Category: health

Ripples into Waves

Here I am, flaws and all, once again extremely unfiltered and disheveled after a long night of sleeping only an hour or two at a time and yet I feel such deep contentment because I am able to walk around my kitchen/ bedroom and other small spaces for short periods of time without my cane. My surgery was a week ago at exactly at this time and the tired smile on my face is a genuine reflection that I am indeed the valedictorian of recovery and have earned those bragging rights. I’ve earned them not only because I put in the effort, listened and trusted those experts who assisted me and followed every protocol, (and I know there are many others who have this surgery and have done well too…I am not remarkable in that), however, I will make this distinction; I am at this place because my physical recovery is the exact manifestation and validation of all the internal work I’ve been doing thus far embracing and allowing cosmic love to surround and move me forward completely. The power of love is the game changer. This surgery is so different than the last time, and while the initial conditions are always diverse and innumerable, I know at my core…love is the reason that changed the game for me, and while the specifics are personal to me, I just wanted to declare that out into the world, the result of which will make my small ripples into waves of light and love into the future.

Teilhard said:

A glow ripples outward from the first spark of conscious reflection. The point of ignition grows larger. The fire spreads in ever widening circles till finally the whole planet is covered with incandescence.

This is a bit how I feel right now. Of course I am aware that I might be in the throws of the kind of giddiness that comes with being able to walk straight and smooth again, (and no it is not the pain medication, which I only had to take once at day 3) so what follows may be even more challenging, but, and I say this cautiously, I am the cumulative result of all that has gone before and my arsenal has grown steadily as a result. My mind is full of ideas, opportunities, business plans and such a deep desire to utilize the fruits of my gifts to benefit the planet and the beautiful blueprints who are also here to save it. I also want to take this moment to say to those who cross my path every day and especially to those I have tamed and who have tamed me…you are the game changer and proof that love is taking hold of our world and will forever give me the strength I need to stand up to darkness and do my part to bear good fruit into the world. I pray we all continue to follow the rules of cosmic love:

If I speak in human and angelic tongues  but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal. And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing. Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

A New Dance

The above photo was taken on the way to surgery two days ago…the sunrise was beautiful, and I took it as a message that God was with me and had my back for what was to come.

I’m back for a quick update…Surgery done, new hip installed, and I am indeed, the valedictorian of recovery. During the week prior, I spent time doing all the pre-surgery protocols and appointments that, while they went great, left me in the throws of anxiety. Control was entirely in the hands of other people, and that is hard for me (others too…I know I am not alone in this). What I dreamed about often and what was all encompassing in my mind was the idea of how my injured hip, its damage and the pull and effect it had on the music in my soul and my dance in the world became the perfect metaphor for how limited we become in developing our blueprints in the physical world by those damaging circumstances we all have to face every day. I literally could not dance my dance or hear the music beginning to emerge in my soul clearly anymore because it was time to acknowledge what wasn’t working and fix it. This new hip, was to become for me, a new opportunity to hear the music in my head more clearly and now have the freedom to physically dance my dance. The spiritual part, though, was harder. It also meant that I had to release the damaged parts of my past that also limited my movement forward, meaning releasing all those people and behaviors that unnecessarily altered my physical journey as well. I apologize if I’m not being too clear, but at this point in my year of living on a higher plane, the physical world and the spiritual world are inseparable. So if I am to welcome new physical freedom I have to simultaneously welcome the same spiritual freedom too…and that means letting go of the spiritual damage that was limiting me just like my damaged hip was limiting me.

My surgery took place on Tuesday, (two days ago). I am already walking with a cane, doing stairs and am working hard doing exercises with an attitude of love as a welcome from my body to the new “part” to enhance my journey. I also decided to spiritually celebrate all those who were there for me during this process with love and gratitude as I released all the isolation I felt last time. To start, I want to thank those that helped me at Westfield Hospital: Megan, Michaela, Matthew, April, Nick, Avery, Dr Weiss and his team, Kenzie, Brittani, Hunter, Rinee, Tammie, Will, Kay, Nida, Jud, and Lynn who were present, loving and helpful throughout this ordeal. Healthcare workers never get enough credit for the level of amazing and often unsung work they do in the healing process. I had many lovely conversations getting to know these people, most were surprised that I actually asked their names and seemed interested in their lives. I always responded that it made it so much easier for me to utilize their help when I got a sense of who they were, and all were open and marvelous. I hate being in a hospital and was glad it was only overnight. Interestingly in one of my conversations with my case worker Lynn, she asked me what I did and when I told her I was a painter and showed her some of my work, she was moved and them came back later to share that she had contacted the Phipps center for the Arts at the University of Wisconsin River Falls who does the hospitals art on their gallery walls and it looks like I will display there too. What a great opportunity to bring the joy of art to the healing process. The new dance has begun.

The next few weeks will be filled with a different kind of effort, the changing of my dance. While the physical part manifests as overcoming the pain of such a dramatic physical alteration, for me it is a welcome pain, one that offers a freedom I have sorely missed. The spiritual part is more challenging, because behavioral change is hard, but I’m going to be the valedictorian of spiritual recovery as well. Yesterday, when I got home from the hospital (thank you my bebe Riley for picking me up) my sister texted and let me know my mother had fallen and cracked ribs. They are having her rest and managing her pain. You know what? I felt nothing, and was glad she was safe and sent a prayer of recovery for her…a huge landmark for me. There were also several “issues” of work and real world stuff that I either handled or let go for another day…and focused on myself, for once. It was good.

I want to end this rambling (I am still on medication…which I hate, but they limited upon my request, to which I am grateful) with how much appreciation I have to those trajectories, to those I love who sent me love…I felt it overwhelmingly and it was central in helping me make it through this experience easily. The hard part is over, I am on the mend and open to receive all that is coming my way. I am thankful and ready to dance into my new future.

A Moment of Respite

I finished this painting, a dedication to the colors that will lift us all up higher and out of our own personal impoverished or limiting circumstances, whatever they may be. Also, I’m stepping away for a minute…I’m getting a new hip, and more than ever I need some time to recoup, revamp and recover and focus on healing my physical body for the more adventurous future that is in store for me on my journey. I plan on being the valedictorian of recovery, like last time…and will be dancing in no time (last time I was walking without a cane in less than three weeks…but since I know what can happen when I get too arrogant…I promise to follow every rule/protocol and not over do it).

So let me leave with this beautiful message from a 14th century Sufi poet:

I wish I could show you when you are lonely or in darkness the astonishing light of your own being.

Pray with me…stay with me…I need your love.

The New Road Traveled

dr steve

My husband called me today from a seminar on cutting edge research (8-5 both Saturday and Sunday) because during his lunch break he found out that one of our practice members fulfilled a dream of being drafted by the NFL. Years ago, this particular young man (wonderful man, even when he faced the wrath of Mary…) came into our office with a debilitating injury, a hip dislocation (Bo Jackson) that threatened his future not just in football, but all sports. They told him he may never play again, that he couldn’t put weight on it for at least 6 weeks. Just days later, he walked out of our office and now he is in the NFL (not directly, of course). He was our “first” ARP (accelerated recovery performance) patient, and with his dedication, hard work and faith, he is a testament to overcoming obstacles. I am so happy for him.

But today’s post isn’t about just this young man’s success. It is about all the pieces that fit together that helped him on his journey. I’m sure he can give you a list of all those influential people who stood in his corner that helped him to achieve his dream (I know he has thanked Steve over and over). We should all follow his lead, because as individuals we don’t do enough of that, i.e. recognizing and thanking those who help us in our lives. Not one of us is an island. And not one of us achieves anything on our own. The fruits we bring to the world are a compilation of countless influences, obstacles, opportunities, and benefiting from the fruit of others, many who go unrecognized. So let me take a moment to say a few words about the man who helped him on his way.

Most people don’t realize that Dr Edling is always on the cutting edge of embracing new and innovative approaches to health (which are soooo different than fads). I have never met someone who is as passionate about sustaining, maintaining and forging new roads for optimal health as he is. As an athlete himself, whose life was derailed by an injury, he has worked tirelessly to find ways and technologies so no young athlete has to let go of a dream. Whether it is through constant study, new technologies and going way beyond the call of duty, he is one of those special few who refuses to be defeated and absolutely loves and is committed to his work. No one is more thrilled, save the person themselves, than Dr Edling is when success is achieved and goals are met, and many times even surpassed.

Much of the time, his voice is a solitary one, one that pushes and maintains that change is up to the individual, that it is often a scary and challenging proposition and never an easy pill to swallow. The answers aren’t always easy to find, but he is there, though, every step of the way, through the frustration, sometimes pain, the problem solving and adaption when other questions arise. He has done the work, the study, put in the sacrifice, the investments in the best technologies. Most importantly he is present, available and stands as a partner to everyone who walks in our practice door looking for better health. Whether their needs are structural or metabolic, he gives 100%.

He may be a little embarrassed by this post. He never toots his own horn, so I will…only because the gift of his fruit, is making dreams possible for others, and that makes me proud. I see his enthusiasm for innovation, selflessness and commitment in our sons too, so that I’m confident the gift of his fruit will continue, and that also makes me proud.

When it is no longer the Bread of Life

bad breadI’ve often had people challenge me when I tell them that I can’t eat gluten. I’ve suffered through their derision and can see the contempt in their eyes as if I’m making it up or I’m a mindless fool jumping on the latest bandwagon of kooks who have challenged the health of many of the common foods that people have been consuming for years. From a logical perspective I get it, I really do. Beyond bread being a powerful metaphor for life, people have been consuming bread throughout the ages, and it never seemed to bother them (unless it was tainted with something, like poisonous rye that was an impetus for the Salem witch trials, or crazy King George) . Why now? Why me? Well, I know that I can’t tolerate gluten, or soy, or a host of other things. I’ve been tested. I have definitive proof…and it isn’t just the tests…it is what happens to me when I eat these foods, and even more importantly what happened when I stopped eating them. I had forgotten what it was like to feel good.

What begs the question is this: Could it be that the foods our forebears ate 50 years ago are not the same as the foods we eat today? And if not, why not? There will be plenty of discussion to be had over what those reasons may be, from genetically altered foods, chemicals in the soil, over processing, preservatives, poor eating habits etc., But I don’t think there is any argument as to whether there are major problems with today’s food stuffs, and if you don’t think there are any problems with foodstuffs of today then just stop reading, because no amount of science would convince you otherwise. I will avoid you as clearly as you avoid factual information. So let me be clear, just because we can’t decide, or know, or prove the exact cause of why modern foods are making us ill, doesn’t mean that the IBS and a host of other diseases that affects the masses are figments of our imagination. While the intentions of those in the food business may be good ones (and you know what they say about good intentions) we have messed with our food supply so much over the last few decades in the name of progress and improvement that I’m beginning to wonder if the food manufactured today is really food at all, the key word being manufactured. When natural foods are cross pollinated and genetically spliced and diced and when the list of ingredients in packaged food contains words that usually find their home in a chemistry class, then it’s just not really food in my book. I will always find it troubling to think we can do a better job at nature than God does. (As an aside, I am not a believer in the creation science movement, predestination, anti-science or a hippy. I do stand with those who acknowledge the reality of climate change.) Moreover, I am simply saying that as humans, we are limited in our ability to not only fully comprehend our natural world, we also lack the capacity to clearly understand the impact of our behavior on it and our future.

This is not a diatribe against science or using our big brains to make the job of sustaining life better. It is simply a strong suggestion that when we mess with mother nature, so aptly defined as a woman whom history has proven we just don’t fully understand, we can’t even begin to take in the full scope of the consequences of our actions. It is one thing to use our big brains to build better equipment to harvest or produce food, It is more than hubris to believe that we can do a better job than God can at the actual function of nature. Doesn’t the story of Genesis lay that out? We had easy, convenience, and perfection in the Garden and we wanted to venture on our own. I am OK with that, I think it is a blessing of evolution to strike out on our own. It is crossing the line, though, when we think we can change nature without consequences. Humanity has always struggled with the naked truth (pun intended).

I’ve waited a long time to publish this blog, mostly because I think the true meaning of what I’m saying will go right over people’s heads. Let me repeat, I am not anti-science. I know the desire of many scientists is to make life better for people. But I also see a growing tendency to avoid the consequences of the choices science makes, even when unintended. Avoiding culpability doesn’t make the problem go away, we can’t mitigate the damage without accepting responsibility first. Scientific advancement without careful consideration and appreciation of the impact it has on the future of the planet and my poor digestive system is just not acceptable any more. To be continued…

Taking Umbrage…for and at Women

um·brage

noun \ˈəm-brij\

: a feeling of being offended by what someone has said or done

I started this post several times, wanting to be positive, a bit less controversial, and with propriety.  I couldn’t do it because I did promise a sense of wild abandon, so here goes.  I seem to take umbrage with almost every angle of the state of women in our world today.  I am sickened by movements to censure, mutilate, deny education, control and retract any advances made through history.  And yet, I take as much umbrage with a culture that objectifies, sexualizes, and at the opposite end values a woman based on some prudish matronly definition of goodness.  Seriously people, what in the sam hill is going on?

Jesus set the standard so clearly in his ministry.  Women were of great value to him; especially women who chose his instruction over what culture restricted them to, check out the Mary and Martha story…( I blogged about it here, https://maryfrancesflood.com/2012/06/18/im-a-mary-and-not-a-martha/.  I think women owe Jesus a great deal for the place that he brought us to…and with that comes responsibility.  We, as women, must take a stand against those who would force us to lose the sacred ground that many fought so hard to attain.  So where the hell do I stand?

While I am plagued with fear when I hear most men speak of rape, whether on a college campus, foreign soil, a military base or from the mouths politicians in general to point the blame anywhere else but the perpetrator, I have to admit that I am plagued with as much fear at the cavalier attitude toward sex and the sexually charged culture in this country.  While I think we should celebrate our physical bodies, I am tired of how sex inundates our culture on so many levels.  I don’t want to see young women run around in their underwear, or clothing designed to cradle a man’s package.  While I am not a prude…It just seems gross to accentuate the least important traits of a person. The pervasiveness of sex in just about everthing only adds to what makes it even more difficult for women to develop their own unique gifts. Being a good lover by today’s standards is understood by sexual prowess and physical form, and not in the way the gospel intended.  Getting better at sex will never help us get better at love…PERIOD.  And it won’t help us reclaim our power either.

I have thought long and hard about whether or not my attitude is based on my aging form and diminishing beauty…and then that very thought even pissed me off!  Who defined aging and beauty anyway?  Well, I include myself when I say we all had a hand in that too.  With age, I’ve gained great experience and education and was for a moment ready to hold those accomplishments at a lesser value than my aging appearance…and yet, in all truthfulness I understand why. We live in a culture that worships youth and marginalizes maturity.  Look at the amount of money that goes into physical beauty; the money women spend on achieving some skewed idea of youthful perfection is tragic (and I would never want to go back to my youth, I am so much more interesting now).  We could save all the starving children in the world many times over, if we allowed ourselves to age naturally and dump our obsession with beauty regimens.

I’m not saying as women, we can’t try to be beautiful and celebrate our sexuality.  But if we aren’t working as hard for the standard the Jesus set, i.e. we are as valuable as any man, and are offered the same gift of grace, with the same expectations for our behavior…then we’ve failed on a massive level.  Let’s be better at loving, starting with ourselves.

Healing the Body

getting betterI take all the struggles in the world a bit too personally because I do believe that none of us is insulated from the pain, that we are all connected to each other.  When I look at the world and try to see it as the body of Christ, I see so many wounds in need of healing.  I see the different parts of the body fighting for supremacy and importance.  I am reminded of what Paul said in the first letter of Corinthians: “If one part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part is honored, let all parts share its joy”.  So, a midst a tumultuous and suffering world, part of my regimen of zen is to take stock of the things that cause suffering, but also those things that I can honor and celebrate.  In so doing I can be more effective in creating peace and balance, not only for myself but the world.

While I realize that I am just one person, I also know I am only as effective as I believe I can be.  I know how easy it is to give into despair and hopelessness given all that bad that happens every day.  The past paralysis of my face is a good metaphor (almost fully healed, by the way).  When one gets too immersed in the pain in the world, and I see it every day as part of my job, it’s easy to turn to an isolated insular state of existence.  That is what Paul commands us not to do.  So, I breathe, take in some quiet and look to the healing that I’m surrounded by every day.  Since it feels like I am at our clinic all the time, it’s easy to for me to be immersed in the function and bypass the miracles that happen here each and every day.  We are blessed to have an amazing group of patients who are already keyed into the magic that happens at our clinic.  Some you out there may have heard of us, some have not.  But I do know it is a true center of healing and wellness in the world.

I know there are plenty of testimonials on Steve’s blog, which you can link to from this site as well as on his  you tube channel.  I would have linked them all, but for some reason, I couldn’t embed the links into this post.  All I know, is that Edling Chiropractic is an incredible place of healing in a world that too often, puts cost and convenience above health.  I am surrounded by the many lives our clinic has touched every day, and I know there are countless more that we could help.  I am grateful to Steve for patiently working on my autoimmune issues and bringing my smile back.  I am grateful for all the successes we see each and every day, and the wonderful people who are committed to their health.  As many of you have been challenged to do on Facebook, being grateful abates the overwhelming despair that works so hard to take over our lives and wreck havoc on the body.  I am lucky to be part of Edling Chiropractic, and proud of the work Dr Edling does.  My smile is proof.

 

 

 

Bearing Burdens

559I suppose it is good that my body provides me with an unmistakable sign that my stress is out of control, that my autoimmune disease will just not tolerate.  In hindsight, which is always 20/20…I could feel it coming on…the second incidence of Bells palsy, only this time on the other side.  After an initial round of tears, the rational calm took over.  I must self-care, do all the things that I would rather ignore, but can’t.  This body of mine, broken or not, is the only tool I have to fulfill my purpose on earth…and I had better take care of it…which I haven’t.  I forget to get adjusted, do decompression, do my stretches and strength exercises…there is always so many other things to do.  I know I’m not the only one, my symptoms are staring me in the face.  Others are not so obvious.  So, take a moment, say a prayer, do something kind…for yourself.

Birkie Fever

Birkie finishacross the lakeice beardEvery year in February, when the weather (especially this year) becomes almost too unbearable and spring is a distant memory…a fever begins to build here in the tundra.  Chatter about conditions, grooming, weather, training, technique and fueling the fire are constant.  An obsession to train regardless of the conditions, this year including continuous subzero temps, all hinges on one magical race: The American Birkebeiner.  The Birkebeiner is always held on the fourth Saturday of February in Hayward Wisconsin.  The race runs from Cable to Hayward, a 52 kilometer feat that is daunting enough for a beginner to feel as if they climbed Mount Everest and still difficult enough to qualify as a World Loppet for seasoned professionals.  Thousands of skiers in multiple waves, depending on your qualifying time, start at the same point and begin a journey that truly binds them into an elite brother/sisterhood.

Nothing compares to it.  There is something completely insane about skiing 32 1/2 miles in skin-tight uniforms, freezing faces and beards, multiple clouds from the moisture of warm breath hitting ice-cold conditions, lungs burning from bitch hills and the euphoria that comes from successfully making it to the top over and over again.  But they do it, every year without fail.  The hours after skiing across the lake and downtown Hayward over the finish line, is spent replaying the best and worst moments and making a plan to do even better the next year.

What is also amazing is how well this international feat usually plays out.  There are no worries about crime and violence.  A town of a few thousand transforms to 10 times that amount and handles the influx with ease.  This year, the warming tent had some problems, but that won’t stop the fever, it just gives the participants a point of reference when they talk about the many Birkies they’ve done.  It connects people from all over the world; knowing someone has done the Birkie breaks down walls and creates immediate friendships.  If you can ski that far in long underwear, you must be a quality human being.  I agree.  All the qualities it takes to finish that race, are qualities that will make you shine as a human being.  I just don’t think bad-hearted people could do it…it’s too hard, stamina like that demands hard training that is developed over time, there are no short cuts.

Sadly, I wish I could be one of the many that partakes…my broken spine won’t allow it.  I can say that have I biked the trail, so I know how grueling it is (the black flies biting at my ass were a great incentive to keep going).  I live vicariously through my husband and close friends that partake in this joyful insanity.  This is the kind of fever you hope is infectious, to inspire every other challenge one faces in life…even if it is simply tolerating winter until spring.

 

Foodie

clementine chickensweet potato and black bean chiliportabello and eggspaghetti squash casseroleavacado hummusbake chicken with sweet potato and carrotsThe phrase, “eating healthy is too expensive” causes such a deep visceral reaction in me that I literally see red.  I have to take a beat and get to my zen place before I respond.  We are a wasteful nation with horrible priorities.  It frustrates me that people spend more on cars, than their own bodies.  It saddens me that people can drop a wad on vacation, tanning package, and wardrobe included, but will consciously put toxins in their bodies.  It’s acceptable to spend copious amounts of money on making a body look good, and completely disregard what it needs to function.  Eating healthy doesn’t have to cost all that much, except that you’ll live longer…which costs money too.  It is all about perspective.  The money you spend at the grocery store, will save you money that you may otherwise spend at the doctor’s office, future prescriptions and heaven help any other malady you may come down with after eating crappy food and damaging your body for so long.

A body can not thrive on packaged, processed and chemically corrupted foods, or eating foods that make you feel ill afterwards, foods you may have a sensitivity to that subsequently run havoc on your body’s ability to function optimally.  It is time to stop whining and start treating your body right.

I believe the body is a temple.  It is the only tool we have to live our life to the fullest.  It is a biological masterpiece that deserves the same luxury treatment you give your car, or your pet, or whatever other indulgence that takes precedence.  It doesn’t have to be hard, we all have busy lives…but it does have to be a priority.