Category: women

No Room for a Saint

Awkward subject to follow…just a head’s up.

When I was a child attending Catholic school, we spent a lot of time learning about the saints, I suppose as an incentive on how to behave as a good Catholic/Christian. What I remember in a general way were that male saints performed heroic deeds in the name of spreading the gospel against those who would try and silence them and often died horrible deaths. For women saints, however, the highlight of their heroic deeds included defending their virginity against those men of power who would forcibly take it from them, and by refusing to do so, also died horrible deaths, or another prerequisite was remaining a virgin because the church decided it was an indication of purity. I made a decision early on that saint hood was definitely NOT for me…best decision of my life. I want to tread carefully here, I DO NOT mean to defame or demean those in history who did what they did for God. But remember what I said about love…that just because you decide an act/behavior/expression is love, doesn’t necessarily make it so. Well, I believe the same goes for the kind of behavior that “the church” had decided was requisite for sainthood…in particular, for women.

Early on in my theological training, especially as I became more knowledgeable in scripture, I saw major contradictions between the interactions Jesus had with women and those historically, who went on to become saints in his defense. I’ll just say out loud what I’ve thought for a long time…Jesus didn’t give a shit about whether a women was a virgin or not. Sure he challenged them to straighten out their lives, but didn’t he challenge everyone to do the same? I think he meant that everyone should live a good and honest life, live up to their greatest potential and choose the greater path (remember the choice offered to Mary when her sister Martha demanded she help serve?). One of my most favorite gospel stories (included in all four), is when a woman, (in one it is Mary, in others she is unnamed and a woman of “ill repute” they are each a bit different) comes to where Jesus and the disciples are dining to wash his feet with her tears, wipe them with her hair and anoint his head with expensive oils…one of the most beautiful images I can recall about an intimate physical and loving expression between Jesus and another woman in scripture. When the men present (the gospels differ, some of the men are his disciples, others those he met along the way, and yet another is a healed leper) are vexed by what she is doing, especially since the oils could have been sold for a great deal of money to help the poor, he chastises them and says she has done a good thing, they offered no hospitality to him, but she did. And then he said the this famous line: “The poor you will always have with you, but you will not always have me.” I’ve always loved this story, because as a man, Jesus declared that she had shown him “great love”. Mary Magdalene (after who I am named) another woman Jesus loved, stood with and supported Jesus until the very end, at his crucifixion and was the first to see him when he rose from the dead…an apt tribute to her behavior in my book…and it had nothing to do with her virginity, but that they loved each other. Contrary to popular belief, no where in the bible is she described as a prostitute.

I completely understand that in the context of the time and culture in the stories of the early saints, when a woman chose to remain a virgin and unmarried, it was more likely that she did so to retain her own agency and the freedom to live independently and preach and teach the gospel in the way she felt compelled to, and also because as a women she was considered chattel and under the control of a man, whether it be a father or a husband. Jesus openly challenged that antiquated social convention over and over, and it has always made me sad that the church never seemed to embrace his attitude. It has always seemed ridiculous that women were continued to be sanctified by simply abstaining from sex, as if the breaking of her hymen whether by force, culture or marriage somehow made her “less than” or not as pure, it’s not only irrational, but unreasonable in response to the gospel message. That their sainthood rested in protecting their “greatest virtue” from another man’s appropriation of it stymied even my 11 year old self (I clearly wrote about it in my fifth grade diary and please note that I had just “found out” about sex the year before, to which I believe sounded awesome…although I was unsure of the mechanics of it, my passion for David Cassidy at the time led me to believe that I was in for something big and I was 10… and also yes, I was indeed a very strange child). When I became older and studied theology, I was pissed off even more, especially since Jesus never saw the women that surrounded him in that way. I felt the church clearly put the onus on me to be a woman who remained functionally “unexciting” and still preach about love and the gospel. While it was clearly obvious, although unfair, I knew, as I prepared for ministry, it was simply a reality that I had to navigate carefully in a church culture of totally fucked up sexual understanding, value and behaviors. I did “abstain” because it was true that the expectations and standards were different for women than men, and given that I was attractive and dynamic (which is simply a fact, so get over it) I simply kept to those definitions of love, laid out by Paul, and did the best that I could in any given situation to retain the highest integrity that I could. What helped me, in a weird way, was recommitting to the child hood decision I had made that sainthood was definitely not for me. I loved men too much, even though I was completely clueless how to “engage” (but not in any way that was untoward, because deciding that I wasn’t a saint, didn’t mean I rendered null and void the rules of love). The sad truth, beyond the fact that I sucked at it, what often kept me from “dating” a man I liked was what I did for a living: a spiritual and social “cold shower” as it were. More importantly, I truly believe that if God could choose me, a whirling dervish and the antithesis of sainthood, to walk this path as a whisperer of love, then perhaps there were better qualities/gifts I had to focus on rather than worry that I had a fowl mouth, no filters and well, the rest will be unsaid.

Anyway, the reason I bring all this up is another attempt to challenge the draconian cultural rules (total crap) that historically have plagued, mostly women, but also those who express love in different ways, so there is a clearer understanding of how to live on a higher plane. I am no less a disciple of the God of love because of the manner in which I choose to express love. I, and only I, ultimately know whether its source is love or not…no one else. And, I must say with the increasing stories of sexual exploitation and abuse in modern society, we have to hit this bullshit head on. I don’t care how awkward it is. Look at the colossal horror story the Epstein files have created and the damage that has occurred. And the fact that there is so much secrecy and pushback about bringing the perpetrators and the truth to the public is even more reason to address this issue. Like I’ve said countless times before, we are all connected and in this together when it comes to moving into our future and the misguided ideas about sex and sexuality have to be addressed. How we do that is a whole other matter and way above my pay grade, but as a casualty of the distortion of a beautiful expression of love, I do not want any other human being to become collateral damage of the way the darkness has weaponized it.

As I’ve said in many posts this year, we have to decide which cultural rules or the world’s rules (as defined by humans) help us live successfully on a higher plane (which are never defined but discovered by or revealed to humans), and which ones hinder us. I think history has shown, especially through all the arts, that humanity can progress in a way where it is possible to live in the world as well as on a higher plane, but sometimes, however, it doesn’t. So, one of my main goals this year is to offer, rationally, when its time to let go of antiquated or illusory “world” views when it comes to what is necessary to live on a higher plane, especially when it comes to the power of love, and understanding how to wield it according to its true nature: the source of life and what guides and evolves us forward, and sainthood, happily is not a prerequisite. I am not a saint, never was, never will be…I am a simple whisperer for the God of love, a mustard seed, and my small little butterfly wings (although a badass one) will express my love and will change the weather a world away. What gives me faith in this statement? Jesus said that they will know you are my disciples by how you love one another.

Hope and Women

I remember back in college during a theological seminar (was studying academic theology, the female equivalent of seminarian), a seminarian turned in frustration to me in a small group discussion about calls of the Holy Spirit and said quite loudly, “Why can’t you accept the fact that God only wants men to be priests!” And in my unequivocal way, I responded: “Oh, so you have a direct line to the Holy Spirit, do you?” He was disgusted and left the group. I tell this story because I have always felt it is important for girls/women to know that they should follow their calling wherever it takes them, regardless of the opposition others may have to that calling. I fear the tide is turning, though, toward greater opposition to this idea.

I also wrote a paper in graduate school about the obstacles women leaders face by attacks against their characters, often times sexual or intellectual as a mechanism to render their words, actions and relevance null and void. I remember how difficult the meeting with my professor was, not wanting to acknowledge what I thought was well documented paper. He believed it biased because I had way more women in my bibliography than men. I did question whether he compared the gender equality of all bibliographies, and he just got mad, which was stupid of me to say because he gave me a C. I don’t think he quite understood me, so he was surprised when I picked him for one of my panelists when defending my thesis. I won’t go into why, but afterward he went back and changed my grade from a C to an A. I believed, back then anyway, that if I could present something in more of a three dimensional way, perhaps a more female orientation then everyone’s perspective is broadened. In this case I believe I was successful. When I use the past tense in the aforementioned story when I say “back then”, it really means that more people than not used to be open to a greater truth, and new ways of seeing things. (of course many don’t, but there is nothing I can do about those kinds of people). Today, I don’t feel that way anymore.

Lets go back then. Late in his second term, Bill Clinton was impeached for an improper relationship with an intern. I think the outrage went across the aisle on this situation and he was rightly tried. Now, we have a president elect who, by a court of law, by a jury of his peers is found guilty of being a sexual predator (this was a civil, not criminal trial so he is not a sexual offender…legally anyway). Whether you believe it fair or not, his behavior like Clinton’s was established and proven legally. And yet, and these are the posts that gross me out most on social media, are the allegations that Kamala Harris slept her way to the top, which can be factually, on the record dispelled, but still believed because she was deemed not smart enough or qualified to get there on her own. It literally took me seconds to fact check the veracity of those allegations. The generalization here is that men get away with shit, even when they are actually guilty of it, and woman are metaphorically stoned or burned, even when they are not.

There are plenty of places in Christian Scripture where Jesus pushed back against the status quo when men test him on the treatment of women. One important time was when a mob brought a woman caught in adultery (so the mob says) to him in John 8: 3-11

Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery and made her stand in the middle. They said to him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say? “They said this to test him, so that they could have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger. But when they continued asking him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he bent down and wrote on the ground. And in response, they went away one by one, beginning with the elders. So he was left alone with the woman before him. Then Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you? She replied, “No one, sir.” Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, (and) from now on do not sin any more.”

The interesting thing in this dynamic is that the man involved in the adulterous situation is nowhere to be seen. I am fully aware of the law at that time, and that women were considered no more than chattel, or property. Jesus, however, did not see her or other women that way. As a matter of fact, time after time Jesus helped and stood for women even when, by all cultural and temple standards, he should not have.

So, here we are. I expect there will be more character assassinations of women, people of color and sexual orientation who will be vilified and have their character questioned whenever their voices, qualities and callings make people in the status quo uncomfortable. In an age where facts just don’t matter as much as self righteous indignation and moral finger pointing (and yes, I am aware it happens on both sides) it does become more difficult to duck stones that come flying at my head. The hope for me comes when the woman walks away from Jesus, free from her accusers condemnation and Jesus saying “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness but will have the light of life”

Hope and Forgiveness

I know many minds are made up and I really get it…but when I heard Mr. Trump say that he would be women’s protector whether they liked it or not, and also had Brett Farve ( who is being investigated for welfare fraud in the tune of 77 million dollars and was fined by the NFL 160,000 for not cooperating in sexting scandal) speak at his rally, I thought it pertinent to add my perspective on the matter, because there is always potential for gaining insight for the future. I’ve been up against a patriarchy a time or two in my lifetime and career and have met plenty of men who thought it was their duty to act on my behalf (in this I’m not including my father or my husband, because it just makes sense that they embraced that duty, not because I’m incompetent, but because they had my back). The men I’m speaking about were varied, some turned out to be sexual predators legally named, employees who left in disgrace after spreading lies, and some were brilliant men who did not see me or hear me because I was a woman. Before you label me someone who has a bias against men…I don’t. I married one, and raised two amazing men. I’m only speaking about the men who crossed my path that thought by divine right, whether it be by nature or God, that as a women I was somehow subservient to them and should have limited or no access to roles that are afforded to men. I thought long and hard about revealing the actual stories, but I came to realize that those experiences were for me and my evolution and not anyone else’s validation. Because in truth, whether or not you believe me is immaterial at this point, because the most powerful thing I learned from all my experiences is that I don’t need anyone’s approval, understanding or endorsement of my life struggles, especially if it is the truth, and I benefited from the experience end of story.

But what I will tell you what I learned early on in my career is that I had to be better, smarter and more moral (I worked in ministry) than any of my counterparts because of my vulnerabilities…I was attractive, smart, driven and ambitious. I was also tired of the often authoritarian and draconian holds on ministry, and often fought to my detriment to move the needle forward, importantly, because I knew the high regard Jesus had of the women in his life, and amazingly, he let them make their own choices (the Samaritan woman at the well, Mary, Martha’s sister, the woman caught in adultery etc). This is not to say that I never made mistakes, because obviously I have…but I learned pretty quickly that the vast majority of those in the patriarchy I worked for had no fucking clue what was best for me, or even bothered to ask.

Back in 1973 when the Roe decision came down, I wore a bracelet reminding me to pray everyday for those unborn babies. I was 13 years old at the time, and was at the beginning of my relationship with my God. I wore it until it broke one day, and I take that as a symbol that as I matured and grew to understand more about the world, I realized the Roe decision was more about controlling women than it was to protect life. If you check all the statistics and equitable changes for women, it supports that conclusion. For example, in 1974, the Equal Credit Opportunity Act was passed where woman FOR THE FIRST TIME in history could get a bank account, credit card and loans, and housing and mortgages in their own name without their father or husband’s name or approval. I also learned that the Roe decision drastically improved maternal mortality for women and improved women’s health in general. More importantly it led me to embrace the firm belief that while I still held life in the womb as sacred, it would never be in the best interests of any woman to put her life in the hands of the government, or men who had no place making such a personal decision in a woman’s life. I’ve come to know plenty of women who were put in a horrible place of getting an abortion, and not one of them was cavalier about it or used it for birth control.

For me, I simply made the decision to wait until I was in my forever relationship to have sex. Regardless of how the world had grown to accept sex before marriage in the eighties and nineties, I knew that I was held to a different standard. Let me tell you it was a deal breaker for most of the men I dated. But as I said I was ambitious, and felt called to my ministry and did what was necessary to not only stand for my beliefs, but act in a way that no one could use said behavior, regardless of whether or not that behavior was acceptable pretty much everywhere else against me. The tragedy, though, was that often time perception is reality, and my commitment to “purity” didn’t matter to the people who wanted my silence, or try to force me to behave in a way that I felt was improper or simply just not like me. People believe what they believe and often take great pleasure in spreading lies and innuendo, but I still knew the truth. So when I hear someone like Donald Trump, a convicted sex offender tell the world he will protect women whether they like it or not, I feel sick to my stomach, and I call bullshit…because ladies? I can’t tell you how many of those same kind of men told me the same thing and were more concerned with “changing my mind” or controlling me.

So why did I entitle this piece, Hope and Forgiveness? Because in order for me and many women to move forward and trust their own strength again, forgiveness is an essential ingredient in moving forward towards a more hopeful future. Jesus said that we must forgive in order to be forgiven, seven times seventy, he said. I truly believe that is because when you hold onto transgressions committed against you, they eat you alive, and limit your power and ability to use your gifts to spread good ripples out into the world. I forgave my transgressors a long time ago, and it is freeing and strengthening experience. I also believe forgiveness is essential in standing strong and presenting a more loving society to our children for the future where we work to protect each other.

The Serrated Edge of Idolatry and its Impact on Ideology

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Definition of idolatry

plural idolatries

1: the worship of a physical object as a god
2: immoderate attachment or devotion to something
 

Definition of ideology

plural ideologies

1: visionary theorizing
2a: a systematic body of concepts especially about human life or culture
b: a manner or the content of thinking characteristic of an individual, group, or culture
c: the integrated assertions, theories and aims that constitute a sociopolitical program

It’s been awhile and I have a story to tell, but struggled with a way to tell it…so I stepped outside of myself and, in third person, found a way to tell it and still remain in tact afterwards.

 

This is a picture of me in my third year of work in ministry…this post is for her, ready to bring her talents to fruition. She was burgeoning with ideas, energy, enthusiasm and hope. She had already contended with losing a job because she was female, (she received a job offer that was rescinded after a man submitted a late application, and was told a man after all was suited better to be in a leadership position). She had already realized that a man who worked as partner to her at her first job was paid substantially more because he was the bread winner of the family. At that same job, a visiting parish ministry team advised her to “get the hell out” because her boss was gunning for her” that boss would be later listed by the Archdiocese as a sexual offender. The moment she decided to move on was when she came upon a priest at a romantic restaurant, whom she thought was a kindred spirit, on a date with another man. While she longed to tell him of the deep sympathy she felt with him, the vitriol she faced from him in desperation to keep his secret eroded any future friendship, regardless of a promise of non-judgment and silence on her part. While naivete did play a part in her willingness to continue to work in the “industry” of church ministry, in reading those early journals, her bitterness was tempered by the deep devotion she felt toward Christ, spreading the Gospel and to the amazing young people she was honored to work with…I can’t believe the pages she wrote about the talent and potential of specific individuals…and that included some staff.

  

As I continued to read those journals throughout her career, I saw the slow decay of that energy and enthusiasm wane. To name a few, there was more than one incident of a priest or colleague asking for a dinner to discuss a particular program, or share a bottle of wine and discuss the future, only to find out clearly there was a different motivation altogether. I mean face it…she was a pretty attractive female. One priest (who used to sun bathe in a speedo in front of the rectory) told her that she was “quite a package”. She had become more savvy at that point and learned to carefully extricate herself from each uncomfortable instance. She believed that she was invulnerable to the messy side of ministry…she just had to remain a woman of integrity and all would be well. Until one man she really wanted to date told her that she was too asexual. He could not understand the pressure she was under working not only for the church but with so many vulnerable young people. Work came first, and she knew if there was any question of impropriety, the fault would always lie on her shoulders. Needless to say, it never worked out. Looking back, I see how damaged she had become. Her second job ended when a new associate who believed that he was the “youth” priest cut every program that was popular with flimsy reasoning, because, as she believed but would never say out loud, she was more popular than he was, examples were: a retreat during Easter week to North Padre deemed inappropriate during Holy week even though students would wait in line to be one if the forty picked to go and both parents and students alike praised it for five years, a spectacular rock mass put her in hot water because they were liturgically wrong even though Polka masses happened all the time and it even made it on the evening news. Programs that grappled with issues that affected youth like the music, the media, sexuality (cut from the get go). So she left…again.

 

Then she began to teach. She loved everything about it. She relaxed a bit. The environment was so stimulating that she was bubbling with new ideas. She even tried to date. But it didn’t work out (She would say without true objectivity that he was just too stupid for her, Oh and also that his relationships with certain girl students could be seen as inappropriate…she didn’t have filters back then either). He told some football players that she did a strip tease in front of him, which of course wasn’t true. She didn’t find out about it for months, even though she intuited that something was wrong until one guilty student finally asked her to her face if it really was true, she replied that it was not and was surprised at his sigh of relief because according to her, there was no contest, she had always acted within the highest standards, so it wasn’t even a question of who was more credible(she did put too much faith in propriety). How could anyone have ever entertained the thought? Well, she soon realized, a lot of people had. So she followed protocol and met with the department head and set a meeting with the principal, the “teacher” and herself. Although he admitted to everything and she was exonerated, she was told by the principal that perhaps if she had dressed differently these things wouldn’t have happened. She retorted snip-ply that perhaps if she was paid a living wage she wouldn’t have to borrow clothing from her sisters to wear, which wasn’t true but I’m still proud of her for the great come back. But she was hurt beyond measure. She told her father, and he told her to walk with her head held high and people would see, truly see her eventually. She stayed and did many great things there always with help and direction from really awesome people, but grew tired of being talked about by other teachers…one even asked her to define a big word used, because he really didn’t think she knew what it meant, and being silenced by too much oppressive dogma. Yet she tried to keep focused on bearing her fruit as an instrument of God…until she couldn’t do it any more.

  

Back to first person. In truth, I know I am a force to contend with. I know I’m not perfect and have many flaws and have made many mistakes throughout my career, I was taught to always own up to those and learn from them. I fought as hard and logically as I could at the time against sexism in my work place. I was alone much of the time, with little support from others. I never saw myself as a victim, ever, but I am definitely damaged. What plagues me, though, is as enthusiastic as I was in the beginning of my career to share my talent, my fruits as it were, with the world, it is what actually broke me in the end. It was the very structure that was supposed to assist me in bringing about the Kingdom of God, that was my demise. I suppose that I fell privy to the second part of the definition of idolatry: the immoderate attachment or devotion to something. Because it was the church, priests, and whatever that had the power to stand in my way, and I let them, even when I believed they were wrong to do so. The really sad part is that I still uphold many of the ideologies that I studied in school but it has became glaringly apparent that the institution has stopped representing them for me. While my faith has never waned, my faith in “The Church” definitely has.

  

So, why the definitions of idolatry and ideology? It is because when we should be focused on the latter, it is the former that draws our attention away from things that really matter. Idolatry kills the ideology it is supposed to only be a symbol of. Example: a party status is idolized over what it is supposed to represent, so any amount of lies and distortion are allowed to keep it in tact. Example: A Flag means more than the principles it embodies rendering the idolatry of it as a means to dismantle what it stands for, which in our case is liberty and justice for all. Example: Association to a religious symbol is worshiped over living according to its tenets. Example: Power itself is idolized over the execution of its influence to do good within to further civilization. We idolize way too much, we are guided by principle and ideology way too little. Maybe the good that has come from all that I have faced in my lifetime is that I don’t idolize anything of human construction anymore. But these are the ideologies I choose to live and be guided by.

  

1: The teachings of Christ, and all He commanded (and the only thing I truly worship), and many of the tenets of Catholicism.
2: The Constitution of this great country…and
3: Love, love, love and always and evermore love.

Taking Umbrage…for and at Women

um·brage

noun \ˈəm-brij\

: a feeling of being offended by what someone has said or done

I started this post several times, wanting to be positive, a bit less controversal, and with propriety.  I couldn’t do it because I did promise a sense of wild abandon, so here goes.  I seem to take umbrage with almost every angle of the state of women in our world today.  I am sickened by movements to censure, mutilate, deny education, control and retract any advances made through history.  And yet, I take as much umbrage with a culture that objectifies, sexualizes, and at the opposite end values a woman based on some prudish matronly definition of goodness.  Seriously people, what in the sam hill is going on?

Jesus set the standard so clearly in his ministry.  Women were of great value to him; especially women who chose his instruction over what culture restricted them to, check out the Mary and Martha story…( I blogged about it here, maryfrancesflood.com/2012/06/18/im-a-mary-and-not-a-martha/.  I think women owe Jesus a great deal for the place that he brought us to…and with that comes responsibility.  We, as women, must take a stand against those who would force us to lose the sacred ground that many fought so hard to attain.  So where the hell do I stand?

While I am plagued with fear when I hear most men speak of rape, whether on a college campus, foreign soil, a military base or from the mouth of a politician, I have to admit that I am plagued with as much fear at the cavalier attitude and sexually charged culture in this country.  While I think we should celebrate our physical bodies, I am tired of how sex inundates our culture.  I don’t want to see young women run around in their underwear, or clothing designed to cradle a man’s package.  While I am not a prude…I say EEEWWWWW!  The pervasiveness of sex in just about everything is a problem for me. Being a good lover by today’s standards is understood by sexual prowess and not in the way the gospel intended.  Getting better at sex will never help us get better at love…PERIOD.  And it won’t help us reclaim our power either.

I have thought long and hard about whether or not my attitude is based on my aging form and diminishing beauty…and then that very thought even pissed me off!  Who defined aging and beauty anyway?  Well, I include myself when I say we all had a hand in that too.  With age, I’ve gained great experience and education and was for a moment ready to hold those accomplishments at a lesser value than my aging appearance…and yet, in all truthfulness I understand why. We live in a culture that worships youth and marginalizes maturity.  Look at the amount of money that goes into physical beauty; the money women spend on achieving some skewed idea of youthful perfection is tragic.  We could save all the starving children in the world many times over, if we allowed ourselves to age naturally and dump our obsession with beauty regimens.

I’m not saying as women, we can’t try to be beautiful and celebrate our sexuality.  But if we aren’t working as hard for the standard the Jesus set, i.e. we are as valuable as any man, and are offered the same gift of grace, with the same expectations for our behavior…then we’ve failed on a massive level.  Let’s be better at loving, starting with ourselves.

I’m a Mary and not a Martha

The story of Mary and Martha is one of my favorites in scripture. When, in response to Martha’s rebuke against her sister for not helping her with her chores, Jesus tells her to stop worrying and affirms Mary for choosing  the better course,  it gave the direction of my soul an authentication and authority straight from the mouth of God. Sure, it may be easy to say that most everyone would choose to listen to the Son of God over doing housework, but for me it was so much more than that. The affinity that I have for education and learning parallels another’s for sports, or music. It is when I’m in the pursuit of new information to broaden my ever-expanding world that I feel the happiest, hopeful and most successful. Had I been Martha’s sister, I wouldn’t have sat smugly listening to Jesus retort to my sister, I would have quickly stuck out my tongue at my nagging sister in an infantile vindication of my chosen path…and sadly, today it  would literally be hanging out all the time. It is sad that in today’s culture I almost feel the need to apologize for all the sheepskin trailing behind me. I readily acknowledge the talents of the men in my house, that their affinity for sports, health or acuity in computers largely remains uncontested. But whenever intelligence or education comes up, I’m just being arrogant or a know-it-all. And that is just unfair. I attended the classes, I did the work, I wrote every paper, attended every class, finished every internship, and I finished and paid for every degree. And like some are just really adept at sports or a host of other talents…my brain may be more adept for knowledge than a lot of other people…it is neither good or bad, it just is.

The greatest irony, though, lies in the fact that once done listening to Jesus…I’m sure Mary was up half the night doing chores because I’m pretty sure not one of the disciples pitched in to cover the slack. Sadly, that is the tenure of the workings of my house as well. Am I suited to the domestic arts because I am a woman? Compared to the men at my house, that would be a yes…but only because they all miss the commonsense gene that is necessary to maintain a household. Otherwise, I would never choose the task…but I suck it up and do it anyway because I don’t want to suffer bodily harm because “someone” thought the wood floors would look pretty if they sprayed a whole can of pledge on them making them dangerous to walk on with socks, or being so excited to eat the soup they cooked, they forget to turn off the burner. In my family, support for the men in my house falls to me, because it seems that it is most obvious and best way we can all be successful and stay alive. Even though the men in my house don’t always appreciate the synergy that my role has created…my big brain does. Most importantly it was and is my choice to do so and not because of some predilection to some inherent role women are supposed to play.  Most days I do feel that I made the right choice pursuing so many different academic roads, even though it may be more difficult to show the success of those degrees financially or when my arms are knee-deep in a toilet or answering phones at our clinic. I do think it makes be better at everything I do. Which brings me to the most important point.

I remember those brave women who have fought for us so that we are availed equal opportunities to utilize our God-given gifts and follow our dreams, whatever they may be. So I fear a  back slide into a past that held us to a propriety that was more a mask of control than anything else. It does make me angry at those men in the world who claim superiority as their God-given right, especially under the auspices of scripture. Why does one line from Paul in his letter to the Ephesians hold greater weight than the words and actions of Jesus? In the Gospels, the conversations he has with women make clear the regard he has for them as people. Mary, learning at Jesus knee was credited for making the greater choice…the operative word being “choice…” something women didn’t have much of in Jesus’ time, yet I am continuously befuddled at those who would judge women for making the same choice today. My choice to play a supportive role in my family is a result of balancing talents and what works best for us…not because of some preordained role dictated by God. Submitting to any man has never been within my realm of experience…just ask my father, brothers, husband and sons. But I have chosen to stand in support of many men in my life, which I can do while still sharing the vast stores of knowledge in my big brain.  Whether they listen is another story….and when they stop completely, I’m out of here. I owe it to Mary.