Category: happiness

Quiet Bravery and Happiness on a Higher Plane

As you know by now, just when I think I understand where this journey is going, I don’t…end of story. Every time I started to work on the concept of happiness on a higher plane the words bravery kept coming to mind…like in an irritating “pay attention” kind of way. and the more I avoided it, the louder it became. So I spent some time talking about it with another, and doing some study. It turns out bravery is a necessity for the achieving the kind of happiness found on a higher plane, and I was definitely found wanting.

For context, when I had my paintings up at the Public Library on display, more that one person commented that I didn’t have any older people, so I chose a climber from a wonderful photographer I follow on social media and blended two photos together for the piece I am creating. While I always raise the bar for each piece, I have to admit this one is really a difficult one to draw (and paint, there are mountains on the other side of the face that will be watercolor).What you see is the first 20 minutes of sketching and it looks pretty much like crap, the hair on this one will kill me. I’m showing you this for a couple of reasons, the first being that it takes a certain amount of bravery to begin a work and to take it to another place, and there are many times, like most endeavors, when even embracing the bravery to continue, there is no guarantee the outcome will work out. Giving up and starting over is always a real possibility (one I’ve had to face more than once…failure is a good learning tool after all) There is a point, though, when I begin to see the other side and I am excited to finish, the bravery was worth it. The second reason I’m showing you this, is to highlight the bravery that is necessary when it is done and I have to put it out into the world (to which I’ve admitted plenty of times I hate). I had a dream last night, where I ran into both the subject and the photographer, and walked unhindered right up to them in a friendly manner and told them what I had accomplished, and wanted to show them. The looks I received from both, were initially surprising and very much a who the hell are you and why are you talking to me moment, then both turned away as if I were the most inconsequential (and perhaps strange) person in the world. I’m throwing no shame on these two men, but I think my dream was reminding me that in the physical world there is a hierarchy of people’s worth and worldly significance based on a whole set of cultural factors…(which I normally disregard and in this instance I, in particular, rested simply on the fact that I am a not a serial killer but a good person, and I am a very talented artist). Objectively, in the dream, I walked away muttering to myself that the reaction they gave me was completely obvious and expected, I should have known better. The bravery to create a thing, and the bravery to put it out into the world for affect are not the same thing, especially in a world that does not see all people as if they all were of equal consequence. This is not a feel sorry for me moment, because I don’t, rather, it is simply an acknowledgement of how differently I approach the world than other people do. But I was still confused about the bravery angle, so I went back and studied a bit.

There is the archetypal kind of bravery that mythologist Joseph Campbell speaks about, that is all about the call to adventure where a hero’s journey is doing extraordinary things more like a super hero, like standing up to corruption or a bully, confronting physical dangers for a greater cause etc. And then, there is the more quiet bravery, the kind that doesn’t depend on adventure but is an invisible kind of anchor, a journey of endurance that may never be visible to the public, but demands a slower, more methodical approach to saving the day. I think Jesus, while showing plenty of the traditional “hero” qualities spent much more of his ministry highlighting the latter, emphasizing the more quiet version of bravery, and this is the one that I find most difficult.

When Teilhard argued that happiness is found in growth and progress and giving oneself over to a purpose larger than the individual, rather than static tranquility, comfort, or avoidance of risk, or hoarding possessions or seeking the kind of control offered by the world, there is an inherent expectation that a certain amount of “bravery” will be necessary to override the world’s offerings of happiness to do so, because true happiness will not be found there. Jesus calls us to be “in” the world, but not “of” the world. As defined in the dictionary, happiness is a state of well being and contentment characterized by joy, satisfaction and sense of fulfillment. There are the short term kinds, like good food or a fun trip, and there are the long term kinds that give one deep emotional fulfillment. From my standpoint, it is the latter that I focus on for happiness on a higher plane and also the one that often makes me want to hide in a closet. Here are Teilhard’s three pillars again:

  1. The inner unification of self
  2. The union of our being with others who are our equals through genuine relationship
  3. The subordination of our individual life to a greater transcendent whole, the collective evolution of the universe

I want to focus on the first two. The first, unification of self, is the journey of self discovery and evolution of our personal blueprints, as it were. I’ve been working on this for a long time, and if I’m honest, it has taken a lot of bravery to do so, and I am pretty proud of how far I’ve come (and yes, I know I have a ways to go). I am blessed to know and send love to those who are also on this journey of discovering self. It is the second, the union of others who are our equals through genuine relationship that has me a bit frozen. Establishing genuine relationships, not just secretly in the heart has always been a terrifying proposition for me, and while I do feel equal and of consequence to unite with others, the world does not necessarily see me, or others that way. That dreadful hierarchy of “who’s who” needs to be broken down if we are to get to Teilhard’s third pillar…and I know that I, or any of us can’t get there without the love that creates genuine relationships in this physical world. The only way I know how to do that, is following the path of love laid down by Jesus. It’s all a bit terrifying…but I promise you, I will be quietly brave, with whatever comes my way.

Drive

I. Love. To. Drive. I always have, especially since being the third of Irish triplets in my family (which means being born in quick succession often less than a year between siblings) meant I couldn’t get my license until I was 18 because of the cost of insurance (both my brothers also had “incidents”). When I finally got that picture ID in hand as proof to the world I had reached a whole new level of independence, I felt such incredible joy and freedom. And while I am a rule follower, there is nothing like a long road trip along a freeway going fast with the music blasting in the background. Anyway, yesterday was my post-op appointment. It went great, and the best part was being told I could drive again (since it is my left hip and I am not taking opioids). I felt a similar joy in the moment that I got my license the first time…the freedom to move on my own, especially in accordance to my own rhythm and schedule again. That autonomy is such a simple pleasure, one I was a bit surprised at how much I had already missed (I know its also only been 10 days). The idea of “drive” also brought to mind a whole host of other things. What are all the many things that will drive me now with my new freedom of movement on this higher plane? While it’s true, I have all sorts of ideas and possibilities floating around in my head on “where” this drive will take me, which is exciting, BUT per usual on this journey…I was also presented with the question of “what” will drive me too…and it was more than humbling.

Yesterday after my post-op appointment an embarrassing thing happened. Once the bandage was removed, my new scar was visible along with the deep bruising of the surgeon’s fingers along my hip, and well, other places and I found it deeply shocking. Now of course I am aware the amount of force that is necessary when they shove the spike of the new hip into my femur, but it is quite another thing to see the proof of it…it was quite disconcerting and in that exact moment, the horror on my face in the mirror was proof I also thought it was quite ugly as well. My normally small hip and thigh looked monstrous. While I don’t consider myself to be a vain person, that visceral reaction at what my body went through and then actually recoiling at the sight of it in the mirror, shocked me a bit. Moreover, it kicked my joy to the sideline. I felt so sad that I didn’t rise above it in the moment. How stupid is that? Crap, am I really that conventional? Logically, I know it is temporary, because you can barely see the scar from the other hip now…but in the moment it was quite humbling and revelatory that I am still driven by simple externals and world definitions too. To add insult to injury I also got a bit of a reaction/dermatitis to the anti-inflammatories I’m taking so my neck is bright red and on fire…thank God for aloe.

Having the ability to “drive” oneself is such a freedom, but it is also important to check once in awhile all those vanities that subliminally influence where and how we drive forward too. Sometimes the most simple reaction brings the greatest epiphany. The picture below while still disheveled, includes a bit of vanity too, red neck and all.

I also promise that next post I will be back on track to living on a higher plane…which will focus on happiness…

Here is a tidbit:

Views on Happiness

Teilhard argued that true happiness is found in growth and progress rather than in static tranquility, comfort or avoidance of risk. It does not come from hoarding possessions or seeking control, but from giving oneself over to a purpose larger than the individual. He characterized three pillars:

  1. The inner unification of the self
  2. The union of our being with others who are our equals through genuine relationship.
  3. The subordination of our individual life to a greater, transcendent whole (serving God or the collective evolution of the universe).

Love with No Prerequisites

present

I should know by now that no amount of planning on my part when it comes to God means that I am prepared, ready, or set to go on my New Year’s commitment. Omniscience is funny that way. I guess I will never fully appreciate the intricacies of my heavenly God’s magnificent brain (but like Charlie Brown and Lucy with the football, I keep trying). So. Bearing good fruit…its not as easy a subject as I originally thought. Don’t get me wrong, in my planning I had dozens of do-gooders lined up to talk about. Although enthused to share those stories that make one smile and push the belief that the future is bright, I got an overwhelming sense that wasn’t what I was supposed to do. There are tons of social media sites that highlight those happy stories of puppy’s being saved and glorious good deeds. Note, I will never denigrate these sites…they often bring a happy tear to my eye and put a smile on my face and calm my soul. What they don’t do, however, is propel me to action. Therein lies the rub, while a smile or happy tear is good thing, it can lull us into a stupor of contentment rather than incentivize us into acting on the belief that the fate of the world depends on bearing MY fruit, sharing MY gifts. And believe me, the world is in desperate need of everybody’s fruit. Even as I wrote that last phrase, I realize how almost dirty it sounds, because as a woman, the measure of my fruit has to be a bit tawdry, right? Sex and money, isn’t that what many people think of as worthy fruit? But I digress.

While the potential for all of us to bear fruit is there, what helps bring the potential of a gift to fruition? What are the prerequisites? What is the water, sun and good soil that every unique human soul needs to flourish and grow? And just as importantly, once those fruits grow to fruition, who do we share them with? To those who share regularly with me? To only those who will appreciate what I have to give or deserve the fruits of my labor? What of those who refuse to bear fruit at all? Shouldn’t they burn like the infernal barren fig tree? Those are the questions that I’ve been pondering. What makes someone feel like they don’t have anything to give, or are capable of bearing fruit? I think the answer lies in the one thing that doesn’t need a prerequisite, or a degree, or talent, or beauty, or a pedigree. It is the one thing that I swear my allegiance to every day…and that is love.

So love is where I will begin, the one requirement without which bearing fruit is impossible. And it expresses and nurtures everyone differently. So let’s begin with the basics…because my intent this year is to help everyone see how their unique gifts are essential to the plan, and together we can build a Kingdom worthy of all the goodness that we are.