As you know by now, just when I think I understand where this journey is going, I don’t…end of story. Every time I started to work on the concept of happiness on a higher plane the words bravery kept coming to mind…like in an irritating “pay attention” kind of way. and the more I avoided it, the louder it became. So I spent some time talking about it with another, and doing some study. It turns out bravery is a necessity for the achieving the kind of happiness found on a higher plane, and I was definitely found wanting.
For context, when I had my paintings up at the Public Library on display, more that one person commented that I didn’t have any older people, so I chose a climber from a wonderful photographer I follow on social media and blended two photos together for the piece I am creating. While I always raise the bar for each piece, I have to admit this one is really a difficult one to draw (and paint, there are mountains on the other side of the face that will be watercolor).What you see is the first 20 minutes of sketching and it looks pretty much like crap, the hair on this one will kill me. I’m showing you this for a couple of reasons, the first being that it takes a certain amount of bravery to begin a work and to take it to another place, and there are many times, like most endeavors, when even embracing the bravery to continue, there is no guarantee the outcome will work out. Giving up and starting over is always a real possibility (one I’ve had to face more than once…failure is a good learning tool after all) There is a point, though, when I begin to see the other side and I am excited to finish, the bravery was worth it. The second reason I’m showing you this, is the bravery that is necessary when it is done and I have to put it out into the world (to which I’ve admitted plenty of times I hate). I had a dream last night, where I ran into both the subject and the photographer, and walked right up to them in a friendly manner and told them what I had accomplished, and wanted to show them. The looks I received from both, were very much a who the hell are you and why are you talking to me, and both turned away as if I were the most inconsequential person in the world. I’m throwing no shame on these two men, but I think my dream was reminding me that in the physical world there is a hierarchy of people’s worth, and worldly significance based on a whole set of cultural factors…and in this instance I, in particular only the fact that I am a good person, not a serial killer and I am a talented artist). Objectively, in the dream, I walked away muttering to myself that the reaction they gave me was completely obvious and expected, I should have known better. The bravery to create a thing, and the bravery to put it out into the world for affect are not the same thing, especially in a world that does not see all people as if they all were of equal consequence. This is not a feel sorry for me moment, because I don’t, rather, it is simply an acknowledgement of how differently I approach the world than other people do. But I was still confused about the bravery angle, so I went back and studied a bit.
There is the archetypal kind of bravery that mythologist Joseph Campbell speaks about, that is all about the call to adventure where a hero’s journey is doing extraordinary things more like a super hero, like standing up to corruption or a bully, confronting physical dangers for a greater cause etc. And then, there is the more quiet bravery, the kind that doesn’t depend on adventure but is an invisible kind of anchor, a journey of endurance that may never be visible to the public, but demands a slower, more methodical approach to saving the day. I think Jesus, while showing plenty of the traditional “hero” qualities spent much more of his ministry highlighting the latter, emphasizing the more quiet version of bravery, and this one that I find most difficult.
When Teilhard argued that happiness is found in growth and progress and giving oneself over to a purpose larger than the individual, rather than static tranquility, comfort, or avoidance of risk, or hoarding possessions or seeking the king control offered by the world, there is an inherent expectation that a certain amount of “bravery” will be necessary to override the worlds offerings of happiness to do so. As defined in the dictionary, happiness is a state of well being and contentment characterized by joy, satisfaction and sense of fulfillment. There are the short term kinds, like good food or a fun trip, and there are the long term kinds that give one deep emotional fulfillment. From my standpoint, it is the latter that I focus on for happiness on a higher plane and also the one that often makes me want to hide in a closet. Here are Teilhard’s three pillars again:
- The inner unification of self
- The union of our being with others who are our equals through genuine relationship
- The subordination of our individual life to a greater transcendent whole, the collective evolution of the universe
I want to focus on the first two. The first, unification of self, is the journey of self discovery and evolution of our personal blueprints, as it were. I’ve been working on this for a long time, and if I’m honest, it has taken a lot of bravery to do so, and I am pretty proud of how far I’ve come (and yes, I know I have a ways to go). I am blessed to know and send love to those who are also on this journey of discovering self. It is the second, the union of others who are our equals through genuine relationship that has me a bit frozen. Establishing genuine relationships, not just secretly in the heart has always been a terrifying proposition for me, and while I do feel equal and of consequence to unite with others, the world does not necessarily see me, or others that way. That dreadful hierarchy of “who’s who” needs to be broken down if we are to get to Teilhard’s third pillar…and I know that I, or any of us can’t get there without the love that creates genuine relationships in this physical world. The only way I know how to do that, is following the path of love laid down by Jesus. It’s all a bit terrifying…but I promise you, I will be quietly brave, with whatever comes my way.