Category: life

My Graduate

connorSo here we are, Connor John.  You are about to begin the greatest adventure of your life, spring boarding into action all the dreams you’ve been building on thus far in life.  Like most young men, right now you feel so ready to leave the nest and begin life on your own.  You’ve outgrown your life here and are ready to move on.  And as much as I am so proud and excited for you to begin this next step, I am also nostalgic and wary of letting the world have you at the same time.  I have always told you that you were meant to be a great man some day, and that was predicated on your ability to rise to the occasions that were placed before you.  Yes, my head may have exploded a few times when you missed opportunities because you were distracted by something else, but I think that’s true for most 18 year-old’s.  What I want to tell you on this important occasion is exactly why I think you are destined to be a great man someday…and then the rest is up to you.

From the moment you could move around on your own, you were driven by curiosity…mostly expressed by breaking or taking apart everything in sight just to see how it was put together, sadly you could have cared less how to put things back together. You were as curious about people and seemed to inherit your mother’s no filter quality.  Early on, you understood the art of conversation was something that involved an exchange between two people, and you liked to practice on the way to Montessori school.  This was a line you repeated almost everyday: “Mom, let’s talk about the power lines…you start”, and then we’d have an exchange of ideas about the power lines, unfortunately you never let me talk about anything else, and I’d try to get you to sing songs instead.   I’ll never forget your first conference at kindergarten when the teacher asked the school psychologist to be present; my heart sunk to my knees in fear that something awful had happened.  When she told me that you liked to hug everyone, and some kids don’t like that…I literally laughed out loud, some in relief and some in utter shock that we fallen so low that hugging somehow was considered a problem, and then I got incredibly sad.  So, trying to be a good parent and help teach you about boundaries, we had a talk about social bubbles.   Like all the Edling men before you, you just loved everybody and were never self conscious about sharing it. Unfortunately, the world wasn’t quite ready for that lack of inhibition.  It still makes me sad sometimes.

You loved music from the womb, it soothed you and moved you always, as it still does.  When you were little, we went to the wedding of the great niece, I believe, of Lawrence Welk in his home town of Strasberg North Dakota and you were so mesmerized by the accordions played at the reception you begged me for weeks to sign you up for lessons.  After I did my research, and got over the OMG factor of this has got to be the worst instrument ever, (an apology to all you fine accordion players out there) I did a final check on whether or not you were really serious about the accordion, and here was your reply: “No, mom, I changed my mind, I think I’ll learn the glockenspiel instead.”  Well…you ended up with the trumpet, and it’s bass counterpart, the euphonium, and I’m proud of your accomplishments.  Beyond just listening to music, you were the first one to dance to any band that was playing, or yell out to all our friends around the pool, “Hey everyone, how about a dance party!”.  You were the sensation at the dance recitals the girls in the neighborhood would put on.  Remember the group called “Connor and the Connorettes?”, hey it is a great memory, one that always makes me smile.

You were always deeply spiritual, perhaps not in the traditional sense, but then really, neither am I.  I remember once, when you were about 6 years old, in the midst of summer fun at jelly stone park, while we were getting ready for a day full of sun and junk food, (Steve was at Wall-Mart, or golfing…the neighbors reading this will understand) you turned to me and said, “Mom, there is no place in hell that could keep out the love of God, right?”  My neighbor Lisa D’s mouth dropped open at the depth of that statement, but I was used to it at that point.  I also remember you breaking down at a Osceola football game because you had discovered that there were diseases out there, specifically cancer, that didn’t have a cure.  How could God let that happen?  It shocked your small world that some things can’t be fixed, and that there truly is darkness out there.  You were almost inconsolable until the friends sitting around us told you that a cure was just around the corner.  We’ve had some great conversations about faith, and I hope that it will continue to develop as you venture on your own.

Walking to the beat of your own drum hasn’t been always easy though.  When bullied in middle school, I had to explain the concept of male posturing and drawing a line in the sand, you told me that you just weren’t interested in playing that game, that beating down the weak to feel strong was just ridiculous.  And while I agreed with you, it was because you wore your heart on your sleeve and they knew they could get to you that you were an easy target.  There is nothing more horrible for a parent than to find out their child is the victim of bullying, frankly it kept me up nights.  But I also believe that God would never give you anything that you couldn’t handle, and it took all my energy to not to open  up a can of whoop-ass.  I took solace in the fact that adults have always seemed to love you, and talk about what a remarkable kid you are.  Truthfully, I never fully understood why so many of your peers could never see you the way the rest of us did.  You found out the hard way, that choosing to be different isn’t always acceptable.  While you never let bullies define you, you never held it against them either.  You forgave them and from what your class mates have told me, you now hold great respect in your class.  That makes me so proud.  You, with all your hats and freestyle attire, are a true character.

Being proud doesn’t imply that you aren’t flawed, though.  So here is some advice for next year:

1) Wanting life to be easy, won’t make it so.  The best truths in life are the ones that must be fought for; the greatest successes are usually preceded by failure, with the difference being the ability to get back up, learn from your mistakes and work even harder.

2) You are starting fresh.  No one knows you, therefore you have no baggage or reputation to worry about, so remember the golden rule: treat others like you want to be treated.

3) School comes first.  College is a blast, I won’t lie…but you are there first and foremost to obtain an education (and a 3.0 if you’re going to keep your scholarships)

4) Remain true to your values.  It’s true, dad and I won’t be there to nag you, but there will be all sorts of temptations that we can’t protect you from either.

5) Never spend what you don’t have…and that means NO to credit cards.  You’ll thank me some day.

6) Remember the talk about boundaries and social bubbles we had in kindergarten?  Remember all those basics and you’ll be fine.

7) Never pick up a t-shirt or underwear from the floor and smell it, to see if it’s ok to wear.  That is just gross.

8) BRUSH YOUR TEETH.  Your smile is one of your greatest attributes.

9) Utilize your time well.  Don’t wait until the last-minute to do an assignment or study for a test.  OH, AND GAMING AND BEING IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IMPORTANT CAMPAIGN IS NEVER A REASON TO BE LATE FOR OR MISS CLASS.

10) Finally, always remember that you are meant to be a great man some day and that day is today!

I love you,

Mom

Simple Moments

mary at 3In the midst of a frenzied few weeks, when breathing into a paper bag is my stress reliever, I have tried really hard to FOCUS…(the caps are me, telling myself to focus right now at this very moment because even in writing about focus, I seem to lose it).  Anyway, there are many lifetime events swirling around me right now: death, new driver, graduation, major home projects, none of which has  sent me over the edge.  I tell myself that I’m handling them like a trooper.  Except not really.  So what threw me over the edge?  Taking out my warm weather clothing, only to realize that while my psyche may have withstood the longest winter EVER, my body has not.  Nothing fits.  Stomping around like a 14-year-old didn’t make me feel any better, especially since I only felt winded.  Finally getting back to the gym this week only validated what poor shape I’m in.  And while body consciousness is usually irrelevant in my day-to-day musings, today it is LOOMING AT ME LIKE OBNOXIOUS WORDS ALL CAPS.  Do you know how hard it is to suck in your stomach when you’re doing planks, or how disconcerting it is when your boobs bump into your gut rendering it almost impossible to complete a crunch?  I tell myself, that this too will pass, that my butt will be back where it’s supposed to be in no time at all.  I will face all these major changes in life with a body that is as tight as my spirit.  Right?

While my momentary body consciousness may be the expression of the challenges I’ve faced as of late, I think the root of my anxiety lies in the fact that while I am fine with life moving forward, I am not always fine with how well or effectively I’ve lived thus far.  Note, that this statement comes from that guilt ridden, Irish Catholic school girl inside me who will never be satisfied with how well I’ve done anything until I’ve earned a feast day.  But as life will have it, something extraordinary happened.  While Steve and I were bickering about which depressingly expensive pool liner we were going to purchase to replace the one that lived 3 years beyond its life span, the young man behind the counter asked me my name…(to which Steve used this momentary distraction to vacate, to make his tee-time) when I told him, he smiled and said, “You were my teacher at Holy Angels”  It was lovely to catch up, but even more so that he actually remembered some things that I said in class that stuck with him.  A simple moment, but remarkable given the funk I was in.  It was nice to know that I did make an impact on a life.  Sometimes it’s just nice to know.  We should all be better at letting others know how they’ve impacted our lives.  I know I will.

And So it Goes

cropped-butterfly.jpgThe stasis is over.  Steve and I were present when his father, John Edling made that solitary journey to the Kingdom of God.  As sacred as those moments of passing can be, it wasn’t without a desperate feeling of finality.  John loved life and frankly just didn’t want to go.  He didn’t want to miss a thing and I feel that he wanted to share the journey with all of us.  I can only imagine his joy when he saw the legions of people waiting for him to arrive, his father and uncle and his champion basketball team and countless others.  The stories and the laughter and reminiscing has no limit there as well as the joy of being in a body that was no longer broken.  He can watch over all of us without pain and now has a bird’s eye view to all the comings and goings on in the lives of those he loved…because for those of us who knew him, he always had to know what was going on.  His love is transcendent now and I know he will always be watching over my sons when they get behind the wheel of a car, or are nervous, afraid or need a helping hand.  So he was in life, so now even more in heaven.  I know he worried about things he may have failed at in his life, but his children and wife all did such an exceptional job of reminding him of the color and largess of his life and that brought him peace.  I also appreciate so deeply the care he received at Christian Community Home in Osceola, Wisconsin.  They too noticed how much he was loved by the constant trail of people in and out of his room to offer their love and support.  He led a full life, a remarkable life, a life that is tightly and subtly woven into the fabric of the lives of many others.  He will be missed, yet always loved.

Time

winterspringAs reflected by the weather…time seems to be at a standstill for me, leaving me with a bit of whiplash since it usually speeds by so fast I never seem to be able to keep up…even with good shoes.  When a particular moment in history is difficult, it feels like the clock will never move again.  I am stuck at an impasse.  Mother Nature shares my sympathies, given the late April snow storm we had yesterday and oddly, it gives me comfort, allowing me to stand still for a moment and try to catch my breath.  As I stood in my yard yesterday morning at the crack of dawn, I tried to recognize the beauty and peace of the moment and stifle the growing frustration at the circumstances of my life right now.  Even in the cold, when the exit of winter is long over due and stubbornly forces the entrance of spring into stasis, I find peace in the stalemate.  While I am anxious for new life to begin in the resurrection of spring, I pause to reflect on springs past and pull out memories that have given me strength to move ahead into the warmth of spring.

Step by Step

my shoesThese are my shoes…kind of quirky, kind of fun.  You can design your own on the Adidas website.  I had my name added, not because I was living in fear that someone would steal them, (although they are cool), but as a reminder that it is my feet that are walking this path.  I am the one putting one foot in front of the other, or standing still, or even on the occasion walking backward.  These are my shoes, no one else’s.  Only I can get myself where I need to go.  It’s true that at times, others have given me direction, cleared obstacles and smoothed the way and some have even put obstacles in my path to trip me up…but I am responsible for how I move forward.  Regardless of what is ahead, I can choose to dance or drag my feet.  I can stomp my feet in a tantrum at the unfairness of it all or simply let it go and run forward as fast as I can.  I am the only thing that can stop me.  When I allow chatter like “You can’t do that”, or “You’re not worthy” to impede my steps, I can’t blame anyone but me.  No one can limit me, but me.  The intent of the universe is for each of us to achieve our highest purpose.

This is underlined even more for me as a woman of faith.  When God is for me, who can be against me?  The boon of spiritual assistance gives me no excuse.  As I look to my future and I walk in my shoes, I remember that blame will stop me in my tracks, and will never get me where I need to go, as will lending an ear to those who want me to fail.  I walk in my shoes…no one else.  While my journey may be a singular affair, the upswing is that I don’t have to walk alone.   I can choose companions to walk along side me, which does abate the loneliness of my life’s adventure.  I’m better now than when I was younger at avoiding those who slowed me down or confused my sense of direction, yet I still have to remind myself once in a while when it is time to move out of a crowd and forge ahead on my own.   And while my journey may include walking in step with fools at times, there are many times in hindsight where I realize that I myself was the fool.  I am thankful for those angels God put in my path when it was most needed, and I hope I’ve been an angel to others in their time of need too.

My steps may not be as quick as they used to be and my shoes have taken on a more practical nature, but I embrace the adventure of every new day…I forge on happily, just me and my shoes.

The Ripple Effect

edlingsWhen it comes to influence, sometimes I think we underestimate the simple things, those simple gestures that may not seem so significant at the moment, but whose gentle influence has somehow altered the path we walk in life.  My father-in-law is like that.  He is a central figure in our small hamlet of St. Croix Falls, Wisconsin.  My husband’s family ran the funeral home in town, and everyone knows his father John.  I always laugh when my husband answers the phone with the phrase “Who died?” because I know he is talking to his father, who mentally keeps record of the people in his community.  He’s the kind of guy, you could meet once, and I don’t know if it was because he was a mnemonic master, but he would not only remember you but have pertinent details about your family and life events as well.  We’d travel all over the country and, it happened all the time, we would be at a gas station in Texas, or some other far out place and someone would come up to him and say, “Aren’t you John Edling?” and talk about how he had helped them, or how he knew a family member of theirs.   When I was in Law School, my torts professor had to miss a class because of the death of his mother and when he came back and found out I was married to an Edling, he told me that my father-in-law had arranged the funeral and what a wonderful person he was…(his father had been the butcher in town).  Things like that happen a lot.  John was voted the best athlete of all time in St. Croix Falls a couple of years ago, his high school basketball team still holds the record for the greatest point spread in Wisconsin state high school tournament history.  He in turned passed that passion forward through his children, and countless other town athletes.  Even after he stopped driving, he would still find a way to stand on the side lines of every varsity football game.

Right now, John is sick, and he is moving closer to the Kingdom of God.  His mortal life may be coming to a close, but the ripples of his influence will go on and on forever.  To him, it is effortless to help and comfort people, which is why he is so beloved.  Simple gestures are what make him a great person, gestures that touched more hearts than he will ever know, and will ripple outward through others who learned how important those gestures can be to someone’s  life.  I hope it makes him happy and gives him comfort to remember that.  I also know it will give comfort to My mother-in-law Rayola, to Steve and his siblings, Jude, David and Barbara to remember how many lives he has influenced.  He is a true character, and in many ways, Steven is just like him…generous to a fault, kind and altruistic, passionate about sports and feels totally comfortable in hanging out in boxer shorts.  Blessings John, fear not…I see a heavenly ticker tape parade in your future soon.

DOMA

rainbowThis one is hard for me.  Not because I have trouble voicing my opinion…but because this issue is so rooted in fear and hatred of the gay community.  Strip away all the rhetoric and what is left is fear at its weakest and hatred at its strongest, neither of which is an acceptable motivation in my book.  Scripture teaches that the opposite of love is fear, so that is where I stand first and foremost.  Regardless of where anyone of you stand on the issue at this moment, which is a freedom richly fought for and celebrated in this country, level heads must prevail…which is easier said than done.  I know that.   I’m not the one fighting for my self-respect.  What I do know, is that I have many dear and beautiful friends who are gay whom I see as naturally no different from any of the other dear and beautiful heterosexual friends I have.   Sexual orientation isn’t something I even recognize so by extension regarding love, marriage and children I see no difference.  Period.   Except I know that in society there is one.  I know social media is rife with profile picture changes and scripture quotations making a clear unwavering stand for their positions on the issue.  So how do we come together?  We talk, we discuss, we challenge old judgments and work together, and for my part as a Christian…work together as the body of Christ.

When I hear people quote Scripture as an indictment against homosexuality, I wince.  Most often because the words are taken literally out of history and out of context.  For example, I did question someone when they quoted the first chapter of Romans to me about the literal word of God, but balked when I challenged them on their view on gun control.  Jesus did tell us to love our enemies and turn our swords into plowshares after all.  I really wasn’t trying to be a smart ass…really I wasn’t.  I did want to support the notion that it is dangerous when you use scripture to justify a bias literally on one issue and disregard it in the next.  I also challenge all of you who use Romans 1:24-32 to continue reading to the next chapter where Paul admonishes people for judging…you will be judged by the same measure with which you judge others.  Never mind that Paul in the first chapter was talking about the state of Rome under Nero, after the edict of Claudius expelled all Jews and converted Jews out of Rome…that he feared for converted Gentiles who lived there that they were falling into old pagan practices.  Never mind that the wickedness that Paul lays out in verses 29-31 could describe any one of us…so to heap all those horrible qualities on just gay people is ridiculous…period.  I also believe that to take Jesus words in Matthew as an indictment against gay people is just short of blasphemy… yeah, I said it.  Jesus was being tested by the pharisees about divorce as a means to find something to use against him, as they often did.  Jesus spoke to the hardness of the people themselves as a reason for divorce.  He went on to make sacred a union that in his time was often unfair to women, who had no voice, were considered chattel, and who could be dismissed by her husband if the marriage was unsatisfactory.  To use the beauty of a verse that celebrates love into a tool that indicts gay people renders its message void, especially since the verses that follow have Jesus blessing the children,  entering the kingdom of God by loving God and your neighbor as yourself and concluding with how hard it is for a rich man to get into heaven.  It’s curious how few take the verse “Go and sell all you have and follow me” literally…not that I would either, I’m just saying.

Jesus spent his whole ministry challenging the notion that we get to pick and choose who we love, and who we should treat with respect.  He spent his time with those whom society rejected and he often berated those that held positions of esteem…because it is wrong to use position and power to keep others out.  He is the corner-stone whom the builders rejected.  He championed our eternal destiny by bearing our flaws.  I can’t help but think, as Easter our most sacred day comes near, that we do him a dishonor when we focus more on judgement than we do championing love.  Love, as I’ve stated before is so much bigger and more powerful than our limited comprehension of it.  When it comes right down to it as Paul goes on to say in Romans…”There will be joy, honor and peace for everyone who does good…there is no partiality with God.”

The Naked Truth

flasherSo, what does perfection look like?  The dictionary defines it, in part, as the full growth or development of anything, or a completed state.  So beyond all the traditional trappings…I ask this question, “Given that God is perfect what does God look like?  Avoiding the easy traps of artists portrayals, I start with the old testament when God was always shrouded somehow, because to look upon God physically meant certain death.  The metaphor that came to me as I was struggling to find something completely unique, was that of God as a flasher–God revealing the deeper realities of life, for God’s pleasure, and our limited ability to see God in full glory.  NOW WAIT INTERNET, DO NOT FREAK OUT, KEEP WITH ME FOR JUST A MINUTE!  I have waited for enough time after writing this draft to validate that I have not caught on fire, I have not turned to stone and my head hasn’t turned all the way around once…so just bare with me, if God’s OK with it, so should you.  First of all, the reason I use the flasher image is that God has been clothed in so many different layers over the centuries, it’s about time to challenge many of these historical notions.  So when all the layers are stripped away, what do we have left?  I don’t have that answer yet, but and this is a big one, BUT I certainly had to ask this question first?  Am I willing to see God naked?

Culturally, nakedness is far more associated with sexuality and porn than personal knowledge and perfection.  The kind of exposure from someone who reveals themselves out of pleasure without being asked to do so is not only uncomfortable, many times it is a criminal offense.  Perhaps it is our discomfort and limited capacity for understanding perfection that God chooses to show us only so much at a time.  It can be more than a little daunting to entertain the possibility that many of the fundamental assumptions we have about God are really ill-fitting costumes that not only hide, but distort God’s very essence.  I say this, in part, because if we were so clear about God’s true nature, wouldn’t our world be in a much better place?  So let’s go back to before being naked was an indecent thing.

According to the book of Genesis, when Eve, then Adam ate from the tree of knowledge, bringing sin into paradise, they recognized their nakedness, tried to cover themselves up and hid from God.  Note that being naked was a good thing until they sinned and they began to see themselves differently as a result.  It certainly doesn’t imply that being naked was intrinsically a bad thing does it?  We are created in God’s image, after all…free of any wardrobe malfunctions.  Isn’t it more likely that the need to cover ourselves up as a result of recognizing our imperfection naturally flows to why we try to cover up God as well;  we don’t want the constant reminder of how imperfect we really are.  History certainly says so, for Christians anyway, look how humanity treated Jesus.  If we are truly created in the image of God, and by our own choice moved away from that image, it seems to make sense that in order to discover God’s true nature we deal with our own nakedness…and the neurosis that comes with it first.

Looking at my own naked flesh is mixed with many different emotions.  At my age it is impossible avoid gravity, period.  I will never resemble those beautiful women in the magazines, and I guess I’m OK with that, but sadly, though, I never thought my body would ever resemble one of those prehistoric fertility goddess figurines comprised of sagging breasts and a marsupial like stomach either…and while spanks work miracles, they do have to come off some time.  But at the same time, this body of mine has survived breaks, falls, injuries, childbirth, dancing, and the many things I have done for God…all that comes with living life.  Our bodies are the empirical evidence of all that we have seen and experienced.  So why is it that we worship bodies that bear no reflection of the greater lessons in life?  Isn’t it true that most supermodels hit their peak before the reach the age of majority?  Why focus on a blank canvas, or a body free of experience?  I truly believe that God’s true nature is probably closer to the reflection most people see of themselves in the mirror–a body worn with experience.  Let’s go back to the definition of perfection…the full growth or development of anything, a completed state.  A life lived fully, should be seen as closer to being perfect than running away from it through growth hormones, plastic surgery or the other myriad of ways we try to look younger.  I’m not saying that we allow ourselves to waste away, our bodies are temples after all…but the obsession with youth has to stop, especially since it sends an unfair message to young people that their bodies are the standard to which all perfection should be measured.  Would I go back to the perky body I used to have?  Ah, now therein lies the rub…the temptation would be great, but seriously no, I would not.  I think I would focus on all the wrong things.  As much as I struggle with aging, it is a natural part of coming to completion…and it is up to me, with the help of God to figure out how to wrap my head around it.  Perhaps, it will mean for me that I am one step closer to seeing God.

The Big E

question markI find it a little surreal talking about evil with any real clarity because it is so weighted in stories of fantasy, monsters, fallen angels, hell and brimstone, red demons etc.   So, let me start with this:  Christian Scripture is heavy on the notion that all things work out for those who love.  Then where does the big “E” come into play?  I’ve never met the prince of darkness personally, but my firsthand experiences of evil through perhaps his minions were good enough to convince me of its existence.  In addition to be donned, the Father of Lies, I think another good moniker for Satan is the consummate actor and tailor: one who tempts us to layer ourselves in costumes and convinces us to portray ourselves as anything but what we truly are.  We then, become so deeply confused that we lose the ability to ask for the right kind of spiritual help.

For example, look at the chaos that gun violence has brought to this country.  There are those who think the government is evil because they believe their second amendment rights are threatened.  There are those who think the guns themselves are evil and that they should be eradicated.  I’m sure God has entertained prayers to abolish both.  Where then, does the true root of evil lie?  I would say the true root lies in the most fantastic misdirection of all.  First, that God has not conquered Satan yet (in classic terms), and secondly, we think we know exactly what evil looks like and what fuels it.  When Jesus died, and before he rose, we are told of a short trip he made to hell where he basically opened a big ol’ can of whoop ass.  What does this mean?  I think that the whole point of Christ’s sacrifice, essentially, is that for those who choose Him, evil cannot infect them…they have a spiritual vaccination, of sorts.  Evil is like an opportunistic virus; it cannot survive on its own, and when we accept the grace of Christ, we have a spiritual armor to protect us.  Without a willing human spirit to infect, it can never thrive.  Think for a moment, what better way to create a foothold in human lives than for evil to skulk around shrouded in disguise in order to infect our perception and cloud our vision, especially when we are at our weakest, or just before we are ready to make a huge move forward in spiritual evolution.  Evil, then, like a plague that spreads like wildfire, tries to paralyze us with us with fear so we become obsessed with how to combat it, even though we’ve had the cure all along.  And we fight it, most often in the name of God and religion.  Aldous Huxley, in The Devils of Loudoun (regarding the crusades) explains it like this:

“Those who crusade not for God in themselves, but against the devil in others, never succeed in making the world better, but leave it either as it was, or sometimes even perceptively worse than it was before the crusade began.  By thinking primarily of evil, we tend, however excellent our intentions, to create occasions for evil to manifest itself…To be more against the devil than for God is exceedingly dangerous.”

So I say, the best way to combat evil in our lives is first and foremost to practice love, and never let fear take hold of how we live our lives.  Then, and only then, will we develop the acumen to recognize, free from disguise the face of evil…I will save that for another post.

God’s Humor

teethAs it so happens, when I am able to articulate a bit of wisdom, or share a challenge of sorts… others may sit back and breathe a sigh of relief they were able to move a bit down the path of righteousness…I  just close my eyes and wait for the karmic tumble that I know I’m about to take.  Generally, it manifests itself in a couple of ways, 1) In the form of a shit storm, most often metaphorical, where I am barraged by spiritual excrement in the attempt to call  “hypocrite” and make me take back what I said, or 2) In the form of a person who makes it almost impossible to put into practice what I’ve just put out into the vastness of cyberspace.  This time, it was number 2…yes, pun intended.  Mind you, rarely does anyone put my teeth on edge like this particular person…a person who at our clinic in a full waiting room, once showed me a disgusting souvenir that his Philippino “girlfriend” sent him and was just barely able to scream at him to put it away before I vomited in my mouth.  This is a person who after bringing me to the edge of my fragile sanity so many times finally stopped speaking to me because I wouldn’t let him come over to our house and use our pool for “rehabilitation”.  Finally, I was free…of course until I shared my words of wisdom about seeing everyone through the eyes of grace.  HMMMM!  Was it the devil or God who decided to test that notion?  Whatever, it doesn’t matter…because I get it.  Sometimes it’s HARD, so hard that when I picked up the phone with my bright message of, “It’s great day at Edling Chiropractic…”  that horrible, horrible voice, forgiving me for being so inhospitable made my hand involuntarily rise to my temple and start pounding the phone against my head until the phrase, “See him through eyes of grace” popped in there.  Lord of All, I love you with all my soul…but that, my deity, SUCKED BIG TIME!  Ok, I tried.  I was kind.  I kept my boundaries.  I wasn’t mean.  I listened, even though he only called to talk about his bracket for March Madness.  I am humbled, and now I need a shower.

It’s not Easy Wearing White

pope whiteLet’s continue with How to be a Prophet..

Lesson Eight: The Long Lonliness

It is an often lonely experience to see, to know, and understand a truth that others do not. In many ways it is like seeing a color, or having an added sense that others do not share. Self containment is the skill that must be developed here. Since we are all part of a greater whole, it is up to you to be that sense for the rest of the body. It is a delicate balance to be part of something greater and yet not lose ones unique talent, or individual aspect that adds to the whole. The simple truth is that you are never alone, there is always someone who walks the same walk you do. Release the lonliness and step away from isolation and they will appear.

Lesson Nine: The Following Darkness

Once light begins to shine through you, it may also attract darkness. In an age of science and technology, it is easy to dismiss evil in its more traditional understanding as an irrational folly of the human imagination, or a human proposition. It is not. The language we choose to define it may change, but its substance stays the same. The wisest prophet never dismisses evil as a reality, they simply don’t feed into it. Parasidic in form, it thrives on fear. It grows only when fear takes hold of your life and deters you from your path. It may encircle you with others who are wrapped in darkness through fear, but the light of truth will always keep it at bay. Light can cancel out darkness, but there is nothing that can cancel out light.

Lesson Ten: It’s all part of the Job Description

Much of your work as the voice of truth, will be exerting patience with the limited understanding of people you come in contact with. More times than not, they will have no frame of reference to pull from when you speak your truth. Finding the words that parallel a truth with their experience is necessary. That is why Jesus taught in parables. They may not understand, or simply choose to disregard what you say. The most difficult part of being a prophet is to let go of those who, after so much time and energy is expended in teaching them, choose to continue down the wrong path. As a prophet, you never get to choose who presents themselves to you for the truth. There is comfort knowing that heaven is still watching over all you come in contact with.

Lesson Eleven: A Voice in the Wilderness

Sometimes it may appear that you are a voice in the wilderness. Fatefully, people may be drawn to you, seemingly ready to improve their quality of life as the result of your insight and yet all your wisdom may appear to fall on deaf ears. You may have an overwhelming desire to question your truth, your purpose, develop feelings of extreme frustration, and want to forget about the whole endeavour. Don’t. This is where faith in the mechanisms of heaven is a necessity. A tree comes from the smallest seed. Change takes time, patience and divine presence. Still, there may only be few who will listen. Note that the greatest changes didn’t have mass followings to begin with. They took root over time. Truth has a melody that cannot be forgotten…you will be heard.

Lesson Twelve: You Get What You Need

Does a parent give a child everything that they desire? A good one does not. Desire for things that fulfill the ego can be a hinderance to the truth. When a prophet takes on fame, two things generally happen: 1) The person takes precedence over the truth that is shared and becomes the focal point, or 2) The person willingly to forgoes all the temptations that fame brings for the sake of the truth they bring. Those whose ego becomes inflated with fame, suffer greatly when trials come, because the attacks are generally directed toward the person rather than the idea. Those prophets who stand behind the truth can survive anything because they have embraced the fruits that the truth brings and not the fruits of wealth and popularity.

Lesson Thirteen: All Things, Great and Small

Goodness is understood and fostered through small movements. Greatness will always be predicated by a history of embracing the goodness in every moment. Never underestimate how a small act can influence future greatness. Nothing comes out of thin air. Pay attention and learn to recognize these influential moments.

Lesson Fourteen: The Freedom of Resolve

The hardest part of making a decision, is the action of choosing and then moving onto the pathway of that choice. There is a certain freedom in beginning to simply walk toward a goal. Remember that freedom when you are tempted to look backward at where you began, and use it to overcome that temptation. Never look behind you. Keep embracing the beauty of walking forward and believe that the path will continually evolve toward the goal you are seeking. Be resolute in your movement…never hesitant.

Prophet in the Conclave

cardinalsMy son asked me if you have to be a priest to be pope…The answer is no.  Even I could be chosen, and while there is a greater chance of hell freezing over, I wouldn’t.  But I might accept the challenge to teach those cardinals a few things.  If I were to give an intro to Prophets class…it would start like this:

Lesson One: Taking the First Step

To be a true prophet, you don’t need a pedigree…in anything. You do, however, need to say this prayer: “Honoring all the talents I’ve been given, take me down the path I need to go to fulfill my greatest purpose in life and in turn I will promise to keep walking despite the fear that wells up in my throat, the overwhelming feelings of inadequacy that I may face and the desire to give into the temptation to run in the opposite direction.” If you can say those words then you are ready. Please note, however, that once you say them…God will take you at your word. Changing your mind is not an option.

Lesson Two: What is a Prophet?

The Oxford English Dictionary defines a prophet as the inspired or accredited spokesman, proclaim-er  or preacher of some principle, cause or movement. A prophet is one who speaks for God as the inspired reveal-er or interpreter of divine will; one who is held or (more loosely) who claims to have this function; an inspired or quasi-inspired teacher. No where does it say that a prophet must have any greater handle on the truth or is better suited for it than anyone else. You must see a truth, be inspired by it and believe that it is God who is the source of that truth. What separates the prophet from a charlatan or someone of feeble mind? Nothing. Only time, commitment to the truth, and complete surrender to the divine will can keep you on the right path.

Lesson Three: What is Truth?

Is truth absolute? If it is, our human limitations probably keep us from fully comprehending it. Is the color blue still blue in the dark? Because color is dependent on light and the reflection and absorbtion of its waves to produce a color in the spectrum, perhaps it’s substance exists only in the realm of potential until light shines upon it. Truth, like color, depends on exposure to the light in the same way. The first challenge of a true prophet is to shed light into the darkest places in their lives. Sometimes the greatest truths lie hidden along side those things we try to bury in darkness. Before you begin this journey of exposure, let me comfort you by saying that things are far less frightening or threatening once you see them in the light.

Lesson Four: Excremental Vision

Once light shines exposes your personal environment, you may be shocked. Life is not as clean and neat as one might expect. Initially, it may be a shock to see how one can live a midst such apparent filth. Life, however, is messy, as is growth. Embracing the fact that “shit happens” to everyone and it is a normal part of anyone’s journey is essentially the first step in understanding it’s importance in allowing the truth to take root and flourish in your life. Growth cannot occur in a sterile environment  Dirt is essential, as well as fertilizer. The richest and most natural source? Manure. The simple decision to learn from the “shit” that is present in your life is what determines whether it will help you grow or turn you toxic. A prophet uses everything that happens to enrich their truth.

Lesson Five: A Bitter Pill

When you go through the often difficult process of uncovering and embracing a truth, you may have a tendency to tell everyone you know. In your zealous enthusiasm, you may want to strip illusion from the eyes of everyone you love, show them the error of their ways, and challenge them to change. But when you deprive them of the process, truth can be nothing but a bitter pill. Not everyone is ready to let go of illusion and face the truth. Many people may even be angry with you for judging how they live their lives…even though you both know it could stand improvement. The most effective prophet allows themselves to be transformed by truth, and then lives it. Talking about it is often too confusing. When others see the transformation in you and desire the same transformation, then it is time to talk…and yet whether or not they choose to follow the process is still up to them. A prophet is only as effective as the truth they live.

Lesson Six: Once you know, you never unknow a truth

After the initial freedom of embracing a truth, there is often a period of time when you may look back with nostalgia at life shrouded in illusion. It may appear simpler and easier in many ways. This is absolutely normal. Elevating one’s reality brings change to every aspect of life. The brain is forced to work in a completely new and different way. The best way to handle this change is to free fall into it. The phrase, let go and let God is a necessity during this period…as well as remembering the prayer you recited at the beginning of this process. Don’t fight the changes that truth brings and the transition will be easier. You will also be better prepared to face what is to come.

Lesson Seven: The Essential Nature of Things

Once you begin living in higher definition, it may become easy to judge others who live with less clarity as stupid or having little to offer you on your journey. WRONG! Everyone and everything that crosses your path is an essential element on your journey. A wise prophet understands that the big picture is comprised of smaller, seemingly insignificant pieces. Even the darkest of characters can provide an opportunity to share the light of truth. Embrace each person or event as the greatest gift. Gratitude builds hope. Hope illuminates what comes next.
This concludes first series…since I’m sure we’ll see black smoke this evening…stay tuned.

To My Younger Self

I was looking for some college stuff to show my son, who is in the process of applying to colleges, and there weren’t many pictures to show him.  First, I absolutely hate having my picture taken, and second, back then we didn’t carry cameras around to document everything unlike today when there are cameras in every cell phone, instagram and face book.  I did find this one, though,  and remember being so insecure about how tight the dress was, so much so that I almost didn’t wear it.  So to my younger self, let me just take a moment to smack you up side the head like Cher did in “Moonstruck” and yell “SNAP OUT OF IT!”  I would have told her to be more carefree, and less self-conscious.  I would have urged her to just roll with things more, and not worry so much about not measuring up.   I would have patted her on the back for working so hard to put herself through college, and let her know that choosing not to party and hook-up was the right choice, even though it meant getting dumped a bunch of times.  I would explain to her that marching to the beat of your own drum would be a central theme in her life and that it would be one of the major reasons that she would learn to view the world in such a different way than everybody else.  Most importantly, I would thank her, thank her for her altruistic outlook on life, and believing that everything would always work out if you had faith and were willing to work hard.  It was at college, when her passion for God and seeing the potential in everything really blossomed, and I apologize for having to be reminded of that.  I would also like to promise her that I will work hard to keep her hope and dreams alive in my heart as I continue to walk the path she set in motion so long ago…I will remember that my journey has meaning and purpose, even when it’s at a particularly steep part of the climb.  As I look at my son who is almost the same age as I was in this picture, I feel confident that she was an essential part of why he is the great kid that he is.

Enter…My worst nightmare

Yesterday, I began my usual morning activities at our clinic, starting with administration and data before our first patients come in at 7:00 am.  I logged onto our bank’s website to check on our credit card deposits and lo and behold when I got to our account, I saw that it was many zeros overdrawn….and I mean a lot of decimal points.  Imagine a cartoon character, who upon extreme surprise eyes bug right out of their heads…only imagine my eyes bulging and bursting into red hot coals of doom.  Mental note: order an emergency defibrillator for the office to restart the heart that exploded out of my chest and smacked onto the windshield of  our first patient driving up to our door.  I call for Steve and as he looks at the screen, he can’t comprehend what he is looking at.  His face goes white and asks, “What does that mean? Did you buy something?”  Shoot, I guess that diamond encrusted face paper for the chiropractic beds wasn’t the best spontaneous choice after all.  Of course I didn’t buy anything…I’m not the spender in this relationship.  So for over and hour and a half of agonizing over having our identity stolen to “someone’s” secret life….until the bank opened…our lives were in utter disarray.  When we got the bank president on the phone, he was his chipper self, and because I know he is not Simon Legree, I asked to look up our account and see if he saw anything unusual.  “Hmm” he said, “that’s weird.”  And while my inner petulant child wanted to reassure him that it was not simply just weird and I have the stained shorts to prove it, I said…”Got any thoughts?”  It turned out to be a glitch, thankfully there is not some hacker living large at my expense.  I haven’t felt that kind of relief since passing the bar exam, but it was even more intense because it forced me to look down “that” path, the one that many Americans…hell, many humans are forced to look down lately.  What does one do who loses everything?  Hold onto integrity and pride, and turn around 360 to get a broader perspective and humbly, rely on the good will of others?  Who knows…except today, I’ve cringed about 100 times, just like I do when I see a very big spider…one who can’t ultimately hurt me, but gives me the willies nevertheless.  Chalk this one up to being grateful…before I start my daily tasks.

Leadership

The events of this week challenged me to revisit some of the primary qualities of leadership that I studied for my Master’s degree in Organizational Leadership at St. Catherine’s University.  At the time, I remember thinking how simple these qualities were and how perhaps unnecessary it was to pay all this money for an actual degree that rests on a lot of simple common sense.  But after all these years, I’ve changed my tune.  I’ve discovered that common sense isn’t necessarily inherent when it comes to those in positions of leadership, whether it be from the top or down to the bottom of small town America.  The thing that struck me most this past week, is the seamless ability for leaders to pass the buck when faced with a crisis.  When an issue exists that challenges the function of a group, it is a primary function of the leader to address any issue with honesty and integrity.  To say, “It’s not my fault”, or “they just wouldn’t listen to me”, or “they aren’t good enough to be here”, or to simply point the finger in some other direction away from themselves isn’t an examples of acting with integrity or honesty.  It is also a primary function of any leader to assess what action is essential for the success of the entire group, and not just themselves…even if it means being honest about a mistake made and accepting the consequences with integrity, be it the leader themselves or a member of the group.  The kind of behavior that speaks so much louder than rhetoric, is embracing every opportunity to learn with humility and courage.  The need to be right, or infallible often takes over the need to be accountable, embrace our imperfections  and learn from the lessons that life brings.

I don’t believe that leadership is an innate quality, it is developed over time in the simplest of ways…often facilitated by facing difficult challenges at the hands of those whose desire it is to overpower, rather than empower.  I’ve tried to explain that to my sons after they’ve suffered the wrath of the hierarchy of power in school…they call them “douche-bags” I just call them bullies, that their influence won’t last beyond  high school.   Maturity brings clarity.   I’ve told them if I were able to go back in time with a video-tape of what the “douche-bags” of my time looked like 30 years later and show my young self that this is why you don’t need to cry after being left out of the next big party, I wouldn’t have given them so much power to second guess myself.  Making the choice not to drink and behave like a “skank” (also my son’s words) was the best choice in the long run for me.  Time has a way of pulling back the curtain and exposing the true nature of those we handed our power; they really aren’t wizards after all.  And while I may not have made those choices altogether because of my great leadership skills, I did have people in my life who gave me support for the choices I needed to make for me.  More importantly, I learned to choose behavior that matched my belief system, whether or not I got support from the rank and file.  Standing up for your beliefs is always hard, but it does get easier the more you do it

I wish there were more examples of the kind of men and women whose actions are void of condemnation but ripe with acceptance and high regard, who are honest and have courage enough to be imperfect and accept the necessary consequences, who don’t hide behind the spin of words that paint false perceptions of perfection, who have the foresight to lead us to a better place even though it may be difficult and most importantly, a leader with such commitment and belief in their mission that giving up in the face of adversity will never even be a remote possibility.  I don’t care if it is the pope, or a president or the captain of a basketball team.  The kind of qualities I just mentioned apply in any situation.  I know there are plenty of examples of great leaders out there, I just want them to pushed to the forefront so they can expose how poorly those in positions of power are really doing when it comes to leadership.  So, this week…share on your social media outlets, those great leaders who have influenced you in your life, whether they be Julian of Norwich, a favorite of mine, Martin Luther King,  Einstein, or even a great coach.  Show the world that there are good and true leaders in the world, whose honesty and integrity make them shine!

Looking Beyond Illusion

True to form, as I ponder the end of 2011, I am trying really hard to see through its difficulties to the lessons that were presented to me.  Again, true to form, I also trying hard to resist the genetics of my Irish heritage that predispose me to the belief that somehow I deserved all the difficulty thrust upon me, and still objectively try to redeem my personal disasters by  searching through the rubble to find  pearls of wisdom.  In this simplest example, while I certainly know I am responsible for the disregard of my bodily temple enough to incapacitate my immune system so that is was ripe for a heinous virus that sent me over the edge and the additional five pounds and more slack musculature that developed during my convalescence, I will place no blame or guilt on my already overdeveloped sense of morality.  Feeling truly rested for the first time in awhile and more respectful of my limitations was the silver lining.  This year I learned that I cannot do everything, and when I try I will suffer for it.  I also learned that weakness is more of a human trait than a choice, and paradoxically with that realization came greater strength.     Now on a larger level, it is much more difficult to find sense and my place in the mess.  The personal lessons  I can learn from all the destruction…from Mother Nature, to the Global economy, from the deposing of dictators to the disregard of collegial behavior in our own government are far more allusive.

While my ability to affect change on a global level might be limited, my ability to understand it isn’t, so that is the best place for me to start.  With understanding, comes the ability to see a situation more clearly, and not fall into hopelessness and fear.  There are plenty of experts in climate, finance, foreign policy and problem solving out there to help us understand our situation without vilification of any one thing in the process.  And while Beelzebub may be real, I think the evidence of humanities hand in our present predicament is far more compelling than the devil orchestrating any shenanigans afoot, which of course also means that the rescue part isn’t up to God..leaving me to conclude that our greatest need right now is to find a leader who can help us shatter the illusions that are fed to us every day by those who are less concerned about the truth, but more about absolving themselves from responsibility and finding a suitable scapegoat.  The thing is, once the great sacrifice was made and the gift of grace was bestowed, we inherited everything we need to build the kingdom on earth.  The chains of hell were broken and heaven opened up.  So what is the problem, where is the Kingdom?  I say with the greatness and privilege that was bestowed comes an even greater responsibility…one that certainly has been shirked as of late.

While each of us is weak, the spirit can make us strong…invincible, as scripture tells us.  The paradox as I understand it means that it is only by embracing the weak part, and fully seeing, without illusion, how an individual weakness is manifested in our lives is the only way to really activate the gift of grace.  That may raise a red flag theologically, but I know too many people who have claimed the “gift of the spirit” who are, well, underneath the facade….HORRIBLE PEOPLE.  The caps may be cheesy, but I can’t explain it any other way, the work of the spirit is nullified by ego and arrogance.  There are more Christians in the world than any other religion, and yet genocide, sexual crime and all other forms of violence are on the up-rise.  I will not blame the Muslim nation either, while a few madmen have wreaked havoc there is enough evidence of evil within the walls of the Christian Church. The clue lies in Jesus last commandment…”They will know you are my disciples by how you love one another”  That not only includes all the traits listed throughout scripture…like love is patient and kind, but it also means that the action of loving, displaces all fear…since fear has to do with punishment.  So next time when you listen to any leader, measure their behavior by what Jesus commands.  Knowing that each of us is weak is a simple human truth, faith can move us to a greater strength if we can shatter the illusions that hold us back.  Every person is worthy of it, not just those who fit the traditional description.  Love will never be confined by our definition of it, rather the chains of our confinement are broken by love.  Then, fear will subside and we can move freely toward the Kingdom of God.

If I had a Million Dollars

So, I was thinking the other day amidst a crisis of more money needing to go out than coming in, what I would do if someone gave me a million dollars.  The easy answer would be to pay off all my debt and go on vacation…except given that my karmic turnaround defies the space-time continuum, I decided against that option….because avoiding the lesson presented would pretty much guarantee my standing in the exact pathway of a rogue comet and certain obliteration before the money even hit my account.  So, given that I am not the only one suffering from a lack of abundance these days, (with the exception of a handful of billionaires) I would take the money and put together a common sense tour to help this country come back to reality, you know shed some light on all the shadows on the wall that are entrenching the populus into the delusion that the mess we are in is someone else’s fault.

I would hire the smartest people I could find, in a variety of fields…without any political or financial ties, and a history of great problem solving, philanthropy and altruism and send them around the country…on a bus, and teach people the basic fundamentals of working together to solve our problems.  Really?!?! you may ask…and yes, really I mean that with all my heart.  Devisiveness is at an all time high, and I think we all could benefit from being schooled.  They would teach and empower the populace to work together to make their communities work.  They wouldn’t get defensive if people got angry, or care if people didn’t like them when they used their considerable intelligence and expertise to tell them what they needed to hear instead of what they wanted to hear.  They would stand undaunted if the people called them names or questioned their patriotism.  They would alleviate the fear that is building up in the world about our future by rolling up their sleeves and walking side by side with those who came to them for help without the political favor.  More than anything they would set an example of how great thinkers who differ in their approach to a problem can still support compromise.  They would show people  it does indeed take a variety of vantage points to find the best solutions and often time success demands change, and sacrifice.

And as much as it would make me crazy, this group of great thinkers must include a variety of  perspectives, because more than anything we are losing the ability to be accountable, factual, rational and responsible.  There is too much finger-pointing, blame and arrogance that one particular vantage point is the only one true and correct vision.  Our great thinkers would have to know that extremism can’t solve our problems because of the frailty of human perspective.  All of us are limited to our own personal experiences and as a result have a very limited world view.  These great thinkers would know that and learn to appreciate the wisdom that others bring to the table and be better for it. 

I know that I need help to get out of the struggle that I am in.  I am a woman of faith who has the freedom of self-determination, and the grace of God to give me the personal strength to walk forward.  But I also am aware of my own limitations.  I need leaders who I can trust….and I don’t trust politicians today.  In the most blunt way, I despise them, almost all of them.  They are self-promoting  ego-maniacal despots who play on the need of many to point fingers and place the blame on everyone else but themselves and then stand behind God and the constitution as justification.  They stand rigidly in a singular ideology refusing to recognize that we live in a world of diversity.  I know it is easy to place blame with those who are charged with solving our present problems….especially when they are elected to do so.  I won’t blame them for imperfect solutions, because this mess is too far-reaching and old to be solved without collateral damage.  I do blame them for refusing to try, for refusing to compromise, for venomous rhetoric, for setting us up for failure to prove a point, and throwing the most vulnerable under the bus….so they can pat themselves on the back and say “I told you so.”    One group didn’t create the mess, as much as the body politico would like us to believe it did.  One group won’t fix it either.  We all have to work for this change.

Maybe my goal for the common sense tour is to simply bring the ordinary man and woman to a point of consciousness where they would better able to recognize good leadership and understand that the best leader isn’t the one who promises to “fix” our problems, but is there in the forefront to walk fearless and strong with us into the unknown future . More than anything, though…like a the human body, we all have different parts to play, all essential for proper functioning.  All of us can do this job together.  We must do it together, without one part of the body claiming their greater portion, just like Jesus said.  Perhaps when people understand this, I would have real hope for my future and the future of generations beyond me.

Gluten Sensitivity

Going gluten-free seems to be the rage these days…and most often not by choice.  There is a growing link between gluten sensitivity and many autoimmune conditions.  While the reasons for gluten sensitivity and complete intolerance are not completely understood, it is often inherited.  In my case I have suffered from inflammation for a long time, both in my joints and digestive system.  After a DNA test showed that I carry both Celiac genes, (the intestinal disease that occurs from complete gluten intolerance) I am lucky that I don’t have the disease.  I am, however, highly intolerant.  Surprisingly, living gluten-free hasn’t been difficult at all.  Beyond my initial despair at the thought of never eating bread or drinking beer again, I quickly realized after a couple of weeks of going off grains entirely, that I don’t really miss it.  It appears that it is common to crave the foods that you’re allergic to.  The result though, from not being aware of this sensitivity for most of my life, is that it has wrecked havoc on my digestive system.  After completing a protocol for “leaky gut” syndrome, and removing foods that I’m allergic to, like gluten, soy and cow’s milk, just to name a few, I have never felt better!  I feel more energy and that swollen and puffy look that has been plaguing me for months is finally gone.  I’m grateful to my husband for recognizing a recurring theme in many of our patients and then getting the education necessary to work with people with autoimmune problems, which has expanded his scope of treatment at our clinic and has given many people renewed hope in regaining their health. 

I don’t generally share such personal health information, and I do so today to hopefully direct people to 1) be more concerned about the food they put into their bodies, and 2) get tested if they don’t seem to be getting relief for autoimmune issues (google “autoimmune symptoms”).  I feel strongly that our bodies are temples and are a beautifully complicated set of integrated systems that need our utmost care and respect.  Right now, my diet consists mainly of lean proteins like poultry and fish, and vegetables and stone fruits,  nuts and gluten-free grains like quinoa and brown rice.  It is really important to make sure that the foods you eat are environmentally clean, without pesticides or additives and if at all possible the meats are free range and grass-fed.  While people complain that those choices are more expensive, my take on that subject is that our bodies are the only tool we have to live this life and they should be our top priority.  I don’t have a green thumb, but we are members of an organic farm every summer that gives us a box of wonderful veggies every week.  It has also expanded my culinary skills!  Food has never tasted better, and I am  amazed that even my two teenagers are more willing to incorporate good food choices into their daily routine.

Cold Laser


Last week, doing who knows what, I probably overextend my bodies’ abilities on a daily basis, I tore some cartilage in my knee and was forced to hobble around like I had a peg leg.  We have a cold laser unit at our clinic and I decided to give it a try.  Go ahead and google what cold laser therapy is all about because I don’t want to get into it here, all I can say is that I went from being nervous about surgery to great relief (actually I made “he who must not be named” snap my picture without those scary green glasses so no one would mistake me for an alien.)  It seemed to reduce the inflammation and speed up healing so much so that within exactly one week I am no longer walking like a sea-captain.  I can still feel it, but it is oh so much better.  More importantly my family is happy because I no longer feel like a caged animal and can get my workouts in…(which is the best stress reliever I know of)  It was a happy ending to my week!

Sunspots

Sunspots,  resulting from intense magnetic activity on the sun are often seen as a dark spot because the temperature is cooler than the surrounding area.  Solar flares, or sudden outbursts of energy, are usually seen around or as a result of sunspot activity and often disrupt satellite and communication systems.  These phenomenon all too well offer the perfect metaphor for my psyche these days.  I am a sunspot, feeling drawn to and repelled by so many things that I seem to incite small explosions of energy all around me, resulting in a whole lot of breakdowns in communication.  To akin my psyche as a black dot on a bright surface is more literal than metaphorical at present.  Being surrounded by a cloak of testosterone all day long, the craziness of the weather, the fragile economy and political climate not only offend my propensity for common sense but, like the magnetic activity on the sun, compel revulsion and devotion all at the same time.  Like many of the unusual weather patterns we’re experiencing, my psyche feels the onslaught of new emotional weather patterns as well.  Things seem to be changing faster in my world than my ability to adapt reasonably to them.   The struggle to run a business and manage a home and family are challenges on the best of days, add to it the present climate (both figuratively and literally) and it is a wonder I keep my delicate sanity in tact.  I know that sunspot activity is cyclical too,and am comforted that the craziness will pass…and it is my hope that my own personal sunspot activity will calm down in like fashion.  Faith is my stronghold, and the knowledge that God will always have a better imagination than I do, so I better find a way to enjoy the ride.