I use this picture as a simple representation of a moment of happiness, my understanding of which was challenged in the following post.

In a rare moment of respite, I purposefully stepped away from all the trappings of daily life and into my own sanctuary world and began a new art piece and lost myself in the Zen of the moment. Then boom!, the calm was disrupted when I got a message from my Spirit guide that threw me into emotional overload. What follows first, is the raw message I received, the second is the follow up conversation I had in meditation. For those of you who are new to this blog, this kind of shit happens to me all the time, like for my whole life. It is was it is…and I believe whole-heartedly that this information does not come from me, primarily because of my emotional response and the fact they usually come when I think I have everything in hand. I simply chock it up to one of the gifts of embarking on a journey exploring unknown territory, and not wanting to fuck it up.

Here is the message that came:

This moment of quiet is not where happiness comes from. All the ‘stuff ‘ you’ve gone through, the hard challenges are what happiness is predicated on. Happiness is the result of conquering the struggle, the ecstasy that comes from the effort of accomplishing a goal, facing and conquering a limit or finishing a step in one’s continued evolution, often in the face of those things, goals or ideologies that we thought would bring us happiness but did not. Some of the greatest surprises of life are those incidents and people one never saw coming that show a happiness or a connection that never would have occurred had it not been for the struggle. God/Love truly has a better imagination than any of you could have fathomed…but in order for that to happen, you must trust that whatever event, situation, or circumstance that may lay before you, even if it is the result of living in a sinful world, the author of this play can successfully lead you, bring you to like minded others and transform those moments into hard won moments of happiness.

I literally had to take refuge in the quiet of my bedroom to continue the conversation. So, in a puddle of the exhaustion I have felt lately, focusing on making sacred all the work I do, whether it is simply everyday work or candid conversation, I simply asked my Spirit guide, “why now?”. Here is the conversation that followed:

What the actual hell? Why now? I was finally experiencing a moment of greatly needed Zen.

It is because you were calm and open that you were ready to hear this message. I know you want happiness in your life, and that you feel trapped sometimes, but there are some things that need to be reframed here that can help you see the events that happen to you can result in present and future happiness.

Reframe how? I thought I was figuring out how to see things more clearly on a higher plane pretty well…

That is true, you have, look at the connections you have made and how much clearer the road ahead seems. But I need to tell you that happiness and love are not the same thing. Love is free and inexhaustible. Happiness is not free, it is hard won. Happiness is the proof of all that has been promised…not that life will become easy or perfect, because evolution takes effort, but that faith in the power of love will help make sense of those challenges, even when they seem, in the moment, like the truths of this journey are pushing you beyond your limits. Sometimes God’s/Love’s greatest revelations come when you are completely unaware or preoccupied. It is those moments where you let go of control and are open to hearing a message like this one.

There are moments where I feel I will never be happy, fulfilled yes, mind blown yes, grateful for my gifts yes, and the people whom I have tamed, and have tamed me yes…but the happiness part seems elusive.

That is why what is now required is a shift in perspective. Facing challenges, difficulties or moments of personal evolution are not you being punished because you necessarily made a bad choice, a mistake or are being weak. There is sin in the world, there is darkness in the world, and none of God’s blueprints are unaffected by it. However, when you are guided by Love, that sin, darkness will never impede your journey it will just bring you to a greater reality, a broader truth and larger community of like minded people who also choose love to guide their lives. It is there where happiness lies.

So, all that I’ve come through on this journey is for a greater reality?

Just look at who you are now…you’re an amazing example of all that God has desired for you…and the best is yet to come.

I looked at my Spirit guide with great relief…then I saw the glint in their eye…Ok, what’s the catch.

Well, you are about to enter the “uncomfortable” phase we talked about at the beginning of the year…and before you panic, this is why I shared this message to you today, you must step out of old understandings of happiness or you will miss or distrust what is right in front of you. Happiness is not what the world tells you it is, a life rewarded with the physical and illusory trappings that the Savior warned us against. Reframe the events that will occur in your life as the author of this play intends: that regardless of the obstacle or challenge, Love is securing you the happiness that was built into your unique blueprint. Stretch your understanding to move beyond the present limitations imposed on humanity and embrace the expanded understanding of living on a higher plane. That begins now, with all the love you are putting out into the world, by loving those trajectories you embrace and the simple sacred work you do everyday, especially in your art. When you do that, let love be the source of your work, transformation happens and wonderful fruits will be born of that effort. It is where true happiness lies: the products, results of cosmic love.

So, the reframing has begun, and even if old habits die hard, I will get there…with Love’s help, and also kittens will always still bring me happiness too.