The above photo was the first painting I did, inspired by my youngest son Riley (the picture following), the context of which is important in understanding the title of this post. In true transparency, I deplore weakness…which in fact, ironically, is one of my greatest weaknesses. The truth of the matter is that we all experience weakness at some point, and I think I’ve been blessed with my fair share…again, no plea for sympathy, it is just a fact, and one that became a blessing for me. I was diagnosed with a spondylolisthesis in my late 20’s (where the facet joints break off, so my L-5 vertebra is free floating). While I opted not to get surgery (because I was told it was only a 50% chance of improvement with 100% promise of future surgeries) I just kept fit, and received regular Chiropractic adjustments. (plus it doesn’t hurt that I fell in love with a chiropractor who also has a doctorate in sports injury). Anyway, along with a genetic autoimmune disease (adrenal/stomach) which caused dietary and digestive issues and bell’s palsy a facial paralysis three different times, my life has been focused on keeping a good diet, managing stress and structural strength, which I managed fairly well…until COVID.
Back in March of 2020, two days before our country shut down, while dancing with abandon at my nieces’ wedding, I shredded the labrum in my right hip (probably overtaxed by my back), which literally halted my ability to move and function normally, and since the country was shut down, there was nothing I could do to address the situation. I knew I needed a hip replacement but was forced to wait a year and a half. While trying to make the best of walking like a peg-legged pirate and being the administrator at our clinic which was dramatically altered and weakened by the pandemic and being cut off from people and unable to release my stress through movement, I really knew my mental health was at a fragile point like many others around the world. One day, my son Riley (both of my children were forced to move back home, which was also interesting…) gave me a picture he had taken the summer prior climbing Mt M at Montana State University where my oldest child got their computer engineering degree. He said simply, “Mom, you should paint this.” So I ordered a simple watercolor set and paper online and did just that. Not thinking whether or not I could do it or to what or where it would lead, I just did it, to put my energy somewhere positive amidst all the doom and gloom that surrounded me. The result has led me to a place that in hindsight, saved me. A gentle leap, the faith the size of a mustard seed has led me down another road less travelled, one more solitary and calm but vibrant nonetheless, even though it has forced me to adapt in ways I never thought possible.
I am by nature a mover. My earlier years were full of world travel that included cultural excursions, mountain/glacier/cliff climbing/hiking/biking, rafting down rivers, snorkeling, sailing etc., I also held multiple jobs beside my main gig in ministry to pay for said adventures that included aerobics instruction, cycling classes, writing curriculum, selling books and clothes (which were a wash because I seemed to use my paycheck to pay for all the good stuff I got at a great discount.;). While I’m glad I did so much when I was young, I also knew that adapting to my changing circumstances was inevitable. All was well, for a long time, until it wasn’t, when chronic pain (which I’ve spoken about before) was more in the forefront than in the background. I remember sobbing in the shower one day, when I couldn’t lift my leg up to the bench to shave my leg because of my hip issue and prayed that I could find a way around these horrible circumstances…and then Riley gave me that picture and said: “Mom, I think you should paint this.”
The reason for exposing all this personal stuff, which I am loath to do and literally makes me sick to my stomach sharing, is because I truly believe that in the depths of our sorrows, maladies, fears, disappointments, loneliness and the harsh reality of the weight of human limitation lies an opportunity that only takes the faith the size of a mustard seed in the God of love and possibility to find a glimmer of hope for a new path. To all who are weary, He will bring you rest. Part of adapting to a new reality for me means I can’t be embarrassed when my faith is stretched thin and I am weak, it happens to all of us. Faith is neither black or white…but I find comfort in believing that even a small amount of faith, when that is all I can muster allows me to take a deep breath and move forward, especially since I’m back to walking bit like a pirate again, as my other hip needs replacing. All will be well, though. I will dance the mother/son dance when Riley gets married in November, of that I am sure of.
Jesus said to them, “Amen, I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.”
When I was pregnant with my first child, I remember reflecting on Jesus words when he said that the kingdom of heaven belonged to the likes of children. I am also a strong proponent of the butterfly effect in chaos theory whereby the subtle flutter of a butterflies wings can affect a weather system a thousand miles away…its the subtle small things often overlooked that are so important in a child’s development. I believe it was and still is my job, then, to create an environment for my children that would help them develop their true potential (I really did think that way…the world in my head is exhausting). As any parent knows, raising a child is a daunting job in the best of times, often rife with unexpected obstacles along the way. While truly delightful, my oldest, an unconventional, extraverted, highly intelligent free spirit wasn’t always easy to guide along their path, considering the world we live in often doesn’t appreciate the unconventional and tries to pigeon hole children into certain restrictive molds…and mine would have none of that. My second child, in personality was nothing like his sibling. Anything I thought I could use with my first in raising my second was tossed out the window. He was introverted and cautious, never felt the need to talk much (of course he could hardly get a word in edgewise at our house), was single minded, an adept athlete, an animal lover with a sharp sense of humor and deep sense of empathy. In a highly competitive world where bluster often is represented as talent, he quietly forged his own way on his own merits.
While the initial conditions of each child were demonstrably different…I did desire my little butterflies to shape their own path, keeping their inner spirits as intact as possible. In a household full of testosterone, it was always a challenge for me to navigate the polarities on the masculinity spectrum. The odd one out, I often struggled to understand that particular language…I failed a lot of the time. But I do know this, if anyone or anything tried to harm them in any way, this is was where I would step in (and my husband too, don’t want to forget him). While I am a pacifist…there is no question in my mind that if anyone tried to harm either of my children I could exert a great deal of pain, especially with my velociraptor like rhetoric (never underestimate the power of words, especially spoken low and slow without blinking…the nuns taught me that). I am small, just over 5 feet, and both my children are 6 feet and above and can certainly hold their own, but at 30 and 28…they are just beginning to shape the weather in the world and I am still driven by the innocence they were born with, and have faith that it still remains intact deep within them and will fight to the death to protect it.
I chose a painting I did of a little Hispanic girl because I think we forget about the beauty that lies within all children. The Kingdom of God belongs to her as much as mine, and her little butterfly wings are so very fragile that I hope they aren’t crushed by the rampant racism, and fear that comes with having a different color skin before she is able to shape the future weather of our world. I’m sure her parents would do whatever it took to bring her to a safe place too. Let this be a gentle reminder then, having faith in a child’s needs means helping to keep in tact the innocence and beauty they were born with.
I figure if one doesn’t have any faith in themselves, they lack the substance necessary to have a deep faith in anything else. Perhaps that is the true reason the world is going to hell in a handbasket. I have a deep sadness in my soul sharing that conclusion, because every day I cross paths with people who may smile and present an image that they have it altogether, but whose eyes project something entirely different. There is a benefit to walking in the world as an invisible speck unobserved without recognition, and let me tell you I observe and hear more than most. It’s as if there is a great drought and no one is getting the nourishment they need to flourish. I’m not talking about flashy personas and surface glamour that social media has helped perfect these days, the kind that fabricates an image, ideal or presence that may have nothing at all to do with the real person inside. Being bombarded with so many expectations of “who”, “what”, or “how” we should be, it becomes understandable then, why so many haven’t been able to build a faith in that personalized essence and potential we were born with. Trying to develop our giftedness on our own in such a turbulent world just seems untenable to me. There has to be a careful balance between a self love necessary to grow, and and surrounding oneself with the kind of individuals and institutions that will truly support your efforts.
There are two passages in scripture that I think highlight the importance of faith in oneself, In one, Jesus tells a parable about a master handing out gifts to his servants as he goes on a journey. Most take the gifts they are given and work hard to increase and expand them, while one, out of fear buries it in the ground. When the master returns, he rewards those whom have expanded the gifts they were given, but to the one who buried it out of fear, he takes the gift away and gives it to the others. That story always terrified me because I always thought I was incapable of pleasing anyone regardless of what I’d been given and was beholden to their expectations. I know many people who never received encouragement probably feel the same way. As a mature adult, I grieve all the things I could have accomplished earlier had I just had the necessary faith in myself to follow those gifts I was innately passionate about, and not define myself according to who others thought I should be. I know for many who know me personally, as the feisty girl who fought for just causes might be a bit surprised by my declaration, but unfortunately my courage fighting for others really didn’t include fighting for myself, That statement is not to enlist any pity whatsoever, I’m quite objective about it, I just didn’t see things as clearly as I do now.
The second example of how important faith in oneself is, is the parable of building a house on solid rock, to withstand the tribulations that come in life verses building something on a flimsy substance like sand, which can collapse easily. The driving force of my faith is to create that kind of enduring foundation that will help me succeed in bringing the best of my gifts to the world. And I also think with a strong foundation, I, and you too, have a better sense of who those necessary people are in our lives to walk with us on our journey. I’m tired of the emotional exhaustion of standing on solid ground thinking its my responsibility to keep others from sinking into the sand. I know that sounds mean, but think about it…if I spend all my time trying to hold others up who have made the choice to live in fear and bury their gifts in the ground and expect someone else to do the heavy lifting, then I lose too. That doesn’t mean we don’t reach out and help our neighbor, it just means it can’t be at the expense of our own development.
I spent a large part of my life holding up others as a pretense to cover up my own fears and insecurities and the results wrecked havoc on my own self image. Being good at helping others at the expense of ones own growth is like building a foundation on sand. I figured it out on my own timeline, but still struggle with those old thought patterns on a daily basis, regardless of how my gifts begin to shine, which is also why I can’t imagine being on this journey without the foundation in stone my faith brings and those in my life who have tamed me and I’ve tamed back. (See reference to the story of the wood fox in the Little Prince). My little house on the rock may not be of great significance in the whole scheme of things, but it’s what I’ve been given and I need to have faith in that gift and the gentle ripples it can send out to encourage others establish their place with firm footing too.
1: having, involving, or displaying special skill or knowledge derived from training or experience
There seems to be a lot of conversation about what constitutes expertise in the world today, and who or what can lay claim to mastery of a particular subject matter, and how one earns that mastery. I included the definition of the word, because it is as good a place to start at any. Note the words: special skill or knowledge, displaying a qualified skill DERIVED from training or experience. Here is where is gets really sticky for me. The availability of information out there, claiming knowledge, mastery, special skill is just mind boggling…and often times not based in someone who has a special skill, knowledge or practical proof of its application in the real world, i.e. just because you have a website, watched a bunch of videos or podcasts, or took a training course, or are part of whatever group that bestows a title like the wizard of OZ… it does not necessarily make you an expert.
So what does? Well I personally believe it must include a shit ton of hard work. The actual work, whether it is in an academic setting, an apprenticeship, real life experience of climbing up a ladder that includes rigorous study, and experiencing different aspects of a chosen field of expertise that is rooted in hard work, trial and error. And in particular, learning from failure. Failure is an essential quality of becoming an expert at something. If you haven’t failed, and then learned from that failure, and still claim to be an expert, then you are full of shit. I say that harshly, because I am sick of people who skip the hard middle unglamorous part and jump to the end without fault, failure, or effort and claim mastery of a skill, especially without listening to or learning from other experts. its just not realistic. I, in particular, have failed a lot, and I learned from those failures a lot. Thankfully, I was raised to believe that failure could be my greatest tool for advancement if I took responsibility and learned from it, and my teachers always appreciated my diving in whole hog and not giving up even when I landed on my face, and I did…a lot. As a result, I have mastered several skills, and the result? While I know I have performed well in all of them, one of my greatest insights is that the more I know, the more I become aware of how much more I don’t know. And while humbling, it doesn’t render null and void what I have learned, it just means that developing expertise never ends. As my dad used to say, faith in anything unchallenged is dead.
So now that I have decried all the fake experts out there, I also want to take a moment to decry all those true experts out there who have twisted the mastery of their skill as a weapon against those who have put their trust in them. I don’t mean those who have without malice led someone astray, but who have done so because they could exploit their ignorance, manipulate their weaknesses and profit off a desire for power, money, fame or whatever for their own gain. I think that is also a reason why people have a mistrust for those who claim to have their best interest, and have suffered harm as a result.
The way around dealing with the failure of some experts is not, however, to decry them all, or pretend that anybody can do anything they want under the guise of expertise because they think they can do a better job. I think many skills are not transferable. You would never use a plumber to do an appendectomy, or a CPA to teach first grade (and for any of you out there who think teaching is something anyone can do…I hope you have the experience of that…they will rightly eat you alive). In particular for me, I get super pissed at people who dismiss a college education as a mechanism of indoctrination. That is such bullshit. I experienced the exact opposite of that in my many degrees (and if you think I’m simply bragging, fuck off, I earned four) The experts I learned from challenged me on material that first appeared either impossible or berated me on a conclusion on a something I thought obvious rather than research different angles of the issue. As a result of practice, research, and learning and mentoring with those who had already done the work of becoming an expert, I became one myself, with my own unique approach. I didn’t just earn high marks for regurgitating material…I used my own mind, thought processes, and input from actual experts to hone my skill. So excuse me if I get pissed off when someone who either never went to college, or had an aversion to being challenged comes to a conclusion like that just because it didn’t work for them. I would expect the same derision from someone who is an expert in a trade, or non academic skill, if someone judged their training because they didn’t want to do the hard middle part of honing a skill, or even worse yet, didn’t even believe it WAS a skill. I’d want to say fuck off to them too.
Lastly, and it must be said…making the most money at something does not make you a greater, smarter or skilled expert than anybody else. Money isn’t necessarily proof that you are better skilled than someone else (unless perhaps the skill is making money, and even that can be bypassed if, well, you’re a criminal). Some of the least skilled experts I know have made more money than some of the most skilled experts I know (and it works vis versa too, but in this day and age, having money and power are too often mistaken for expertise).
So what do we do? We pay attention to the effort someone has put into their expertise and its application in the real world. We take the time to see if we are just being fed what we want, or what we really need from an expert for our benefit as much as theirs. We have to look at the fruits of their labor. I know that’s a pretty vague answer, but it is a place to start. We have to have faith in the journey and the work that it takes to have a skill, and not cut corners just to proclaim to the world you’ve won the prize.
I remember back in college during a theological seminar (was studying academic theology, the female equivalent of seminarian), a seminarian turned in frustration to me in a small group discussion about calls of the Holy Spirit and said quite loudly, “Why can’t you accept the fact that God only wants men to be priests!” And in my unequivocal way, I responded: “Oh, so you have a direct line to the Holy Spirit, do you?” He was disgusted and left the group. I tell this story because I have always felt it is important for girls/women to know that they should follow their calling wherever it takes them, regardless of the opposition others may have to that calling. I fear the tide is turning, though, toward greater opposition to this idea.
I also wrote a paper in graduate school about the obstacles women leaders face by attacks against their characters, often times sexual or intellectual as a mechanism to render their words, actions and relevance null and void. I remember how difficult the meeting with my professor was, not wanting to acknowledge what I thought was well documented paper. He believed it biased because I had way more women in my bibliography than men. I did question whether he compared the gender equality of all bibliographies, and he just got mad, which was stupid of me to say because he gave me a C. I don’t think he quite understood me, so he was surprised when I picked him for one of my panelists when defending my thesis. I won’t go into why, but afterward he went back and changed my grade from a C to an A. I believed, back then anyway, that if I could present something in more of a three dimensional way, perhaps a more female orientation then everyone’s perspective is broadened. In this case I believe I was successful. When I use the past tense in the aforementioned story when I say “back then”, it really means that more people than not used to be open to a greater truth, and new ways of seeing things. (of course many don’t, but there is nothing I can do about those kinds of people). Today, I don’t feel that way anymore.
Lets go back then. Late in his second term, Bill Clinton was impeached for an improper relationship with an intern. I think the outrage went across the aisle on this situation and he was rightly tried. Now, we have a president elect who, by a court of law, by a jury of his peers is found guilty of being a sexual predator (this was a civil, not criminal trial so he is not a sexual offender…legally anyway). Whether you believe it fair or not, his behavior like Clinton’s was established and proven legally. And yet, and these are the posts that gross me out most on social media, are the allegations that Kamala Harris slept her way to the top, which can be factually, on the record dispelled, but still believed because she was deemed not smart enough or qualified to get there on her own. It literally took me seconds to fact check the veracity of those allegations. The generalization here is that men get away with shit, even when they are actually guilty of it, and woman are metaphorically stoned or burned, even when they are not.
There are plenty of places in Christian Scripture where Jesus pushed back against the status quo when men test him on the treatment of women. One important time was when a mob brought a woman caught in adultery (so the mob says) to him in John 8: 3-11
Then the scribes and the Pharisees brought a woman who had been caught in adultery and made her stand in the middle. They said to him, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the very act of committing adultery. Now in the law, Moses commanded us to stone such women. So what do you say? “They said this to test him, so that they could have some charge to bring against him. Jesus bent down and began to write on the ground with his finger. But when they continued asking him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let the one among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” Again he bent down and wrote on the ground. And in response, they went away one by one, beginning with the elders. So he was left alone with the woman before him. Then Jesus straightened up and said to her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you? She replied, “No one, sir.” Then Jesus said, “Neither do I condemn you. Go, (and) from now on do not sin any more.”
The interesting thing in this dynamic is that the man involved in the adulterous situation is nowhere to be seen. I am fully aware of the law at that time, and that women were considered no more than chattel, or property. Jesus, however, did not see her or other women that way. As a matter of fact, time after time Jesus helped and stood for women even when, by all cultural and temple standards, he should not have.
So, here we are. I expect there will be more character assassinations of women, people of color and sexual orientation who will be vilified and have their character questioned whenever their voices, qualities and callings make people in the status quo uncomfortable. In an age where facts just don’t matter as much as self righteous indignation and moral finger pointing (and yes, I am aware it happens on both sides) it does become more difficult to duck stones that come flying at my head. The hope for me comes when the woman walks away from Jesus, free from her accusers condemnation and Jesus saying “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness but will have the light of life”
As I was praying yesterday, I was upset at the state of the world at present and this Scripture verse in the Christian New Testament came to mind:
Then the Pharisees went off and plotted how they might entrap him (Jesus) in speech. They sent their disciples to him, with the Herodians, saying, “Teacher, we know that you are a truthful man and that you teach the way of God in accordance with the truth. And you are not concerned with anyone’s opinion, for you do not regard a person’s status. Tell us, then, what is your opinion: Is it lawful to pay the census tax to Caesar or not?” Knowing their malice, Jesus said, “Why are you testing me, you hypocrites? Show me the coin that pays the census tax.” Then they handed him the Roman coin. He said to them, “Whose image is this and whose inscription?” They replied, “Caesar’s.” At that he said to them, “Then repay to Caesar what belongs to Caesar and to God what belongs to God.” When they heard this they were amazed, and leaving him they went away. Matthew 22: 16-22
Further down in that chapter, they test him again:
When the Pharisees heard that he had silenced the Sadducees, they gathered together, and one of them [a scholar of the law] tested him by asking, “Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “You shall love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and the first commandment. The second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. The whole law and the prophets depend on these two commandments. Matthew: 22 34-40
Among the multitude of reasons I was upset about the election Tuesday, was the visceral reaction I had to many in our country that have skewed the line between what belongs to Caesar and what belongs to God. I too, like many, said my prayers about the election, but they were directed to God to help us provide a safe and fair one, and I felt glad that my prayers were answered. But thinking that God somehow answered a prayer by delivering the “appropriate” candidate is, in my mind anyway, the most gross hubris of all. I found all the posts, memes and words about answered prayers vulgar and idolatrous. I won’t apologize for that sentiment, because I said the same thing after the last election. Human beings elected a human being that more reflected what their personal desires represent, and not Gods. If you are under the misguided belief God delivered your candidate, and that somehow makes you a better American or person of God, then you are delusional and disavowing what Jesus claims are the two greatest commandments. And for the record? I love God as much as you do…and this country. Winning or losing an election doesn’t change that. We just have very different philosophies on how it should be run. Because I don’t like the president elect doesn’t make me your enemy, I am your neighbor and you are mine. I will never let one man’s hatred misdirect my love for God and neighbor, because love will always come first.
I also feel compelled to add another caveat that underlined my frustration, with those who are so concerned about the economy and money as the reason they voted as they did. Jesus told his followers a parable about a rich man who compiled and hoarded his riches so he could eat, drink and be merry for years, but then God told the rich man that this night would be his last night, and what good would his riches be then. Jesus responded to the disciples:
Thus will it be for the one who stores up treasure for themselves but are not rich in what matters to God.” He said to (his) disciples, “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life and what you will eat, or about your body and what you will wear. For life is more than food and the body more than clothing. Notice the ravens: they do not sow or reap; they have neither storehouse nor barn, yet God feeds them. How much more important are you than birds! Can any of you by worrying add a moment to your lifespan? If even the smallest things are beyond your control, why are you anxious about the rest? Notice how the flowers grow. They do not toil or spin. But I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of them. If God so clothes the grass in the field that grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith? As for you, do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, and do not worry anymore. All the nations of the world seek for these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek his kingdom, and these other things will be given you besides. Do not be afraid any longer, little flock, for your Father is pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your belongings and give alms. Provide money bags for yourselves that do not wear out, an inexhaustible treasure in heaven that no thief can reach nor moth destroy. For where your treasure is, there also will your heart be.
I fully understand how hard times are right now, as a health clinic who fought their way through COVID only to struggle again because of Steve’s accident, and health challenges of my own, I live with struggles everyday enough to empathize with all those whose struggles weigh them down too, and often are far weightier than mine. However, in hindsight, just like Jesus taught, I do make it through one day at a time, and are so very thankful my treasures lie in family (biological and created), friends and patients who exercise love for neighbor every day and a God who augments my fragile human heart in every breath.
I don’t mean to infer that we simply twiddle our thumbs and allow the world to just roll on. I won’t do that. I will continue to demand, in my own way, that the whole American body of which I am a small part be served, and that laws, and structures of this great American experiment continue to ensure that this country evolves as we approach the future, and that the pursuit of freedom and happiness continues for all.
A priest once told me that the movie in my head was better than the real thing and I was setting myself up for disappointment. I was decidedly angry about that and was set for a long time on proving him wrong…who was he to insult my imagination and desire for world change? I worked really hard throughout my lifetime and career to bring the movie in my head to fruition. Looking back, I am amazed at some of the things I attempted and all of the things I learned along the way. While I will always be thankful to my younger self’s energy, enthusiasm and commitment to a better world, change is hard, so if I’m being honest I was and still am disappointed in reality much of the time. But I still lean on the movie in my head as a mechanism to push for a better world, even if it’s scaled down quite a bit.
It’s humbling, as I got older, to realize that I was never going to be the mover and shaker I had always envisioned myself to be, but I still try to embrace the hope in a brighter future that motivated my every action when I was younger when the whole world was at my feet. And, while most of my disappointments were the result of my own failures, there was still quite a chunk of it that was the result of running up against those along the way who were more apt to be threatened by the movie in my head, which more resembled the necessity of a kaleidoscope of people and personalities (without prestige or power) that make the world a better place. I don’t care much for people in authority who feel entitled to force their “movie” onto everyone else, simply because somehow a public office, a pulpit or media forum made us think them superior because their presence saturates the airwaves we are exposed to. Repeating a message over and over so people know it by heart doesn’t make it a true or good one. But the affects of repeating a message over and over does effect how we live out the movie in our own heads, especially for those who claim a higher authority for said message, regardless if it a good one or not.
The sheer volume of information, stories, movies etc. out there demand that care must be taken before we allow another’s movie or vision to change and alter our own. I question the veracity of everything now, having fallen victim to those whom have tried to limit or thrash the movie in my head for their own selfish purposes. I would never want to do that to another person, which is why I am committed to continue to make hope the central theme for the movie in my head. Jesus once told his disciples that the Kingdom of Heaven is within…I take him at his word and it is where my hope lies…inside my head.
Sometimes its easy for me to get caught up in the hope of things to come, pushing energy into future dreams, prayers, desires, that I forget to stop and remember that in order to move successfully into a hopeful future, I have to recognize the hope that exists in the present, if I take the effort to look for it. It’s been a tough time for me, as it has been for many. Looking back, though, my path forward would have looked very different had I succumbed to the difficulties life seems to present on a daily basis, (the death of a thousand cuts, as I call it). I don’t get hung up on comparing woes with anyone, mine are distinctly that, mine…but I do offer some simple advice to those in the throes of difficulty: take a moment each day to highlight the hopeful moments that occur, and some of the weight falls away. I think its part of creating necessary pathways in the brain to create a more positive perspective on what ever appears to be challenging at the time.
In hindsight, sometimes the greatest difficulties present great opportunities, the struggles of COVID became an opportunity for me to become an artist, an ability I never knew I had. My limiting biomechanics became an opportunity to be still and embrace the more contemplative side I craved as a young woman. Going down those paths, help keep me focused on the possibilities of future paths, if I keep focusing on the hope that exists in the present.
Again I say to you, it is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the kingdom of God.” When the disciples heard this, they were greatly astonished and said, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “For human beings this is impossible, but for God all things are possible.”
This is one of the phrases of scripture that many “Christians” don’t pay enough attention to. I put the word in quotes because in many ways I don’t even recognize the essence of Jesus in many churches who claim him as their guiding principle in today’s world. Traditional power structures such as wealth, control and authoritarianism that has corrupted many “religious structures” often weighs me down until I realize the “saving” power they offer their flock is like the camel squeezing through the eye of a needle, because it is rooted in human frailty of elitism, comfort and wealth not God. They are no better than carnival barkers who offer the perfect cure with little effort on the part of one who consumes it, except the belief that somehow by being a part of an elitist club, (where only “they” are correct and righteous) that they have secured their space in heaven. They should spend more time listening to the gospel message, itself, especially when the above story concludes with:
And everyone who has given up houses or brothers or sisters or father or mother or children or lands for the sake of my name will receive a hundred times more, and will inherit eternal life. But many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.
So my focus this year isn’t a condemnation of the rich, or too many indulgences at Christmas time or the prestige that comes along with being connected to the perfect church. party or demagog…it is the hope that for God, all things are possible, and that all prayers, asked in goodness and faith will be answered. Moving forward with faith, hope and love is my greatest power. Even in today’s challenging circumstances, I pray today that the power of hope guides and encourages you in this year’s journey around the sun.
I sometimes wonder if the fruits I’ve born in my life have any affect on the footprint of time. What can I say, its hard to live in my head. Yet, every once in awhile, some person, or incident reminds me that I am an influence, even unwittingly most of the time. So I often act with caution when I elicit a remark or response and try and think of what the future ripples of that conversation or action might be. I also feel the pain of watching the ripples move outward from others and how it impacts the day to day, often times in a negative way. Like many, I am so alarmed by the ripples of hatred out in the world. When hatred, outrage, anger, fear and a whole host of negative waves ripple outward, there is bound to be repercussions by creating additional ripples outward from any and all they bump into. I cling to the hope that love, justice, hope and faith are just as powerful ripples outward that will influence the world as well.
I think its important to take stock in what kind of ripples I let into my life. Those that effect all of us are impossible to avoid. I can, however, choose how I respond to them. I try and make a conscious effort to respond to a negative ripple with a positive one, to cancel out the effect it can have on me. It may be extending a kindness, even outward to someone who had nothing to do with the negativity that passed my way, and sometimes it looks more like an exorcism, like speaking truth to a powerful lie, and stand like a storm in its pathway (that’s the Irish in me), and accept the consequences. Always, at the end of my day when I take stock on what affect I’ve put out into the world. I focus on what ripples influenced my behavior and how successfully I utilized them to change the world for better. Of course some days are better than others, but I have learned to never dismiss the small ripples of good I produce outward; they too, I’ve learned in hindsight, have future impacts on people.
So cancel the negative ripples, don’t let them continue outward, focus on love, hope, justice, faith etc, and lets move the world to a better place.
We. Are. All. Flawed. This is one of humanities greatest truths, and yet there often is a compulsion, especially regarding social media, advertising, politics, etc. to depict just the opposite. It’s everywhere: perfect appearance, perfect lives, perfect family and if you were “doing it right” you would be able revel in the happiness that “the right way” brings. The Right claims they have all the answers to live “rightly”, and so does the Left. There are right foods, and right looks, and right beliefs, ad infinitum. And if you aren’t celebrating in said perfection, and still feel you are “doing it right” there is a list of who you can blame for why the “rightness of life” isn’t working for you, including, but not limited, to the government, criminals, foreigners, the mentally ill, a political party or simply put, everyone who think differently than you do. It’s all such bullshit, because life is never perfect, right or fair. But given the level of suicide, depression, anger, polarization, mass shootings, and over all breakdown of society, I would say people everywhere are struggling with the message that we all must strive to be something other that we are at this moment, or there should be a short cut to bypass growing and learning from our imperfections, by a pill or a program to eliminate everything you think is in your way. I know that is a sweeping generalization, but I can’t help but believe that the power of “doing it right” and perfectionism will be humanities greatest downfall.
To start, we are all born with gifts and flaws and it is the journey of one’s lifetime to grow and nurture the the things that hopefully will help us grow and prune away the things that don’t. While that is pretty vague, what growth looks like to each individual is different. The road for each is different. But I think we can all agree that there must be a balance between what helps us all thrive and what doesn’t in a general sense. In my old and imperfect life, I have learned that there are some misnomers out there of what “thriving” looks like. I could go on for a long time about knowing people on either end of the spectrum of beauty, wealth, success, faith, political leanings, age THAT ARE NOT THRIVING. And while the same goes for those who are thriving, the mechanism doesn’t seem to have anything to do with the five qualities I listed. So, stepping aside from all the crap that you think helps one to thrive to their potential amidst a uniquely different learning curve for everyone on the planet, you can see that what we really need is so much more basic than we’ve been conned into. Things like food and shelter, education and encouragement, a society that sees every individual as worthy and full of potential, freedoms like the ones our constitution holds dear, like the pursuit of happiness, and individual rights and autonomy. I know this is far from an exclusive list, but I grow increasingly frustrated with the idea that some deserve to thrive, and some don’t, based on arbitrary ideas of “doing it right” or looking perfect on the outside. The power lies in developing the blueprint that is you, flaws and all. I leave you with a quote and passage from the gospel of Matthew that have helped me thrive on my journey
It is only with the heart that one sees rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye” The Little Prince
You are the light of the world. A city set on a mountain cannot be hidden.
Nor do they light a lamp and then put it under a bushel basket; it is set on a lampstand, where it gives light to all in the house.
1Just so, your light must shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your heavenly Father.
I’ve spoken about money before, in regard to truth, and love. I wrote about the threat that the lack of it can put pressure on how we wield love in the world, https://maryfrancesflood.com/2019/02/02/love-and-money/ Of all the difficult lessons in my lifetime, that wasn’t the hardest I am content to say. Looking at the relationship between power and money, though, has been demonstrably more difficult. My family has faced tremendous challenges in the last many months, like many others have as well. The challenge for me, in this year of understanding power, is to become aware of and utilize a kind of power that only comes when the power that money yields, whether it is status, stability, fulfilling all the necessities, demands and obligations of life are temporarily at a standstill. Humbling as though it may appear, I never put my self worth into fiscal terms. But when separating the wheat from the chaff (money being the chaff, in my mind), there are other clear sources of power present.
There are few things more powerful than the true power of friendship (including family) that rises up when need is at its greatest and when the reciprocal nature of true friendship is demonstrably one sided. The power that comes with being surrounded with unconditional love keeps me going (also my own small family, but I’m only speaking for myself here). Not to sound disrespectful to those who extended prayers, they are another source of great power and are always welcome, but I am speaking about the tangible and physical presence of those who show up to aid and comfort in the trenches. More importantly, for me anyway, are those who respond without having to be asked (which I suck at). I am still able to channel that power forward to continue on my path.
I would be remiss if I didn’t address the power of my own “talents” too. Sometimes, the greatest fruits come out of difficulty. I won’t be specific, but I surprised myself at my ability to adapt to horrible circumstances with my wit, problem solving skills, and commitment in tact. The world outside may not underestimate my abilities, but I certainly did…but for today at least, I am speaking in the past tense. I also rely quite heavily on a passage in Luke where Jesus tells the people that the Kingdom of God isn’t observed but is in and around us. Jesus chastises us in the Gospel of Matthew about worry. especially in regard to money, as well:
15 “No one can serve two masters. He will either hate one and love the other, or be devoted to one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and mammon.
16 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat (or drink), or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they?
Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? 17
Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin.
But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them.
18 If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?
So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’
All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, 19 and all these things will be given you besides.
Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil
I think that’s why Jesus is so harsh about the relationship humanity has with money, and with God. Like fear and love, they are often mutually exclusive. If you are going to embrace Christianity, this is its most essential tenet: either the power of money drives you, or God…it can’t be both. As much I can say I’ve always understood that concept cognitively, in this year of understanding power, I have to understand it in a multidimensional perspective and while it seems money has no power, the lack of it certainly does. Today, I step around that power and choose God
I know everyone experiences both love and fear, essential parts of being human. There is a difference, though, between what we experience as love or fear, and what power becomes its driving force. For example, it isn’t uncommon for a person to “love” something or someone in such a way that in fear of losing it or feeling undeserving of it that fear becomes more of a motivation than the initial experience of love. Scripture tells us that love and fear are mutually exclusive, so when fear is a stronger motivator than love, the results are never good.
Regarding the general environment of the world today, I often hear the phrase, “how did we come to this” meaning the general level of anger, bullying, violence, greed, mistrust, blaming, etc. I think its taken a long time to get here. When love and fear are so intermingled for so long, its hard to keep those corrupting forces at bay. If you’ve ever been to a Christian wedding, I’m sure you’re familiar with 1 Corinthians 13, which espouses the many qualities of love: patient, kind, not jealous, not pompous or inflated, not rude, does not seek its own interests, slow to anger, doesn’t obsess over injury, does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in truth. Importantly, love bears all things, hopes all things, and endures all things…and never fails. A powerful phrase that I never forget: “If I speak in human and angelic tongues, but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or clanging symbol:.
Seems pretty clear to me. I can’t say I love my brother or sister and behave in a way that is antithetical to any of those descriptions of love listed above. And since we are all human, its understandable to believe that no-one acts purely out of love or fear, but when the fear out weighs the love the scale tips in favor of all the vitriol we are facing today. I may not control what motivates others, but I can see how they behave, and often, even when defining what love “looks” like, whether it is love of God, another, or a country, it doesn’t take a genius to see what their primary motivation is. In truth, those angry, accusatory, and loud mouth individuals out there blaming sections of the population for all the world’s ills, are nothing but gongs and clanging symbols. There are loving ways to express anger and outrage…and that noise? It’s not love.
Jesus spoke a lot about separating the goats from the sheep (in my mind those who are motivated by fear and those by love respectively) and he speaks of what their personal motivation is: “For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, a stranger and you welcomed me, naked and you clothed me, ill and you cared for me, in prison and you visited me” And when the righteous challenged him responding that they had never seen him in any of those situations, he said: “Amen, I say to you, whatever you did for the least of these brothers and sister, you did for me.” Boom
As someone said, and I’m paraphrasing, “We can’t always control our circumstances but we can control our response to them.” A part of me knew that when I started looking into the idea of power this year, I would be bombarded with experiences that would not only transform my understanding of power, but also my lack of it…and it was the latter I was most concerned about. Face it, no one wants to feel powerless, but we all do. How we respond to the kinds of circumstance that limits power and control, not only change the dynamics, it also changes the level of power those circumstances exert.
While being forced (always against my will, even considering the learning curve) in situations that have limited the power I have over certain circumstances, I have figured out that just curling up and dying isn’t a viable option. I’ve applied the old saying, “that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” too many times in the last few months. Granted, I have come out stronger, but have limited feelings about how it has empowered my life. I’m putting that into the time will tell column. I will say, though, I’m not overpowered by them…at least yet.
I’ve also become more aware of the types of things, many that are simple that we let overpower us on a daily basis: addictions, fears, money, health, the future…and so many more, I’m sure. Sometimes, the empowering response is to recognize that we all need help once in a while to combat difficult circumstances, sometimes the empowering response is to quit depending on other people to solve our problems and use our own abilities. It’s often difficult to pinpoint what response is best. For addicts, one must acknowledge they are powerless over their addiction, and the following 11 steps can help you through it. For health issues, sometimes enlisting help means getting the necessary help from health professionals. The overpowering response would be to blame others or an addiction, or in terms of health, expect doctors to “fix” you without making changes to your lifestyle in response to any disease.
The most crucial, in my book anyway, is how to respond to situations where there is no ability to change a circumstance, a death, life ending disease or life altering injury just to name a few. For me, then, the greatest mechanism of empowerment is my faith. I go back constantly to one particular phrase in scripture MT 7:7-10:
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asks for a fish? If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him
I do feel empowered when I ask for things in prayer, even though I think my overpowering circumstance may seem silly compared to many others I see and hear, I do believe that my prayer will be answered. The trick to continued empowerment is to be open to however God, in God’s infinite wisdom, decides to answer my prayer, i.e. actually letting go of control of the situation and using God’s power to move forward. The older I get, and the stronger I am via learning through tough circumstance means that God’s answer often pushes me harder and farther than when I was younger (which is good, but sometimes sucks when you just want to coast for a bit), but the result, regardless of how difficult getting there was, generally turns out for the better. Sometimes the result won’t be apparent for a long time, but I’m pretty solid on feeling answered up to this point
So empowerment, vs being overpowered is still a personal choice, in my book. That’s not to say feeling overpowered at any given moment is a bad thing, its when the emotional decision to stay there, do nothing and let it drain all the goodness within, is where it becomes a tragedy and builds a stronghold for fear, anger, hatred, judgement and all other sorts of darkness that thrive as a result of doing nothing. Simply asking for help, whether it be in prayer or a hand held out to another, isn’t doing nothing. It may be the most empowering step.
Let me just geek out for a moment…not to worry, this isn’t out of the world stuff, so just bear with me. One of the most exciting premises of quantum theory states that the very act of watching, “the observer,” affects the observed reality. Electrons can behave as particles or waves depending on an observer, and how they are observed. Until then, for example, when measuring light to determine whether it was a particle or a wave, (up until that time it had to be one or the other), it was discovered that it could be both, depending on the act of observation. While I’m not going to get into the particulars of the science here (although I did do so in a high school course I taught on science and religion) I simply want to stress the power an observer or participant in life has in shaping what that life looks like. We are active, and willing participants in what takes shape in our world.
There is also plenty of science out there to back up that attitude is everything when it comes to engaging in any endeavor, a new job, success in school, solving a problem, or facing a hardship. How we engage with the world has an impact on it, and what we believe about the world does too. So, the first step in my year of understanding power begins with what place you and I have in the balance. How does what I observe in terms of information, words I hear and read, affect the direction the the world takes?
I am reminded of the ripple effect, how our small acts in the world ripple outward to effect others in a way we may never know. I am even more mindful then, of how the words and information I take in impact the world. My goal is to take the gifts God has given me, and produce good fruit from them, How do I do that? One way is by being clear about the power of the information that I ingest everyday, and what it does to my sense of empowerment and impact in the world. I say this because of the amount of literal lies and misinformation out there, much of which is inappropriately under the guise of faith and religion. Jesus says that the truth will set us free, and I work hard to find out what that looks like in my life.
The Gospel of John begins: “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God”. It is one I’ve always pondered over a lot over the years. Is God a particle or a wave? Something demonstrably impossible for us as humans to know, except through words, scripture, history, the testimony of Jesus who by his teachings and ministry show the observer where God’s power lies, and what it looks like as applied to life as a disciple of his message. The words of scripture have shaped who I am as an observer, my outlook on the world and how I behave in it. I would like to believe that the power of the Word, as John speaks of it, guides my every movement, and yet being human I know I have succumbed to becoming deaf to it when the voices of fear, hate, judgement and sadness seem too loud. The tether God has to me, though, by my personal belief and choice, brings me back eventually. While my circle may be small, I still take my influence in it very seriously…as we all should in our own circles. I know that my small ripple when combined with others does impact our world. As an observer, I want the fruits’ of my labor to build trust, love, faith, hope and ease fear, pain, anger and sadness. I want my power to reside in the words that Jesus left us, not in the structures of power built around him, that are limited to a human ability to hold to those truths.
Jesus, in his ministry often spoke of the power of words, he said that by our words we will be redeemed and by our words we will be condemned. He also said anyone who would lead astray the likes of these (children) would be like having a millstone around their neck in the depth of the ocean. We must humble ourselves to be as children, who are curious and open to the world, and that when God is with us, there is nothing that can keep us down. That is my goal as an observer, to fill myself with awe at God’s power, to see God as he is meant to be seen and instill that into my world.
What enables one to move or act in a particular way? Who or what has the capacity to influence the behavior of others or the course of events? What is the source of our ability to move and influence? And most often the most elusive, is understanding a source of power and where it comes from necessary in its function? i.e., just because I believe something is a source of power, does that make it so? Tough questions, and this year will be dedicated to the source, methods and effects of different kinds of power. Terrifying prospect, really. After all these years I am pretty sure that most people have a clear idea and belief about what their source of power is and how it fuels and sets the direction of their lives, and the types of power that control our destiny on a larger level…and I say right here and now, most people don’t have a clue, because I think most people just tell themselves what is necessary to keep believing what they want to believe. Why? Just look around you, this world can be pretty f’d up. But since I asked the question in sincerity and love to God, whom I believe is the source of all power, I expect to get an answer. For Jesus said,
Amen, I say to you, whoever says to this mountain, ‘Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and does not doubt in his heart but believes that what he says will happen, it shall be done for him.
Therefore I tell you, all that you ask for in prayer, believe that you will receive it and it shall be yours.
I take him at his word, whether I’m happy about the result remains to be seen. One thing I do know, at a point where I feel most powerless in a worldly sense, I have never felt more powerful in a spiritual sense…because to my core, I believe that it is the source of all my power.
A couple of things before I start. While I was being taught to draw by my cousin who is amazing artist, I learned to appreciate the subtle shades of grey that portray the final image. The subtle shifts from dark to light make all the difference in the world when bringing life to a drawing. You have to learn to see and shift the pencil in order to get it just right. I think power works the same way, it is clarified in subtle shades of grey. I think I am a pretty good observer at this point, but I can’t see every subtly. I will try, however, and it is my hope that the picture that emerges at the end will reflect the life of what I’ve come to understand about power..
A few themes have emerged so far: having power over vs, empowering, power of politics, power of religion, power of money, power of truth vs lies, the power of education and information, and the power of fear vs love. I’m sure more will appear, and they will be added as such.
Sitting in the dark in the glow of our Christmas tree and the beautiful multicolored lights, I realized how much more beautiful it is in the dark, when all the small little lights pierced the darkness and together create such a picture of beauty. It gives me great comfort. I think of the great star on the night of Christ’s birth that pierced the darkness and gave cause to shepherds to rejoice that something wonderful and great had occurred. Sometimes, in the darkness of the season, (both figurative and literal) I have to remind myself to appreciate how the lights we share with each other can penetrate the darkness to see that something great and wonderful has occurred.
Jesus told a story about hiding one’s light beneath a bushel basket. He said we were the light of the world, like a city on a mountain that can not be hidden. He said that no one would light a lamp and hide it under a bushel basket, and challenged us to let our light shine before others, so that they may see how to glorify the father. Without the light each of us brings, the world stays in darkness and the darkness wins. The purpose of the season is to realize and embrace the power of the light Jesus brought into the world. His light shows up in many beautiful and colorful ways. He also admonishes any who try to snuff out that light.
This is the important message of the season. Light can defeat the darkness, and of all the ways the gospel teaches us how to be a resplendent light in the world, it says nothing about judging, defaming, and hating what someone else’s light looks like, even if it different. Jesus explains what he means in the parable of a man who sows seeds on different soils and what he means by it. The sower is the vehicle for distributing his words, the soils reflect the kind of person who receives it.
5 Jesus said to them, “Do you not understand this parable? Then how will you understand any of the parables?
The sower sows the word.
These are the ones on the path where the word is sown. As soon as they hear, Satan comes at once and takes away the word sown in them.
And these are the ones sown on rocky ground who, when they hear the word, receive it at once with joy.
But they have no root; they last only for a time. Then when tribulation or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.
Those sown among thorns are another sort. They are the people who hear the word,
but worldly anxiety, the lure of riches, and the craving for other things intrude and choke the word, and it bears no fruit.
But those sown on rich soil are the ones who hear the word and accept it and bear fruit thirty and sixty and a hundredfold.”
He said to them, “Is a lamp brought in to be placed under a bushel basket or under a bed, and not to be placed on a lampstand?
For there is nothing hidden except to be made visible; nothing is secret except to come to light.
Anyone who has ears to hear ought to hear.
I’ve spent a lot of time in the dark trying to figure out what my light is and I’ve begun to understand that my job is to simply become the best soil for the word and let go of what it is supposed to look like and let it shine, the rest will follow. I know my light alone is dependent on others who share their light to the world with me. All the metaphors Jesus uses about nurturing and bearing good fruit and being a shining light are the singular responsibility of the individual. My success is never dependent on another’s depletion. Those who try to crush or put out anyone’s’ light are truly the enemy. Fruit is fruit, and light is light. Our only job is to share what we have sown and grown and like a light shine it to the world. The unity of many small lights can defeat the darkness.
This is always a tough one, recognizing we all have a singular perspective and may not see things from every angle. Sometimes we rely on listening to another’s perspective when we are unable, or unwilling to move from where we are standing to see and hear it for ourselves. In this age of so much accessible information, I can understand how easy it is to just fall into to the practice of believing what someone else says is real or true. Except in this world of easily accessible information, it is also way too easy to manipulate someone by feeding them information that supports and perpetuates the bias one already has…especially on the internet, TV and social media.
Algorithms, simply put, are a set of instructions that when followed step by step solve a problem or figure something out. Something like instructions to tie your shoes, or follow a recipe or finding a book in a library are all algorithms. When computers have algorithms built into software, they work via input and output and build on reactions and expectations when you do A, B or C to get a result. It may seem weird that you purchase something or read something online, and then all of a sudden you are inundated in various apps by things that are linked to that purchase or interest. Your interests and biases are tracked and algorithms are built to recognize and link you to your desired result. Many algorithms are built to recognize and cater to a person’s desired result based on reactions to previous input by the user.
I know there are plenty of knowledgeable computer people out there who would snort at my limited expression of what an algorithm is and how it works, but for the purposes of today, I want people to understand why their world view is the way it is, and the potential dangers of it. Like I said in the beginning of this post, we all have one perspective and often rely on others to share their opinions to help expand that one perspective. It is the process of seeking, that can either lead us closer to a larger truth or just enhance the perspective that keeps us seeing what we want that world view to be that is important. For example, lets say a person despises vegetables and by their input on the computer and perhaps social groups, that particular attribute is compounded by being bombarded with information about others who despise vegetables, and even more information you click on as to why vegetables are not important, or even dangerous. Your perspective is more deeply embedded and you soon question other’s perspectives about the worth and necessity of vegetables and their worth as proven untrue by all the many pieces of information in your possession.
The weakness of the the algorithm, is that it doesn’t take much to prove the veracity of any post or perspective. It is the act of inputting requests for checking the veracity of any one perspective that broadens the output of the algorithm to a variety of different perspectives. Let’s say you look for a great recipe for a “great and easy cake” Personally, I would actually try said recipe to see if it was great and or easy before I pass it on to someone else with my endorsement. I have tried certain recipes and they were horrible! (I have a ton of food allergies and am always on the watch for replacements for my favorite traditions options). Just because a recipe says its easy and great doesn’t make it so. I have been inundated with recipes for alternatives ingredients described as the best, when I actually put them to the test, many are not.
The same does not work for information these days about so many deeply felt beliefs. People read something and pass it on as true without missing a beat, just because it appeals to their own personal perspective and justifies a bias they are rooted in, or maybe unaware they even have. A few weeks ago, I was talking to a friend about something read online about a school district putting kitty litter in the bathrooms for kids who are furries identifying as cats, and addressing teachers as cats. Now, in that moment I thought that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard. But when I researched on line, the very story caused so much trouble for a real school district the superintendent not only had to address it, but spent an inordinate amount of time diffusing it. THERE WAS NO THERE, THERE. I have learned that the idea of “identifying” as something other than male or female, creates such terror, that there are people who maliciously take advantage by using algorithms to bring people down rabbit holes and increase their fear.
That is why before I commit to seeing and hearing another’s perspective on whether THERE IS REALLY A THERE, THERE. I get out of my comfort zone and check it out for myself. In the process, I’ve not only seen and listened to people with a different identifiers, even furries to see they are nothing like how they are described and defined online. That is not to say that individuals can’t be a reprehensible example of any given group, that is just to be expected because they are human. It is the commitment to the truth that I am most concerned about when it comes to succumbing to our limited perspectives. Who you listen to matters. And as a final caveat…just because you read it on the internet or saw it on TV, doesn’t mean its true, you have to work a little bit to find out first. And Jesus did say there would be plenty of false prophets dressed up in sheep’s clothing who underneath are ravenous wolves.
Today is Good Friday, and I’m reminded that to Christians, it is the holiest time of the year. It is the day that traditionally, the crucifixion narrative is read. Beyond the obvious, that is, that it is a horrific way to die, it is the hatred and fear of the mob who stood against him that frightened me the most about this story. What was it that could turn a crowd, who just days before were singing songs of adulation and waving palm fronds in his wake as he entered Jerusalem? Was it the machinations of the church leaders and Romans who turned the public against the one who had healed and supported, taught and fed them during his short ministry? I often asked myself the question, “Would I have been like them, or like Peter who denied him three times?” Perhaps it is because of the grace I have been given that I see and understand the reasons why mob rule is so dangerous, and the horror and evil that individuals en mass are capable of when fueled with angry rhetoric (especially if the source is religious). All of us are susceptible, and if you think you’re exempt and never worried about how you would respond to mob anger, I don’t think you’re being totally honest with yourself.
So with Jesus’ great sacrifice, where are the effects of this super power we celebrate on Easter Sunday? Is the extent of it held in the future promise of eternal life? Or is there a mechanism we gain to transform the world around us in the moment? I continually struggle with what makes me, as a Christian, so different than other humans, religious or not. What makes me visibly different? I truly believe, that with seeing and hearing through the gospel message I am meant to, challenged to, radiate heaven in a way that shows I fully understand what Easter means: that they will know I am his disciple because of how I love. We understand Jesus sacrifice because we are gifted with holding the Kingdom of God within us…
Asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, he said in reply, “The coming of the kingdom of God cannot be observed,
and no one will announce, ‘Look, here it is,’ or, ‘There it is.’ For behold, the kingdom of God is among you.”
This is where it gets tricky for me. There is so much noise and dissonance from churches around the world that not only contradict the idea that “the Kingdom of God is within” and what it is supposed to look like, but actually subvert it by redefining what heaven is through exclusive and authoritarian methods, not unlike those in power did at the time Jesus was crucified. The corruption that often lies hidden behind the righteous in power is why I continue to look to how Jesus radiated the Kingdom…extending mercy, the relinquishment of earthly power, the focus on those in need, loving your neighbor and enemy, loving God more than money, and kind civil rhetoric. That isn’t the rhythm of many professed Christians who radiate superiority, judgement, and yes, mob anger and hatred, the kinds of behaviors that Jesus deplored in his day. I think of Jesus’ quiet power standing broken and beaten in front of Pontius Pilate, refusing to be bated and justify his questions and ignorant assumptions, his quiet strength in carrying the cross and his mercy once on the cross to those criminals beside him. That is how in the worst of circumstances we radiate heaven.
Like any superpower, grace must be continually exercised, and expressed. Jesus made clear the road to heaven was to treat others as if they were indeed him. He also promised that he will come again and until then we must radiate the Kingdom of Heaven like children do or never expect to exist there. Beyond righteous behavior, we must be willing to sell all we have and follow him, and when we feel unworthy, be reminded that what is impossible for humans is forever possible with God.
