Category: joy

Joy…to the World

This is my last post of the year… without declaring what next year’s theme will be. I haven’t really tapped into any insight of what the next year will entail, so for now I will be silent about that. Anyway, to state that this “year of Joy” was anything but joyful is not definitive proof that I am a sadist or one who is incapable of experiencing joy. With all things I’ve asked of God, however, the truth of ” the themes” is always multidimensional. Also, not being one who is ever satisfied with a flimsy or shallow understanding of said “theme” (like a house built on sand) the effort to understand the deeper meaning of joy has taken greater energy and focus than anything else I’ve tackled on this journey. First, because I feel at its core the concept of joy is deeply misunderstood; second, because of my own imperfections and limitations; thirdly, because the concept of joy is so intimately intertwined into my particular belief system that it has been necessary for me to strip away what has been illusory and what is real about the joy that my faith brings. Boom. Head explodes.

The greatest fallacy I’ve discovered regarding joy is that it somehow comes from a place of sublime and almost ignorant happiness, that with axioms and idioms, joy becomes real, a fact. What this year has shown me is that true joy cannot be fabricated and is often most predicated on difficulty. Whether it comes from sadness, stupidity, pierced illusion, betrayal, embarking on a strenuous challenge, obstacles of every sort or simply boredom…Joy is that very thing that colors and transforms difficult or challenging moments when I choose to embrace them as seeds of possibility, nurturing them and seeing something blossom that turns into a beautiful and succulent fruit that comes with being rooted in faith, truth and love. Yes, I can see this as heady nonsense, so let me explain.

When the year began, I had already started to dabble in some arts and crafts (what I would call it) and then at the beginning of my year of joy, I consciously chose it as a mechanism to react to, and express the struggle I was having with understanding its true meaning. By that time my faith in reason, religious structures, leadership and later the countries response to a pandemic was already at a lifetime low. So I taught myself to draw (with the help of YouTube and an amazing artist and family member), to paint, to create jewelry that took all that negative energy and made it into something else, something that I felt joy from. The result was something that I didn’t foresee…I was actually good at it, and my own surprise that I was good at it was a revelation in itself that made me pause. I tried to take inherently joyful moments and ideas that existed outside myself and put myself into them: my son climbing a mountain, a butterfly, and exquisite stones and then created art including the blue laughing woman at the top of this post. I understood my surprise in this hidden talent was rooted in the second reason this journey of discovering joy was so difficult. Because, regardless of proof otherwise, at my core I fight against the belief that I truly am one of the least among us that Jesus spoke so poignantly about. No, this is not a pity party or cry for approval, it is simply recognizing and stating a belief that I’ve struggled the hardest to get rid of my entire life. Curiously, this year I found more success by learning to see this weakness as a future gift. And by choosing to see myself as one of the least among us, I’ve also become able to distinguish who the sheep and goats are in my life. So those of you who have chosen to treat me unlike Jesus would, I say good riddance, because even though you may think it is of little effect for a lowly one as me to treat any of you who righteously believe you are superior to me, as Jesus would, it offers me clarity of who really understands what those words truly mean. Your behavior toward “the least” is a measurement of how much you truly understand the gospel message. The gift that comes from thinking I am among the least, is that there is no compunction to create any falsehoods about who I am or hold onto any sense of superiority. I don’t have to pretend I’m better than anyone else because I already know I’m not. And those of you who do, are becoming so much more obvious about your true nature. Being “better than” is never and has never been part of what true joy really is…but kindness is, and mercy, and truth, and love, love, love is. Joy is also not synonymous with happiness, because some of my truest moments of joy this year, like the woman above, were colored in blue, in grief, and the sadness that comes from seeing things in a new light.

So when I say these words, in this season of light: “Joy to the World,” it is not only my wish that all of you discover the joy that comes through when we transform any moment into a future fruit, but that it is done by preparing room in our hearts for it, and seeing it through eyes of love, faith and truth.

Joy and Consequences

I know there are plenty of people, roughly more than half the country who are joyful and relieved at the outcome of the election, and roughly less than half who are not. So, I am thinking of the consequences of the kind of joy that Jesus spoke of in the gospel of John 15: 9-12:

As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you.

So this is a caution for all of us out there who claim to be people of faith, to keep Jesus’ words at heart. If you claim to be a Christian, and still cling to the belief that anyone who is not on your side isn’t worthy of Christ’s love, you have slipped too far into delusion and I wash my hands of you, just like Jesus instructed his disciples when they came up against those who would not listen and would treat them with ill will in Matthew 10:7:

Whoever will not receive you or listen to your words – go outside that house or town and shake the dust from your feet.

So for the rest of us, who really want to work toward unity and reflect what this country is founded on, this is for us. We are divided, that is true. But also true? Division will always exist with diversity and a nation built on the idea that all people are created equal and deserve an equal shot at life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. I don’t claim to know what that will look like, but I do know that the anger, the conspiracy theories and the misinformation vilifying the party who won (and it isn’t Mr Trump’s party)isn’t working toward that goal . Our American world has thrived under administrations of both parties. It will continue to thrive if we keep our eye on the prize: A more perfect union, based on the structure that has maintained us for over two hundred years.

I am a democrat, fiscally conservative and socially liberal. If you really know me, you know I’m not evil, naive, misinformed about legitimate news sources or an idiot. So there goes your theory that I am part of a Satanic movement. I would say that Q-anon stuff is silly, but it is just too dangerous given the amount of people who are buying into it…and it is them that I am kicking the dust from my feet because obviously you have not understood the teachings of Jesus regarding, well, just about everything. You can hide behind all the traditional structures and denominations you want, but if you are not loving everyone, even the least among you like Jesus…you are the one suffering a morality crisis, not me.

I also caution those who are emboldened by Biden’s win. Our job now, is to be the party that leads, and not leave people behind or stop listening to people because we hate what they say. Yes, I will disregard those who work toward violence, anarchy and impede our evolution. But as some of greatest leaders have taught us, there is a way to lead that builds up the body, and gives regard to all parts of it. We have a government that is by the people and for the people for a reason, and we need to strengthen its infrastructure so that no one has the power to over ride the will of the people and its laws ever again. We can no longer be naive and think that once someone is in high office that tradition of honesty and integrity will prevail. There must be consequences when that doesn’t happen.

So I am cautiously joyful, and praying for consequences for those who choose not to remain in love, whether it be how you treat your neighbor or interpret God. Because if you continue to read the Gospel we know what happens then too.

Joy, Idolatry and the Co option of America

Joy, Idolatry and the Co option of America

It’s been a tough few months struggling with my theme for this year…It has been hard to celebrate joy as a constant theme in these factious and dangerous times. Regardless of where you stand ideologically, unless you’re a zombie, soul-less, a hermit or a fool we should be able to at least agree on that. So, for the rest of us who are not the aforementioned, can we agree to work together to fight a horrible disease rationally, scientifically and without politics? Can we be respectful to those working tirelessly to rid the world of this horrible disease (and if I lose you at this point, I’m sorry, you really are a zombie, soul-less, a hermit or a fool and just fuck off…sorry, my bad…stop reading) Can we all agree to be civil and listen to one another before we go on the attack? Can people quit using “fake news” as an argument and do a little research please? Can we also agree that those who have tried to co opt the American Flag as a representation of only one kind of patriotism don’t really understand what the flag is a symbol of (meaning using the flag as only a representation of what they believe and then proceed to bully the rest of the country with strings of un-American epithets)? I can be just as American as a veteran (I’m a pacifist), because I’ve found ways to serve this country outside of the military. I have multiple family members who are veterans and they don’t see me as any less American as them. The person who just became a citizen or who has brown or black skin is just as American as someone whose presence in this country goes back generations and is white. So when the flag becomes more important than what it stands for, well that’s called idolatry and we should all be able to agree on that. What truly makes us American is how we reflect the ideals this country is founded upon and what the flag represents. So what ideals am I talking about?

This is where every true American should be walking hand in hand in agreement. America is that great experiment that fosters the freedom of “we the people for the people” to be treated equally under the law, and have the same freedom to pursue happiness. It also stands as a powerful symbol to the rest of the world and especially to enemies that democracy lives. The colors of the American flag represent the following ideas: red symbolizes hardiness and valor, white symbolizes purity and innocence, and blue represents vigilance, perseverance and justice. These are qualities that we all can work to uphold regardless of political party. But to co opt the flag as proof you are more American that any one else? Like I said, that’s just idolatry. Go ahead celebrate American pride…I fly my flag with honor and pride, but as a weapon to curtail those freedoms fought for because your perspective clashes with someone else’s? Well, excuse the language but again, fuck off cause you just don’t get it.

I have found simple joy in those who may not agree with me, but get that we can all work harder for a kinder, less divisive world. The bullies don’t scare me anymore, because the America I believe in is stronger than them, the love I have for this country is so much stronger than the hate spewed at me for having the audacity to have a different ideal of the world. So next time you see someone misuse the flag for their own purpose…simply remind them what it stands for.

Joy and the Long Game

As I have stated often, it is hard to speak of joy during turbulent times. While I’ve learned to focus on small joys, and clean my house of those who obstruct my personal evolution, I have also learned that living in the moment demands acting in a way that builds joy for the future. There are a lot of my Christian friends who are convinced that revelations is unfolding before our very eyes, and speak of doom and gloom that I believe only perpetuates fear (and somehow those who push said fear are sent from God…go figure). Fear has never been the focus of the gospel message, it is quite frankly the antithesis of the gospel message. Jesus the Savior more than anyone understood the frailties and failures of the human spirit. Jesus the teacher, though, speaks more of what brings about troubling times and how we should behave to survive them (from the 24th chapter of Matthew:

As he was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples approached him privately and said: Tell us then, when will this happen and what signs will be of your coming and of the end of the age?” Jesus said to them in reply, “See that no one deceives you. For many will come in my name and say ‘I am the Messiah’ and they will deceive many…But of that day and hour no one knows, neither angels of heaven, nor the Son but the Father alone…Therefore stay awake! For you do not know on which day your Lord will come

Interestingly, prior to the disciples query, Jesus goes on a rampage about what liars and hypocrites the church leaders have become and to be wary of those who appear holy in name and appearance with positions of high esteem and power, yet don’t practice what they preach. My favorite lines he uses to describe them are from Matthew 23:

You are like whitewashed tombs, which appear beautiful on the outside but inside are full of dead men’s bones and every kind of filth…Blind guides who strain out the gnat and swallow the camel…You cleanse the outside of the dish but inside they are full of plunder and self indulgence…

The point is so clear…a title of power means nothing if their words and actions are empty or contrary to the teachings of scripture. Jesus demands that the greatest among us must be a servant, and the way to survive the trouble of the times is to always be ready, by treating the least among us like we would treat him. For me, that is joy in the long game. Joy in the future is contingent on my actions today. My readiness also means that I am critical of anyone who promises salvation and yet behaves like the scribes and pharisees , the liars and the hypocrites that he decries prior to his comments on troubling times ahead. Actions speak louder than words. There is no other way to look at it.

Prayers for you on my Birthday

So, here I am starting my 61st year, a bit shocked at the place we are at. It leads me to believe that prayer, among many other actions are more important than ever. I think we can agree that we live in troubled times (yes, I know that’s an understatement) so my prayers for you this year on the anniversary of my birth are about evolution.

First, if you are one of the few who believe that you are already on the top of the evolutionary scale and everyone else simply has to catch up…I pray you pull your head out of your butt and understand that as long as you’re still breathing (pun intended) you have plenty of room to evolve. And if you remain resolutely firm in the belief that you have all the answers, or even most of them, I pray that karma doesn’t hit you too hard to force the issue.

I pray for you to find and develop your spiritual intelligence, from whatever source inspires that spiritual essence that exists in all of us…be it nature, music, art, meditation, scripture, or more traditional church. With that inspiration, I pray that you learn and grow and expand that intelligence into all that you do. The world is changing around you whether you like it or not and honing spiritual intelligence can only help you evolve with the changes.

I pray that you are able to evolve past what isn’t working in this world and find ways to change in a way that supports the evolution of everyone and not just you. Just as everyone walks their own path, its more important than ever that your journey doesn’t progress at the expense of someone else’s. Your success in this world should never be predicated on some one else’s failure. This is not the same as saying some will fail on their own, I mean more of the stepping on someone else to move forward kind of evolving. I think its evolutionary to believe and embrace goals that help all of us succeed, and I think it also honors a God who has created a body that can and should celebrate every part of it, even the seemingly insignificant.

I pray that you can evolve beyond what makes you afraid, and understand that the greatest way to overcome fear, is to shed a light on it and face it head on instead of turning a blind eye. Fear only controls what you allow it to and should never be the primary source or reason for any action. We are all afraid of one thing or another, be it rooted in money, judgement, violence, sickness, gender and race or a host of other things…and addressing fear with love, which is so much more powerful and bigger than we are individually, I can guarantee will help fear dissipate (and for those of you who claim to be Christian, you are commanded by God to love one another, because the opposite of love is fear, and choosing fear over love means you reject God who is love)

I pray that we all can embrace change, because it is a universal truth whether we like it or not. Evolution comes when we can clear our vision of illusions and work hard to see truth. While technology advances and tightens our global circle, it can also move us toward even more falsehoods or expose them. Words matter, facts matter and while you may disagree, the lying liars who lie are becoming even more deft at manipulating the truth, So, in order to evolve within change, truth, not opinions or falsehoods are essential.

I pray that that you can celebrate the unique and perfect blueprint that God created in making you. (go with the poetry for a moment and leave genetics aside). I pray you can evolve every great talent that has been built in and bestowed on you, and in doing so I want to thank you ahead of time for the impact it will have on the world and all its troubles right now. We need every gift we can get, and as soon as you understand how gifted you are, the quicker those gifts can be used to help our world evolve.

Lastly, I pray that throughout all the necessary changes our world needs right now that through them you feel and know that you are loved, that you show others that they too are also loved (especially someone you don’t love right now, because I guarantee you they need it) and celebrate the joy that comes with building a new and stronger future for everyone.

Joy and …..

This post was originally titled something else. I tried to live within the theme of joy, but given the current situation in our country and world, the message seemed inappropriate, because truthfully,…it felt trite, disingenuous, disrespectful, entitled, and simply unfair to be talking about joy right now. So, if you would indulge a bit of diversion this is my “not joy” insight. If joy is feelings of great pleasure, happiness and contentment, then we should all take a quick hiatus for a moment. There are times when given the gravity of the violence happening in my home town, when a discussion of joy is reserved for a later date. There may be a time to talk of joy amidst crisis, but that moment is not now.

I have only one single perspective. If I stand alone and demand that the only value is in what I see, and hear and dismiss any other vantage point because it is contrary or different than my perspective then it is antithetical to my personal evolution and contrary to my faith. If I try to move around to see things from different angles and ask for and listen to the perspective of those who may see things vastly different than I do, I think that not only helps me evolve and fulfills what Jesus requires of us, but is the only necessary place from which good solutions are to follow. I think its essential to take a moment and walk a mile in someone else’s shoes. Looking at things from a variety of perspectives, asking and listening to others doesn’t mean that I have to buy in to any one perspective, but it is required if we are to love our neighbor as ourselves, and love the least among us as if they were Christ. What seeing from a variety of perspectives does for me is to create a sense of empathy, understanding and a greater truth beyond my own limited perspective. Then I get to re clarify and move beyond my limitations.

We have some difficult steps to take now and into the future. It can’t happen without a dialogue, one that is sure to be charged with emotions and opinions. But, if we truly want to get beyond this crisis of the pandemic, racial inequity and the resulting violence and bring together the people of this country, then confronting the uncomfortable and learning to address these problems with civility and respect is a necessary requirement. Before any of us stand in polarity for or against any issue, remember these words that Jesus spoke:

I tell you, on the day of judgment people will render an account for every careless word they speak. By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.

There will be a variety of perspectives on all the worlds ills in the weeks to come, especially before our elections…let reason, love, truth and the golden rule of treating others as we would treat ourselves reign. I won’t tolerate bullying, but I am open for dialogue. I am praying all the time, for us all.

Joy and Revelation

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Amidst scrubbing for the umpteenth time, dried food on pots and pans and the ratsin’ fratsin’ that kept pouring out of my mouth, I had a revelation that brought me peace among the crust of other people’s garbage. The revelation pulled so much of my journey over the last few years together, amidst a pandemic, financial upheaval, polarizing anger and judgement…it all became so very clear. And to begin with, this has nothing, well mostly nothing to do with partisan politics, those of you who think differently than me should know by now how dear you are to me…if not, I’m sure I will be rethinking my ability to communicate that better. Secondly, I really don’t give two hoots in hell if I make some people angry. Do you want to know why? I DID THE WORK…and when I didn’t get it right, karma came crashing down until I got it right. (my relationship to God stems on a quick turn around so I waste no time) please check this reference on “standing in the middle” https://maryfrancesflood.com/?p=7930. Third, because I did the work, I am emboldened to tell you what I think is important information kind of like a philosophical/ theological explorer of sorts. And Forth, and maybe the most important of all, the possibility exists that I am totally fuc@#$g completely off base, and like Thomas Merton said “My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you.” And also my obsession with Job; https://maryfrancesflood.com/2012/04/25/the-patience-of-job/ I am perfectly aware that I don’t have the omniscience that God has, so if I’m wrong about any of this, it certainly wasn’t for failed effort. I don’t think God would allow me to keep such delusions. Anyway, here we go.

I’ve been think a lot about this particular scripture when Jesus talks about the separation of the sheep and the goats. When Jesus comes back in all his glory, he will separate the sheep from the goats…basically those who understood the point of his ministry and utilized the power of grace to inherit the kingdom of heaven (which is super goal oriented, I guess). The bottom line is that the prize will go to those who treat the least among us like they were Christ…there is a lot fodder for discussion for what that means, but let me assure you it has nothing to do with the recitation of the phrase “I accept Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior” and then keep kicking the least among you because you think they are sinners and disgusting, and well basically because you said the magic phrase and I’m in the club now, and gives you license to be God in judgment and jury. Love is more efficacious than that…which is evidence why I can love people who stand on a different polarity than me…their love is efficacious (look it up, its a cool word…you’re welcome).  Also, the least among us may look differently to each person see:https://maryfrancesflood.com/2015/01/02/of-consequence-and-consequences/. What makes us a sheep and not a goat, is how we respond to the people we think are of no consequence, or using my reference from the beginning of the post, who throw cooked on dried on food container in the sink for us to clean up. Jesus taught me in a dream, that if I really wanted to keep true to that message I had to be willing to wash someone’s feet that I think is so off it would be painful to do so, and I’m also reminded of  that question that my eldest son posed when he was eight that rocked my world, “Mom, there isn’t a place even in hell that the love of God can’t reach, right?” This is where my frailty comes in and my deep dependence on God to do the right thing when someone has spiritually knifed me in the back…while the anger and all that comes with that is justifiable and all I want to do is eviscerate them with my velociraptor like vocabulary…I recommit to refusing to let it turn me into a goat. (even though for the record this metaphor is lost on me because I love me some baby goats…I understand Jesus meaning though).

The joy comes because of the work that I’ve done, work for which I WILL NOT AND NEVER APOLOGIZE FOR, even if you call me a pontificating freak (which in so many words people have said a lot).I have the war wounds to show for it, and the wisdom to know what is self inflicted and what is not. The joy comes because I have walked and listened to a multitude of perspectives…again, here is the reference: https://maryfrancesflood.com/2018/02/15/truth-and-perspective/. The joy comes because I am so much more than those people that are stuck in one position and refuse to broaden their perspective by simply moving and opening their eyes to a different angle. I have joy because I recognize clearly those who are stuck and understand that it is as impossible to change their minds as it is to have someone color blind understand the color purple. The joy comes because “I” am so much more, because my eyes are open and God has shown me a multitude of colors I hadn’t seen before…and that does make a difference. As the little prince says in St Exupery’ great book: words are often the greatest source of misunderstanding…and then goes on to say “What is essential is invisible to the eye; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly” Jesus says it too: they will know you are my disciples by how you love one another. The joy also comes even amidst the anger that I feel when someone else’s stupid fear (and or just someone’s stupidity) creates havoc in this world. I have joy even amidst the sadness of so many life changes and losses, because the crux of my faith is when God is with me, nothing can keep me from his love…and those who don’t live by that are becoming or already are goats. And I can’t change that, except to treat them, and the least among my particular world as I would Christ. I can only change my response to them, and see if that makes a difference. And sometimes that response looks like wielding a sword, and others like washing feet. The joy comes when I simply do what the Gospel asks me to do, and the promise that I am not alone, even if I am physically in any given moment.

The joy comes, also, because for the first time in a very long time, I don’t feel alone. I feel connected to the great source that connects us all, and in my prayers I feel you, (even though I may not physically know you), struggling to become or stay sheep. I feel joy in praying for you every day too.

Joymongering

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OK, I borrowed from the phrase: fearmongering…but why can’t we turn that word on its head? So, I had a thought (this time a super fun one). The store that sold my cards is under reinvention, and of course closed because of the COVID19 virus. So I plan on engaging in a bit a joymongering since we are all stuck at home. I will send anyone who wants one, one of my cards free of charge so they can, in turn, send one out to bring a bit of joy to someone that is suffering (like we all are) from social distancing and other pressures this whole new world has brought forth. You can message me on messenger with your address, or for my wordpress followers you can leave initials and an address in the comments section (I don’t, and won’t publish comments), or email me at the address attached to this blog. It’s first come, first serve. You can mention the type of card you want too, but like I said it will be first come first serve. If you have cards at home and don’t need one. them by all means just send them out. Most people keep fears and concerns silent…so let’s break that pattern and spread a little, simple bit of joy!

We are in this together, and we need not be afraid! I’ve never asked this, but please share this post so we can spread joy to as many people as we can!

Joy and Dancing

I keep thinking God is punking me with  joy as a my yearly focus…especially given all that is happening in the world right now…what exactly is there to be joyful about? And then I had an epiphany…and danced. In context, my beautiful niece got married last weekend. Most people had to travel (we did) and some from abroad. There were cancellations, concerns, anxiety and some frayed nerves. Yet love was celebrated, families were together, and in the face of  growing world fear, an opportunity for joy. So this is what I exercised during this trip: conscious joy. In every moment, to find the joy, because its there, always present and waiting to be seen and felt.

I saw joy when myself and others exercised kindness, others so appreciated it. I saw joy in the joining of two phenomenal people in love, and felt joy in all that we as parents accomplished with such amazing offspring and support for one another. I found joy in the warm sun, beautiful surroundings and time to breath (and I don’t mean that metaphorically). I felt overwhelming joy watching my brother and his daughter dance together, and felt an other worldly presence of my niece’s mother and my father who both have passed that washed over me with joy also. I practiced joy in re figuring crazy moments and laughed about them. And then, even though I didn’t want to at first…when given the opportunity, I danced…just like I used to. At that moment I remembered how much I loved it, why I did it and could feel my joy alter the world, even if in a minuscule way. I’m still paying for it now (my body just doesn’t work that way anymore) but it was the best reminder of why my favorite verse was David dancing naked before the ark of the covenant. It transformed my fear, and I realized that joy can be found at all moments. It reminded me why I am a  person of faith. It reminded me that all things are indeed possible if we have faith in God, ourselves and each other.

I am beginning to appreciate that my theme this year is joy. I think God knew I would be prone to dark moments and hopelessness. So I am conscious of it at all times. Joy can be found even in the darkest moments, because we are the very creation of love, and with that understanding comes joy. And this understanding will be crucial as we move forward in this crisis…for me I will try to exercise joy.

Joy Amidst Tribulation

When I studied Theology in college, I will never forget one particular reading assignment in a class on the early Church Fathers that has left an indelible mark on my soul. During the early development of Christianity and its persecution by Rome, there is a letter to the Roman Emperor Diocletian, in which the apologist tries to respond to the Emperor’s query: “Who are these Christians that are joyful even in the face of horrible death?” In truth, I was more impressed with the question than any answer given. The observation was clear…there was something demonstrably different about Christians, they seemed to have something more, a power that enabled them to face their greatest tribulation with joy rather than fear, hatred or anger. As a woman of faith, that’s what I wanted more than anything…to be joyful in the face of any struggle thrown my way.

During this time of cultural trouble when it seems that up is down and down is up, I am again focused on being joyful amidst tribulation. Not fake joy, or just the deep desire or hope of it, and not the proclaimed kind or the kind that the church claims dominion over and is expected of all who say they believe, not the kind that exists in a bubble free from what is happening in the larger world to the least among us….I want true joy, joy that sustains and fills in the empty holes that life sometimes brings…the kind that makes me “more” than non believers. I want the kind of joy that dampens or halts any desire for retribution for injustice, and hypocrisy. I want to be joyful amidst all of the strains and struggles of modern life. I want the joy that used to propel me to dance…the kind that allowed me to see colors that many people, blocked by fears and all things opposite of love cannot see. I want the kind of joy that fills me with the power of light, so that change can happen through the visible representation that we as people of faith are more than someone without it.

I want to be the kind of woman of faith that can show to those who face depression, suicide, victimization, starvation, loneliness, judgement, the kinds of stress manifested in many forms, and all other tribulations that there is hope, a life line, a superpower that helps us all rise above any and all tribulations. I want to be more. For those who were so close to the events of Christ and the apostles in history, perhaps it was easier to become more that they were before they believed, or maybe it was the ferocity that comes when someone like the Romans try to take away what is most precious that gave them joy, because they knew so clearly that God would prevail.

I observe a church today that is more concerned about finding sanctuary within human made walls and blame upon others than standing as a beacon of hope and joy amidst some of the greatest tribulations of our time. It’s no wonder that people are falling apart in desperation all over the world. The surest way to destruction is to lose hope, forget the joy comes when we know that when God is for us, in us and around us that nothing will come between his love for us and the worst of all tribulations…even if that is death.

Think of it this way: those who fully embrace God’s love truly see things on a greater color spectrum. I have had times in my life seen colors that others don’t see. The difficult part is trying to explain a color to someone who is color blind, or can’t see it. Words are ineffective, you have to show the world by example, by expressing and wielding the love that Christ demonstrated, by having faith in the grace that was and continues to be extended by his loving sacrifice and a deep belief in all the promises that he made us. I know most Christians focus too much on the eternal life part, or getting “in the club” part…I’m talking about the transformation in each present moment. I pray every day to be the kind of person that would make people say, “I want what she has” (and not in a material sense).

Make no mistake, I am just as responsible as anyone for not exuding the joy that faith brings. I also want to be clear that joy looks different depending what path you’re on. There are people who suffer from mental illness, grief, are victims of violence and racism, etc. I tread softly here, because I don’t think true joy is a visible celebration all the time. The distinction, though, lies in filling and augmenting the broken pieces in each of us with the spiritual strength of God. Jesus said they will know you are my disciples by how you love one another, and that there is no distinction between loving your enemy and loving those who love you. I have to believe, that whatever the struggle, the love you share still will differentiate you from one who is just broken and hopeless. He also said that if you live in that love, His love will live in us and our joy will be complete. That is what I want to reclaim this year, and I hope my journey helps you reclaim it as well.

What is Joy

Definition of joy

 (Entry 1 of 2)1a: the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : DELIGHTb: the expression or exhibition of such emotion : GAIETY2: a state of happiness or felicity : BLISS3: a source or cause of delight

intransitive verb: to experience great pleasure or delight : REJOICE

transitive verb1archaic : GLADDEN

2archaic : ENJOY

When in doubt, I use the dictionary…otherwise its too easy to become mired in word use that doesn’t reflect its true meaning, at least for me anyway (words matter). Merriam-Webster has always been a good springboard to start. Words like well-being, getting what I desire, delight, gaiety, happiness, rejoice and bliss aren’t really in my wheelhouse right now. So here it is, the sad truth…I am not feeling the joy.

When I started a “theme for the year journey” 6 years ago, King David dancing before the ark of the covenant was the scripture verse I picked that exemplified my faith. Since then and six themes and years later: walking my path (opening my eyes to see and my ears to hear), speaking a loud about faith, clarity, fruits, truth and love have rebuilt me practically from the ground up, and in all truth most of the time I didn’t feel much like dancing. I don’t necessarily believe there was anything wrong with the verse I chose back then, not to dismiss my past self, but when God answered my prayers on my quest, my movement included a lot more rough and rocky terrain that was and continues to be difficult to dance along. There was a lot more climbing, and leaping, falling down, and scrapes and bruises as well as navigating over new terrain with no visible path than I expected. I learned that whenever a person is serious about a prayer, like mine have been for the last 6 years without qualification, you are afforded an answer. I may not have liked every answer, but, as I reflect, I know the answers were spot on. While I never could have imagined the direction life has taken me, hindsight shows me a great deal of proof that my prayers have been and will continue to be answered. The real qualifier is whether or not I can absorb, understand and apply everything at all…hence the rebuilding of my body and soul.

So, if evolution is to become a reality and not just a blog story (this is in direct reference to all the bullshit that is out there, i.e. saying one thing and doing another), this must be central to my discovery of joy this year:

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you. By this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples. As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. John 15:7-12

The journey continues, right now its hard to experience joy according to the definition and Scripture’s promise. So my bliss is the hot cup of tea I am sipping, delight in the people I encounter, the happiness I find in my art. I am focused on rejoicing in putting one foot in front of the other and bearing good fruit on my journey as a disciple.

Joy

So like always, this idea came to mind like a ditty that you can’t get out of your head and played constantly as my year of love waned. Good, I thought…I could use some lessons on joy. While it may come as a surprise to some people, upon reflection, I am not a very joyful person. That is not to say that I’m not hopeful, faithful, loving, optimistic or other positive adjectives….I am just not very joyful about it. Chalk it up to many different factors, from personal, cultural as well as institutional, but all the things I was taught or told to be joyful about? never really brought me the kind of joy I thought it would. That’s a lot to pack into one sentence, and at least I get the year to figure it out. But considering the strife in the world, I think there are a lot of people like me who fake joy, more than they feel it. And given the kind of learning curve I’ve been on the last few years, I’m sure faking it till you feel it isn’t part of God’s program. So even though it may seem trite, here are a couple of things that popped into my head when I thought about joy:

Cooking really good food.

My youngest son gave me a gift card to my favorite art store.

My oldest son put together my drafting table.

I made some beautiful pieces of jewelry from a picture in my head.

Reading the Gospel

And now I’m stuck. For now, though, that’s OK…even though I feel a bit pathetic about it. I know I’m capable of joy because I’ve felt it in the past. I just need to figure out what it really means to me and celebrate that instead of someone’s definition of it. This year I’m looking for authentic joy.