’m talking about). And while I will never claim to own or control an idea, because they are not mine alone to begin with, I am the walking, talking “inconvenient truth” of this experience, i.e. the protagonist of this story; no one can make any claim to, here or anywhere else I am present in the world, but me, and I, and only I, am in control of that. I am not saying that whatever “this is” is so great, but I am saying that as I move forward this year, that I am the one responsible for where and how I move forward on this path. No amount of appropriation or manipulation will ever change the fact that there is no way in hell that ‘I’ can be duplicated or manipulated in any way, shape or form. As I’ve stated many times before, this journey of mine is one of a kind. My words may be, and perhaps already have been used to give credence to others who may lay claim to the wisdom of them without going through the work, but the fact remains that living on a higher plane demands that you walk the walk and not just talk the talk (another phrase I am appropriating). If you think you can get there as an academic exercise, it will just become a fools errand for you. In fact, if you are truly serious about living on a higher plane, say the prayer I did all those years ago in Russia when I asked God to never, ever let me become an arrogant asshole (I was unkindly speaking of other representatives of the cloth). God will hold you to it every time you think that you, as a vessel, are more important than the lesson…a literal shitstorm will follow if you do :).
So, let me share some of the inconvenient truths of what this year may feel like for me, and, like I never want to, a conversation with my spirit guide days preceding the beginning of this journey.
Sitting in my favorite place, my spirit guide came from behind and gave me a hug,
“Hello”, I said, I was excited to get started.
“Hello, to you too. Before we begin, let me remind you that the Kingdom of Heaven is within you”. he said as he sat down next to me (in this incarnation, he was the Savior).
“Why do I get the sudden feeling that I am not going to like what comes next…” I said with a bit of trepidation.
“Because you won’t”. He paused and just looked at me.
“I muttered, Oh shit”, under my breath, “what does that mean?”
“To put it simply, it means that this years theme is not an internal one, a discovery of self, it is a year of action putting into practice and bringing out the Kingdom of Heaven that you have been developing within”. He paused and let the words sink in.
My heart rate skyrocketed and I immediately felt a rising terror…”You mean I actually have to go out and DO stuff? I have actually no idea how to do that, plus, I am terrible at being in the center of anything, you know what I mean by that. Plus people never listen to me “out there,” hell, I’m not sure anyone listens to me here. I am not good at that, I was born to create environments to help others, to remain in the background, to be a quiet whisperer. I wouldn’t have the first clue what to do, and well, I DON’T WANT TO.” The tears were starting to come, of course I’m still not very good at the emotional stuff.
He was calm, comforting and yet I could see in his eyes unrelenting. “But you will, because what has this journey been for if not to be instrumental’, and when he saw me start to hyperventilate he said, “don’t worry, not in a demonstrably huge way, but instrumental, nonetheless, you felt the same way when you promised to go where I asked you to go and it worked out quite well actually. So, this is simply the moment, the time of opportunity and action, of encapsulating all that you have learned and professed to believe out there” he pointed to a road that suddenly lay ahead of me. “I would never put you in this position if I didn’t think you were up to it. And please note, my imagination is so far beyond yours, that never in a thousand years will you be able to know where this road is leading you, so let go of whatever horror story you’re creating in your head right now”. He actually smiled. And while my relationship with the Savior has always been open and honest, I didn’t dare get snarky at this point. I just quietly shook my head in the affirmative
The rest will remain private. But the Savior did give me the comfort of knowing that there are those who love me, and support me and that won’t change. They will give me strength along the way. And as for those inconvenient truths…let me just say that art, in multiple forms, will be the most instrumental mechanism of sharing the Kingdom within, the song of my soul, the melody which at present may still be elusive, it is becoming clearer by the day. And to conclude, when I reread this last paragraph and it almost made me cringe at the presumptions of it, I got a spiritual slap upside that head reminding me that it only takes the faith of a mustard seed, that anything asked for in goodness shall be given, and that love never fails. Let the craziness begin.
