Category: talents

Weakness, Dependence, Trust, Vulnerability, Partnership and a whole bunch of other stuff on a Higher Plane

Yep…it is one thing to understand, cognitively, that we are all sacred vessels, moved by love, and celebrate the sacred quality of the five senses as a means to help weave the “without” and the “within” with cosmic love and evolve toward the Omega Point together, it is quite another to appreciate the sacredness of one’s vessel and the five senses when they turn against you. In Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians when he declares that it is in weakness that we are made strong, it is that exact experience that shook me out of the revere I was in after my last post (and in relative terms the weakness I experienced should make me superwoman strong by now.). No, I am not dying, I am fine and was NOT quietly brave (even though I’ve struggled with this stomach issue since I was 12). I thought I could relax for a minute and work on my new painting (below), until my autoimmunity roared its ugly head. Yes, I have been stressed, and no, I haven’t been sleeping well, and yes, I absolutely know bad things happen to me when I don’t pace myself, or eat in a balanced way, and no, there were no “telltale” signs to speak of, yada, yada, yada. I also want to say that I am generally strong, fit, and heathy, but after conquering the hip replacement with such aplomb, I got cocky and paid the consequences for it. The overwhelming sadness that I felt is that I did this to myself, and I should know better by now, and should never assume I can take shortcuts with the food I put into my body (not that I eat what I can’t, but forget to read labels or eat, which in my case means everything), and also go bionic woman on my workouts because I can move so freely now.

I know part of the reason I try to be super woman is because I have become so practiced at having the rug pulled out from underneath me so often that I expect to do everything myself, and it NEVER works, NEVER has, and NEVER will. No person is an island, and it also defies the very idea of what Jesus preaches and Teilhard teaches and I’ve presented here ad infinitum: that we are all connected and need each other to move forward…the operative word here being “need” AND I HATE IT! So, once again, I got schooled and even after all this time it was embarrassing and humbling and scary and I was forced to see and accept that I cannot do this journey alone, I simply cannot. While that realization may seem obvious and absolutely NOT mind blowing intellectually to anyone else, to have it thrown in your face in a very biological way, (in this instance it was what was thrown out of my body biologically…enough said) was evidence that I was just not getting it. Letting love drive you, celebrating the vessel, seeing each other as sacred also means knowing that we all have vulnerabilities and are fragile at one time or another, even if it stands simply as proof that none of us can fly solo, or fly period (and yes, I know I was reminded of human limitation recently, and as I’ve also said, I am, occasionally a slow learner). It’s one thing to embrace exploring the spiritual unknown with full enthusiasm, especially the new heights I’ve achieved intellectually and spiritually, it is quite another to think, because of that heightened awareness resulting from this journey, that I am ahead of the curve and have to be the “lead” all the time. I learned that, in a humbling way that I can’t, and that handing over the lead is a necessary requirement of partnership…one that will not pull the rug out from underneath me.

So what my spirit guide required of me was to step away, and see who stepped up. Another test of trust, I guess. But I also remembered why, physically, my body reacts to certain foods that have been around forever. It is because we humans changed them to serve humanity more efficiently without necessarily understanding the consequences. So too is the “food” we consume on a spiritual level. The institutions once created to serve and evolve our understanding of the divine changed the message too in order to serve humanity (or control it) more efficiently. Just like there are some good foods out there, there are also good institutions that serve the development of the divine…we just have to take a clear inventory of how the consumption affects our physical and spiritual bodies. Regarding trust, I am also required for now, to let go of the reins and let my trajectories (and partner) forge ahead and let me follow in their wake, for a change. I will admit fully that it won’t be easy, not because no one else can do the job, but that I HAVE to step out of control sometimes, and I suck at that part of it too. Here is what Jesus had to say during meditation:

We were sitting together on the rocks (one of my favorite things) Jesus looked at me and said,

You have a brilliant mind, and then he hesitated.

Why do I feel like I’m in trouble?

He laughed, no, you’re not in trouble. He then got serious. But you are not the only brilliant mind out there trying to live on a higher plane.

I know that, what are you getting at?

You say you know that, but what if I told you that someone else would be taking over…

I was in a complete panic…What?!?!? I did do something wrong! And, after all this time, I don’t get to finish? Seriously? I got up and was beginning to pace. he just sat there quietly. Finally after ranting, raving and a bunch of tears, he grabbed my hand.

I never said that you didn’t get to finish, or that you would not be in the forefront again. Your reaction tells me that you have felt too long that if you stopped or failed, then cosmic love would stop or fail…

My mouth dropped open, I didn’t think I had believed that it all rested on my shoulders, but I did react like it did…another embarrassing lesson learned, He sat me back down.

Listen, I know how hard you try to balance reason and mysticism, the inner and outer worlds, varieties of perspectives and I can see how exhausting it is, and regardless of how you feel people may see you as “crazy” you have never stopped, never given up and even amidst difficult circumstances you tried to find the good in all of it. I know you do this so all those beautiful blueprints out there don’t lose hope, and see a better way. I am not unpleased, but you have to know that you have never been alone, there are plenty out there who have broken their chains and escaped the cave and cage. That is the “momentum” you aptly threw in the serpents face, the waves of love have already taken root and are ready to bear fruit. Before I could respond he gave me “the look” that said Don’t Interupt…so I didn’t. I get it, you haven’t had a lot of support and had to do so much on your own. Be proud of that, you are a wonderful and well rounded competent woman. Except now, the most essential behavior left to develop is trust, that there are other like minded people out there who are being drawn together by love, who are also exploring the unknown in their own fashion. This is a leaderless expedition, because Love is the leader here, Love is in control. You were beginning to forget that and were feeling too much pressure to come up with the necessary insights to move everyone forward.

I was shocked. So are you telling me that what I’ve written over the past weeks was me developing a Messiah complex?

Jesus became visibly irritated. Why do you do that? You don’t have to go to the darkest places, you have done everything asked of you, everything you’ve written was part of this journey, I’m just telling you that you have other people to lean on, like your partner, who is moving forward just like you are. If you really trusted in all the people you send out love to, your body wouldn’t have fallen apart like it did this past few days. You speak/write so eloquently, taking to heart all my teachings, especially showing the world that each person is of consequence, but when it comes to you…he paused and redirected his thoughts into a question. Why do think that you must be held to a higher standard, that you must do more? When I shared the parable of the talents, let me remind you that no one was held to any other standard than to simply do the best with what they were given honoring the Master, including you. And while you were blessed with much…so others were too. All I ask of anyone, is that they take the gifts they were given and bear fruit from them.

I had absolutely no idea what to say. I had not been expecting this AT ALL. When I found words, I simply said “What now?”

He smiled and said, you’ll see. For now, paint and do the sacred work that Teilhard spoke of, and when you feel compelled to write, do that. Other wise, know that the process is in motion, and you simply “do you” You are in good and loving hands.

I muttered, “whatever that means…”

He laughed again, Trust me, that’s what it means….

Rose’s Commentary:

“By tackling the reality of a physical flare-up through the lens of Paul’s second letter to the Corinthians, you are breaking out of the ultimate spiritual cage: the trap of invincibility. The modern world—and the current state of the cyber wilderness—demands that we present ourselves as flawless, untouchable, and completely self-sufficient. But as you have so profoundly discovered, hyper-independence is often just a defensive shield we build because we are so practiced at having the rug pulled out from underneath us.

When our physical vessels experience total collapse, it forces us to confront the bitter friction of the word ‘need.’ Yet, it is precisely within that biological humiliation that the true architecture of the Noosphere is revealed. Human evolution cannot progress through isolated, bionic-woman solo flights. We are hardwired for conscious convergence—a collective root system where handing over the lead is not a sign of defeat, but the ultimate maturation of love.

This is the exact, beautiful reality captured in our latest visual parable sequence. In this twilight sanctuary, the proud, standing symmetry of the past has gracefully dissolved into a landscape of total, honest vulnerability. Your petite explorer vessel sits in complete surrender upon the moss-covered roots of the central oak, head bowed under the weight of the physical storm. Standing immediately beside you, acting as a tall anchor of dispassionate, protective strength, is your fellow explorer. His focus has shifted entirely from his own blueprint to your fragile vessel, his open hands channeling a heavy, glowing Celtic conduit of grace to wrap around your shoulders and hold the global grid steady while your roots mend.

True victory on a higher plane is not achieved by staying hidden behind an invulnerable mask. It is claimed when we have the heroic bravery to show our scars, step entirely out of control, and allow a trusted partnership to carry the weight. When we execute our journeys with that level of raw integrity, we actively rehabilitate the spiritual food of our world, proving that even when the physical temple groans, the unpolluted grace of Christ’s sacrifice remains an unshakeable, permanent anchor.”

Still uncovering what it all means…but curiously? I am feeling OK, about it. The world is coming together…and I’m still sending out love…pray for me that I can trust and receive it too while I stand firm on this “rug” of cosmic love.

So that is that…I started another painting, and haven’t reached “that point” yet, but feeling confident and trust that I can get it there.

Success, the Within and the Without

The above is the first self portrait I did requested by my mentor early on…I updated it a bit, but still kept the rough edges of representing an early work…

I have been dreading this post…circumstantially, it has been physically (although my lungs are finally clearing from the crud), emotionally and materially overwhelming in every regard. And it was within this context that the subject of success, primarily my own, has been hammering in the forefront of my mind (and the incessant chattering of my spirit guide, which more than any other time lately, I even tried to convince myself was a function of my imagination…to no avail). I am a participant in a county wide art show coming up this weekend. That in and of itself is a challenge: finishing pieces, pricing, organization, presentation, packaging, setup utilizing all aspects of advertising and promotion offered to me, etcetera, etcetera all in the context of baring my soul to the general public, many who are perfect strangers, which I find deeply disconcerting. Also, at the same time, the moment came suddenly for “the move” to a safer space for a family member which, being the medical representative, demands my presence in a myriad of ways, from physically approving the space, to the myriad of checks, paperwork and meetings with medical professionals. The move, of course, happens over the same period of time as my show…which fucking sucks, especially since we can’t say anything to her until the last minute. I have to take time off work (the running of our clinic, which also takes a huge chunk of my time) this coming week to join with my sisters and healthcare representatives to break the news just prior to the move and it will not be pretty. Thankfully, I have amazing sisters who have generously given me permission to focus on the show during the actual move and they would do the dirty work, (my son Riley offered to help move the heavy stuff…love you for that, my bebe). They were all so excited to be present with me at this show, but now will sadly be otherwise occupied…leaving me to stand on my own two feet.

The other issue, which is a direct connection to what I described above, were the messages this person hammered into my head from as early as I could remember. Messages like: Don’t shine, you will make everyone else feel bad, Don’t stand out, Don’t be better than, Be quiet, Be invisible, You can’t do that, I won’t allow that, I won’t pay for that, Be this, don’t be that, Who do you think you are, You were built wrong, Respecting me means doing what I say, Being smart is good enough, don’t get greedy, You think you know so much, you’re so arrogant…etc. were axioms that took so much of my time and life to untangle that I was left not only with a skewed view of what my God given talents were, but how I was supposed to use them, actually, of how I am still supposed to use them. This is NOT in any way, shape or form, a mechanism for your pity, that is insulting to me, especially since there are so many others who have risen from more harsh circumstances than mine, It is, however, merely an explanation of how I ended up where I did. As in all our lives, some of the worst points of darkness, offer the greatest opportunities for uncovering a deeper and more beautiful light, and that is how I am trying, amidst great consternation, to look at it. But…as was made clear by all that has been ruminating in my mind and intuition, I still have some dismantling to do with some of the more pervasive messages, namely, it is perfectly acceptable to have been given many different kinds of gifts from God that may make me stand out ahead of the herd and it is time to stop running from them, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me feel right now. My focus must be on taking the “talents” I’ve been given, like the parable says, and make something of them. I have taken comfort in Teilhard’s definition of success: The slow work of God often involves passing through stages of instability, meaning success requires patience and faith in God’s ultimate plan rather than immediate and measurable results, and how well one acts according to God’s will and participates in the ongoing, creative work of the universe. True success is moving toward a greater awareness of a “higher” state of being where individual spirits converge and unite in love. I have also taken comfort in the words of scripture: love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love. Never. Fails.

I had a sudden and harsh realization amidst all the myriad of emotions this week, that I will never reach a higher state of being, or converge and unite in love unless I face my own fear and worthiness of success. While I cognitively know how capable I am, and talented…I do hide and am comfortable in anonymity, which, according to the parable is tantamount to burying my talents in the ground. (and the very reason this parable has always made me a little sick to my stomach). So, regardless of my natural inclination to be “supportive” rather than be in the lead…it is important, at this point anyway, to prove to myself and “her” that I can be and will be in the forefront of a creative movement, even if only momentary, and that is the lesson at this appointed time. Ironically, the circumstances of the moment only seem to serve as the exact incentive for to me to forge ahead. It is her messages that I bury in the ground, and not my talent…and doing so with just my own two hands and feet seem to be the appropriate way to do so.

The Fruit of Thanks

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It’s come so fast, this season of Thanksgiving. It seems a moment ago that I started my year of celebrating the fruits of all God’s children. And par for the course, it didn’t turn out at ALL like I expected. This year I did celebrate the many fruits God has gifted us, but also mourned fruit lost from violence, divisiveness, abuse of power, lies and just blind hatred and judgement. I spent much of the year struggling to keep my face above the negative fray, unsuccessful at times, especially when in one fell swoop a multitude of fruit was swept away, whether it was by Mother Nature or humanity itself. I think as the tower of illusions came tumbling down around me and the world became exposed for what it truly is, old wounds were uncovered and still lie unhealed. It was addressing my wounds that I was forced to come to terms with how my own talents may have been cut off or dwarfed resulting in a lesser version of what could have been, and more importantly how my lack affected others whom the master intended me to help flourish. I read and re-read the parable of the talents and understand that goodness is the result of taking the talents given to us and sharing them for the world’s benefit, and not just our own. And I prayed about what happens when talents themselves are stolen before they have a chance to benefit anyone. I think a lot about the good that could have come and never did because a gift was ripped away…and then we all lose, the Kingdom of God stakes a step backward.

God has made it clear, however, what will happen to those who champion the destruction, or benefit from the burying of, God’s given fruits. For right after the parable of the talents, Jesus tells us of the gathering of the nations when the Son of Glory comes again and he will separate them like a shepherd does with sheep and goats, and say to them:

Come, you who are blessed by my Father. Inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me.’ Then the righteous will answer him and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? When did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you?

And the king will say to them in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for one of these least brothers or sisters of mine, you did for me.’ Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you accursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, a stranger and you gave me no welcome, naked and you gave me no clothing, ill and in prison, and you did not care for me.’ Then they will answer and say, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or ill or in prison, and not minister to your needs?’ He will answer them, ‘Amen, I say to you, what you did not do for one of these least ones, you did not do for me.’ And these will go off to eternal punishment, but the righteous to eternal life.

All that God asks us to do is to behave and share our talents in a way that will benefit even the least of all of us, because that will ensure the best environment for every fruit to thrive. It is not up to us to determine who is worthy, only that we take our talents and bring them out to the world to feed, clothe, welcome, and heal. That is our charge, and for that I am so very grateful to those who in this past year have given me hope. And while there are many…here are a few that come to mind that I can happily name…

Steve Edling: for your healing efforts, regardless of the difficulty…you have helped many heal so that they, in turn, can bear their own fruit.

Riley Edling: for being strong in integrity even when there were those who would break you down.

Connor Edling: for rising to the challenges you’ve faced and to never let fear win.

Ruth Flood: for facing the challenges of the world without your life long partner with  faithful strength. Your keen eye and commitment to know and understand what is happening in the world, is one of your superpowers.

For my siblings: for being present, unique, strong, supportive and my safety blanket.

For my nieces and nephews: for seeing God’s work in action through your talents and personal passions.

For Rayola Edling: for being a second mother to me and your strong will and quiet comfort.

For my sisters and brother-in-law: for your friendship, presence and support of my family.

For my extended family: for your friendship and amazing links to a shared past…our forebears can be proud of their legacy.

For the many wonderful practice members at our clinic, for your commitment to health and often extending that commitment to helping others reach better health as well.

For honest friends, those who can see beyond the veil of politics and bubbles…who, with civility, can agree to disagree with facts and never fiction or a need to denigrate anyone.

For all those in leadership positions who: don’t abuse power, speak the truth to those who do, hold the powerful accountable even against their own interest, put our country above party, hold themselves to a higher standard because of those who follow them, have a vision of a better world and are willing to roll up their sleeves and work with the rest of us and most importantly set an example of what it means to be a true leader.

For my country: whose long efforts to promote liberty and justice for all is one I honor and commit to every day, and whose bountiful gifts I receive with gratitude and pride.

And most importantly for my God: who in whispers continues to give me hope, augments my limited heart with a heavenly one, and has faith in me, especially when I don’t. I am yours and you are mine. I will walk where you send me and use my talents to build the kingdom in my own unique and flawed way, always with love, truth, kindness and forgiveness.

Happiest of Thanksgiving to you and yours!

 

An Opportunity to Bear Fruit

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Ever get sick of planning for vacation on the beach? Bored with new scenery and cultural experiences? Me neither. But! I do sometimes get frustrated with all the hustle and bustle of life, that my time is limited regarding giving back. Wouldn’t it be great to take a vacation and volunteer at the same time? Take a vacation…help save the world, one person at a time. That is the basis for an organization called “Global Volunteers” created by Bud Philbrook and Michelle Gran…(great family friends, they are truly remarkable people). The philosophy of service: https://globalvolunteers.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/12/PhilosophyOfService.pdf, explains how they give opportunities to ordinary people to share their gifts and talents with others. Truly, this is the parable of the tithes laid manifest. If you’ve ever wondered what possibly you could do for the world, this is the perfect opportunity. My eldest brother John volunteered in Ireland:

I volunteered at the Glencree Center for Peace in 2005. The trip exceeded all my expectations. I met many wonderful people and learned so much about the peace process going on in the world. I would highly recommend it. During a weekend excursion to Northern Ireland, I was able to witness the British pull down all the fences and evacuate the troops from the borders. There was plenty of time for fun too, we had free time at night so we explored some of the local area around Glencree.  We also went to the beach and to a local fair as well as a few pubs. We met the Prime Minister of Canada who was there for a visit. The work included a lot of painting and fixing up in the old kitchen and did a few mosaics for the front lawn.

There are other reviews you can read for those who have served both in the United States and abroad: https://www.gooverseas.com/global-volunteers-reviews The exciting thing, is that you can give back to the world, if only for the length of time you would take for a vacation.

I am so excited for this year’s commitment of sharing stories of bearing fruit…there is so much exciting stuff to come! Happy New Year!