Tag: wielding love

The Nature of Omega

The above pictures are some pendants I just made for my show, that while making, I tried to express the sacred qualities of the beauty of nature in stones formed over millions of years with my personal expressions of love. Each piece is unique, I never replicate anything…people love that, and it is my hope that the hundreds of pieces I have out there are worn as a reflection of nature’s beauty. FYI, I never sell anything on line, (including my drawings/paintings) because, well for one I don’t want to, and second, because I think I need to make a connection with the actual person that is buying it. I know its a terrible business model, but it is what I feel driven to do.

So lets jump right in. As I alluded to in the last post, The Omega Point, or destination of evolution (scripture calls it the Kingdom of Heaven) is present and within us right now, and not just a future concept or goal. Teilhard, like the laws of evolution, ascribe four attributes to this unified concept of the universe as such:

  1. It is autonomous, the Omega (which is synonymous with God/love and from now on I will be referring as “Love”) that was there from the beginning and acts as a pole drawing evolution upward, outside of time and space.
  2. Love is actual, conscious and intellectual and not an abstract, representing supreme personalization whose function is to maintain the unanimity of all human beings (blueprints).
  3. Love is irreversible. Its emergence in the course of evolution can only occur through successive stages and is independent on what proceeds it. It is “the soul” of all creation.
  4. Love is transcendent. While it is the first product of its own evolution, it is at the same time outside of all evolution or space time. It is insufficient to say that it emerged from the rise of consciousness, it was the source and incorruptible energy that drove it.

The framework of these four attributes mirror the teaching’s of Christ about the nature of God. There is a place that Teilhard does diverge from traditional teachings in the epistles, about not being “of” the world. It Teilhard’s view there are no “religious acts” and “secular acts”. He even goes so far as to intimate that is a dangerous perspective. Since all of our evolution, to this point, is rooted in the world we must strive for detachment with a striving for development, i.e. when you act, you do so not for public acclaim, but for God: Matthew 6:1-13, where he ends with the only prayer we need, which is the Lord’s prayer:


(But) take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father. When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your almsgiving may be secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. In praying, do not babble like the pagans, who think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them. Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

This is how you are to pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven. Give us today our daily bread; and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors; and do not subject us to the final test, but deliver us from the evil one.

If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions. When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites. They neglect their appearance, so that they may appear to others to be fasting. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden. And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you .Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be. The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be. No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

Jesus taught us that actions have no value except in the intentions that motivate them. All work, all striving rooted in love cooperates to complete the world in the sanctifying grace of Jesus Christ. I learned this lesson when I was at the Benedictine monastery in the desert. St Benedict taught that work, labor, is an extension of prayer, an encounter with God, a way to build community (the body) and a means to contribute to society (with our own special gifts/blueprint). Teilhard uses this syllogism and explanation of work:

All work, all striving, cooperates to complete the world in Jesus Christ (Love). At the heart of the universe every soul exists for God, but all reality exists for our souls, therefore, all reality exists through our souls for God (Love). Love’s creation, after all was not completed long ago, it is a continuing process and we, humanity, serve to complete it by what we do and how we do it. It is no less than bringing Christ to fulfillment. In action we cleave to Love’s creative power, we coincide with it and prolong it. There is a specifically God like perfection to human endeavor. We cripple our lives if we see work as only an encumbrance. Because of the incarnation of Christ anything on this earth is profound for those who see it properly.

I know this post is heady, and I worry that people will grow bored with my theme this year, but living on a higher plane demands that we understand how to wield love, and bring the divine to life in all we do…even in the simplest of activities. To understand that whether we are a laborer, doctor, artist or whatever we feel called to do will offer us all opportunities to evolve us forward by “how” we perform our daily actions is truly the key. To become aware that how we wield love in relationships from lovers, friends, to communities and countries is what will strengthen the bonds that hold us together and move us into the future is our true power. If I’m being honest, it has been a particularly difficult time for me in this regard. Life feels immeasurably burdensome this week from being sick, to a broken connection, to crisis management at almost every turn in one of the busiest times in my life…it has not been easy to respond to these circumstances bombarding me with the love I seem to so casually preach about above…such is the nature of learning how to live on a higher plane, and how I am personally being held to account (you know the whole never wanting to become an asshole thing). Pray for me, I definitely need it. Its also apropos to what comes next…how to turn evil to good on a higher plane.

The Omega Point and the Theory of Everything

I begin with a piece of jewelry I created for my upcoming show the first weekend in May. I love this piece of ocean jasper, because I see a person wandering forward in a field of flowers…nature is truly amazing. The following post touches on theoretical ideas, so I thought I would begin with the picture above showing you a bit of nature’s magic…so lets jump right in….

According to Wikipedia, a theory of everything (TOE) is an overarching hypothetical coherent theoretical framework of physics that contains all physical principles. The scope of the concept of a “theory of everything” varies. The original technical concept referred to unification of the four fundamental interactions, or forces of nature: electromagnetism, strong and weak nuclear forces and gravity. While yet unproved, it is the subject of many scientists to find one single equation that explains the physics of the universe. But just because it hasn’t been proven yet, simply means, in my mind anyway, that we are not at that point of evolution, or have all the necessary information yet. Albert Einstein learned a painful lesson when he dropped a constant to his equations to ensure a static universe after the expansion of the universe was proven, because modern physics now uses that very concept to explain dark energy. My point here, and you should all breath a sigh of relief, is not to try to go into a physics lesson, but more as a gentle reminder to remain open to where evolution is moving us, embracing that while it may not make sense yet, faith and new information will keep moving us out of “intuited” ideas, into principles that become rooted in reality and giving us the necessary hindsight to keep moving into the unknown.

From the perspective of theology, however, and from my standpoint specifically, we are stuck in the same old, same old, and refuse to look at love as the internal reflection/workings of those same natural powers science is trying so hard to understand and unify. From a theological standpoint, we are obligated to work to see and hear how the “within” of this power (love) continues to express new facets of itself giving us not only a greater understanding of its nature, but leaves us better equipped as to how to wield it. Instead, many religious institutions hammer their faithful with rote recitations of scripture and their literal and uniform interpretations on how “to be” in the world we are living in that deny the very essence of its message. Memorizing scripture and its regurgitation to ‘the faithful’ without the substance and the power of love propelling one to put those words into action is what has made much of the Christian faith, in my humble opinion, as Paul says, a resounding gong, or clanging symbol. It is simply noise with no benefit to anyone except to give them the belief that somehow “following the rules” and the uniformity it demands, they remain in an elite club with a free pass to heaven in the end. Like Physicists working to understand the power that holds this world together, I, along with others, want to understand the “within” of this power, because as the gift of reflective thought has made clear, we are acting in concert with this power as cocreators of our future and are responsible for how it propels us forward toward a final goal, one which Teilhard called “the Omega Point”.

There is a distinct difference in our journey of evolution from all other linear journeys that move through time. All the power necessary to move in the right direction is already present here amidst and amongst us even if we are not completely aware of or can see or hear it fully yet. We, the human element, are the change agent so as we evolve and begin to see and hear with greater depth and understanding, we will also have greater access to this power, called love, which will be as tantamount a discovery as fire was to early humans. And this understanding can’t be rushed; (as Jesus says, neither the angels of heaven or the Son, only the Father in Heaven knows the timing of all of this movement forward) we must have faith in the whispering of the music in our souls that moves us to connect with, by following the blueprint Jesus laid out so carefully for us, others who, like parts of a body, make us so much more than we are alone. It’s important to remember that a heart, while beautiful in its own right, only has function and purpose when connected to other unique parts that comprise a body. We don’t cease to become any less individual, but become demonstrably so much more. That statement helps me understand Jesus words when he said: “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Understanding what I do now about God, and love…that means to truly “become” myself, I have to let go of control and let Love control, pulling me into the kinds of connections that will not only sustain me but fulfill my purpose…which I fully admit, even after all this time, I am still just a neophyte, and seem to mess up daily. The good news is that in every failure (and successes, I’m not completely inept), I see and hear the power of love in greater depth and how it augments my human limitations with the heavenly kind. Teilhard explains the deep discovery of self through love like this:

It is through love and within love that we must search for our deepest self, in the life-giving “coming together” of humankind. Love is the free and imaginative outflowing of the spirit over all unexplored paths. It links those who love in bonds that unite, but do not destroy, causing them to discover in their mutual contact an exaltation capable of stirring in the very core of their being all that they possess of uniqueness and creative power. Love alone can unite living beings so as to complete and fulfill them…for it alone joins them by which is deepest in themselves. If love accomplishes on a small scale, in a couple or in the team, the magic feat of a ‘personalizing’ unity, why shouldn’t it repeat this some day on a world wide scale? All we need is to imagine our ability to love developing until it embraces the totality of people on the earth. We usually seem to think that, with the love of a spouse, children, friends or country, a person has exhausted all natural forms of love. Yet, the most basic form of passion has been omitted from this list: ‘cosmic love’. Not only is a universal love psychologically possible, it constitutes the only complete and final way in which we are capable of loving.

To do this, Teilhard tells us we were never meant to do this alone, and reminds us of the first great commandment, that you must love the Lord, your God with all your heart and with all your soul, followed by the second which is to love your neighbor as yourself. The only way for cosmic love to happen, for this deep kind of love to be possible is that it must be co-existent with us right now. If love, or as Teilhard calls it in the context of our evolution, “Omega” were only an ideal or potential, which is to emerge only in a remote future, how could it possibly have any real effect on us today? A present and real super consciousness must have a present and real center. Like physicists who poster ideas we can’t presently prove mathematically, yet, to work toward future proof, so too must we poster ideas about love and move into them with the faith that, based on Jesus’ blueprint. that we are moving in the right direction.

Next time we will talk about the nature of Omega, to which Teilhard says has four attributes rooted in what Jesus laid our for us.

Building on the Richness in my Head

Holy Thursday, the first day in the Christian triduum, which represents Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday, is the most difficult for me. The last supper occurs on that day, as well as Jesus visit to the Garden of Gethsemane where he asks his fellow disciples to stay awake with him as he prepares for his coming sacrifice…in which they all fall asleep, leaving him alone in his fear and despair. I’ve written about this before: https://maryfrancesflood.com/2013/03/30/agony/ Ironically, it was when I finally fell asleep last night after hours of trying to do so that I finally received some comfort and insight.

I was in the garden…after the fact. At first, I sat quietly and waited, and finally he came in his risen form and I tried to breathe amidst the turmoil of the moment. He reached over and took my hand in his and with the other gently turned my face toward his and looked into my eyes and said: “Tell me.”

“Remember when that priest told me the movie in my head was much better than the real thing, and that I was setting myself up for disappointment? In this moment, more than ever, I feel like he may have been right. I am finding that trying to bring the richness of what is in my mind and make tangible in the world feels impeded or blocked at every turn. I so want to honor the choice you made…” The tears began to flow, “that you bore the weight of my sin, of our sins.” He rubbed his thumb over my hand and waited for me to continue. “Sitting here, is where you chose to sacrifice yourself so that people like me would have unlimited access to the power of love to wield in the world. I have spent my lifetime trying to figure out how to do that and looking around, I’m not too sure I am any better at it than I was when I started.” He looked at me with brow furrowed and sighed deeply.

“Stop trying to be perfect, you are not me!” And he put his hand up by my mouth before I could interrupt him. “I never expected you to love perfectly, or follow exactly in my footsteps. This”, pointing to the garden “was my journey, my choice, my sacrifice. I embraced it in the beginning. I knew everything that was coming, and even though I became human, and I was afraid, your beautiful face and the faces of so many other beautiful blueprints were my inspiration in that moment to say yes, to what was required of me. You, Mary Frances and others like you gave me hope that it would be all worth while. Your love and light inspired me in the darkest moment of my journey to drink from my Father’s cup. Love saved us all in that moment…and I want you to look into my eyes and let that sink in. Your journey is unique to you alone, with all you need to succeed already given to you and I am perfectly happy with your progress thus far. But I sense the depth of your sadness…so talk to me.”

“But what of those who you love, but don’t love you back? I don’t want to be a resounding gong or a clanging symbol like Paul talked about. I have forgiven and tried to appreciate all the good things I’ve been given and I’ve tried hard to love according to Scripture’s definition, promising to be unequivocal, but when I expect the same in return,…” Crest fallen, I started to fall apart, a bit, and in an incredible intimate gesture, Jesus pulled me on his lap and held me tight.

“You can’t make someone love you, if they don’t (like the song you love says)…but what you need to know is that how she decided to live with, or bury her gifts is her decision alone. I saw how hard you worked to be a good daughter. And now, I know signing that paper placing her where she is safe, is an act of love, on your part, and on your siblings part and not a betrayal. Sometimes wielding love is painful.” He turned my face toward his. “But that isn’t everything, is it?”

I sighed deeply and shook my head in the negative. “No. but compared to your sacrifice, it seems almost insipid to bring it up.”

“Love in any expression is never insipid. I would have thought you would know that by now.” He took a deep breath and continued, “All I have ever asked of you, of all of you, is believe that I am the way, the truth and the life and that none of you come to God, to love except through me…” he paused, looked at me and smirked “and I can already see the wheels turning in your head, so when I say ‘through me’ you know I mean by how you love one another, as I have taught you, so trust the plan I have for you and utilize all the gifts you’ve been given to shine your light in the darkness and you will move mountains. And believe me when I say all who seek me will find me. We are tethered together, you and I, and you need to trust that my grace is sufficient, and trust those whom I have placed with you on your journey. You are never alone. Simply concentrate on utilizing your gifts to bear good fruit in the world, and your song of love will shape the future.” He looked deep into my eyes, and said: “I know all the prayers you asked for, in goodness, not only for yourself but for others, and I always keep my promises. Remember, Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…Ever” He kissed my on the forehead and I woke up to a new day,

I hope my dream can inspire you. Have a Blessed Easter…and never give up on the movie in your head.

Perception and Reality

The above picture is a contemplative monastery, Christ in the Desert, that I stayed at while in college trying to figure out, as I wrote in my journal, “this whole faith thing”. As you can see, I’m still trying to figure it out.

Lately, I’ve been dealing with the very difficult and problematic task of how to handle a loved one and her increasing descent into dementia from Alzheimer’s disease. My sister and I are her medical/legal guardians and it is up to us to decide how to move forward, however challenging that may be. However, I had a curious thought during all our interactions over the past months that seems apropos to what I am doing here…and it was how adamant and confident she had become in her delusions, many dangerous to her well being…which I won’t go into, but it begged the question: how are the delusions she moves in any different than someone like me, or Teilhard, or Scientists or Mystics who from an intuitive place put faith in a future potential of/in something yet unknown or not physically obvious at our present point of evolution in this world? For one thing, having it come to fruition at a later date in time…from both the perspective of the “without” and the “within” is essential in continuing to invest in those kinds of intuitions that keep pushing our understanding of reality, but from whom or where does that intuition come? From my family member’s perspective, she believes she is the “chosen one” (and because she has fallen prey to a foreign money scam that preys on vulnerable people…which we have in hand). What of the rest of us?

When I speak for myself, regarding things I can’t explain, like the fact that I have a firm belief that God has spoken to me auditorily…how is it that I continue to move forward in my faith journey that is rooted in something that could easily be tossed aside as delusional so confidently? Where is the proof? First and foremost, I challenge myself on this notion pretty much all the time to keep me grounded in how I move forward. I also am aware, however, that I am not alone when I state that there are plenty of others who stake their lives on things beyond their present understanding that they believe move our evolution forward. Throughout my lifetime, many individuals who have crossed my path were shown, by experience, to be predators and charlatans preaching a bunch of malarky to buy into something for the sake their own enrichment (i.e. snake oil salesmen). Especially in the present environment, I am astonished at how many people root their belief in things that are patently untrue, and easily fact checked. I don’t want to ever fall into that trap or lead anyone astray, which is why, for the most part, I throw all this stuff out into cyberspace with no conditions whatsoever except to say it is my hope that it can in some way give people hope in their own potential to make a difference in the world and shine a little light. I am also aware that having a stake in future possibilities cannot be rooted in just a single or few minds or disciplines, which is why I have tried to broaden my perspective to see things from the angle of multiple disciplines. And in doing so, I see so many similarities in their expressions in the physical world (like a similar musical theme, to use my favorite metaphor). From Teilhard’s idea of the Noosphere shaping into the blanket of reflective thought we know as the internet, to Scientists identifying and understanding different natural forces, only to have that insight become even more altered as time and understanding and science continues to develop, to Artists who express an intuitive golden proportion that is pleasing to the eye, all the way down to my little, small and fallible voice who believes in an omnipotent God who loves me deeply enough to answer all my prayers asked in goodness and also guides me and helps me exist with others on a higher plane (and as I explained to another…when our lives have transformed so much how can we believe that we made all this shit up?). Obviously, my starting point is the fact that I don’t have Alzheimer’s disease (regardless of how others may see me, I am definitely of sound mind). Secondly, I always go back to that point on the mountain where God claimed my attention and acceptance, and where my real faith journey began (and has been validated immeasurably over the years,) and it wasn’t through adulation, but through all the hard lessons (of which I wear my scars proudly), along with the successes I’ve achieved through facing all challenges that were presented to me, and yes, here I go again, often through dreams and the direction of my spirit guide, and amazing people I’ve met along the way. Thirdly, continuing to challenge and reinvent my faith according to the wise instruction of my father who taught me that faith unchallenged is dead. And lastly, the cumulative efforts of those people throughout my life via education, travel, adventures, jobs, etc., that have resulted in hindsight giving me an even deeper and stronger faith in love guiding the world. Through them I continue learn how how to wield love’s power in all its expressions to help other’s share their blueprints and light to build up the Body of Christ, and also give me the love, strength and intuition/foresight to continue to move into the unknown. Here are two quotes by Teilhard, that explains my position:

Though frightened for a moment by evolution, the Christian now perceives that what evolution offers us is nothing but a magnificent means of feeling more ‘at one’ with God and of giving oneself more to God, the whole. To be able to say literally to God that I love you, not only with all my body, all my heart, and all my soul but with every fiber of the unifying universe…is a prayer that can only be made in space-time.

Someday, after mastering the the winds, the waves, the tides, and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, humanity will have discovered fire.

Both quantum physics and Christian theology teach us that the relationship of one thing to another is what creates reality, AND that the sum is greater than the individual part…remember according to quantum theorists, the observer is essential in determining reality, and that the apostle Paul described us all as one body, but with many members, all different but essential for the body to function. I am adamant in the belief that however I express/wield love as an observer is essential to building this future potential, and I really don’t give a a whoop if no one else thinks so. As I’ve said before, I am the cumulative result of a lifetime of experiences and evolution that gives me the unmitigated gall to declare that I am, (of course along with unnumerable others) a maker of our future potential (the power of a mustard seed or impact of a butterflies wings). Importantly, relationships are not objects, they are experienced (which is why I love the quote from “The Little Prince” which says that it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye). The invisible part, or the part that is beyond the four dimensions (height, width, length and time) that humans are presently defined by is the issue that I’ve been focused on this week, and also propels me to continue on this unknown road, delusional or not. Why? because it all makes sense to me, after balancing so many different perspectives…there is proof that I am on the right road, that my foundations are on solid ground and not some madness I’ve embraced to face an illogical and increasingly troubled world. We have had our future success laid out on a silver platter by an omnipotent and loving God, we only need to keep walking forward, rooted in those axioms left to us by the Savior of the World.

As a final caveat for this post, that I will build on for next time, let me share how science has moved from an intuited position to one that became, with new measurement and understanding, the new norm. Originally, it was understood that there were four different fundamental forces of nature (the without): gravity, electromagnetism (responsible for the structure of atoms and molecules) , nuclear weak force (causes beta decay, where a neutron changes into a proton crucial for nuclear reactions in the sun and radiocarbon dating), and nuclear strong force (responsible for holding the nucleus of an atom together). Over time, physicists combined the electromagnetic force with the nuclear weak force. Now, through theories based on supersymmetry (interestingly represented by the circle) they are working to unite additionally, the strong nuclear force leaving only two forces of nature. Now I do know how to count…but now, what scientists hope to prove is that there really is ultimately only one force…or so called The Grand Unified Theories (known as GUTS). Interestingly, the GUTS theory works out mathematically if you add an additional dimension or force…which perhaps humans, who are presently limited to four dimensions (within) haven’t developed enough to comprehend completely, the fifth…which for all intents and purposes is Love…the most powerful source of all. Keep tuned.

Anger and Life on a Higher Plane

I spent the afternoon working on a drawing in the next in a series of epiphanies and a sketch of a new painting…and thinking about what was next on living on a higher plane when I had my own epiphany. I am angry at what is happening in our country right now, in the state of Minnesota where I grew up and spent half my life.

I know many people are angry, and I won’t limit the anger to just what is happening in America, any kind of injustice affects us all, regardless of where we are on this beautiful globe because we are all connected in some way, shape, or form. So, it is my stance that everything that happens sends ripples outward to the rest of the world, and I would like an opportunity to intensify the energy of all the righteous anger out there by pleading to everyone that it be rooted in love. And the power of that love can move mountains. Let me say first that it is a fallacy to believe that there is no room for anger when wielding love and existing on a higher plane. Jesus was angry plenty of times, but he was always motivated by love, like when he turned out the money lenders at the temple because they were denigrating the sacred, or when he rebuked the disciples who tried to turn away the children brought to him saying that the Kingdom of Heaven belonged to the likes of them, or when the church hierarchy showed no compassion or love to a man with a withered hand, and most importantly, how he rebuked the Scribes and Pharisees for the depth of their hypocrisy. I also believe that he would be just as angry at what is happening in Minnesota with two unjustified killings, and the complete disregard for the rule of law and compassion for those immigrants, many of which were detained in violation of the law and were shown absolutely no mercy like the Savior commands of us as followers. I say these things dispassionately because I did do my research, and I do know the law, and you would have to be willfully ignorant of the most basic foundational principles and axioms of our Constitution, or blindly and ridiculously naïve, or are simply so tied to a particular bias that you refuse to believe what is right in front of your eyes. To believe the messages of this administration, in all the false representations they have been pedaling when there is definitive proof to the contrary, and are also asked to disregard what you can see with your very own eyes, means living and existing on a higher plane is just not for you. I don’t say this lightly…because to stand for what can only be called a master class in gaslighting and behavior that stands in direct opposition of the most basic tenets of our Christian faith, hell against the most basic tenets of how we are expected, as civilized people of this great country, to comport themselves mean that you have chosen fear over love and lies over truth and will have to live by the consequences of that choice.

So be angry and act on it…but let me be clear, the source by which those actions are fueled means everything. Any action forward must be powered by the proper motivation: love and not fear. The goal must be positive and honestly address the problem of the moment which simply stated is defending and treating those who are seen as the least of us as if they were Christ, because all God’s people are of consequence, loving our neighbors as ourselves all while acting within the laws and tenets laid out in our Constitutional principles and laws that we all must abide by if we are to move forward together. We the people, are the core of this nation, not those who would place themselves above us by claiming positions of power and authority. The people of Minnesota have shown the rest of this country and the world how to channel righteous anger into powerful examples of efficacious love, by supplying food, gathering to watch over their neighbors, supporting affected local businesses, soliciting legal help, peaceful marches, prayers and vigils, and presence and protests in subzero weather, filming and keeping those in power accountable and standing for truth and justice against tyranny, and joining their voices together in large and small ways to challenge the assaults on personal freedoms protected by this great country that are not acceptable. Those who choose to live on a higher plane have to know that all real power does not come of this world or any political ideology, but from the God of love. Love is sovereign, not fear. Love is sovereign, not control. Love is sovereign, not forceful violence. Love is sovereign, not the dissemination of lies over truth.

In truth, I hated writing this post…but to remain silent would make me complicit in the destruction of so many essential connections and parts of the Body of Christ, and I can’t do that. Living on a higher plane demands actions that are in accordance to the power of love as scripture defines it:

Love is patient,

love is kind.

It is not jealous,

It is not pompous,

it is not inflated,

it is not rude,

it does not seek its own interests,

it is not quick-tempered,

it does not brood over injury,

it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

It bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things. 

Love never fails

Blessed are the Ties that Bind

To begin on a light note, there are about 50 turkeys that sleep up in the trees in our woods, and every morning I wake up to the noise, noise, noise, noise of their waking and coming down from their perches. In turkey speak its probably what I sound like before my morning coffee.

Per usual, when I said one of the foundational axioms of living on a higher plane is understanding that we are all connected, and that as wielders of love we are charged to strengthen the ties for the body of humanity to continue to evolve forward, that I would be presented with a challenge to practice what I preach. And while I have alluded to this connection before, I will say it is the most significant and yet also the most damaging connection of my entire life, and like a huge boulder put right smack dab in the middle of my path, dealing with it was the only option for me to move forward. After all the work I did last year recognizing weaknesses and facing fears and and in doing so how it strengthened my faith, I must take all these lessons and put into practice all the behaviors that are expected in living on a higher plane. Honestly, I knew this was coming, especially with this directive from my spirit guide, as the incarnation of the Savior:

“If you cannot respond in forgiveness to the most broken connection right in front of your nose, not only is it impossible to have the authority to speak on God’s behalf as a whisperer, you cannot even exist and move onto a higher plane. You have asked in the past: how are my followers demonstrably different from all others? Acting on the knowledge that all people are of consequence and are connected you must love them as if they are me, even those who have caused you pain. I have preached endlessly that you must being willing to forgive seven times seventy, to turn the other cheek, to love those who persecute you, to love your enemies, to forgive others as my Father forgives you, and pray for those who persecute you, then and only then and will the power the pain caused be released.”

I also know that reestablishing or mending a connection doesn’t require another’s compliance or acceptance of it simply because I cannot control anyone but myself, but it does demand actual interaction in some way, shape for form because wielding love is demonstrable, actionable and efficacious. The bottom line, for me, is that I have the power through the God of love to reestablish and mend connections through love and forgiveness when the situation presents itself, and present itself it did. Sparing the details, two songs came to mind as a result of my interactions (you know the whole trying to connect to the music of my soul thing): “I can’t make you love me if you don’t” by Bonnie Raitt, and “For Good” from the musical Wicked. The first song came to me after, from my vantage point anyway, mending/forgiving the connection…of course not in the romantic way the song intended, because she is family, but the sentiment is still there. There is absolutely nothing I can do to when someone is just not willing to see or understand the wounds they have created, and still holds onto the rigid conditional and demonstrably unloving behavior that they’ve maintained all along. Could and Should no longer enter into the equation and I had to embrace the sad truth that it would never be reciprocal, I can never force that to happen, and yet remarkably, even though it took a moment and some needed love from others, I felt a certain freedom by releasing the power that pain held in my life, and I was able to extend the loving behavior that was needed and necessary in the moment even when there were attempts at pushback and manipulation. The song “For Good” came to me afterwards amidst all the messy emotions, which I still hate, by the way, defining the true transformation of this experience. After I accepted the fact that my forgiveness was one way, I was able to see and understand that even amidst all the negatives I have focused on for so long, as the song says: “because I knew you, I have been changed for good.” Yeah, it made me cry…because I am a composite of her, the building blocks of my soul come from her, as well as all I learned along the way. I can see that now and I am grateful for it.

While I am aware that every situation is unique, and there is such a wide spectrum of weakened or broken connections out there that only we as individuals can set out to mend, some may not be so difficult, but procrastination and the kind of self talk that one can engage in thinking it doesn’t really matter, keep the forgiveness from happening or those who have experienced irreversible damage making forgiveness all the more difficult but absolutely necessary need to know that the whole idea of forgiveness is not to excuse bad behavior, but to free up whatever pain and fear linger as a result of said behavior. Jesus makes it crystal clear that forgiveness is a requirement to be a true follower, and essential in moving forward. Forgiveness heals the broken parts of the body of humanity, releasing the negative power that holds each one of us captive, darkening our view, and limiting our ability to love fully and unequivocally.

This lesson showed me that no one, not even the most powerful in our world can proclaim to be successful in wielding love, or expressing their blueprints to the fullest without, at minimum, addressing the most significant broken connections in their lives, whether shared with others or experienced individually. We all have to do the work, and the release of that negative power will allow the power of love to expand exponentially bringing us all to a higher plane.

Dimensionality, Horton and a Who

I often find it difficult to write about abstract ideas in a way that gives them a certain dimensionality so they become more real, more concrete, and also so people don’t look at me like I’m nuts. It’s why Jesus used parables to instruct us about God, his own ministry, and his purpose of reconciling God and humanity and connecting to a world, much of which at the time anyway, was beyond human comprehension. So, using the same kind of idea, I am appropriating, once again, a story that I think gives concrete dimensionality to what living on a higher plane looks and feels like from my perspective. “Horton Hears a Who” by Dr Suess is one of my favorite books from child hood and I have to thank my older brother for bringing it to mind one day when we were talking.

The gist of the story is this: Horton, a big elephant is relaxing in the water one day when a speck of dust floats by and Horton could swear he hears a noise coming from it. Because his ears are more sensitive than other animals, he thinks that maybe the noise was a cry for help. It turns out it was, a creature so small was calling from atop the speck of dust that he can barely hear him. Concerned that the speck of dust would float into the water and drown this small creature, Horton puts the speck of dust on a clover and delivers the most famous line of the book: “I’ll just have to save him. Because after all, a person’s a person, no matter how small.” Horton realizes that there is a whole other world living on that speck of dust, and the voice he was hearing belonged to the mayor of Whoville, an entire town of small creatures and right then and there commits to keeping them safe. Unfortunately, a kangaroo and her “joey” over hear and see Horton and mock him for conversing with a speck of dust and because of their small ears they can’t hear the little Who and decide that Horton can’t either. No amount of convincing by Horton in explaining how sensitive his ears are is enough to elicit trust from the kangaroos that he is, in fact, telling the truth. Soon the whole jungle hears about the speck of dust and there a many who try to take away the clover and one in particular, a nasty black bottom eagle, finally succeeds in grabbing the clover tosses it into a huge field of clovers. Horton spends night and day going through the whole field and finally, to the great happiness of the mayor of Whoville, gets reunited with Horton…only to be confiscated again by the largest Kangaroo and other jungle animals. They plan on boiling the speck of dust in oil, and in a last ditch panic, Horton implores the mayor of Whoville to have everyone yell at the same time, which they do. Surely everyone had to have heard the singular cry. But to no avail, they don’t. They overcome Horton and cage him. In a last desperate moment Horton implores the mayor to check and make sure everyone is doing their best. The mayor does one last search and sure enough, he finds his small son, JoJo, playing with a yoyo. He grabs him and brings him back to the top of the town, and with JoJo’s little “YOPP” as the final addition, the sound finally travels to all the other animals ears. Horton rejoices and says: “Their voices were heard! They rang out clear and clean. They’ve proved they ARE persons, no matter how small. And their whole world was saved by the smallest of ALL!”

I love this story. It gives credence and context to my journey, not because my story mirrors the Suess tale specifically, but in ways that challenge individual truths and perspectives to go beyond their direct experience and be open to embrace truths that are just beyond their present periphery. At times I have felt like all three major players in this story, Horton, for hearing a whispers that no one else can hear, the mayor for knowing we need help from a world beyond, and little JoJo who even in his smallness turns the tide to save their world. I have felt exhausted, in the past, knowing that many don’t believe or understand the whispers I hear, or in the cry to heaven that our world needs help and we can’t be saved on our own, and in finally in the belief that one small voice joining with all the others who demand to be heard can turn the tide. I don’t feel exhausted anymore, because my periphery has shifted, I know without a doubt that it is in loving unequivocally and the power and efficacious actions of love in all its expressions that strengthens the ties of God’s beautiful blueprints, and is the very source and breath of what living on a higher plane requires.

As I move forward, this little story gives me hope, and if you choose to read it, I hope it gives you hope too; a hope that we the many, both large and small, can join our voices together and with love as the source of our power cast out the the darkness that surrounds us, and shine a light toward a brighter future.

I’ll just have to save him. Because, after all,
A person’s a person, no matter how small.

To Infinity and Beyond

I found the picture from climbing Chichen Itza…and the view looking back down. It was exhilarating and scary at the same time, but the story didn’t end there. When we got to the top and just after I took this picture, Steve told me that I had to go down and get a helicopter to come up and pick him up, at first I laughed, but then realized he was dead serious. His face was completely white, and I suddenly knew he was not only afraid of heights, but also agoraphobic as well. I told him I wouldn’t leave without him, so either we died up there or we took our time getting back down together. It took me over an hour to talk him down backwards, which is quite a feat for someone who is 6 ft 4, and a size 14 shoe. I went down backwards first, right behind him, he knew if he fell or slipped I would go tumbling downward, and it kept him thinking with a level head, to move one small step at a time, until we reached solid ground.

The reason I brought up this story is not to disparage anyone because of their fears, I’ve talked about my own plenty, but more as a reminder that we all have them, regardless of how you look to the rest of the world, and most often they remain hidden. In the moment, though, when we act in a way that disregards, or is a denial that we have them, the end result is that the fear can and often does win. In my small and insignificant world, after the shooting by ICE in Minneapolis, where I spent much of my life, I too was paralyzed with the kind of fear that left me wondering if the darkness had finally won, that this journey of mine was nothing more than a fools errand, and that the little bit of light I brought to the game was nothing compared to the black whole of chaos that is beginning to swallow this country. The lies from those in power, come so frequently and blatantly that, from a leadership position, I began to wonder if it is just impossible to keep this ship afloat. And yet, I know, that throwing the lying, liars that lie overboard is not an option. Why? because according to everything I know about living on a higher plane, the foundational axiom is this: we are all connected. So every movement I make affects the whole, regardless of how small…even if it is just a whisper. Every choice made in fear, weakens and as in the case of Renee Macklin Good, destroys connections that are meant to move and evolve us forward.

It is that very concept, a reminder that we are all connected, that gave me the strength to continue on this journey, fools errand or not, and a very specific connection that talked me away from my fear, and that’s all I’ll say about that. All I know, in my lifetime, I have had plenty of opportunities to help people face their fears and move beyond them, and it is my prayer today that all those lights, blueprints or whatever you want to call them I feel connected to have someone, right now, who can do the same for them. We, those who choose love over fear, need each other right now. And while I love the amazing solidarity of people protesting the violence, I do caution that while doing so, we take the time necessary to face and acknowledge the fears we have right now, and enlist those we love to help overcome them. Fighting for justice and change is important, but reaching out and loving each other is just as important, because that love will define what the fight looks like.

And now the title I used for today’s post, yep, another appropriation…I think quoting Buzz Lightyear is perfect. He may have suffered an identity crisis after learning that he is just a toy, and not the hero that saves the universe, but when he finds his true purpose of being a loyal friend, and being loved and cherished for who and what he is, perhaps he really does…save the universe, I mean. And Buzz also reminds me that it only takes the faith of a mustard seed to move a mountain…

Higher Ground…and so We Begin

Van Cliburn – pianist 1960

I’ve spent the last few days in deep study and reflection in preparation for the idea of living and walking on higher ground. It afforded me an opportunity to look back in hindsight and in doing so I realized how I have spent my lifetime trying to incorporate this very theme into my life and work. It was then, that the directives of this year’s theme became even more exciting, because of how it opened up my mind and spirit in the past. I am cautioned, however, because when I look back objectively, the implementation of this idea throughout my life in specific moments wasn’t altogether very effective. The mechanisms, the events, curriculums, and programs that I created independently never achieved the goals I had anticipated and I was sometimes even punished for them, often leaving me feeling ineffectual. And yet, when I strung them all together over my lifetime…well what I saw wasn’t ineffectual but something else entirely. I had thought, given this direction, that I was to start the year by extracting what I learned from the failures of these accumulated experiences of my past. Failure, as much as accomplishment is often a great gage for me to improve, change or enhance my understanding of how I need to move forward. After last night, however, that is no longer the case. In addition to a powerful dream, another older dream was brought to my mind. To begin, here the dream I had years ago about Van Cliburn’s Hands. https://maryfrancesflood.com/2010/01/28/van-cliburns-hands/

Perhaps it was my attempt to describe my new bed using one of my favorite pianists, or my definite need for a massage, but I have had a recurring dream with Van Cliburn’s hands in it.  Usually it is just the hands, moving beautifully, bringing forth music.  Only the music doesn’t come from a piano, but from me.  My face turned red just writing that phrase, not because of some untoward sexual reference, but because of the intimacy of the action…of being played and the resulting progeny, a tune so beautiful and melodic that it brought a tear to my eye.  I couldn’t remember the melody when I woke up, except the tune was familiar and once I started to sing it, I flew upward into the clouds where a group of ancient looking kings and queens danced in a circle while holding hands.  I wanted them to hear the song, that I could sing it better than anyone else.  I woke before I heard an answer.  For the life of me I couldn’t remember anything else about the song, except those amazing hands and that I had heard the tune before.  Perhaps a connection to a past event or theme?  Who knows, but it was an amazing dream….

It seems personal sharing wasn’t limited to last year, however given this post was written 16 years ago, and it was brought to my attention in another dream I had last night, I think it is very pertinent. I dreamed I was a monkey in a crowd of dancing monkey’s (no, this is not a joke…it is a very serious metaphor connected to the concept of the “100th monkey”…look it up). I saw a director/person in charge leading us to a train of sorts, and I wanted to show him a new dance that had suddenly come to me. I bowed and caught his attention and started to dance to a tune in my mind. At first he really didn’t notice, until all the other monkey’s started dancing to it as well. In my mind, my Spirit guide whispered, “Van Cliburn’s hands” It was then that I woke up and realized that that melody I dreamed of so many years ago is still alive and well inside my soul and this year, hopefully, I can better share this melody and create a choreography, of sorts, that is the result of all the past “movements” I have worked toward, one that others can also dance to, in hopes of creating an expanded way to live out our beautiful blueprints, and love each other more easily and fully. Not to great of a goal, right? Of course I never shirk from throwing it all out there, and I am, after all this time, completely aware that the results of my prayers and year’s journey will be beyond anything I have or can possibly fathom. I also feel the time requires it. This planet, the Body of Humanity and the direction that the God of Love desires for us to shed our light into the darkness also requires all of us all to participate, or it will never come to fruition. For this is what the God of Love requires of us:

So whoever is in Christ is a new creation: the old things have passed away; behold, new things have come. And all this is from God, who has reconciled us to himself through Christ and given us the ministry of reconciliation, namely, God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting their trespasses against them and entrusting to us the message of reconciliation. So we are ambassadors for Christ, as if God were appealing through us. We implore you on behalf of Christ, be reconciled to God.

2 Corinthians 5:17-20.


I urge you therefore, brothers and sisters, by the mercies of God, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God, your spiritual worship. Do not conform yourselves to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect. For by the grace given to me I tell everyone among you not to think of themselves more highly than one ought to think, but to think soberly, each according to the measure of faith that God has apportioned. For as in one body we have many parts, and all the parts do not have the same function, so we, though many, are one body in Christ and individually parts of one another.

Romans 12:1-5.

So I begin, taking what I learned from the past, and walking forward, with the commitment to continue to work on the emotional stability that I learned last year is necessary for wielding love, and with full faith in the God of love and all the beautiful trajectories in my life to share the melody of my soul in all its beauty and uniqueness in the hope that will help us walk and live together on a higher plane. God is my orchestra and you are Van Cliburn’s hands.

Light in the Darkness

While I love the long days of summer and all its light…my favorite time of year is right now, when cold and darkness envelopes my small world, making the breakthrough of beautiful light all the more crisp and piercing. With the cold (set to be -15F/-26C on Saturday) and darkness barely waning when I leave for work, and its blackness engulfing me when I come home, the drive home amidst all the twinkling Christmas lights makes the darkness almost magical. It is in the deep of night, however, that I seem to be struggling, per usual.

I hope you all have noticed by now, that I take each and every theme on this journey very seriously. As I move toward the new year, the idea of living on a higher plane, and what that means not only to me, but to all you out there, is a bit paralyzing. Instinctively, like I did the moment I started this journey for God so many years ago (see, “Dancing Naked before the Lord”) my first question is “Why me?” “What do I know?”. The answer is much the same I got from the voice of God the first time…”Because I asked you to, and you accepted.” I know for some, that borders on delusional…but here’s the thing, when I look back in hindsight, it all makes such sense, I see such a beautiful pattern and balanced rationality, from which I have gained so much insight and transformed me into the woman I am now, that I would be hard pressed to say that I made all this shit up.

The foundations of this journey are rooted in the hard work I’ve done cognitively and academically, with degrees in Theology, Education, Leadership and Law (I’m not trying to brag, but these were important mechanisms in how I learned to observe the world). Although pleasurable yet foundational, the hard work of holding multiple jobs so I could travel all over the world and the exposure it gave me to other people and cultures gave me a broader perspective than I ever could have had just standing in one place. The work of facing limitations, some self-imposed and some not, was probably where I have gained the most strength and insight, especially through facing the structural and physical challenges of living a life of pushing through limits and at times, disregarding and paying the consequences of the frailty of just being human. And lastly, (and I know now why this came last), learning to love unequivocally cracked open my soul and released the mute button, and since this experience, the freedom to dance my own dance, is still new and wildly unpracticed, it causes me the most consternation at present. While the above list may mean absolutely nothing to anybody else or give me any measure of credibility for what comes next, it did remind me and solidify my dedication and belief in this journey I’ve been charged with, because I am the one who lived and worked through every moment of it…and I am happy and proud of the results, most of the time.

The reason I say most of the time, is because I do feel like a pioneer of sorts when it comes to living on a higher plane. I know there are plenty of highly spiritual people who already live on a higher plane, and I’m certainly not trying to reinvent the wheel…but what I am attempting is somewhat of a course correction when it comes to what living and loving unequivocally looks like. It is also the reason I think God directed me on this journey. The words of Jesus have become so skewed and the road to manifest the Kingdom of God have become so full of unnecessary obstacles, that I have taken up the mantel to offer, humbly, a version that is more in tune with the tenets and axioms of what the Savior set down. Hopefully at the end of the next year, I will have offered some insight on how to live in such a way that they will know who we are by how we love one another, regardless of who we are, what job we hold or where we live in the world…that all God’s precious blueprints are bearing the fruit of those gifts in such a way that hope has returned and the darkness is obliterated.

And in truth, I have already had a moment, in the night, where the fear and loneliness were so palpable that no amount of comfort extended to me by my spirit guide seemed to get through, and I was tempted to turn and leap from the water back into the boat and I just prayed “HELP”. I missed my father desperately in those moments, especially his wise council and solid faith in God. The very next day, I received a gift that was, I believe, directly sent from above from my oldest brother John. He sent me my dad’s wedding ring, with the note: “Dad is always with us” along with a small part of one of my father’s sermons:

I have often wondered: why did God create us so imperfectly, that he needed such a majestic solution to our dilemma. Why didn’t God just create us and save us in one creative moment. The truth is, God could have done just that but didn’t. Instead of an instantaneous solution, we were given the gift of freedom. In this way we can choose the manner in which we will live our lives. It is also God’s wisdom that we participate in our own salvation; that we choose our God. For God to choose for us would discredit us and the gift of free choice.

In choosing God and seeking how to find him in the joy of life that we attain our salvation. It is giving our life over to God, of love, when the joys of life are hard to find, that we attain salvation. It is knowing that in the dance of life, both partners-we and God-can’t lead. We can learn to relax and let God lead us in the right direction.

This was such an affirmation of learning to stand in the still point and being open to receive, because God tells us that when we call in need, God will answer. I will wear my father’s ring as a talisman that I am not alone, that I am walking a sacred path and I need not be afraid of finding my footing out on the water, even if it feels like I am on a solitary journey at times. And yet, all the while, I am continuing to send out love to all my trajectories and pray for an open pathway, for those who choose love, to bear fruit on our journeys, it also gives me the hope and comfort to keep moving forward. You, like the Christmas lights that so beautifully pierce the darkness this time of year, are my spiritual light in the darkness. Blessings on the Season to all of you!

Faith…A Summary

Generally, my last post on the yearly theme comes with a bit of relief, because most often having conquered what I believe was expected of me over the course of the year leaves me enough time to celebrate the season of light (I steer away from the word “Christmas” because of the commercialization of it). Not so, this year. If anything, I think there will be a continued onslaught of lessons until I find the rhythm necessary to move into or onto, not sure which is more accurate, a higher plane (next year’s theme). I’ve come to believe that understanding faith and building a strong foundation necessary to move forward on my journey as a whisperer and wielder of love more fully and accurately isn’t like learning a language…that once you know it, that’s it, you’re done. Faith and wielding love are more like walking on water, no two situations or initial conditions are the same, and you need to develop a spiritual proprioception to keep your balance. I think the spiritual vertigo I’ve experience this year is an apt description for all the ups and downs I’ve had on this journey, and it didn’t dawn on me until now that I was approaching these situations too concretely.

The essence, experience and unlimited nature of faith and love can’t be understood by restricted concrete and formulaic expressions but are more akin to water, the world of the unconscious or living beyond the limitations of human dimensions. Allowing faith and love, both of which are the source of my blueprint, my dance, practically demands that I “jump out of the boat”, as it were, where I can move without the restrictions of form and convention, that I suspend the limitations of human dimensions and embrace the divine. If I can’t do that, then all this talk about faith in the God of love means nothing at all, at least to me anyway. Recently, after a particular difficult crisis of faith and failure at wielding love, even though momentary, in hindsight I watched how easily I fell into bad habits, the details of which are immaterial except to say I have figured out that my own personal rhythm is so much stronger that I have ever given it credit, so that when I stopped allowing outside forces, for lack of a better term, to throw me off balance or drag me down, I did quickly pull myself together by taking a moment to breathe, remember, and hold onto firmly to everything I’ve learned this year and in doing that, I got my rhythm back.

Looking back in hindsight, like I’ve done after most themes, I never could have predicted how it would have unfolded. In all honesty, I think given where I started, and knowing what it would entail, I would have hid in a virtual cave…especially given all the “feeling” and “sharing” I had to do. And, because God’s imagination is so much better than ours and is always right, in my case anyway (and whether you think I’m crazy or not, also the presence and influence of my spirit guide) …I am not the same woman as I was last January, not by a landslide. In some ways I feel smaller, softer and more delicate than when I began, and in other ways I have become one fucking badass butterfly. I have worked incredibly hard at what I am weakest at, especially in a public forum, often hating the exposure, but it brought me to such great heights and broadened my viewpoint so much that I am incredibly grateful, and also proud, mostly because I think it has been some of the hardest work I’ve ever done and I rose to every challenge. My soul was cracked wide open, and it won’t be on mute anymore; the sound of my heart became more full and more melodic than ever before, because I learned to love unequivocally. The God of love made me just as I am, and in embracing that blueprint, I am looking forward to all the comes as a result.

I am thankful and humbled by all those established and new trajectories out there who have shown me love along the way. I pray for you always and know I love you and that you will never be alone. Because all things asked in goodness are granted: may the God of love protect you, give you hope, strength and courage, and help you celebrate the impact your beautiful blueprint will have on the world. You are a light to the world, and some, in particular, a light to mine.

Faith and Moving Forward

My son’s wedding went off without a hitch, the weather was perfect, the venue was perfect and everyone there to celebrate the bride and groom were wonderful. The above pics are getting ready and being pampered..(we were told to put our phones away so they weren’t in all the pictures…but I snuck a couple), It is amazing what happens to people when they come together in joy and love and celebrate each other in the moment. I was focused the whole weekend on doing my utmost to wield and celebrate love outward to everyone I met, including the bridal party, family members, guests, and staff and other helpers. It is an amazing reaction when everyone feels pulled into the “hug” of love that was present. And I admit and celebrate, that much of the love I was able to wield was sourced from ❤️ and all I have learned and embraced this year. It just felt magical, and I have a whole new source of love trajectories that I am celebrating and praying for.

While I want to revel in this experience for awhile and just coast a bit, I have been booted out of the still point and out of the boat. With a rush of fear, (I was surprised at how comfortable I had become just standing still, even in the face of all the emotions) stepped out onto the water, and started walking forward without any clear indication of where my immediate steps will take me, some of that is rooted in investing in the trust I’m building in others to help me along the way…which is terrifying and exciting at the same time. I was also presented with the theme for next year’s journey, which is rooted in learning to live on a higher plane (my brain already hurts), which I will invite all of my trajectories to embrace as well. Loving unequivocally demands that we are demonstrably different in how our journeys unfold…then truly the world will know who and what we serve by how we love one another. To conclude, here is the speech and toast I gave at the dinner for Riley and Bri:

Riley my bebe…and Bri also my bebe (and as an aside, I am so happy to add even more feminine energy to crazy town, where men and chaos have always ruled…) I am also happy and proud to be a part of this beautiful symphany you are writing together.

You all may not know, (I’m sure Riley doesn’t) that I studied classical piano for more than 10 years, and composition was one of the things that solidified the belief that I was never going to be a concert pianist, regardless of how big or fast my hands were (that and a debilitating stage fright). I did learn an important lesson, however, and it was how most of the masters started a symphony with one simple melody, and built upon it movement upon movement. Different beats and melodies were added that not only enhanced the original but would bring a piece to a whole other level…and so it is with relationships. Bob and Jeri, I am so happy to celebrate the merging of our two families, enhancing the beauty of this new symphony they are creating together.

As for Riley’s melody, he was nothing like his older sibling in behavior or sentiment…a whole new melody entirely, and everything I thought I had learned with my first, I had to throw out the window for the second. Quiet, reserved and focused, I had to work hard to figure out what was going on in his head. And while his melody may have been softer and more subtle, as he grew, I learned to read the micro expressions on his face, that he often wouldn’t articulate with words, through them, I could feel the depth of his melody develop and sound. Once when he was about 6 years old, he got up and ran to me on the porch where I used to read and escape the chaos and said: Moma! I had a dream that I moved the stars around. And as I look at him now, I believe he will, with the support of this amazing woman, to do just that.

I knew something dramatic happened when he met Bri, especially the first time he asked me what I thought, I looked for the tell on his face…the smiling, I’m not smiling thing he would always do to cover up how happy he was, and I knew he was a goner. I told him I liked her, that she was sassy, and when she texted me about a certain cheesecake dispute later on, I knew she could stand her ground, that he had met his match (because nobody rivals Riley in his love for cheesecake)

I am so happy for the both of you building this great symphony together, which is sure to be a masterpiece. You will always have all our love and support. Cheers to the bride and groom!

Faith and Trust

As I stated at the beginning of my year of faith, I based my journey on its definition in scripture: the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Whereas trust, is defined as: a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Over my lifetime, the two words have merged and have become so intertwined, because there was far less “proof of things not seen” and clear evidence of the reliability, strength, and the presence and activity of God in my life. When it comes to people though? That is a much trickier proposition for me, which is why I harp on the “taming” process so much. (see prior post on taming). Building faith and trust in someone takes time and effort. The jumping off point, though, has to start with faith, faith in the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen…that the possibility of future trust exists, one step at a time.

While this year has been a weird and challenging one for me, especially exposing and sharing personal experiences and feelings that run contrary to my nature, especially acknowledging the presence of my spirit guide (the implications of which either strengthen the faith and trust others have in me or obliterate it), leading me onward and as a result, I have become someone entirely new, not a 2.0 version, but a 10.0+version. And while I am rock solid in that assessment, I’m sure some are not, because words are often the source of misunderstanding, especially in translation from other languages and there is nothing I can do about that except to encourage you to take the time and develop the hindsight that gives you greater strength in your own faith in the God of love, and then perhaps, vicariously, trust in me, which is also why I love the line from “The Little Prince” which says : “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

I have learned that faith without trust is merely an academic proposition which does nothing for wielding love in the world, and through this journey I have been challenged to work and build upon what I am weakest at, and at times have also failed miserably at, only to pick myself back up, reassess and learn from my mistakes, of which there are a plethora, and begin anew. Admittedly, my track record for trust in people was abysmal in the past and I have learned to have empathy for those who fall into the same traps I did at one time. I do realize, however, that in order for all of us to fix what is broken in this world, working to strengthen the trust we have in each other is essential in order to save it. None of us can do it alone, and if we find those blueprints that we can love and celebrate with along the way, the whole endeavor will be worth it.

For now, my spirit guide says (here I go again…) that I must stay off social media because it is fucking with my head, and can only post here and the art that I complete on my Instagram and Facebook accts (which I’ve already broken once or twice…habits are hard to break). I am also still just standing in the still point and being open to receive which I hate but am trying to learn from. My son gets married on Friday, so a bit of celebrating is exactly what I need. Keeping transparent, the above picture is the so very tired me…what happens with a more than a month of hardly any sleep…hopefully that will change soon. As ever, I love you, and you will never be alone.

Faith and FOMO

The above picture is a perfect depiction of what my future path looks like. Usually from this place on the road you can see for miles…the fog was so thick, I could barely see the headlights of cars coming at me.

I don’t think the universe wants me to sleep, like ever. I was woken up at 1:30 in the morning by the app on my phone for the doorbell camera letting me know that my internet/router was not functioning. So, I got up and went downstairs only to find the router unplugged, my guess was that Steve lost the remote and couldn’t turn off the TV (same old nightmare, different day…and my guess was right, btw). Muttering like the cartoon Fred Flintstone character, I made myself a tea and opened my computer…big mistake. First, I can see on this blog if there is a particular category, tag, or keyword that is searched; I find it interesting to see what others are interested in. One I saw in particular, was a poem I wrote for my father on his birthday after he died. Of course, it cracked my soul wide open, and considering my present condition I was mortified to be so exposed…so I left this site and looked at more mundane fodder on my social media feeds. Boom, another slam. There is a place that I hold as my most sacred and beautiful, a place with so much magic that it has become the place I go to in my mind to meditate, to dance, to listen to my spirit guides, and it became in an instance not just my place anymore but an opportunity for another. While I should have been happy that others could see its magic, I wasn’t…and that revelation was problematic for me, no one else, just me. No place in the world can be just mine, which of course I already know rationally, but none of this is rational, of course. It also showed me how it feels to have the world go rolling by without me. In standing still, it suddenly occurred to me in the scheme of things how irrelevant at this point in time I am…at least that’s how I felt in the moment.

I can honestly say that in my interesting life I have never suffered from FOMO, i.e. fear of missing out. If I wanted to do something, I just did it, period and absorbed and learned from every moment. At this juncture, though, when my spirit guide more or less commanded that I stand still and be open to receive, which I dutifully did and was momentarily pleasantly surprised, said guide had now turned the tables to show me another side of standing still, one that I didn’t like at all, mostly because it reflected badly on me. When I should have been happy that there are those, whose journeys are taking them to new and exciting adventures, I was emotionally miserly and crushed at the thought of all that I was missing standing still here in this place. To add insult to injury, I couldn’t even remove myself to the mystical safe space I just mentioned because it had been, in my mind anyway appropriated and compromised. The profundity of that revelation, that I could be so unbelievably miserly and jealous about I place that I DON’T OWN OR HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER was mortifying. I haven’t felt such a deep want and need for something to remain only mine in a long time, and the petulance that came with it was gross. I’m sure all this personal sharing is also the reason I don’t sleep well anymore either, because I do loath it from the depths of my being. But I truly believe it is what is required of me on this journey. Telling the truth, even if it is unsightly keeps me real and flawed and hopefully gives me the credibility that I practice what I preach…even if at times I do it badly, I am at least willing to try.

So, I asked my guide what to make of all this. Why couldn’t I be happy to share, be patient or calmly keep standing still until I figured this shit out? I hated the answer because I also knew it was largely focused on the kind of love I’m weakest at, but he said this, and I’m still not sure what it means yet: “In order to love unequivocally, you have to be willing to love, even though it may mean you are not part of receiving any benefit from it at all, then and only then will you be equipped to not only wield love wholly, but also receive it wholly. Understanding these feelings is also how you know when to move forward. If it is from a place of envy and fear of missing out, then you are not being unequivocal, so until you can come to terms with what your motivation is, not generally, but specifically, and whether or not you truly want to be unequivocal in this instance, then just stand still until you do. The truth of the matter is that choosing to love unequivocally is the exception and not the rule right now and you have to be willing to embrace the kind of love you preach so eloquently about and for the love of God ask for help when you need it. Also, let me remind you that standing in the still point isn’t doing nothing. It is when you really come to know your dance.” I have to be honest, I already thought I was there…but as per usual, I am not, as evidenced by how pissed off and sad I am at standing still right now. For now, I will remain on what feels to be a sinking ship at the moment, although I do have to say that I am also an excellent swimmer.

Faith and the Still Point


“At the still point of the turning world. Neither flesh nor fleshless;
Neither from nor towards; at the still point, there the dance is,
But neither arrest nor movement. And do not call it fixity,
Where past and future are gathered. Neither movement from nor towards,
Neither ascent nor decline. Except for the point, the still point,
There would be no dance, and there is only the dance.”

The above quote from T.S. Elliot, is from a poem I remember reading when I was helping my father correct some English papers when I was younger…for whatever reason this line stuck with me and it came to mind yesterday. Ready to start the day, by girding my loins for whatever lesson came next with the express sense that I wasn’t going to like it at all…my spiritual helper’s voice boomed in my head: “You’re going to do nothing but stand still and be open to receive whatever comes your way.” Immediately, I was flustered because doing nothing has never been an instruction, an inclination or justifiable approach to any problem I’ve been presented or faced…I mean like, EVER. So in my head I stood still and didn’t move…and I didn’t like it, and was reminded all throughout the day to be still and receive and listen, like I was some sort of a toddler. But I did, and strangely, things did come, without any effort on my part and it was admittedly a little freaky, even though I felt like I was crawling out of my skin. Even though I barely slept…(which you can see by the bags under my eyes) and it is starting to become a pattern, I do feel a bit more calm than I have in awhile, because perhaps I can discover my dance at the still point and still have faith that God will not give me a stone when I need a loaf of bread.

While I still “feel” like I am walking in the dark, I don’t have the inclination to rush forward anymore, with a sense to just to get it over with. Slow, and still and being open to receive isn’t my go to, but for now it will have to do. Standing in a the still point, being open to receive took more faith than I ever realized. And in truth, for the first time in my life, for one who claims faith comes so easy, I felt like I was demonstrably bad at it (and I hate being bad at anything). Its humbling, and scary and I don’t know where I’m going but I’m beginning to believe strongly, and not just in a cognitive way, but in a heart way that it will be just as God planned, because my commitment to wielding love, unequivocally hasn’t wavered, so it gives me courage to keep taking one step at a time, and when I need to, to simply stand in the still point of my turning world.

Faith and God…or Faith and the Ultimate Love

So, living in the throes of painful emotions is not fun. One, because I am not good at them or understand them as evidenced by the shit show of the many incarnations I expressed over the last few days, and two, I had to take a moment to stand still to figure things out which I also wasn’t sure I wanted to do either. I simply find it easier, sometimes to just get lost in movement, like I usually do. So, I made a concerted effort to step away and then stand still in my messiness to ponder this: In my desire to wield love, what is my real motivation? Is the reason I am freaking out, that I am wielding it incorrectly? What is it that I want out of it? Am I being manipulative in any way, shape or form? And then, once the dam broke, the whole wellspring of feelings came pouring out all over the place. So, when the flood waters abated (pun intended), what was left exposed was one of my greatest fears, one that was drilled into me by multiple sources who should have known better…that the kind of love I desired and wanted to wield in the world, was not possible unless I changed who I was, because I am impractical and wildly imperfect and have such impossibly high standards and continue to push myself and others to be better relentlessly, or because there was not a person on the planet who could relate to someone so complicated, intense and driven like me, a spiritual whirling dervish, of sorts. Again, this is simply a revelation about what I was told by the most influential sources that surrounded me. And while I am aware that some acted on my behalf, because I know I can be difficult and a handful at times, I had to live with the sound of my soul on mute for a large part of my life, and as an observer that had an incredible effect on how I saw and at times still see the world. It is also the reason that I am so committed to doing whatever I can to help every individual out there know they were made just as God intended and hope no one ever has to live a moment of their lives with their souls on mute. So, for me, it was the appropriate time to acknowledge some difficult truths, that wielding love can never be done partially, with the kind of love I understand easily and am comfortable with, like spiritual love and familial/fraternal love. I have to embrace the scarier types too, because love is the source of a myriad of expressions and not just the ones we are comfortable with. This revelation also helped me understand why it has always been easier for me to embrace the love of an omniscient being who “has” to love me because my “worthiness” or “me-ness” was immaterial to the situation.

The good news is that I did, amongst other emotions, feel peace realizing that my motivation to wield love, while incomplete was propelled by a true desire to help others shine their light in the world, and not to manipulate anyone to my particular point of view, or acceptance of anything I have to offer. The nature of love, which according to my faith is always rooted in qualities that are clearly laid out in and evolved throughout the Old and New Testament only really come to mean anything at all when put into action. The expressions are myriad depending on the individual and the kind of love whether it’s from spiritual love called “agape” which is the highest form of love, to “philia” a brotherly/sisterly love, to “eros” the desire and passion between people in love. While the substance of love is the same for all three, the expressions or how we wield it is not, so I’ve come to understand. And, as I learn to fill in the emotional gaps in my year of faith, in hopes of being more effective and powerful at wielding love in the world, (the lessons of which I choose to keep close to my heart), I have to start with me. I am who I am, just as God has created me to be and am worthy of the kind of love I desire, all of us are, even though I’m not sure what that means at this point. Again, what motivates me is the key, and as I fumble forward anything rooted in fear or old beliefs is unacceptable, so I am, within the framework of my faith, tackling those things that don’t necessarily come easy, but I also know how important understanding love is, so I’m charging up that mountainside.

I also want to state clearly that I know how manipulative the world can be…I see it every day, especially on social media…but like I learned from the story of taming the wood fox in “The Little Prince”, it’s so much harder to be manipulated when the proper rites of establishing ties are followed, and taking the time and having the patience it takes to “waste” time for those you establish ties with is a clear part of the equation…and it is the only way to transform how someone sees a wheat field.

Faith in My Shoes

I told my son Riley, that when he got married, I was going to get a separate pair of shoes for the reception, so I wouldn’t break myself like I did at the last family wedding. They are comfortable and pretty snazzy if I must say so myself. Metaphorically? I think they clearly represent something else as well. Let me start with this: at this juncture in my life, I am no one’s mother, wife, administrator, fixer, chef, student, teacher, or the multitude of other roles I’ve fulfilled diligently (even if imperfectly) up to now. Nor am I the figment of imagination that exists in the minds of people I have no direct contact with out in cyber world. At this specific moment, I am walking unhindered by any expectations others may have of me in how to proceed forward, which feels pretty blind right now. It’s all new territory, much of which I admit I don’t have any rational grip on yet. I know my heart has been struggling a lot with love trajectories and in trying to get messages and observations out there that are simple, understandable and pure…but that’s not really how life works is it. So, for me, standing alone in my own shoes…I have to figure out how to have faith in my own badass butterfly feet. (This was where I paused my draft…)

And, as it happens…a full day later after I paused this draft…and the timing of which is indisputable proof that a huge lesson was coming my way, shit hit my shoes…

The day started with the deep sadness of losing a patient to suicide, Steve tried to help him overcome autoimmune struggles and a dependence on Benzos..(to treat anxiety and other nervous system diseases). The patient was so kind, and I was a bit of a wreck…which is a perfect time for the darkness to strike. While not going into too much detail, a conversation derailed with another patient, who I clearly believed misunderstood something I said, and in my attempts to explain, it escalated even further. The words got loud, and I got him back to a room, but also refused to be chastised for starting “something” which I admit, got me even more riled up (and yes, it could have been my ego). When the patient was leaving, he wanted to continue his outrage, and I directed and followed him outside. Thinking it was time to transform into my badass butterfly, I yelled too, refusing to succumb to his description of the conversation and challenging him on gaslighting…which was the wrong thing to say, and it riled him up further. As the shouting match became untenable, I said that we should stop, and I had to get back to work (plus I was visibly shaking by this point). Once I got inside, a patient grabbed me and hugged me. I apologized, and tried to slow down my breathing.

As I went back to my desk, I saw outside our window that the police had come and stopped the patient from leaving. I didn’t think, I just walked outside and greeted the police and told them that I was the other party that was engaged in the very loud argument. I wanted them to see I was ok. I tried to mitigate the situation by explaining the shouting match by putting my hand on the patient’s shoulder and saying that it was just a heated conversation that got out of hand and apologized for breaching the peace. I guess a couple people called from the parking lot (we share it with a grocery store). I showed them my ID, and went on my way. They stayed in the parking lot, this guy giving a speech for about a half hour. I didn’t care what he said, because I should have figured out early on that he really didn’t care about anything I had to say at all. Since it was lunch time, I made my way to the fitness club where I work out during lunch. Still shaking, it took me an hour of hard work to settle down.

Being a badass butterfly, didn’t feel the same as it did in my dream. The emotions storming through me were too tumultuous at the time and I felt exhausted, defeated, incompetent in wielding love that I so confidently preach about. Thankfully, my older brother settled me down when I called him (thanks John…I love you) and helped to focus my effort to stand up for myself in my own solitary shoes, the emotions already surfacing from tragedy, and that even though I was acting from goodness, I can’t control the results, and the phrase from the Little Prince about words being the source of misunderstanding suddenly popped into my head. And most importantly? I am imperfect and have to learn from the situation. After lunch, I went to the two suites that surround us to apologize for the unprofessional argument only to hear that they were truly worried about me, this little woman standing while a man screamed in her face (I screamed too, but I get the physical imbalance of the situation). There was no swearing, no name calling, just me standing against what I felt was an unjust portrayal of “what I meant, and what I actually said” and in all honesty, that was all I cared about…my own clarification. Perhaps I am just being naive again, while I never thought I would be harmed, none of those in the other offices felt that way and stood on guard to help if anything happened.

Wielding love, at that moment was hard and for my part was an abject failure. I don’t have a security team, or popular presence showering me with adulation like so many people who are in the spotlight fighting against hate and violence or simply celebrating their beautiful blueprints with the world. And while I know that all situations have their difficulties, I sympathize with all the small lights out there who are walking alone in just their own shoes and trying to be a presence of love in the world. There are so many examples of how overwhelmed people are at this time in history, and every action can fuel the flames or give them a reason to hope. I am sad, humbled, and at the same time in awe of the strength I showed in the moment. I also realize, however, walking in my solitary shoes is harder than I thought and that I need love sent my way too, so trajectories? please send some my way….

Faith and the Serpent

The woman sat quietly on a rock facing blowing sands of the desert as a guide approached her. “You’re new,” she said.

He sat beside her and asked, “How are the love trajectories going?”

“Is that meant to be sarcastic?” she replied, immediately irritated.

“Perhaps, a bit,” he replied, “it feels a bit silly and naive” he added.

“What is that supposed to mean?” she said.

Well,” he said cautiously, “I think you are focusing on the more frivolous aspects of, what do you call them, ‘ripples of love’…

“Hmm, there is nothing frivolous about any kind of love, especially when I know that the song of my heart rings true, and I will not allow anyone, even you to make commentary on it. Thats not why I am here, and you know it.” She felt suddenly cold but knew the moment she set in motion had arrived.

“Ok, he replied, “Then why are we here?”

“Why should I tell you, isn’t it your job to instruct me?” She turned to face him.

He laughed and said, “Come on, I have been present in your life all along, you know the sound of my heart, you should be able to guess pretty accurately by now”

To which she responded, “Oh Serpent, we both know you don’t even have a heart”

Taken off guard, he said “What did you call me?”

She responded quietly, “Yes its true, you have been present in my life all along. You were there in every trauma, every obstacle, and every attempt to break me.”

Shifting quickly, he said: “Yes I have, especially in that faulty human structure of yours, the challenges, of which I am particularly proud to have thrown you off your game…I must say you have functionally allowed me to place limits on you in so many ways.”

“Once again, serpent, you’ve completely misread the situation” the woman challenged back, “While I don’t know how much of your hand was involved in my broken spine, the autoimmune diseases, or damage from accidents, you completely fail to understand how the grace I received transformed all those challenges, no, transformed me into the defier of odds, a beneficiary of strength I never would have known otherwise.” She said with a growing confidence that comes with saying it out loud.

“And yet I’m telling you; it will only crush you in the end.” He said, in a way only a serpent could.

The woman didn’t miss a beat, “You’ve said that before through the doctors who told me early on, that without the surgery, I would never carry children, and I had two, they said I would be walking with a walker by 40, and I’ve ridden my bike hundreds of miles across this country, camped out and hiked, sailed, climbed and learned to adapt to dietary restrictions, and health practices to curb my anxiety and focused on my brain and went to law school, and tried a host of other ways to pivot your attempts to break my spirit, my blueprint. You’ve stolen my smile three times, and three times, I did every protocol, and my smile came back. You have plagued me but never broken me. I’ve never taken an illicit drug, or painkiller ever, and I have embraced every necessary health regimen to be as normal as possible.” The woman looked directly into the serpent’s subtle shift in expression, “Your smirk is misguided! I have become something so much more and I celebrate my tenacity, strength and adaptability, so let me tell you, your threats of my demise are as empty as your soul, they do nothing but inspire me to work harder!”

His tone, becoming more ominous, said: “Celebrate all you like. You are but an insect, whom I simply enjoy torturing. What have you called our dance? Death of a thousand cuts?”

Laughing, she turned to him and said “An insect can also wreak havoc too serpent, look at any pandemic in history! It seems you don’t recognize the sound of my heart, after all. While you have received my sad message of taking a beat to stay intact as I wrote this post, know that it was simply a ruse to lure you here by feigning weakness, it dawned on me that sound, one you will never hear allows me to move beyond you, and around your machinations.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”, the serpent replied, “While you are correct that I don’t have a heart, I can feel the vibrations of your pathetic human heart caught in fantasies of sending out trajectories, fantasies of wielding love and bringing light into the world, which in truth, carry no greater weight than a spec of sand in the face of billions, and you think your sorry attempts matter at all? Right now, I am grooming multitudes into monsters, who will maim and kill and there is nothing you can do about it.

“Yes, it’s true…I’ve seen your latest handiwork at the Catholic School I know so well, Serpent”, the woman said in a slow condescending manner, “But please note, however, mine is not just a singular heart anymore, I am Eve, the first sinner, I am also Mary, the first saved…”

Showing a hint of irritation for the first time, the serpent, now in his true form said “So you figured it out, tread carefully woman, I too knew you before you were born, I tempted you to fall the first time, I will do it again”

“Oh, I’m not finished” the woman said, “I have come to learn, and to understand, and be transformed by a multitude of hearts that have crossed my path in a myriad of ways.” The woman turned quietly and said fiercely, “Though you can’t feel my heart, serpent, know that it is no longer just a frail human one shrouded in innocence and fear, it is augmented by His heart, His love, His gift of grace along with studying a millennia of your game playing and tricks, which, by the way, have more than blessed me with opportunities to find goodness in whatever you placed in my path this time around and I have become even stronger. So, hear me now, I am God’s whisperer, and I am not afraid of you or your chaos”

“As it stands whisperer” the serpent responded, “I can make it so no one will ever hear you again. I can make it so you become a joke, a woman who is delusional, a person of no consequence.”

“While you may try, and its true I am just a small woman whose great accomplishment is her simple persistent presence in the world, the multitude of experiences and interactions I have had in the world is clear evidence of the contrary. And remember the most important axiom of the Savior, all people are of consequence, faith as small as a mustard seed can move mountains, and love never fails.” the woman continued, “And in all truth serpent, while you always focus on the big flashy picture, and the buildup of powerful tyrants and devastating wars, I, and others like me, have appreciated the power of the movement of butterfly wings to affect the future. I never needed to be big and powerful, although my path put me in the presence of some pretty powerful trajectories, just to see how at their core they are no more powerful a force than I am. The ripples of love already unleashed in the world in simple and ordinary ways are shining brightly in a manner that you can’t even begin to recognize…and you won’t because you don’t really know the sound of my heart, God’s heart, or anyone else’s heart out for that matter. The sound of those hearts is a chorus of love, the songs of their souls, the manifestation of the heavenly blueprint they were made to be and are shining their light in both simple and dramatic ways at this very moment, thus creating not just ripples, but tides of love, that you can’t possibly stop. I know this because you would need a heart to hear it, to feel it, and you would need to know the vibration of the sound of love, and how powerful it has become but you can’t. You may be the purveyor of lies, the Father of smoke screens, but those are temporary illusions at best and will not hold beyond the temporary chaos they create. The momentum has already begun; the tide is turning.”

The Serpent became angry and ominous and got in her face and spit out his final words “I will continue to bury this world in Chaos, noise and fear, and I will twist the Savior’s words like I have throughout history, and I will rip you and others apart like I have done since you ate that apple in the garden and unleashed sin into the world, and I will celebrate its demise”

Backing a step away, she thought for a moment and whispered: “That is the beauty of being just a small, ‘insignificant’ speck, one of many, we have, together, already defeated you. When Jesus died, and before he rose, he broke the walls of hell. You have relied on lies to cover this truth up, but they will no longer hold. The war has already been won with his sacrifice. What is left is each individual choice to receive his grace, to believe they are worthy of it. In this, I will succeed, because I have prayed for it, and if you know anything about His promises, anything asked for in goodness, shall be given to me” She paused and took a deep breath and said with authority, “Oh, and He asked me to tell you this: “You have lost the bet serpent, there is nowhere my love can’t reach. She is mine and I will be there for her, and when she calls me, I will answer,” She stepped back and looked into the void that were his eyes and felt calm and completely unafraid and said, “so let me add my message as well, a favorite quote from the priest and scientist Teilhard de Chardin, whose rhythm also beats in my heart: ‘Someday, after mastering the winds, the waves, the tides and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, humanity will have discovered fire.’ And just so you don’t forget, let me repeat myself, though I may be small and seemingly insignificant in your plot, I have prayed for and sent out love to support the initial conditions of a multitude of beautiful blueprints God has created everywhere for decades, so we together, can take this newly discovered fire, this harnessed love and wield it in our world. Your biggest mistake was disregarding the simple movement of a butterfly’s wings, or the power of a mustard seed. Trajectories have expanded, the seeds of love have taken root, and their lights are shining bright. With God together we will wield love and bring the Kingdom to fruition.”

The serpent stood silent before her. She took a deep breath and said: “You tire me serpent…I brought you here to tell you that I am no longer afraid of you and the havoc you have brought into my life, you cannot and will not hurt me anymore. God won’t allow it, because I finally see myself clearly enough to have already asked Him not to allow it. God is unequivocal, Love is unequivocal, and now I am unequivocal. In every step forward, I am fire, harnessing love and sending it out without restrictions, without limits, fully and without fear with a deep abiding faith that in each and every visual light I see and prayerful whisper I release to every person I send it to, is a love strong enough to shape weather and move mountains. A love that is a seal on my arm, a seal on my heart, stronger than death and one that never fails. So, yes I will continue to send out ‘my trajectories of love,’ as you call them, and once they are received and it cracks open souls like it has mine, they will do the same, and begin to affect the world as only love can do and together we shall unleash the powerful blueprints we were all called to be, in all their myriad of colors and expressions.” She looked up to where the serpent began to dissipate and said, “And always remember, there is no place anywhere, even in hell where the love of God can’t reach.”

Fueling the Power of Love or Fear

I know everyone experiences both love and fear, essential parts of being human. There is a difference, though, between what we experience as love or fear, and what power becomes its driving force. For example, it isn’t uncommon for a person to “love” something or someone in such a way that in fear of losing it or feeling undeserving of it that fear becomes more of a motivation than the initial experience of love. Scripture tells us that love and fear are mutually exclusive, so when fear is a stronger motivator than love, the results are never good.

Regarding the general environment of the world today, I often hear the phrase, “how did we come to this” meaning the general level of anger, bullying, violence, greed, mistrust, blaming, etc. I think its taken a long time to get here. When love and fear are so intermingled for so long, its hard to keep those corrupting forces at bay. If you’ve ever been to a Christian wedding, I’m sure you’re familiar with 1 Corinthians 13, which espouses the many qualities of love: patient, kind, not jealous, not pompous or inflated, not rude, does not seek its own interests, slow to anger, doesn’t obsess over injury, does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth. Importantly, love bears all things, hopes all things, and endures all things…and never fails. A powerful phrase that I never forget: “If I speak in human and angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or clanging symbol:.

Seems pretty clear to me. I can’t say I love my brother or sister and behave in a way that is antithetical to any of those descriptions of love listed above. And since we are all human, its understandable to believe that no-one acts purely out of love or fear, but when the fear out weighs the love the scale tips in favor of all the vitriol we are facing today. I may not control what motivates others, but I can see how they behave, and often, even when defining what love “looks” like, whether it is love of God, another, or a country, it doesn’t take a genius to see what their primary motivation is. In truth, those angry, accusatory, and loud mouth individuals out there blaming sections of the population for all the world’s ills, are nothing but gongs and clanging symbols. There are loving ways to express anger and outrage…and that noise? It’s not love.

Jesus spoke a lot about separating the goats from the sheep (in my mind those who are motivated by fear and those by love respectively) and he speaks of what their personal motivation is: “For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me” And when the righteous challenged him responding that they had never seen him in any of those situations, he said: “Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for the least of these brothers and sister, you did for me.” Boom

Joy and Consequences

I know there are plenty of people, roughly more than half the country who are joyful and relieved at the outcome of the election, and roughly less than half who are not. So, I am thinking of the consequences of the kind of joy that Jesus spoke of in the gospel of John 15: 9-12:

As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.

So this is a caution for all of us out there who claim to be people of faith, to keep Jesus’ words at heart. If you claim to be a Christian, and still cling to the belief that anyone who is not on your side isn’t worthy of Christ’s love, you have slipped too far into delusion and I wash my hands of you, just like Jesus instructed his disciples when they came up against those who would not listen and would treat them with ill will in Matthew 10:7:

Whoever will not receive you or listen to your words – go outside that house or town and shake the dust from your feet.

So for the rest of us, who really want to work toward unity and reflect what this country is founded on, this is for us. We are divided, that is true. But also true? Division will always exist with diversity and a nation built on the idea that all people are created equal and deserve an equal shot at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I don’t claim to know what that will look like, but I do know that the anger, the conspiracy theories and the misinformation vilifying the party who won (and it isn’t Mr Trump’s party)isn’t working toward that goal . Our American world has thrived under administrations of both parties. It will continue to thrive if we keep our eye on the prize: A more perfect union, based on the structure that has maintained us for over two hundred years.

I am a democrat, fiscally conservative and socially liberal. If you really know me, you know I’m not evil, naive, misinformed about legitimate news sources or an idiot. So there goes your theory that I am part of a Satanic movement. I would say that Q-anon stuff is silly, but it is just too dangerous given the amount of people who are buying into it…and it is them that I am kicking the dust from my feet because obviously you have not understood the teachings of Jesus regarding, well, just about everything. You can hide behind all the traditional structures and denominations you want, but if you are not loving everyone, even the least among you like Jesus…you are the one suffering a morality crisis, not me.

I also caution those who are emboldened by Biden’s win. Our job now, is to be the party that leads, and not leave people behind or stop listening to people because we hate what they say. Yes, I will disregard those who work toward violence, anarchy and impede our evolution. But as some of greatest leaders have taught us, there is a way to lead that builds up the body, and gives regard to all parts of it. We have a government that is by the people and for the people for a reason, and we need to strengthen its infrastructure so that no one has the power to over ride the will of the people and its laws ever again. We can no longer be naive and think that once someone is in high office that tradition of honesty and integrity will prevail. There must be consequences when that doesn’t happen.

So I am cautiously joyful, and praying for consequences for those who choose not to remain in love, whether it be how you treat your neighbor or interpret God. Because if you continue to read the Gospel we know what happens then too.