Truth on a Higher Plane

The above picture is my mother, nee Ruth Gleason, on her high school graduation day, a picture I had never seen, but was tucked away in all her stuff. The second is a ruby ring I made for her, also tucked away. I will now wear it as a reminder to think positive thoughts…about her and try to understand her., and me, I guess

It’s been a minute. Today is Mother’s Day, and while my mother is safe at her new residence, she is still so angry at all of us that the director there requested a no contact put in place for all of her children until she settles in so they don’t have to move her to a facility that deals with overly combative patients, especially since her delusions are still very front and center she still refuses to take the medications that will help her brain. While continuing to purge my mother’s apartment yesterday, my sisters and I were talking about how sad we were not to send flowers or visit her on Mother’s Day, (regardless of our feelings, we have never missed a one), I suggested we buy a beautiful plant and card that was simply signed: “Happy Mother’s Day, from all of us”. That way she could believe what ever she needed to, as to who sent it, and would put a smile on her face. I do want her to have a happy day, and whether or not I think it is true, she is proud to be a mother and grandmother, and I was taught to honor my parents. There is a post I wrote about my father before he passed that is quite popular, and I suddenly wondered what I would write when Ruth passed. It will be difficult, because I won’t be that person who waxes philosophically, full of platitudes simply because the moment requires me to say nice things, we never had that kind of relationship. But, I also know that all evolution is predicated on what went before us and to a large significance, I am who I am because of her. She is a gifted woman…intelligent, social, hard working, passionate about justice, and very committed to her Catholic faith. As I mentioned, my siblings and I have been clearing out my mother’s apartment, and oh my…the accumulation of stuff she has is mind boggling. I actually thought we had taken care of much of it when we cleared out my parents house and sold it almost a decade ago. She had boxes in storage that she hasn’t touched in a decade, with the demand that we keep them after she was gone (like every card she has ever received). My first thought was that she did this to remind us that she was popular, regardless of, well, whatever. All this (including about a thousand selfie-style pictures of she and my dad in random places), which to me felt like a true reflection of her life and treasure, went to recycling, because for the most part, they meant nothing to anyone else, but her. The furniture and decorations will be donated. There were a few things left that my brother and sisters all shared, and were things I’m positive she wouldn’t understand why they held any meaning for us like her high school graduation picture, or the ruby ring I made for her (because mostly they were packed away in boxes in her storage unit and not in a place where she could enjoy them). Anyway, it led me to today’s post, and I don’t say this lightly; truth on a higher plane can’t be rooted in the kind of figments of our imagination that supersede the truth of the life that we actually live, and what still lies ahead. While my hope is that once she settles in, my mother will be able to share in the love that her children have always had for her when we visit…if not, the truth of her life will become, like scripture taught us, a clanging gong or symbol and there isn’t anything I can do about that. She is worthy of love, and her life was filled with interesting things, and this post is in no way meant to disparage her, but to be a lesson for both of us on how to precede forward. So what about truth for the rest of us?

As I have shared in an earlier post, Teilhard saw the universe as an “unfinished” creation, moving toward greater complexity and consciousness. He also viewed truth not as a static dogma, but as an evolving, unified reality where science and faith converge. As a priest and a scientist, he believed that evolution is the process by which God culminates in a “Christ” consciousness (the Omega Point) that integrates all scientific and spiritual truth. He had no problem seeing that a search for truth was to be a joyful active exploration of an often time messy, yet vital potential of God’s creation, which was controversial at the time, given how obsessed the church was with original sin and the true nature of God…which Jesus showed us was love, love, love. He also believed that what I now call living on a higher plane (the Noosphere for Teilhard) truth itself is not static, but evolving and has two criteria: coherence and fecundity (consistent, logical integration of diverse elements that result in a productive expression of fruitfulness).

Jesus taught us that the Kingdom of Heaven is not of this world, therefore truth does not come from earthly systems or power structures, but a higher spiritual realm and that truth brings freedom, not just from sin, but from the limitations of deception, fear, and human insecurity that are often imposed by human systems and power structures. Life with Christ is depicted as a higher plane characterized by overflowing forgiveness, unconditional love, and spiritual guidance rather than just physical reality laid in front of us. This is where truth on a higher plane can be difficult…because it is the foundation of bringing into existence, the intuited belief, hope and enduring love that we hold in our hearts. It is manifesting an evolving global creation that integrates all our creative connections and personal gifts/paths that are a productive expression of the Body of Christ, rooted in a love that hopes all things, believes all things, endures all things and never fails. What that exactly looks like is largely left up to how we, collectively, decide to define and live it. And like the relationship with my aging mother, there is a lot of reflection left for me to do that is necessary to find the goodness and truth necessary to evolve forward.

I also feel inclined to add that on my social media feeds, my algorithms have developed to show me things that I enjoy, make me laugh, are instructive, am passionate and feel deeply about, there is also a lot of garbage passing through that is completely contrary to any thing that even remotely interests or excites me, and is actually deeply offensive (true to the nature of the nooshere that includes both good and bad). To this, I am reminded of a dream I had last year when while looking for my car, I found a woman standing in front of it smugly holding my keys toward me in her outstretched hand, and I screamed in her face to give me back my motherfucking keys, that I was going to change the world’s weather (butterfly effect). I grabbed the keys from her hand, loving the surprised expression on her face and drove away, fast with music blaring. Regardless of the bullshit passing as truth about me that exists out there in cyber world…I will never be appropriated into something I am not. I am unequivocal about that…and how I choose to love and live my truth on a higher plane is mine, and mine alone and no one can change that…it is simply how truth on a higher plane works. No one will ever stand in the way of that. Love’s expressions, when we let it lead and drive our movement forward, and not society, or the liars that lie, or those rooted in fear, will help truth evolve for each of us and enrich all our lives on a higher plane.

Success, the Within and the Without

The above is the first self portrait I did requested by my mentor early on…I updated it a bit, but still kept the rough edges of representing an early work…

I have been dreading this post…circumstantially, it has been physically (although my lungs are finally clearing from the crud), emotionally and materially overwhelming in every regard. And it was within this context that the subject of success, primarily my own, has been hammering in the forefront of my mind (and the incessant chattering of my spirit guide, which more than any other time lately, I even tried to convince myself was a function of my imagination…to no avail). I am a participant in a county wide art show coming up this weekend. That in and of itself is a challenge: finishing pieces, pricing, organization, presentation, packaging, setup utilizing all aspects of advertising and promotion offered to me, etcetera, etcetera all in the context of baring my soul to the general public, many who are perfect strangers, which I find deeply disconcerting. Also, at the same time, the moment came suddenly for “the move” to a safer space for a family member which, being the medical representative, demands my presence in a myriad of ways, from physically approving the space, to the myriad of checks, paperwork and meetings with medical professionals. The move, of course, happens over the same period of time as my show…which fucking sucks, especially since we can’t say anything to her until the last minute. I have to take time off work (the running of our clinic, which also takes a huge chunk of my time) this coming week to join with my sisters and healthcare representatives to break the news just prior to the move and it will not be pretty. Thankfully, I have amazing sisters who have generously given me permission to focus on the show during the actual move and they would do the dirty work, (my son Riley offered to help move the heavy stuff…love you for that, my bebe). They were all so excited to be present with me at this show, but now will sadly be otherwise occupied…leaving me to stand on my own two feet.

The other issue, which is a direct connection to what I described above, were the messages this person hammered into my head from as early as I could remember. Messages like: Don’t shine, you will make everyone else feel bad, Don’t stand out, Don’t be better than, Be quiet, Be invisible, You can’t do that, I won’t allow that, I won’t pay for that, Be this, don’t be that, Who do you think you are, You were built wrong, Respecting me means doing what I say, Being smart is good enough, don’t get greedy, You think you know so much, you’re so arrogant…etc. were axioms that took so much of my time and life to untangle that I was left not only with a skewed view of what my God given talents were, but how I was supposed to use them, actually, of how I am still supposed to use them. This is NOT in any way, shape or form, a mechanism for your pity, that is insulting to me, especially since there are so many others who have risen from more harsh circumstances than mine, It is, however, merely an explanation of how I ended up where I did. As in all our lives, some of the worst points of darkness, offer the greatest opportunities for uncovering a deeper and more beautiful light, and that is how I am trying, amidst great consternation, to look at it. But…as was made clear by all that has been ruminating in my mind and intuition, I still have some dismantling to do with some of the more pervasive messages, namely, it is perfectly acceptable to have been given many different kinds of gifts from God that may make me stand out ahead of the herd and it is time to stop running from them, regardless of how uncomfortable it makes me feel right now. My focus must be on taking the “talents” I’ve been given, like the parable says, and make something of them. I have taken comfort in Teilhard’s definition of success: The slow work of God often involves passing through stages of instability, meaning success requires patience and faith in God’s ultimate plan rather than immediate and measurable results, and how well one acts according to God’s will and participates in the ongoing, creative work of the universe. True success is moving toward a greater awareness of a “higher” state of being where individual spirits converge and unite in love. I have also taken comfort in the words of scripture: love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love. Never. Fails.

I had a sudden and harsh realization amidst all the myriad of emotions this week, that I will never reach a higher state of being, or converge and unite in love unless I face my own fear and worthiness of success. While I cognitively know how capable I am, and talented…I do hide and am comfortable in anonymity, which, according to the parable is tantamount to burying my talents in the ground. (and the very reason this parable has always made me a little sick to my stomach). So, regardless of my natural inclination to be “supportive” rather than be in the lead…it is important, at this point anyway, to prove to myself and “her” that I can be and will be in the forefront of a creative movement, even if only momentary, and that is the lesson at this appointed time. Ironically, the circumstances of the moment only seem to serve as the exact incentive for to me to forge ahead. It is her messages that I bury in the ground, and not my talent…and doing so with just my own two hands and feet seem to be the appropriate way to do so.

Evil and Living on a Higher Plane

I don’t think it would be incorrect to say that evil is a subject that most human beings are curious about. Just look at its presence in the world, from its popularity in all the mediums of storytelling, to religious institutions using it as leverage to ensure appropriate behavior, to world politics who use it to vilify their enemies and as a reason to wreck havoc on them. And yet from another perspective, the fragile nature of human beings has shown throughout history, that they are not only capable of, but have committed horrible evil acts for a host of reasons and moral guidance is a necessity in developing a personal ethos, as well as cultural ones, which can’t be done without the recognition that evil does, in many forms, exist. In a particular turbulent time for me, I once read a book called: “When bad things happen to good people” by Harold Kushner that I found incredibly helpful. The online synopsis describes it like this: ‘It tackles the theological problem of evil, proposing that God does not cause tragedy or intervene to stop it, but rather offers comfort, strength, and love, enabling people to find meaning in a flawed world’. I would also add that while the gift of free will allows humanity to choose our future road forward, it also becomes glaringly obvious (to me, anyway) how much we need God/Love’s assistance to do so successfully. For me the jury is still out on how evil actually manifests itself in our world, except to say that I have had experiences of it that have pushed the limits of believable reality, and I am humble enough to admit that I am the limited one in this scenario and therefore walk forward with the knowledge that there are things in reality that I can’t completely understand, that I do not walk alone, and that the cornerstone of my faith must be in the power of love that will ultimately protect me and the world from evil. I also think it is futile to try and understand the nature of evil in any other way except to say this; 1) it is parasitic in nature and cannot exist independently on its own, my faith taught me that Jesus took care of that when he bore our sins and conquered death and before he fully transformed, broke the walls of hell, and 2) it feeds off our fear in a myriad of ways. In my experience, it also roars its ugly head whenever we are close to a change in state forward…to create a cosmic setback, as it were. Because of the latter reason, it also makes it difficult for me not to ascribe some intelligence and malice to it, hence why I often refer to evil as if it were the serpent in the old testament from the Garden of Eden.

The reason I started with a look at evil, was not to explain what it is, exactly, but to simply accept it is definitely a part of the human journey, and figure out how best we can counteract it as we live on a higher plane. I’ve always found Teilhard’s suggestion of using the evil that happens to us as opportunities to transform it into good (kind of like Faust did when Mephistopheles tried to trip him up with evil acts…there was always an option for good too) as the simplest and most positive way forward.

Teilhard says we can turn evil into good in three ways:

1) Occasionally one of our failures will divert our energies to another channel that may be a more virtuous one.
2) Sometimes the loss we experience will cause us to return, out of frustration, to less material areas.
3) The most common way, because we see diminishment all around us almost continually, is by uniting with God and transfiguring our suffering within the context of a loving annihilation and union. God carves out a hollowness in us in order to make room for love’s entrance into our innermost being. Thus everything can be taken up again to be recast in God (love) even our failures.

This approach keeps the road forward open, regardless of any obstacle thrown on our path…we can always find an alternative route, an opportunity to use the empty spaces created by experiences of evil by filling them with Love and utilizing its power to transform our failures and recast them as learning experiences and into an even stronger love and faith life. It is the action of moving beyond the evil that make us powerful, and utilizing the power of Love in those very moments that shed a light into that darkness and dispel it so we can move forward unhindered by it.

Jesus, too, acknowledges evil in the desert when he was presented with three temptations by Satan:

Physical Needs: Turning stones into bread to break his fast, to which Jesus responds: humanity cannot live on bread alone.
Testing God: Throwing himself from the temple pinnacle to prove God’s protection, to which Jesus responds, do not put the Lord your God to the test.
Worldly Power: Worshipping the devil in exchange for all the kingdoms of the world, to which Jesus responds, the Lord your God you shall worship, to God alone you shall serve.

Jesus showed us that even when we are at our weakest and we are tempted to give into evil, we are never alone, we have the power of Love on our side, and the promise that when God is for us, there is nothing that will get in the way of that power of Love. It is also important to remember, while the apparatus of the world may not always visibly change, the way we act in it does, and those actions, in turn do change the world apparatus. Teilhard puts it this way: when we come to realize that the divine milieu has been revealed to us, it is possible to make a pair of important observations. First, the manifestation of the divine causes no apparent changes on the outward nature of things as perceived by our senses—though their meanings may be accentuated. Second, the persistence of the revelation is guaranteed by Christ himself. No power can keep us from the accompanying joys of acting with love as our source of movement into the future.

I conclude with this: let love be your source of power to react to the evils that befall you, let love transform any obstacle into an opportunity for good, and let love open up new and exciting paths forward.

The Nature of Omega

The above pictures are some pendants I just made for my show, that while making, I tried to express the sacred qualities of the beauty of nature in stones formed over millions of years with my personal expressions of love. Each piece is unique, I never replicate anything…people love that, and it is my hope that the hundreds of pieces I have out there are worn as a reflection of nature’s beauty. FYI, I never sell anything on line, (including my drawings/paintings) because, well for one I don’t want to, and second, because I think I need to make a connection with the actual person that is buying it. I know its a terrible business model, but it is what I feel driven to do.

So lets jump right in. As I alluded to in the last post, The Omega Point, or destination of evolution (scripture calls it the Kingdom of Heaven) is present and within us right now, and not just a future concept or goal. Teilhard, like the laws of evolution, ascribe four attributes to this unified concept of the universe as such:

It is autonomous, the Omega (which is synonymous with God/love and from now on I will be referring as “Love”) that was there from the beginning and acts as a pole drawing evolution upward, outside of time and space.

Love is actual, conscious and intellectual and not an abstract, representing supreme personalization whose function is to maintain the unanimity of all human beings (blueprints).

Love is irreversible. Its emergence in the course of evolution can only occur through successive stages and is independent on what proceeds it. It is “the soul” of all creation.

Love is transcendent. While it is the first product of its own evolution, it is at the same time outside of all evolution or space time. It is insufficient to say that it emerged from the rise of consciousness, it was the source and incorruptible energy that drove it.

The framework of these four attributes mirror the teaching’s of Christ about the nature of God. There is a place that Teilhard does diverge from traditional teachings in the epistles, about not being “of” the world. It Teilhard’s view there are no “religious acts” and “secular acts”. He even goes so far as to intimate that is a dangerous perspective. Since all of our evolution, to this point, is rooted in the world we must strive for detachment with a striving for development, i.e. when you act, you do so not for public acclaim, but for God: Matthew 6:1-13, where he ends with the only prayer we need, which is the Lord’s prayer:

(But) take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father. When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing, so that your almsgiving may be secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you. In praying, do not babble like the pagans, who think that they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them. Your Father knows what you need before you ask him.

This is how you are to pray: Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as in heaven. Give us today our daily bread; and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors; and do not subject us to the final test, but deliver us from the evil one.

If you forgive others their transgressions, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive your transgressions. When you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites. They neglect their appearance, so that they may appear to others to be fasting. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, so that you may not appear to be fasting, except to your Father who is hidden. And your Father who sees what is hidden will repay you .Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and decay destroy, and thieves break in and steal. But store up treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor decay destroys, nor thieves break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be. The lamp of the body is the eye. If your eye is sound, your whole body will be filled with light; but if your eye is bad, your whole body will be in darkness. And if the light in you is darkness, how great will the darkness be. No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.

Jesus taught us that actions have no value except in the intentions that motivate them. All work, all striving rooted in love cooperates to complete the world in the sanctifying grace of Jesus Christ. I learned this lesson when I was at the Benedictine monastery in the desert. St Benedict taught that work, labor, is an extension of prayer, an encounter with God, a way to build community (the body) and a means to contribute to society (with our own special gifts/blueprint). Teilhard uses this syllogism and explanation of work:

All work, all striving, cooperates to complete the world in Jesus Christ (Love). At the heart of the universe every soul exists for God, but all reality exists for our souls, therefore, all reality exists through our souls for God (Love). Love’s creation, after all was not completed long ago, it is a continuing process and we, humanity, serve to complete it by what we do and how we do it. It is no less than bringing Christ to fulfillment. In action we cleave to Love’s creative power, we coincide with it and prolong it. There is a specifically God like perfection to human endeavor. We cripple our lives if we see work as only an encumbrance. Because of the incarnation of Christ anything on this earth is profound for those who see it properly.

I know this post is heady, and I worry that people will grow bored with my theme this year, but living on a higher plane demands that we understand how to wield love, and bring the divine to life in all we do…even in the simplest of activities. To understand that whether we are a laborer, doctor, artist or whatever we feel called to do will offer us all opportunities to evolve us forward by “how” we perform our daily actions is truly the key. To become aware that how we wield love in relationships from lovers, friends, to communities and countries is what will strengthen the bonds that hold us together and move us into the future is our true power. If I’m being honest, it has been a particularly difficult time for me in this regard. Life feels immeasurably burdensome this week from being sick, to a broken connection, to crisis management at almost every turn in one of the busiest times in my life…it has not been easy to respond to these circumstances bombarding me with the love I seem to so casually preach about above…such is the nature of learning how to live on a higher plane, and how I am personally being held to account (you know the whole never wanting to become an asshole thing). Pray for me, I definitely need it. Its also apropos to what comes next…how to turn evil to good on a higher plane.

The Omega Point and the Theory of Everything

I begin with a piece of jewelry I created for my upcoming show the first weekend in May. I love this piece of ocean jasper, because I see a person wandering forward in a field of flowers…nature is truly amazing. The following post touches on theoretical ideas, so I thought I would begin with the picture above showing you a bit of nature’s magic…so lets jump right in….

According to Wikipedia, a theory of everything (TOE) is an overarching hypothetical coherent theoretical framework of physics that contains all physical principles. The scope of the concept of a “theory of everything” varies. The original technical concept referred to unification of the four fundamental interactions, or forces of nature: electromagnetism, strong and weak nuclear forces and gravity. While yet unproved, it is the subject of many scientists to find one single equation that explains the physics of the universe. But just because it hasn’t been proven yet, simply means, in my mind anyway, that we are not at that point of evolution, or have all the necessary information yet. Albert Einstein learned a painful lesson when he dropped a constant to his equations to ensure a static universe after the expansion of the universe was proven, because modern physics now uses that very concept to explain dark energy. My point here, and you should all breath a sigh of relief, is not to try to go into a physics lesson, but more as a gentle reminder to remain open to where evolution is moving us, embracing that while it may not make sense yet, faith and new information will keep moving us out of “intuited” ideas, into principles that become rooted in reality and giving us the necessary hindsight to keep moving into the unknown.

From the perspective of theology, however, and from my standpoint specifically, we are stuck in the same old, same old, and refuse to look at love as the internal reflection/workings of those same natural powers science is trying so hard to understand and unify. From a theological standpoint, we are obligated to work to see and hear how the “within” of this power (love) continues to express new facets of itself giving us not only a greater understanding of its nature, but leaves us better equipped as to how to wield it. Instead, many religious institutions hammer their faithful with rote recitations of scripture and their literal and uniform interpretations on how “to be” in the world we are living in that deny the very essence of its message. Memorizing scripture and its regurgitation to ‘the faithful’ without the substance and the power of love propelling one to put those words into action is what has made much of the Christian faith, in my humble opinion, as Paul says, a resounding gong, or clanging symbol. It is simply noise with no benefit to anyone except to give them the belief that somehow “following the rules” and the uniformity it demands, they remain in an elite club with a free pass to heaven in the end. Like Physicists working to understand the power that holds this world together, I, along with others, want to understand the “within” of this power, because as the gift of reflective thought has made clear, we are acting in concert with this power as cocreators of our future and are responsible for how it propels us forward toward a final goal, one which Teilhard called “the Omega Point”.

There is a distinct difference in our journey of evolution from all other linear journeys that move through time. All the power necessary to move in the right direction is already present here amidst and amongst us even if we are not completely aware of or can see or hear it fully yet. We, the human element, are the change agent so as we evolve and begin to see and hear with greater depth and understanding, we will also have greater access to this power, called love, which will be as tantamount a discovery as fire was to early humans. And this understanding can’t be rushed; (as Jesus says, neither the angels of heaven or the Son, only the Father in Heaven knows the timing of all of this movement forward) we must have faith in the whispering of the music in our souls that moves us to connect with, by following the blueprint Jesus laid out so carefully for us, others who, like parts of a body, make us so much more than we are alone. It’s important to remember that a heart, while beautiful in its own right, only has function and purpose when connected to other unique parts that comprise a body. We don’t cease to become any less individual, but become demonstrably so much more. That statement helps me understand Jesus words when he said: “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” Understanding what I do now about God, and love…that means to truly “become” myself, I have to let go of control and let Love control, pulling me into the kinds of connections that will not only sustain me but fulfill my purpose…which I fully admit, even after all this time, I am still just a neophyte, and seem to mess up daily. The good news is that in every failure (and successes, I’m not completely inept), I see and hear the power of love in greater depth and how it augments my human limitations with the heavenly kind. Teilhard explains the deep discovery of self through love like this:

It is through love and within love that we must search for our deepest self, in the life-giving “coming together” of humankind. Love is the free and imaginative outflowing of the spirit over all unexplored paths. It links those who love in bonds that unite, but do not destroy, causing them to discover in their mutual contact an exaltation capable of stirring in the very core of their being all that they possess of uniqueness and creative power. Love alone can unite living beings so as to complete and fulfill them…for it alone joins them by which is deepest in themselves. If love accomplishes on a small scale, in a couple or in the team, the magic feat of a ‘personalizing’ unity, why shouldn’t it repeat this some day on a world wide scale? All we need is to imagine our ability to love developing until it embraces the totality of people on the earth. We usually seem to think that, with the love of a spouse, children, friends or country, a person has exhausted all natural forms of love. Yet, the most basic form of passion has been omitted from this list: ‘cosmic love’. Not only is a universal love psychologically possible, it constitutes the only complete and final way in which we are capable of loving.

To do this, Teilhard tells us we were never meant to do this alone, and reminds us of the first great commandment, that you must love the Lord, your God with all your heart and with all your soul, followed by the second which is to love your neighbor as yourself. The only way for cosmic love to happen, for this deep kind of love to be possible is that it must be co-existent with us right now. If love, or as Teilhard calls it in the context of our evolution, “Omega” were only an ideal or potential, which is to emerge only in a remote future, how could it possibly have any real effect on us today? A present and real super consciousness must have a present and real center. Like physicists who poster ideas we can’t presently prove mathematically, yet, to work toward future proof, so too must we poster ideas about love and move into them with the faith that, based on Jesus’ blueprint. that we are moving in the right direction.

Next time we will talk about the nature of Omega, to which Teilhard says has four attributes rooted in what Jesus laid our for us.

Building on the Richness in my Head

Holy Thursday, the first day in the Christian triduum, which represents Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday, is the most difficult for me. The last supper occurs on that day, as well as Jesus visit to the Garden of Gethsemane where he asks his fellow disciples to stay awake with him as he prepares for his coming sacrifice…in which they all fall asleep, leaving him alone in his fear and despair. I’ve written about this before: https://maryfrancesflood.com/2013/03/30/agony/ Ironically, it was when I finally fell asleep last night after hours of trying to do so that I finally received some comfort and insight.

I was in the garden…after the fact. At first, I sat quietly and waited, and finally he came in his risen form and I tried to breathe amidst the turmoil of the moment. He reached over and took my hand in his and with the other gently turned my face toward his and looked into my eyes and said: “Tell me.”

“Remember when that priest told me the movie in my head was much better than the real thing, and that I was setting myself up for disappointment? In this moment, more than ever, I feel like he may have been right. I am finding that trying to bring the richness of what is in my mind and make tangible in the world feels impeded or blocked at every turn. I so want to honor the choice you made…” The tears began to flow, “that you bore the weight of my sin, of our sins.” He rubbed his thumb over my hand and waited for me to continue. “Sitting here, is where you chose to sacrifice yourself so that people like me would have unlimited access to the power of love to wield in the world. I have spent my lifetime trying to figure out how to do that and looking around, I’m not too sure I am any better at it than I was when I started.” He looked at me with brow furrowed and sighed deeply.

“Stop trying to be perfect, you are not me!” And he put his hand up by my mouth before I could interrupt him. “I never expected you to love perfectly, or follow exactly in my footsteps. This”, pointing to the garden “was my journey, my choice, my sacrifice. I embraced it in the beginning. I knew everything that was coming, and even though I became human, and I was afraid, your beautiful face and the faces of so many other beautiful blueprints were my inspiration in that moment to say yes, to what was required of me. You, Mary Frances and others like you gave me hope that it would be all worth while. Your love and light inspired me in the darkest moment of my journey to drink from my Father’s cup. Love saved us all in that moment…and I want you to look into my eyes and let that sink in. Your journey is unique to you alone, with all you need to succeed already given to you and I am perfectly happy with your progress thus far. But I sense the depth of your sadness…so talk to me.”

“But what of those who you love, but don’t love you back? I don’t want to be a resounding gong or a clanging symbol like Paul talked about. I have forgiven and tried to appreciate all the good things I’ve been given and I’ve tried hard to love according to Scripture’s definition, promising to be unequivocal, but when I expect the same in return,…” Crest fallen, I started to fall apart, a bit, and in an incredible intimate gesture, Jesus pulled me on his lap and held me tight.

“You can’t make someone love you, if they don’t (like the song you love says)…but what you need to know is that how she decided to live with, or bury her gifts is her decision alone. I saw how hard you worked to be a good daughter. And now, I know signing that paper placing her where she is safe, is an act of love, on your part, and on your siblings part and not a betrayal. Sometimes wielding love is painful.” He turned my face toward his. “But that isn’t everything, is it?”

I sighed deeply and shook my head in the negative. “No. but compared to your sacrifice, it seems almost insipid to bring it up.”

“Love in any expression is never insipid. I would have thought you would know that by now.” He took a deep breath and continued, “All I have ever asked of you, of all of you, is believe that I am the way, the truth and the life and that none of you come to God, to love except through me…” he paused, looked at me and smirked “and I can already see the wheels turning in your head, so when I say ‘through me’ you know I mean by how you love one another, as I have taught you, so trust the plan I have for you and utilize all the gifts you’ve been given to shine your light in the darkness and you will move mountains. And believe me when I say all who seek me will find me. We are tethered together, you and I, and you need to trust that my grace is sufficient, and trust those whom I have placed with you on your journey. You are never alone. Simply concentrate on utilizing your gifts to bear good fruit in the world, and your song of love will shape the future.” He looked deep into my eyes, and said: “I know all the prayers you asked for, in goodness, not only for yourself but for others, and I always keep my promises. Remember, Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…Ever” He kissed my on the forehead and I woke up to a new day,

I hope my dream can inspire you. Have a Blessed Easter…and never give up on the movie in your head.

Perception and Reality

The above picture is a contemplative monastery, Christ in the Desert, that I stayed at while in college trying to figure out, as I wrote in my journal, “this whole faith thing”. As you can see, I’m still trying to figure it out.

Lately, I’ve been dealing with the very difficult and problematic task of how to handle a loved one and her increasing descent into dementia from Alzheimer’s disease. My sister and I are her medical/legal guardians and it is up to us to decide how to move forward, however challenging that may be. However, I had a curious thought during all our interactions over the past months that seems apropos to what I am doing here…and it was how adamant and confident she had become in her delusions, many dangerous to her well being…which I won’t go into, but it begged the question: how are the delusions she moves in any different than someone like me, or Teilhard, or Scientists or Mystics who from an intuitive place put faith in a future potential of/in something yet unknown or not physically obvious at our present point of evolution in this world? For one thing, having it come to fruition at a later date in time…from both the perspective of the “without” and the “within” is essential in continuing to invest in those kinds of intuitions that keep pushing our understanding of reality, but from whom or where does that intuition come? From my family member’s perspective, she believes she is the “chosen one” (and because she has fallen prey to a foreign money scam that preys on vulnerable people…which we have in hand). What of the rest of us?

When I speak for myself, regarding things I can’t explain, like the fact that I have a firm belief that God has spoken to me auditorily…how is it that I continue to move forward in my faith journey that is rooted in something that could easily be tossed aside as delusional so confidently? Where is the proof? First and foremost, I challenge myself on this notion pretty much all the time to keep me grounded in how I move forward. I also am aware, however, that I am not alone when I state that there are plenty of others who stake their lives on things beyond their present understanding that they believe move our evolution forward. Throughout my lifetime, many individuals who have crossed my path were shown, by experience, to be predators and charlatans preaching a bunch of malarky to buy into something for the sake their own enrichment (i.e. snake oil salesmen). Especially in the present environment, I am astonished at how many people root their belief in things that are patently untrue, and easily fact checked. I don’t want to ever fall into that trap or lead anyone astray, which is why, for the most part, I throw all this stuff out into cyberspace with no conditions whatsoever except to say it is my hope that it can in some way give people hope in their own potential to make a difference in the world and shine a little light. I am also aware that having a stake in future possibilities cannot be rooted in just a single or few minds or disciplines, which is why I have tried to broaden my perspective to see things from the angle of multiple disciplines. And in doing so, I see so many similarities in their expressions in the physical world (like a similar musical theme, to use my favorite metaphor). From Teilhard’s idea of the Noosphere shaping into the blanket of reflective thought we know as the internet, to Scientists identifying and understanding different natural forces, only to have that insight become even more altered as time and understanding and science continues to develop, to Artists who express an intuitive golden proportion that is pleasing to the eye, all the way down to my little, small and fallible voice who believes in an omnipotent God who loves me deeply enough to answer all my prayers asked in goodness and also guides me and helps me exist with others on a higher plane (and as I explained to another…when our lives have transformed so much how can we believe that we made all this shit up?). Obviously, my starting point is the fact that I don’t have Alzheimer’s disease (regardless of how others may see me, I am definitely of sound mind). Secondly, I always go back to that point on the mountain where God claimed my attention and acceptance, and where my real faith journey began (and has been validated immeasurably over the years,) and it wasn’t through adulation, but through all the hard lessons (of which I wear my scars proudly), along with the successes I’ve achieved through facing all challenges that were presented to me, and yes, here I go again, often through dreams and the direction of my spirit guide, and amazing people I’ve met along the way. Thirdly, continuing to challenge and reinvent my faith according to the wise instruction of my father who taught me that faith unchallenged is dead. And lastly, the cumulative efforts of those people throughout my life via education, travel, adventures, jobs, etc., that have resulted in hindsight giving me an even deeper and stronger faith in love guiding the world. Through them I continue learn how how to wield love’s power in all its expressions to help other’s share their blueprints and light to build up the Body of Christ, and also give me the love, strength and intuition/foresight to continue to move into the unknown. Here are two quotes by Teilhard, that explains my position:

Though frightened for a moment by evolution, the Christian now perceives that what evolution offers us is nothing but a magnificent means of feeling more ‘at one’ with God and of giving oneself more to God, the whole. To be able to say literally to God that I love you, not only with all my body, all my heart, and all my soul but with every fiber of the unifying universe…is a prayer that can only be made in space-time.

Someday, after mastering the the winds, the waves, the tides, and gravity, we shall harness for God the energies of love, and then, for a second time in the history of the world, humanity will have discovered fire.

Both quantum physics and Christian theology teach us that the relationship of one thing to another is what creates reality, AND that the sum is greater than the individual part…remember according to quantum theorists, the observer is essential in determining reality, and that the apostle Paul described us all as one body, but with many members, all different but essential for the body to function. I am adamant in the belief that however I express/wield love as an observer is essential to building this future potential, and I really don’t give a a whoop if no one else thinks so. As I’ve said before, I am the cumulative result of a lifetime of experiences and evolution that gives me the unmitigated gall to declare that I am, (of course along with unnumerable others) a maker of our future potential (the power of a mustard seed or impact of a butterflies wings). Importantly, relationships are not objects, they are experienced (which is why I love the quote from “The Little Prince” which says that it is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye). The invisible part, or the part that is beyond the four dimensions (height, width, length and time) that humans are presently defined by is the issue that I’ve been focused on this week, and also propels me to continue on this unknown road, delusional or not. Why? because it all makes sense to me, after balancing so many different perspectives…there is proof that I am on the right road, that my foundations are on solid ground and not some madness I’ve embraced to face an illogical and increasingly troubled world. We have had our future success laid out on a silver platter by an omnipotent and loving God, we only need to keep walking forward, rooted in those axioms left to us by the Savior of the World.

As a final caveat for this post, that I will build on for next time, let me share how science has moved from an intuited position to one that became, with new measurement and understanding, the new norm. Originally, it was understood that there were four different fundamental forces of nature (the without): gravity, electromagnetism (responsible for the structure of atoms and molecules) , nuclear weak force (causes beta decay, where a neutron changes into a proton crucial for nuclear reactions in the sun and radiocarbon dating), and nuclear strong force (responsible for holding the nucleus of an atom together). Over time, physicists combined the electromagnetic force with the nuclear weak force. Now, through theories based on supersymmetry (interestingly represented by the circle) they are working to unite additionally, the strong nuclear force leaving only two forces of nature. Now I do know how to count…but now, what scientists hope to prove is that there really is ultimately only one force…or so called The Grand Unified Theories (known as GUTS). Interestingly, the GUTS theory works out mathematically if you add an additional dimension or force…which perhaps humans, who are presently limited to four dimensions (within) haven’t developed enough to comprehend completely, the fifth…which for all intents and purposes is Love…the most powerful source of all. Keep tuned.

Loves Triumphant Song

I took a moment, giving my brain a rest, and tried in the silence to rediscover the song in my soul, to hear its whisper, but the snowstorm outside and incredible wind kept me distracted (I don’t like the hard kind of wind that worries me whether or not the trees will make it till morning). So to quiet that fear, I listened to music…a song in particular that I hadn’t heard in a long time, but was brought to mind during the Chanel show and it slowed my mind and I could begin to hear, in pictures, the song that is brewing inside, which is demonstrably different than the song above, but moves me in the same kind of way…and can’t share because it isn’t ready yet.

Standing still with arms raised, a maestro quells the cacophony of noise inside that often times occurs when fear takes hold and and gloams into the rising light that love’s song quietly brings. With a subtle shift of her wrist, she moves her wand and offers a prayer to God above and around us to fill her with the power of love and the necessary silence required to hear the song’s subtle beginning whisper and again moves her wand with a gentle gesture, and like a chaste kiss the orchestra begins.

She celebrates love’s triumphant song, with multiple melodies and instruments yet none to reign supreme but created to blend together in harmony. Her wand sways, hones and weaves together notes to become more than what they are alone. Tempering movements from dissonance to congruous symmetry, melodies all uniquely inspired by love become the heart song she longs for.

One voice low and uncomplicated, from disordered to measured in equivalent beats pushing past the present to future’s possibilities, directed and soul understood, pensive and building toward a moment of perfect harmony.

One voice even, temperate but eager to dance to creation’s beauty and the celebration of higher potential, drawn forward by heaven’s pull and the promise of a blueprint fulfilled.

One voice, quiet, continuous and with foresight, rearranging the stars above to places of harmonic unity, bringing wholeness and happiness to those who choose to be and share their light.

Finally one voice, dramatic, unequivocal and full of love that celebrates the ties that bind together multiple voices, each unique but adding dimension and fullness to the song of her heart.

Notes upon notes, upward and forward along with voices, whose lyrics sometimes strained but sounding hope in trying times, stills the cacophony of fear that drove the discord disrupting and pervading our world, to advance in fullness the song of the Kingdom. Today, I share the idea of my melody song as a prayer for all soul songs of love…

Quenching Thirst

The above picture is the pool we once had but had to dig up in 2018 because of the increasing harsh conditions of winter (one in particular) and we just couldn’t sustain it anymore. I cried for a long time when we had to remove it. Steve didn’t mind as much because he isn’t a fan of water and doesn’t know how to swim beyond dog paddling. Me? I love water, I always have. Perhaps its’ because I am a water sign, but water calms me, invigorates me and is the one place where my body completely relaxes giving me temporary freedom from the limits of my damaged structure. So it is with water as my metaphor that I speak about what is necessary to live according to the rules of a higher plane. For me, the first and most primary rule is love. Allowing the power of love to express my heart is like being given a cool, fresh, glass of water and while drinking it, suddenly become aware of how thirsty and parched I had been all along. The transforming effect of quenching a deep thirst besides being mind-blowing, is exactly what it feels like when I let love in its multifaceted expressions, move and propel me forward, especially when it is essential to my very survival. I know there are other “things” that can offer a feeling of euphoria, or temporary sustenance, but the transitory “high” that comes from, and the crash that follows after it passes, is proof that those “false” facsimiles don’t really quench anything at all, and most often create an even deeper thirst, a longing, or a a bigger hole that is impossible to fill…an apt description of addiction. Since the human body is roughly comprised of 60% water, and without it…we die, water is the very substance of survival. It doesn’t take a genius to see that most of the modern options of quenching thirst, other than water , more times than not, eventually shorten life, not sustain it. It is a simply fact that living without water, though,is virtually impossible. And if water is the “without” using the terminology of Teilhard, so too, is water necessary on a spiritual level, for the “within”.

I know I’ve spoken about the remarkable exchange that Jesus had with a Samaritan woman before, but importantly, this is also the first time he declares what he is offering at the beginning of his ministry, is a kind of “living water” from the gospel of John 4:9-14:

The Samaritan woman said to him, “How can you, a Jew, ask me, a Samaritan woman, for a drink?” (For Jews use nothing in common with Samaritans.) Jesus answered and said to her, “If you knew the gift of God and who is saying to you, ‘Give me a drink,’ you would have asked God and God would have given you living water.”(The woman) said to him, “Sir, you do not even have a bucket and the cistern is deep; where then can you get this living water? Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us this cistern and drank from it himself with his children and his flocks?” Jesus answered and said to her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again; but whoever drinks the water I shall give will never thirst; the water I shall give will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life

Jesus goes on to say later in John that once we embrace him, “Rivers of living water will flow from within them.” Most scholars equate “living waters” with the gift of the Holy Spirit, or grace, that was bestowed upon us after Jesus death and resurrection giving us a continuous and inextinguishable source of God’s power, i.e. love. I wrote a piece once, asking how anyone’s life would change if their wallet was as unlimited as the love of God is… https://maryfrancesflood.com/2019/08/07/love-and-quid-pro-quo/ Human beings are often restricted, because they see themselves as simply entities unto themselves, a construction of a single perspective. But, as Teilhard and Jesus remind us, we are not entities unto ourselves, but part of a much greater whole. It is that understanding that we are all connected that enabled me to move in the world with an unlimited source of love that flows from within me and outward toward others. Here is the rub, though, even though the source of love is unlimited and as promised we need never be thirsty again, as humans, we still have the free will to decide how and when to wield it. And as I have mentioned before, just because an individual decides that an action is rooted in love, doesn’t necessarily make it so. Love is never defined just by our intent and desire for it because it is so much bigger than we are…love demands relinquishing personal control and giving it the freedom to lead us. How we know we are successful in doing so, we need only look to what those essential qualities of love are, as they are listed so clearly in 1 Corinthians 13 and whether or not, over time, our spiritual thirst is indeed being quenched or we are left wanting. Gaging whether an action is rooted in love or fear is essential and sometimes, because its not always clear from a human perspective, we may have to change course. Looking at how we love is a continuing proposition, which demands both circumspection and a desire to continue to evolve. The upside is the promise that we are not alone, and by extending love, we are promised its return to us. And I have personally celebrated an abundance of that return.

The freedom to embrace this “living water” as Jesus calls it, doesn’t depend on our doing it “perfectly” because after all, we are all moving toward a greater synthesis. Living on a higher plane doesn’t require sainthood either, but simply a desire to, with the help of the God of love, do it better every day.

Freedom on a Higher Plane

There is nothing that represents freedom to me more than a full moon upon a full body of water…so here is a picture of the snow moon up on Lake Superior…

free·dom

/ˈfrēdəm/

noun

the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint

While I am aware that all of us live within different cultural rules depending on where we exist on this beautiful globe, this post is not about which societal rules are most beneficial. I am speaking about freedom in the context of living on a higher plane. And when it comes to living on a higher plane, the concept of freedom differs from the standard definition I listed above. While all of us are born with the power and right to express our blueprints as God intended without hindrance or restraint, there should be an additional addendum to that definition…Because we are all connected, the freedom “to be” must also be done in accordance to the special part each blueprint plays with respect to the rest of the body, both in a physical and spiritual sense and embracing the kind of behavior that will keep the body healthy and moving forward. Paul in his first letter to Corinthians explains it like this:

Now the body is not a single part, but many. If a foot should say, “Because I am not a hand I do not belong to the body,” it does not for this reason belong any less to the body. Or if an ear should say, “Because I am not an eye I do not belong to the body,” it does not for this reason belong any less to the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would the hearing be? If the whole body were hearing, where would the sense of smell be? But as it is, God placed the parts, each one of them, in the body as he intended. If they were all one part, where would the body be? But as it is, there are many parts, yet one body. The eye cannot say to the hand, “I do not need you,” nor again the head to the feet, “I do not need you. “Indeed, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are all the more necessary, and those parts of the body that we consider less honorable we surround with greater honor, and our less presentable parts are treated with greater propriety, whereas our more presentable parts do not need this. But God has so constructed the body as to give greater honor to a part that is without it, so that there may be no division in the body, but that the parts may have the same concern for one another. If (one) part suffers, all the parts suffer with it; if one part is honored, all the parts share its joy. Now you are Christ’s body, and individually parts of it.

It is within the context of this living body of humanity, and the fact that we are all connected together in one body, that the freedom to be as we were intended is balanced with the direction that God has intended for us to follow. In practical application, no single body, community, or civilization can exist without the application of systems or conventions that balance individual freedoms with the freedom of the whole to prosper. As humanity evolves, so too must those systems that balance individual freedom and responsibility to the whole. Think of it this way; the brain, lungs, hands have evolved over time to achieve greater function, but without the body…they cease to have any function or purpose at all. Their value must be seen in light of the whole. This is a bit of a conundrum, especially if ‘the whole’ deviates from God’s purpose and somehow decides that you can’t be who you were meant to be for often fear based reasons. I think the Savior understood the necessity of challenging power and money for this reason. It is also why Paul emphasized that there would always be parts of the body that are given greater spiritual power and understanding because it was their responsibility to make sure greater propriety was given to the weaker parts, because they too, are essential to function of the whole. If the weaker parts fail, so does the whole…if the weaker parts thrive…so does the whole.

When I think about living free from hindrance or restraint, and expressing my blueprint to the best of my ability, I must also take into consideration all those other essential parts of the body who choose to walk with me on a higher plane wherever they are. And rather than being left to figure out on my own how to do that, it is my faith and commitment to the God of love to lead the dance on this higher plane and show me the necessary steps I need to take to balance developing my own blueprint, and the responsibility I have to the rest of those I choose to love as we all move forward. I make this distinction because I can’t be everything to every part of the body of humanity, but I can center my regard and love to those parts of the body who cross my path every day, especially those trajectories I send out love to. I also have to acknowledge how much regard and love I’ve received from those who have been instrumental in helping me figure out the melody of my soul so the part I play in this body is also effectual in the body moving forward. I’m beginning to see that my simple footprint in this world does make a difference and choosing love as the source of my actions every day is all the proof I need to believe in its power.

Besides working to keep the body healthy and in tact, standing still is never an option. The body of humanity will continue to evolve, perhaps not as much from the physical sense…but directionally from a consciousness perspective, and the stakes could not be higher. According to my faith, and indeed many other faiths, there is a cosmic consciousness that has set the direction of humanities’ journey through time, and because of the freedom to choose, it is incumbent upon all of us to decide individually, if we are going to choose God as the cosmic brain that moves us forward or not. The Savior didn’t really give any of us a ton of options. Either we follow him forward as expressions of the Kingdom of Heaven, or we choose the alternative…which is bleak. Now I hate ultimatums just as much as anyone, but laid out over time, not only throughout history but my own life, I came to the conclusion early on that the choice the Savior offered me makes perfect sense, especially in regard to the rhythm of my own soul. Now I also know that humanity has made terrible mistakes when it comes to the applications of all the Saviors teachings especially within traditional church structures, which is why it is always important to keep challenging them, as even Jesus did when their behaviors run contrary to tenets and axioms of what God requires. It is at this point in time where choosing which kind of energy: fear or love will determine whether we evolve forward or backward. For a moment, let me also use science to support this argument.

So, there is also a natural blue print for life as we know it from a scientific perspective which I will explore in a deeper sense in my next post, so I’ll just give you a taste…Teilhard spoke about the necessary precursors to the development of consciousness in humans:

To culminate in humanity at the stage of reflection, life must have been preparing a whole group of factors for a long time and simultaneously. It is true that in the end, from the organic point of view, the whole metamorphosis (i.e. evolution) leading to humans depends on the question of a better brain. But…how was this cerebral perfectioning carried out–how could it have worked–if there had not been a whole series of other conditions brought together at just the same time? The birth of reflective thought marked a critical transformation–a mutation from zero to “everything.” But that birth could be compared with the emergence of a fetus from the womb. The baby at that point still must undergo constant growth before they would become a mature complete human. So it is with humanity: what first issued across the threshold of reflective thought was not yet a complete human, but rather a sort of pre-human. If the creature from which humans evolved had not been a biped, their hands would not have been free in time to release the jaws from their prehensile function, and the thick band of maxillary muscles which had imprisoned the cranium could not have been relaxed. Thanks to two-footedness freeing the hands, the brain was able to grow; and thanks to this too, the eyes (brought closer together on the diminished face) were able to converge and fix on what the hands held and brought before them–the very gesture which formed the external counterpart of reflection. How is it then, that we are not more sensitive to the presence of something greater than ourselves moving forward within us and in our midst.

In conclusion, I will say this about freedom on a higher plane: God gives us individually the right and power to develop our blueprint without hinderance or restraint, but also with the understanding that we do so within the context of being a part of the body of Christ. It is in this context that embracing the power of love, which is the source of our existence and the power by which, in all its expressions, we will keep evolving forward. Like the famous line in the Beatles tune “The End” says: ‘And in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make’…

Anger and Life on a Higher Plane

I spent the afternoon working on a drawing in the next in a series of epiphanies and a sketch of a new painting…and thinking about what was next on living on a higher plane when I had my own epiphany. I am angry at what is happening in our country right now, in the state of Minnesota where I grew up and spent half my life.

I know many people are angry, and I won’t limit the anger to just what is happening in America, any kind of injustice affects us all, regardless of where we are on this beautiful globe because we are all connected in some way, shape, or form. So, it is my stance that everything that happens sends ripples outward to the rest of the world, and I would like an opportunity to intensify the energy of all the righteous anger out there by pleading to everyone that it be rooted in love. And the power of that love can move mountains. Let me say first that it is a fallacy to believe that there is no room for anger when wielding love and existing on a higher plane. Jesus was angry plenty of times, but he was always motivated by love, like when he turned out the money lenders at the temple because they were denigrating the sacred, or when he rebuked the disciples who tried to turn away the children brought to him saying that the Kingdom of Heaven belonged to the likes of them, or when the church hierarchy showed no compassion or love to a man with a withered hand, and most importantly, how he rebuked the Scribes and Pharisees for the depth of their hypocrisy. I also believe that he would be just as angry at what is happening in Minnesota with two unjustified killings, and the complete disregard for the rule of law and compassion for those immigrants, many of which were detained in violation of the law and were shown absolutely no mercy like the Savior commands of us as followers. I say these things dispassionately because I did do my research, and I do know the law, and you would have to be willfully ignorant of the most basic foundational principles and axioms of our Constitution, or blindly and ridiculously naïve, or are simply so tied to a particular bias that you refuse to believe what is right in front of your eyes. To believe the messages of this administration, in all the false representations they have been pedaling when there is definitive proof to the contrary, and are also asked to disregard what you can see with your very own eyes, means living and existing on a higher plane is just not for you. I don’t say this lightly…because to stand for what can only be called a master class in gaslighting and behavior that stands in direct opposition of the most basic tenets of our Christian faith, hell against the most basic tenets of how we are expected, as civilized people of this great country, to comport themselves mean that you have chosen fear over love and lies over truth and will have to live by the consequences of that choice.

So be angry and act on it…but let me be clear, the source by which those actions are fueled means everything. Any action forward must be powered by the proper motivation: love and not fear. The goal must be positive and honestly address the problem of the moment which simply stated is defending and treating those who are seen as the least of us as if they were Christ, because all God’s people are of consequence, loving our neighbors as ourselves all while acting within the laws and tenets laid out in our Constitutional principles and laws that we all must abide by if we are to move forward together. We the people, are the core of this nation, not those who would place themselves above us by claiming positions of power and authority. The people of Minnesota have shown the rest of this country and the world how to channel righteous anger into powerful examples of efficacious love, by supplying food, gathering to watch over their neighbors, supporting affected local businesses, soliciting legal help, peaceful marches, prayers and vigils, and presence and protests in subzero weather, filming and keeping those in power accountable and standing for truth and justice against tyranny, and joining their voices together in large and small ways to challenge the assaults on personal freedoms protected by this great country that are not acceptable. Those who choose to live on a higher plane have to know that all real power does not come of this world or any political ideology, but from the God of love. Love is sovereign, not fear. Love is sovereign, not control. Love is sovereign, not forceful violence. Love is sovereign, not the dissemination of lies over truth.

In truth, I hated writing this post…but to remain silent would make me complicit in the destruction of so many essential connections and parts of the Body of Christ, and I can’t do that. Living on a higher plane demands actions that are in accordance to the power of love as scripture defines it:

Love is patient,

love is kind.

It is not jealous,

It is not pompous,

it is not inflated,

it is not rude,

it does not seek its own interests,

it is not quick-tempered,

it does not brood over injury,

it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

It bears all things,

believes all things,

hopes all things,

endures all things.

Love never fails

Dimensionality, Horton and a Who

I often find it difficult to write about abstract ideas in a way that gives them a certain dimensionality so they become more real, more concrete, and also so people don’t look at me like I’m nuts. It’s why Jesus used parables to instruct us about God, his own ministry, and his purpose of reconciling God and humanity and connecting to a world, much of which at the time anyway, was beyond human comprehension. So, using the same kind of idea, I am appropriating, once again, a story that I think gives concrete dimensionality to what living on a higher plane looks and feels like from my perspective. “Horton Hears a Who” by Dr Suess is one of my favorite books from child hood and I have to thank my older brother for bringing it to mind one day when we were talking.

The gist of the story is this: Horton, a big elephant is relaxing in the water one day when a speck of dust floats by and Horton could swear he hears a noise coming from it. Because his ears are more sensitive than other animals, he thinks that maybe the noise was a cry for help. It turns out it was, a creature so small was calling from atop the speck of dust that he can barely hear him. Concerned that the speck of dust would float into the water and drown this small creature, Horton puts the speck of dust on a clover and delivers the most famous line of the book: “I’ll just have to save him. Because after all, a person’s a person, no matter how small.” Horton realizes that there is a whole other world living on that speck of dust, and the voice he was hearing belonged to the mayor of Whoville, an entire town of small creatures and right then and there commits to keeping them safe. Unfortunately, a kangaroo and her “joey” over hear and see Horton and mock him for conversing with a speck of dust and because of their small ears they can’t hear the little Who and decide that Horton can’t either. No amount of convincing by Horton in explaining how sensitive his ears are is enough to elicit trust from the kangaroos that he is, in fact, telling the truth. Soon the whole jungle hears about the speck of dust and there a many who try to take away the clover and one in particular, a nasty black bottom eagle, finally succeeds in grabbing the clover tosses it into a huge field of clovers. Horton spends night and day going through the whole field and finally, to the great happiness of the mayor of Whoville, gets reunited with Horton…only to be confiscated again by the largest Kangaroo and other jungle animals. They plan on boiling the speck of dust in oil, and in a last ditch panic, Horton implores the mayor of Whoville to have everyone yell at the same time, which they do. Surely everyone had to have heard the singular cry. But to no avail, they don’t. They overcome Horton and cage him. In a last desperate moment Horton implores the mayor to check and make sure everyone is doing their best. The mayor does one last search and sure enough, he finds his small son, JoJo, playing with a yoyo. He grabs him and brings him back to the top of the town, and with JoJo’s little “YOPP” as the final addition, the sound finally travels to all the other animals ears. Horton rejoices and says: “Their voices were heard! They rang out clear and clean. They’ve proved they ARE persons, no matter how small. And their whole world was saved by the smallest of ALL!”

I love this story. It gives credence and context to my journey, not because my story mirrors the Suess tale specifically, but in ways that challenge individual truths and perspectives to go beyond their direct experience and be open to embrace truths that are just beyond their present periphery. At times I have felt like all three major players in this story, Horton, for hearing a whispers that no one else can hear, the mayor for knowing we need help from a world beyond, and little JoJo who even in his smallness turns the tide to save their world. I have felt exhausted, in the past, knowing that many don’t believe or understand the whispers I hear, or in the cry to heaven that our world needs help and we can’t be saved on our own, and in finally in the belief that one small voice joining with all the others who demand to be heard can turn the tide. I don’t feel exhausted anymore, because my periphery has shifted, I know without a doubt that it is in loving unequivocally and the power and efficacious actions of love in all its expressions that strengthens the ties of God’s beautiful blueprints, and is the very source and breath of what living on a higher plane requires.

As I move forward, this little story gives me hope, and if you choose to read it, I hope it gives you hope too; a hope that we the many, both large and small, can join our voices together and with love as the source of our power cast out the the darkness that surrounds us, and shine a light toward a brighter future.

I’ll just have to save him. Because, after all,
A person’s a person, no matter how small.

Light in the Darkness

While I love the long days of summer and all its light…my favorite time of year is right now, when cold and darkness envelopes my small world, making the breakthrough of beautiful light all the more crisp and piercing. With the cold (set to be -15F/-26C on Saturday) and darkness barely waning when I leave for work, and its blackness engulfing me when I come home, the drive home amidst all the twinkling Christmas lights makes the darkness almost magical. It is in the deep of night, however, that I seem to be struggling, per usual.

I hope you all have noticed by now, that I take each and every theme on this journey very seriously. As I move toward the new year, the idea of living on a higher plane, and what that means not only to me, but to all you out there, is a bit paralyzing. Instinctively, like I did the moment I started this journey for God so many years ago (see, “Dancing Naked before the Lord”) my first question is “Why me?” “What do I know?”. The answer is much the same I got from the voice of God the first time…”Because I asked you to, and you accepted.” I know for some, that borders on delusional…but here’s the thing, when I look back in hindsight, it all makes such sense, I see such a beautiful pattern and balanced rationality, from which I have gained so much insight and transformed me into the woman I am now, that I would be hard pressed to say that I made all this shit up.

The foundations of this journey are rooted in the hard work I’ve done cognitively and academically, with degrees in Theology, Education, Leadership and Law (I’m not trying to brag, but these were important mechanisms in how I learned to observe the world). Although pleasurable yet foundational, the hard work of holding multiple jobs so I could travel all over the world and the exposure it gave me to other people and cultures gave me a broader perspective than I ever could have had just standing in one place. The work of facing limitations, some self-imposed and some not, was probably where I have gained the most strength and insight, especially through facing the structural and physical challenges of living a life of pushing through limits and at times, disregarding and paying the consequences of the frailty of just being human. And lastly, (and I know now why this came last), learning to love unequivocally cracked open my soul and released the mute button, and since this experience, the freedom to dance my own dance, is still new and wildly unpracticed, it causes me the most consternation at present. While the above list may mean absolutely nothing to anybody else or give me any measure of credibility for what comes next, it did remind me and solidify my dedication and belief in this journey I’ve been charged with, because I am the one who lived and worked through every moment of it…and I am happy and proud of the results, most of the time.

The reason I say most of the time, is because I do feel like a pioneer of sorts when it comes to living on a higher plane. I know there are plenty of highly spiritual people who already live on a higher plane, and I’m certainly not trying to reinvent the wheel…but what I am attempting is somewhat of a course correction when it comes to what living and loving unequivocally looks like. It is also the reason I think God directed me on this journey. The words of Jesus have become so skewed and the road to manifest the Kingdom of God have become so full of unnecessary obstacles, that I have taken up the mantel to offer, humbly, a version that is more in tune with the tenets and axioms of what the Savior set down. Hopefully at the end of the next year, I will have offered some insight on how to live in such a way that they will know who we are by how we love one another, regardless of who we are, what job we hold or where we live in the world…that all God’s precious blueprints are bearing the fruit of those gifts in such a way that hope has returned and the darkness is obliterated.

And in truth, I have already had a moment, in the night, where the fear and loneliness were so palpable that no amount of comfort extended to me by my spirit guide seemed to get through, and I was tempted to turn and leap from the water back into the boat and I just prayed “HELP”. I missed my father desperately in those moments, especially his wise council and solid faith in God. The very next day, I received a gift that was, I believe, directly sent from above from my oldest brother John. He sent me my dad’s wedding ring, with the note: “Dad is always with us” along with a small part of one of my father’s sermons:

I have often wondered: why did God create us so imperfectly, that he needed such a majestic solution to our dilemma. Why didn’t God just create us and save us in one creative moment. The truth is, God could have done just that but didn’t. Instead of an instantaneous solution, we were given the gift of freedom. In this way we can choose the manner in which we will live our lives. It is also God’s wisdom that we participate in our own salvation; that we choose our God. For God to choose for us would discredit us and the gift of free choice.

In choosing God and seeking how to find him in the joy of life that we attain our salvation. It is giving our life over to God, of love, when the joys of life are hard to find, that we attain salvation. It is knowing that in the dance of life, both partners-we and God-can’t lead. We can learn to relax and let God lead us in the right direction.

This was such an affirmation of learning to stand in the still point and being open to receive, because God tells us that when we call in need, God will answer. I will wear my father’s ring as a talisman that I am not alone, that I am walking a sacred path and I need not be afraid of finding my footing out on the water, even if it feels like I am on a solitary journey at times. And yet, all the while, I am continuing to send out love to all my trajectories and pray for an open pathway, for those who choose love, to bear fruit on our journeys, it also gives me the hope and comfort to keep moving forward. You, like the Christmas lights that so beautifully pierce the darkness this time of year, are my spiritual light in the darkness. Blessings on the Season to all of you!

Faith…A Summary

Generally, my last post on the yearly theme comes with a bit of relief, because most often having conquered what I believe was expected of me over the course of the year leaves me enough time to celebrate the season of light (I steer away from the word “Christmas” because of the commercialization of it). Not so, this year. If anything, I think there will be a continued onslaught of lessons until I find the rhythm necessary to move into or onto, not sure which is more accurate, a higher plane (next year’s theme). I’ve come to believe that understanding faith and building a strong foundation necessary to move forward on my journey as a whisperer and wielder of love more fully and accurately isn’t like learning a language…that once you know it, that’s it, you’re done. Faith and wielding love are more like walking on water, no two situations or initial conditions are the same, and you need to develop a spiritual proprioception to keep your balance. I think the spiritual vertigo I’ve experience this year is an apt description for all the ups and downs I’ve had on this journey, and it didn’t dawn on me until now that I was approaching these situations too concretely.

The essence, experience and unlimited nature of faith and love can’t be understood by restricted concrete and formulaic expressions but are more akin to water, the world of the unconscious or living beyond the limitations of human dimensions. Allowing faith and love, both of which are the source of my blueprint, my dance, practically demands that I “jump out of the boat”, as it were, where I can move without the restrictions of form and convention, that I suspend the limitations of human dimensions and embrace the divine. If I can’t do that, then all this talk about faith in the God of love means nothing at all, at least to me anyway. Recently, after a particular difficult crisis of faith and failure at wielding love, even though momentary, in hindsight I watched how easily I fell into bad habits, the details of which are immaterial except to say I have figured out that my own personal rhythm is so much stronger that I have ever given it credit, so that when I stopped allowing outside forces, for lack of a better term, to throw me off balance or drag me down, I did quickly pull myself together by taking a moment to breathe, remember, and hold onto firmly to everything I’ve learned this year and in doing that, I got my rhythm back.

Looking back in hindsight, like I’ve done after most themes, I never could have predicted how it would have unfolded. In all honesty, I think given where I started, and knowing what it would entail, I would have hid in a virtual cave…especially given all the “feeling” and “sharing” I had to do. And, because God’s imagination is so much better than ours and is always right, in my case anyway (and whether you think I’m crazy or not, also the presence and influence of my spirit guide) …I am not the same woman as I was last January, not by a landslide. In some ways I feel smaller, softer and more delicate than when I began, and in other ways I have become one fucking badass butterfly. I have worked incredibly hard at what I am weakest at, especially in a public forum, often hating the exposure, but it brought me to such great heights and broadened my viewpoint so much that I am incredibly grateful, and also proud, mostly because I think it has been some of the hardest work I’ve ever done and I rose to every challenge. My soul was cracked wide open, and it won’t be on mute anymore; the sound of my heart became more full and more melodic than ever before, because I learned to love unequivocally. The God of love made me just as I am, and in embracing that blueprint, I am looking forward to all the comes as a result.

I am thankful and humbled by all those established and new trajectories out there who have shown me love along the way. I pray for you always and know I love you and that you will never be alone. Because all things asked in goodness are granted: may the God of love protect you, give you hope, strength and courage, and help you celebrate the impact your beautiful blueprint will have on the world. You are a light to the world, and some, in particular, a light to mine.

Faith and Moving Forward

My son’s wedding went off without a hitch, the weather was perfect, the venue was perfect and everyone there to celebrate the bride and groom were wonderful. The above pics are getting ready and being pampered..(we were told to put our phones away so they weren’t in all the pictures…but I snuck a couple), It is amazing what happens to people when they come together in joy and love and celebrate each other in the moment. I was focused the whole weekend on doing my utmost to wield and celebrate love outward to everyone I met, including the bridal party, family members, guests, and staff and other helpers. It is an amazing reaction when everyone feels pulled into the “hug” of love that was present. And I admit and celebrate, that much of the love I was able to wield was sourced from ❤️ and all I have learned and embraced this year. It just felt magical, and I have a whole new source of love trajectories that I am celebrating and praying for.

While I want to revel in this experience for awhile and just coast a bit, I have been booted out of the still point and out of the boat. With a rush of fear, (I was surprised at how comfortable I had become just standing still, even in the face of all the emotions) stepped out onto the water, and started walking forward without any clear indication of where my immediate steps will take me, some of that is rooted in investing in the trust I’m building in others to help me along the way…which is terrifying and exciting at the same time. I was also presented with the theme for next year’s journey, which is rooted in learning to live on a higher plane (my brain already hurts), which I will invite all of my trajectories to embrace as well. Loving unequivocally demands that we are demonstrably different in how our journeys unfold…then truly the world will know who and what we serve by how we love one another. To conclude, here is the speech and toast I gave at the dinner for Riley and Bri:

Riley my bebe…and Bri also my bebe (and as an aside, I am so happy to add even more feminine energy to crazy town, where men and chaos have always ruled…) I am also happy and proud to be a part of this beautiful symphany you are writing together.

You all may not know, (I’m sure Riley doesn’t) that I studied classical piano for more than 10 years, and composition was one of the things that solidified the belief that I was never going to be a concert pianist, regardless of how big or fast my hands were (that and a debilitating stage fright). I did learn an important lesson, however, and it was how most of the masters started a symphony with one simple melody, and built upon it movement upon movement. Different beats and melodies were added that not only enhanced the original but would bring a piece to a whole other level…and so it is with relationships. Bob and Jeri, I am so happy to celebrate the merging of our two families, enhancing the beauty of this new symphony they are creating together.

As for Riley’s melody, he was nothing like his older sibling in behavior or sentiment…a whole new melody entirely, and everything I thought I had learned with my first, I had to throw out the window for the second. Quiet, reserved and focused, I had to work hard to figure out what was going on in his head. And while his melody may have been softer and more subtle, as he grew, I learned to read the micro expressions on his face, that he often wouldn’t articulate with words, through them, I could feel the depth of his melody develop and sound. Once when he was about 6 years old, he got up and ran to me on the porch where I used to read and escape the chaos and said: Moma! I had a dream that I moved the stars around. And as I look at him now, I believe he will, with the support of this amazing woman, to do just that.

I knew something dramatic happened when he met Bri, especially the first time he asked me what I thought, I looked for the tell on his face…the smiling, I’m not smiling thing he would always do to cover up how happy he was, and I knew he was a goner. I told him I liked her, that she was sassy, and when she texted me about a certain cheesecake dispute later on, I knew she could stand her ground, that he had met his match (because nobody rivals Riley in his love for cheesecake)

I am so happy for the both of you building this great symphony together, which is sure to be a masterpiece. You will always have all our love and support. Cheers to the bride and groom!

Faith and Trust

As I stated at the beginning of my year of faith, I based my journey on its definition in scripture: the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Whereas trust, is defined as: a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Over my lifetime, the two words have merged and have become so intertwined, because there was far less “proof of things not seen” and clear evidence of the reliability, strength, and the presence and activity of God in my life. When it comes to people though? That is a much trickier proposition for me, which is why I harp on the “taming” process so much. (see prior post on taming). Building faith and trust in someone takes time and effort. The jumping off point, though, has to start with faith, faith in the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen…that the possibility of future trust exists, one step at a time.

While this year has been a weird and challenging one for me, especially exposing and sharing personal experiences and feelings that run contrary to my nature, especially acknowledging the presence of my spirit guide (the implications of which either strengthen the faith and trust others have in me or obliterate it), leading me onward and as a result, I have become someone entirely new, not a 2.0 version, but a 10.0+version. And while I am rock solid in that assessment, I’m sure some are not, because words are often the source of misunderstanding, especially in translation from other languages and there is nothing I can do about that except to encourage you to take the time and develop the hindsight that gives you greater strength in your own faith in the God of love, and then perhaps, vicariously, trust in me, which is also why I love the line from “The Little Prince” which says : “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

I have learned that faith without trust is merely an academic proposition which does nothing for wielding love in the world, and through this journey I have been challenged to work and build upon what I am weakest at, and at times have also failed miserably at, only to pick myself back up, reassess and learn from my mistakes, of which there are a plethora, and begin anew. Admittedly, my track record for trust in people was abysmal in the past and I have learned to have empathy for those who fall into the same traps I did at one time. I do realize, however, that in order for all of us to fix what is broken in this world, working to strengthen the trust we have in each other is essential in order to save it. None of us can do it alone, and if we find those blueprints that we can love and celebrate with along the way, the whole endeavor will be worth it.

For now, my spirit guide says (here I go again…) that I must stay off social media because it is fucking with my head, and can only post here and the art that I complete on my Instagram and Facebook accts (which I’ve already broken once or twice…habits are hard to break). I am also still just standing in the still point and being open to receive which I hate but am trying to learn from. My son gets married on Friday, so a bit of celebrating is exactly what I need. Keeping transparent, the above picture is the so very tired me…what happens with a more than a month of hardly any sleep…hopefully that will change soon. As ever, I love you, and you will never be alone.

Faith in Inspiration

So, this post may sound a bit esoteric but bear with me. I have found standing in the still point and being open to receive particularly frustrating and confusing, especially since what was “coming to me” felt like it originated somewhere else and didn’t belong to me…like I was a receptacle or something. I’m not saying that I felt like I was being a cosmic garbage can, but more specifically a receptacle for other’s energy that I could only sense once I was standing still, unmoving as it were. It felt like energy that came to me because I was the one that opened a conduit by sending out trajectories of love outward to help let other’s light and blueprints shine. Think of it like I explained how quantum theory changes the dynamic of knowing the placement of one molecule when measuring another because the probabilities of what that becomes change according to the mechanism of the tool of observation. I know that’s too heady, so suffice it to say, when I was asked to stand still and stop moving, there was energy there all around me, coming from the sources to whom I was projecting my prayers of love. I also wondered if that was why I had so many conflicting emotions and why I truly was all over the place. That, coupled with figuring out why exactly I was learning to embrace and understand all aspects of love, especially where I was weakest and whether or not I would move forward loving unequivocally, I think I have figured some things out.

OK, I took a break to go out and have supper (I really didn’t feel like cooking) and while I won’t go into specifics, my phone blew up and gave me the undeniable proof I needed that I was right on the mark with my above assessment. While I know I had to go through this on my own, (although it would have been nice to get a heads up from my spirit guide that I was on the right track) I will say this. I know I have been struggling with the whole God’s whisperer role, its purpose and practice…now I no longer feel that way. I compare it to facing a difficult challenge, and the moments of doubt that plague me right before I complete it, or get to the top, wondering whether or not all this struggle was worth it just to have that doubt obliterated when I actually do complete it…like getting to an ever higher mountain and my view is forever changed. I see how empowered I am as a result. You think I would know this by now, but in truth…every new challenge has pushed the envelope of usual convention so far, that it almost seems reasonable to doubt whether or not there actually is an envelope to push and I just made all this shit up. Thankfully, God came through and offered me an insight and reward that let me know I had fulfilled the challenges of embracing unequivocal love. BOOM!

From my small and simple place, a world away somewhere in a crowd, in a foreign place (a line from my new favorite song) I, God’s whisperer, and now muse…I send out to all those who come here for inspiration or are a simply a fellow sojourner on a path of evolving faith and love, an even more powerful prayer, because I now get why I needed to understand and embrace all manners of love and what it requires so I can wield it more effectively. I feel demonstrably different and I am physically a different person than when I began this year of faith. I am a more powerful source of energy and prayer for God because I asked to be, especially for those members of the body Christ who may need help and felt alone. As a result, I want to extend unequivocally to all of you who are working to express your beautiful blueprints in the manner that love requires of all of us and will become a light to the world, a prayer, that when you ask in goodness are promised by Christ that it will be given to you:

I pray, as promised by the Savior that all things asked in goodness shall be granted to me, that I will be unencumbered by doubt and fear as I utilize the gifts you have given me to spread my gift, my blueprint as light to the world and become a tool to defeat darkness, and that I can break through my own limitations, and like Peter did step out of the boat when Jesus said “come” and allow the power of all Jesus promised to bring hope to the world through the simple gifts you have given me. I pray that through my example that others too can celebrate their gifts and share them with the world, thereby strengthening the body of Christ and bringing forth the Kingdom of Heaven,

From my vantage point, I just want to let you know that you will never be alone, that I am praying for you always from a much more powerful position than when I began…that doesn’t mean I’m done with my journey, just this part of it (thank you Jesus, it almost killed me). I must say, too…that many of you have inspired me as well and forever changed the way I see a wheat field. I know I will never be the same, and I have you to thank for that. Ok, I have to stop before I dissolve into a blathering idiot. Peace and love to you.

Faith and Fear

Early on in my life, because the powers that be were very restrictive, I made a promise to myself that fear would never be a reason for me to do or not do anything, even if it meant going against those very same powers that held me restricted. I’m being purposefully opaque because it is not my purpose to malign any person or entity in my development, especially since I was the one that gained all the benefits of lessons learned. That isn’t to say that fear wasn’t a powerful factor in my life, people often called me fearless, not true, its constant presence was sometimes so daunting, I believe that it was the cause of a lot of my autoimmune problems. Even having a deep faith in God, and knowing that somehow, I would always be ok in the end, didn’t mean that my journey and not allowing fear to be the controlling reason for the decisions of my life would always be smooth sailing. I often knew the choice to do something that I believed was necessary, or exciting, or a way to obliterate limitations despite the fear present would definitely cause me pain and would sometimes leave scars…hence my deep appreciation for the beauty of imperfection which means I am the super model for conquering fear. A life well lived should leave scars…the simple proof of growth and conquering limitations. And as I mentioned in a previous post, pain is a central and natural part of being human and all of our journey’s. Those who avoid it never evolve…period. But as I grew, and faced difficult situations, the hindsight that I gained also became clear evidence that all this stuff that I believe in hook, line and sinker is actually true, real and effective, and no one can convince me otherwise. It is also why I love the story about Jesus and Peter walking on water, when we are asked to suspend our belief in the natural order of physics and the workings of the world and regardless of the fear, have faith, step out of the boat and just keep walking. It’s the actual getting out of the boat that is hardest for me, even when my heart tells me Jesus’ words are foolproof…the fear is still palpable. So, while I’m not an adrenaline junky, I’ve learned to use the fear as my jumping off point, to propel me forward and then embrace the power of love to suspend my human and often limited belief and allow it to take me wherever God needs me to go…even if, like what I’m working on right now I am just standing in the still point and receiving whatever comes my way. I must say, the kind of fear that it is causing me is just as powerful as the time I climbed to the top of the pyramid of Chichen Itza and my physical response of terror that came when at the top, I turned around and then looked down (It is so steep I don’t think they let people scale it anymore).

I know I’m writing a lot these days, my heart finds it necessary (although my spirit guide is painfully quiet, except to keep reminding me to stand still and receive…so irritating). So many in the world are facing challenges that could dim their light, inhibit their blueprints, and allow darkness to gain ground…in both dramatic and inane ways. I am also beginning to understand, that learning to love completely in all love’s expressions, unequivocally, that I am even more powerful when I pray and the love I send outward to all of you is also more powerful, because the sound of my heart is different, its melody seems more intricate and all the more encompassing. Last night when I was looking up at the super moon, knowing all of you could see the same moon, I prayed that fear never have a hold on your life, your dreams. I want you to just think of Peter walking on water, don’t be one of little faith, but believe and embrace the power of love and it will propel you where you need to go. An aside, the latest elections in my country have given me renewed hope that indeed the villains need not win, because love is the author of our play. I also want you to read the following line from scripture (1John 4:16-19) whenever you feel that fear has a controlling power in your life:

We have come to know and to believe in the love God has for us. God is love, and whoever remains in love remains in God and God in them. In this is love brought to perfection among us, that we have confidence on the day of judgment because as God is, so are we in this world. There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not yet perfect in love. We love because he first loved us

Faith in my Perspective

There is a post that is my most popular, and it has to do with perspective…that it is never two dimensional and requires we actually move from a solitary position to look at a situation from multiple angles and perspectives. And still, as I’ve been on this journey, my perspective has been limited or faulty along the way sometimes by my inability or lack of awareness in the moment to follow my own guidelines. At times, it was because of not being able to discern the difference between embracing potential and the reality of a situation, misplaced loyalty, holding onto a belief that didn’t hold up under scrutiny regardless of the clearly evident signs that it did not, or simply not wanting to face the obvious because of well…being naive or lacking in social cues, I’m me. These were often difficult, painful but necessary lessons in cleaning up my perspective in order to keep this journey moving forward toward whatever goal God has in mind for me. I see that some who spent time here looked for some posts that I have since deleted for my own reasons and let me just say this; as we all evolve, people and perspectives change and sometimes that means choosing different paths, whether they are parallel for a while, or completely diverge onto different roads. It is also the reason that I question my own perspective sometimes, and why it takes me a long time to figure things out. I think it has as much to do with what happens when you make the effort to climb to great heights, whether that be literal or figurative, and how that more expanded view forever transforms everything you see from that point on (and there is no way anyone can fake that view…meaning thinking they can see what you see without ever having made the effort is just not possible). But in the alternative, it has as much to do with my own susceptibility to fall into old patterns that have caused me lose faith in my own perspective that fogged up or skewed the view I see too.

The irony here is that the epiphany I have had about perspective happened when I stood in the still point, per my spirit guide and requiring to just be open and receive. It suddenly occurred to me that even when we move to see something from different perspectives, we still may not always get it right, especially when it requires human interaction. And given how calm I feel at this moment, simply standing still, I’m fine with that, as long as I know that my next steps include choosing to love unequivocally, which for me means God in all love’s expressions, so it can continue to be the power that moves me toward that greater faith in my perspective. While I admit I haven’t always had complete faith in my singular perspective, I do have faith that love will augment my limitations making it clearer and stronger in the future. To put it simply, I have to trust that God will move me where I’m destined to go regardless of the challenges or any limitations and as long as I am willing and am open to the necessary help offered to me, with eyes and heart wide open, I will get there and I pray that all of you do too.

Faith and FOMO

The above picture is a perfect depiction of what my future path looks like. Usually from this place on the road you can see for miles…the fog was so thick, I could barely see the headlights of cars coming at me.

I don’t think the universe wants me to sleep, like ever. I was woken up at 1:30 in the morning by the app on my phone for the doorbell camera letting me know that my internet/router was not functioning. So, I got up and went downstairs only to find the router unplugged, my guess was that Steve lost the remote and couldn’t turn off the TV (same old nightmare, different day…and my guess was right, btw). Muttering like the cartoon Fred Flintstone character, I made myself a tea and opened my computer…big mistake. First, I can see on this blog if there is a particular category, tag, or keyword that is searched; I find it interesting to see what others are interested in. One I saw in particular, was a poem I wrote for my father on his birthday after he died. Of course, it cracked my soul wide open, and considering my present condition I was mortified to be so exposed…so I left this site and looked at more mundane fodder on my social media feeds. Boom, another slam. There is a place that I hold as my most sacred and beautiful, a place with so much magic that it has become the place I go to in my mind to meditate, to dance, to listen to my spirit guides, and it became in an instance not just my place anymore but an opportunity for another. While I should have been happy that others could see its magic, I wasn’t…and that revelation was problematic for me, no one else, just me. No place in the world can be just mine, which of course I already know rationally, but none of this is rational, of course. It also showed me how it feels to have the world go rolling by without me. In standing still, it suddenly occurred to me in the scheme of things how irrelevant at this point in time I am…at least that’s how I felt in the moment.

I can honestly say that in my interesting life I have never suffered from FOMO, i.e. fear of missing out. If I wanted to do something, I just did it, period and absorbed and learned from every moment. At this juncture, though, when my spirit guide more or less commanded that I stand still and be open to receive, which I dutifully did and was momentarily pleasantly surprised, said guide had now turned the tables to show me another side of standing still, one that I didn’t like at all, mostly because it reflected badly on me. When I should have been happy that there are those, whose journeys are taking them to new and exciting adventures, I was emotionally miserly and crushed at the thought of all that I was missing standing still here in this place. To add insult to injury, I couldn’t even remove myself to the mystical safe space I just mentioned because it had been, in my mind anyway appropriated and compromised. The profundity of that revelation, that I could be so unbelievably miserly and jealous about I place that I DON’T OWN OR HAVE ANY CONTROL OVER was mortifying. I haven’t felt such a deep want and need for something to remain only mine in a long time, and the petulance that came with it was gross. I’m sure all this personal sharing is also the reason I don’t sleep well anymore either, because I do loath it from the depths of my being. But I truly believe it is what is required of me on this journey. Telling the truth, even if it is unsightly keeps me real and flawed and hopefully gives me the credibility that I practice what I preach…even if at times I do it badly, I am at least willing to try.

So, I asked my guide what to make of all this. Why couldn’t I be happy to share, be patient or calmly keep standing still until I figured this shit out? I hated the answer because I also knew it was largely focused on the kind of love I’m weakest at, but he said this, and I’m still not sure what it means yet: “In order to love unequivocally, you have to be willing to love, even though it may mean you are not part of receiving any benefit from it at all, then and only then will you be equipped to not only wield love wholly, but also receive it wholly. Understanding these feelings is also how you know when to move forward. If it is from a place of envy and fear of missing out, then you are not being unequivocal, so until you can come to terms with what your motivation is, not generally, but specifically, and whether or not you truly want to be unequivocal in this instance, then just stand still until you do. The truth of the matter is that choosing to love unequivocally is the exception and not the rule right now and you have to be willing to embrace the kind of love you preach so eloquently about and for the love of God ask for help when you need it. Also, let me remind you that standing in the still point isn’t doing nothing. It is when you really come to know your dance.” I have to be honest, I already thought I was there…but as per usual, I am not, as evidenced by how pissed off and sad I am at standing still right now. For now, I will remain on what feels to be a sinking ship at the moment, although I do have to say that I am also an excellent swimmer.

Observations of an Ordinary Woman

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