Little White Lies

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One of the things I’ve noticed as I’ve embarked on my adventure of truth is how often I’ve told the stupidest lies, ones that mean absolutely nothing except to embellish a story, mask a feeling, cover up or avoid something embarrassing.  I’m sure everyone does it. It appears harmless enough…but compounded day after day? I think a whole other story emerges, an illusory one that begins to obscure simple human truths, like we are all imperfect, sometimes our daily story is boring and most importantly we avoid feeling necessary feelings, even ones that portray us in a much poorer light than we would like others to see. It is also how the layer after layer of subterfuge begins to cover our true selves. Perhaps the simple lies we tell are the ones that, building over time, are the most dangerous because we not only limit our own development, but in turn affect the truth of who we are to other people. While I have no problem with putting our best selves forward, its never good to buy into the lie that we are something that we’re not. The truth always comes out eventually.

In my job, I listen to excuses all day long…why they can’t make a must needed change, afford care, eat healthy food and exercise, be faithful, stop smoking, and well, the list goes on and on. I always try to reserve judgement because I know how frightening life changes can be and figure when they are ready the excuses will stop and the real work of health can begin. And when that happens the transformations are truly amazing. Sadly, there are times too when the excuses are just too big and the blame begins, and the “you just don’t know” conversation begins and they fall victim to a sense of powerlessness. I can never know what each person is going through and I always try to be unconditional, offer empathy and compassion but hopelessness? It’s never been an option for me. The backhand of karma has smacked me upside the head too many times to even entertain the thought of engaging as a victim in any situation let alone allow someone else to do so. Making excuses and being powerless is antithetical to my faith, plain and simple. And truly, that’s where the real work is, isn’t it…first believing that we are all created in the image of God, just as we are, without embellishment. It is where we should begin each day on our journey and put our faith in remaining true to that simple principle. Then, there would be no need for those silly lies we tell.

Tomorrow, let only truth come from your mouth, and be aware of when it does not. You may be surprised at what you learn.

 

 

Evolution

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Last night I went to my 40 year high school reunion…I know, right? It seems impossible to remember what it was like during those years so many decades ago, and the hundreds of people that crossed my path on a daily basis, but then…I walked into the room and spied name tags, and it was as if those memory/feeling files awakened from a long slumber and I was back in 1977. No judgement, just happy hello’s and good conversation…for the most part. It’s hard to disregard those memories, feelings and insecurities that were so plentiful from 15-18, many of which were rooted in placing pretty much every body else above myself, as if there was a game being played and every one else got the rule book, but me.  I also realized, though, that even though I felt foolish a lot of the time, I had much better taste in friends than I ever gave my younger self credit for. They were good people then, only to have evolved through life’s trials to be even better versions of themselves today. Those whom I didn’t feel worthy of back in high school I felt no need to pay heed last night either, but only in the calm and resolved maturity when it just doesn’t matter any more. And besides, there were just so many good people to reconnect with and hear about their lives. There were so many happy memories, and they are the ones to celebrate and reminisce about.

It was also interesting to hear feedback from people about how they saw you in high school. I couldn’t help but laugh to myself thinking, given all the positive statements, I wonder why I felt so tortured and alone in high school much of the time? I’m sure it’s the same for many of my cherished friends, because we just didn’t spend as much time pumping each other up as we could have, a teenage thing I suppose, the inactivity of our frontal lobes…so I will do it now. I am an accomplished and educated woman…but I wouldn’t have become the me I turned into without so many wonderful people throughout my adolescence who were there to help form and support me, even if I was too myopic to notice. I was so impressed with all the stories I listened to and shared last night. Regardless of the path that each of us took, I have a much better appreciation of who they are now. 1977 was full of good people, people who help build the foundation that is me and I really am grateful. I hope, too, that I helped build a foundation for others as well. Most importantly? Like wine, we do get better with time.