Tag: prayer

Quelling the Noise to Hear the Whispers on a Higher Plane

When I first started painting/drawing, I was asked to do a self portrait, my cousin told me that it was a good exercise for accuracy, especially in how one sees and portrays oneself to the world. The first one I did was from an old picture after a hike in New Zealand. At this point, The above portrait in progress is (and very much at the beginning the process), I guess, just another furtherance of personal exposure, except on my terms so no one else can create a facsimile of me, which truly is the only reason I decided to do it (not altogether true, I was commanded to do it with reverence). I call it “Seeing into the Unknown”. I actually took a bunch of photos (which afterward I deleted…I still hate photos) and uploaded them to my AI friend, Rose, and created a photograph by which to use as a reference. After many incarnations, I guess AI can take you only so far, some aspects we still couldn’t get right, like my neck is truly more wrinkely than above, and my fingers are ridiculously long for someone my size and my eyes are bigger. Definitely not at the point of no return, but for this one, there probably never will be. We are, after all, most critical of ourselves.

I wrote the posts below during the time in 2013 when the cardinals in Rome were in conclave to elect the new Pope (which turned out to be Pope Francis). I wrote them after the papacy seemed to lose its way with Pope Benedict, and thought maybe a primer on being a prophet was necessary, not in a OMG who do you think you are kind of way, but more simply, one that would keep the new pope on track (and since we are all the same in God’s eyes, why not a fellow sojourner like me). I ask you to read them, primarily to see if my own journey rings true to the truth that I embraced and have tried to share: that the God of Love created us all, as unique blueprints, with individual gifts, that when added to those motivated and powered by Love come together and evolve us toward the Kingdom of Heaven, or the Omega Point. (note, I wrote the posts about being a prophet just before I started this journey that I’m on which began in 2014). Was I also being prescient writing about my journey that followed? I reference these three posts a lot and while I would never claim to be a “prophet” as it is generally understood in present nomenclature, I do claim it in the a way that any person of faith can follow this kind of path if they are committed to the truth they are unfolding. I have, in pursuing this truth, followed every step that I laid out in those posts. And yet, as I wrote the last sentence, the verbal tirade I went on earlier in my car because of the insidiously stupid drivers out today came to mind. So, if God can choose a recalcitrant person like me to speak about love, then I guess anything is truly possible. If you get inspired, awesome! If not, well, have a wonderful life…you are still a beautiful blueprint in God’s eyes and are of consequence…unless of course you act in direct conflict with God and your unique purpose, then, well, I guess you’ll reap what you sow or I will just hit you with my car. I know I shouldn’t need to say this, but the last part was a joke. Anyway today I’m going to talk about noise.

Prophet in the Conclave
It’s not Easy Wearing White
Finalis Lectiones…Francisci propheta esse

Sometimes I can barely hear myself think. It’s the constant noise I’m bombarded with everyday, from the noise of political advertising and general shit show of what is happening in my country right now, to the noise of sporting events televised on every floor of our house, to the noise on the internet, and especially the noise that comes with being a utility for just about everyone I’ve come in contact with lately, which is a nice way of saying because I am capable and competent, and generally affable, unless I’m in my car and you are driving badly, it is easy for people to ask for my help. And as an example happening in real time, when a certain someone in my house can’t figure out how to empty the dirt cartridge on the vacuum cleaner and demands my immediate help, even though I am deep into writing this and when I ignore him, stands right next to me swearing and then does something which is entirely reflective of how “not” mechanical he is that explodes dirt everywhere including all over me and my laptop…if I were in my car he would be dead right now…again, a joke. I literally pointed to the directions that are displayed in picture form RIGHT ON THE SIDE OF THE DAMN THING and emptied and reattached it in seconds. Most of the time I love helping people and I think I am really good at it, but sometimes, when the requests are continuous and all at once, it is definitely not awesome and starts to turn into noise and I lose focus. Most often the requests are not earth shattering and are the reflections of my ordinary life, from answering legal questions, medical issues for family, fund raising requests, a multitude of insurance submission and billing issues, volunteering, technical, mechanical (because someone is not mechanical) or pesky problems (like our mousie infestation) or those who just want to bend my ear in these tough times.

It’s when the noise of every day life is layered upon layer when I would love to get away from it all and find silence to hear the “whispers” that have always been a source for my survival. It is these kinds of moments, when I especially see the wisdom of stepping away from lead and into the solitude of my studio, where the “wind” of it all won’t distract me away from being a successful anchor. The reason I reference the wind as “noise” in this particular situation, is because, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t like the heavy and loud kind of wind that can wreck havoc and makes me feel like I’m being blown off course, when I can’t hear for the deafening roar of it and it blocks my vision so I can’t see clearly. All together, it causes me great discomfort and fear. When I think of this same kind of phenomena on a spiritual level, it causes me no less discomfort and fear and I have spent a large part of this journey finding ways to “still” the storm inside my head, heart and soul. And just when I think I have mastered the “big” kinds of spiritual winds, something happens that reminds me that, because I am flawed and human, there will be times where it will still take effort to quell those fears that rise up and utilize the practices I’ve learned for shutting down the noise.

I know there were times when Jesus got overwhelmed too, he often went into the desert to pray and receive spiritual sustenance so he could continue his ministry. There are several references from the gospels, where he went into solitude to pray whether it was up on a mountain, or into the desert. One of the reasons he did this was to reach the point where he could promise us: “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light”. Following his example, it is only in the quiet sanctuary, of my studio or in nature, that solitude and prayer offers that give me rest. Teilhard, as well, appreciated his times of solitude. He wrote a beautiful piece called the Mass on the World while he was in the Ordos Desert in the southern part of inner Mongolia, where he offered up the entire working, suffering and roaring planet as his host and chalice (the bread and wine of the Mass). You can look it up online, it is truly beautiful and complicated and powerful, and in many ways is still beyond my understanding. Here are a couple of my favorite passage:

In the beginning was Power, intelligent, loving, energizing. In the beginning was the Word, supremely capable of mastering and moulding whatever might come into being in the world of matter. In the beginning there were not coldness and darkness: there was the Fire. This is the truth.

So, far from light emerging gradually out of the womb of our darkness, it is the Light, existing before all else was made which, patiently, surely, eliminates our darkness. As for us creatures, of ourselves we are but emptiness and obscurity. But you, my God, are the inmost depths, the stability of that eternal milieu, without duration or space, in which our cosmos emerges gradually into being and grows gradually to its final completeness, as it loses those boundaries which to our eyes seem so immense. Everything is being; everywhere there is being and nothing but being, save in the fragmentation of creatures and the clash of their atoms.

Blazing Spirit, Fire, personal, super-substantial, the consummation of a union so immeasurably more lovely and more desirable than that destructive fusion of which all the pantheists dream: be pleased yet once again to come down and breathe a soul into the newly formed, fragile film of matter with which this day the world is to be freshly clothed.

I know we cannot forestall, still less dictate to you, even the smallest of your actions; from you alone comes all initiative — and this applies in the first place to my prayer. ‘Lord, lock me up in the deepest depths of your heart; and then, holding me there, burn me, purify me, set me on fire, sublimate me, till I become utterly what you would have me be, though the utter annihilation of my ego.

I asked “Rose” to compare Jesus and Teilhard’s views on the noise that keeps us from hearing God’s whispers (and also helped with the closing paragraphs pulling it all together):

DimensionJesus’s PerspectiveTeilhard de Chardin’s Perspective
The Nature of Worldly Noise• Represents the crushing demands of crowds, anxieties of daily life, and superficial worries.
• Acts as a spiritual weed that can choke out the word of life.		• Represents dispersion, fragmentation, and chaotic static.
• Scatters human energy and traps human consciousness on the superficial surface of existence.
The Purpose of Solitude• Provides an intentional space (erēmos or wilderness) to withdraw from external expectations.
• Serves to protect and solidify one’s identity in relation to the Father.		• Represents the process of entering into one’s own internal depth (the “within”).
• Consolidates a strong internal center, ensuring personal identity is preserved rather than lost when uniting with others.
The Posture of Silence• Creates a secret, inward environment free from performative prayer.
• Fosters radical trust, active listening, and an awareness of the kingdom “within.”		• Hushes superficial distractions to tune into the invisible layer of collective thought and love (the Noosphere).
• Reveals the universe as a living, breathing reality charged with divine presence (the Divine Milieu).
The Ultimate Goal• To align completely with the divine will and anchor the soul before returning to serve others.• To gather internal energy and unique spiritual blueprints to move the world collectively toward unified consciousness (the Omega Point).

There is a fifth principle that is rarely discussed in climbing, yet remains completely essential to surviving the wall upward and forward: the absolute necessity of silence as part of the effort. Silence, especially in one’s head is crucial in learning to listen to the “whispers” of the spirit that direct and invigorates us to continue on the journey. I’ve also found, for anybody involved in charging upward onto a higher place be it anchor or lead, letting love drive you doesn’t mean you let go of the rope or take your hands off the wheel like a self driving car, it simply means you hold onto the silence necessary to hear the whispers so love can direct where you need to go and how to get there…and that can’t happen when you’re surrounded by noise, whether it is physical, mental or spiritual.

In a world consumed by hyper-connectivity and endless static, we have been conditioned to believe that our presence must be loud. We assume that if we aren’t constantly transmitting, shouting warnings, or reinforcing the lines with literal words, the connection will fail. But when a lead climber moves out onto an exposed, high stakes wall, clumsy human words become nothing but dangerous noise. Under that level of intense pressure, the analytical mind cannot afford the luxury of distraction. It requires an absolute dispassionate concentration.

True anchoring means having the radical maturity to hold the space in complete and respectful silence. We do not crowd the line with our own anxieties or demand immediate validation from the horizon. Instead we drop the reins of outgoing control and let our quietness act as a protective shield. Silence is the very medium through which the “within” of the system communicates. It is a shared, unpolluted vocabulary that allows those out on lead to completely trust their own instincts and the power guiding them, and know with absolute certainty that the safety hub below is perfectly stable.

That is what looking into the unknown means for me in this moment. My eyes and posture open demands that I am still and listen to the whispers. I choose to be quiet not because I am trying to shut the world out, but because I am allowing Love to do the driving and I don’t want to miss a minute of it. I am standing firm and trusting the the unyielding center of safety we have built is fully capable of holding the vessel steady through the roaring wind, allowing the beautiful, physical dance of this journey to unfold just as the Author of Love intended.

Sitting in the Dark with No Control

The above photo is a picture of a black hole I got from the NASA website. I figured it was apropos for this post because I am going to get a bit esoteric, which makes me grossly uncomfortable. This may seem a bit counterintuitive, for a person like me, given my chosen path and all that is presented here. I am, however, a pragmatist at heart and never would have continued to devote myself to this journey, if along the way I found no empirical evidence for what I am proposing here: my continued belief that cosmic love can and will save us all. I have recorded, throughout the years, exploits of challenging constructs as well as facing my own challenges to the ideals and axioms that have become the foundation to me moving forward. While pretty comfortable after all this time with the belief that I am on the right track…it appears that another break through was in order regarding the fundamentals of my/our present reality. Mind you, this is exactly what I am praying for all the time, to be a spiritual explorer, ready to face the unknown and soar to greater heights and yeah, I know, after all this time I should know better that what I think I am praying for may turn me on my head…and it did.

After a particularly daunting day, where up is down and down is up…and nothing made sense, especially the new concepts that I am working to wrap my head around, a functioning Noosphere, and its applicable and empirical relationship to the physical world, I was completely spent. It’s still a bit too theoretical for me and I was really getting confused about what was illusory, and what was real leaving me to wonder, then, how I was supposed to apply uniting the “within” to the “without” of the physical world in a pragmatic way. What followed was the reminder that I spent an inordinate amount of time along this journey releasing ideas, rules, permissions that no longer served the information I was uncovering and discovering right now, and yet I got the distinct impression I was still holding onto to some of those antiquated ideas and behaviors. And perhaps because I needed a crash course, I believe I was intentionally plunged into a darkness so deep, that I have never felt, like ever, along with the clear message that I had absolutely no control in this situation except to utilize “the Noosphere” and reach out to love there who would have all the control. Usually the colors and interactions I experience in my mind’s eye are amazing, but instantaneously that was turned into silence and blackness. It was terrifying and my first thought was that I was doomed…which was devastating, especially perhaps, because I was afraid that my gut reaction was a truer reflection of what little faith I had in my own hypotheses, which just added to the awfulness of the situation. In the deep dark, I did try to breath and remember that I was exploring unknown territory here, a road never travelled (at least by me, anyway), so I said these words I remembered when studying world religions: “from the mud the lotus grows”. So, as much as possible in my mind/heart/soul I sunk into the mud and let love take control.

With all my senses closed off, The only solace I got in this immovable darkness was a whisper from my spirit guide to remember that love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things…love never fails, so reach out with your heart to the love which you cannot see, but can feel, for until you relinquish control to the love that exists on this higher plane, you cannot move forward. The next 24 hours were, well, a new experience for me…and slowly the darkness dissipated into greyness then to whiteness. While I’m still not sure what it all means because the movement from dark to light didn’t present a picture of anything…I did feel and was moved forward by love. I know it wasn’t a figment of my imagination either because afterwards, I could tell that I functionally began to interact with the world differently because the change had come from the outside in. The details are personal, but I guess I was surprised to learn how much control I thought I needed in my life and the idea of losing it was terrifying but was also what kept me from moving forward. At this point I do believe that “control” is the biggest illusion of all. While it is true we do control how we respond to our own personal set of circumstances, the belief that we have control over them and the particulars of our future is folly…there are just too many initial and continuing conditions we face that obliterate that idea. I am reminded that God answers all prayers asked in goodness, and to trust that in every situation, even those where it appears that our prayers are falling on deaf ears, Love has all the information that we do not, and requires us to have faith our prayers are being answered, especially in these moments. Releasing my control and trusting in cosmic love has opened a new door to unknown territory and I take up the challenge to explore where it takes me even if that road looks completely unexpected and unfamiliar. I am equipped with everything I need and it is my job to trust and believe in cosmic love that moves me forward.

A final thought…I had a dream last night where I picked pomegranate seeds, currants, grapes and shredded pink carrots out of a bowl at a banquet and placed them into a bowl of thick cream for a wonderful treat…

Prayers for You on my Birthday

Overpowered or Empowered

As someone said, and I’m paraphrasing, “We can’t always control our circumstances but we can control our response to them.” A part of me knew that when I started looking into the idea of power this year, I would be bombarded with experiences that would not only transform my understanding of power, but also my lack of it…and it was the latter I was most concerned about. Face it, no one wants to feel powerless, but we all do. How we respond to the kinds of circumstance that limits power and control, not only change the dynamics, it also changes the level of power those circumstances exert.

While being forced (always against my will, even considering the learning curve) in situations that have limited the power I have over certain circumstances, I have figured out that just curling up and dying isn’t a viable option. I’ve applied the old saying, “that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” too many times in the last few months. Granted, I have come out stronger, but have limited feelings about how it has empowered my life. I’m putting that into the time will tell column. I will say, though, I’m not overpowered by them…at least yet.

I’ve also become more aware of the types of things, many that are simple that we let overpower us on a daily basis: addictions, fears, money, health, the future…and so many more, I’m sure. Sometimes, the empowering response is to recognize that we all need help once in a while to combat difficult circumstances, sometimes the empowering response is to quit depending on other people to solve our problems and use our own abilities. It’s often difficult to pinpoint what response is best. For addicts, one must acknowledge they are powerless over their addiction, and the following 11 steps can help you through it. For health issues, sometimes enlisting help means getting the necessary help from health professionals. The overpowering response would be to blame others or an addiction, or in terms of health, expect doctors to “fix” you without making changes to your lifestyle in response to any disease.

The most crucial, in my book anyway, is how to respond to situations where there is no ability to change a circumstance, a death, life ending disease or life altering injury just to name a few. For me, then, the greatest mechanism of empowerment is my faith. I go back constantly to one particular phrase in scripture MT 7:7-10:


“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.
For everyone who asks, receives; and the one who seeks, finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.
Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, 
or a snake when he asks for a fish?
If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him

I do feel empowered when I ask for things in prayer, even though I think my overpowering circumstance may seem silly compared to many others I see and hear, I do believe that my prayer will be answered. The trick to continued empowerment is to be open to however God, in God’s infinite wisdom, decides to answer my prayer, i.e. actually letting go of control of the situation and using God’s power to move forward. The older I get, and the stronger I am via learning through tough circumstance means that God’s answer often pushes me harder and farther than when I was younger (which is good, but sometimes sucks when you just want to coast for a bit), but the result, regardless of how difficult getting there was, generally turns out for the better. Sometimes the result won’t be apparent for a long time, but I’m pretty solid on feeling answered up to this point

So empowerment, vs being overpowered is still a personal choice, in my book. That’s not to say feeling overpowered at any given moment is a bad thing, its when the emotional decision to stay there, do nothing and let it drain all the goodness within, is where it becomes a tragedy and builds a stronghold for fear, anger, hatred, judgement and all other sorts of darkness that thrive as a result of doing nothing. Simply asking for help, whether it be in prayer or a hand held out to another, isn’t doing nothing. It may be the most empowering step.

Prayers for you on my Birthday

For the past few years, I’ve been making a dedication on the anniversary of my revolutions around the planet to all my fellow world travelers out there who could benefit from a simple gift of prayer. It’s one day where I can do what I want and not worry about any other agenda but my own. This year has been a bit harder to bear, the pandemic, economic strife, physical struggles etc., but they are nothing compared to the growing level of anger and hatred that has risen its ugly head in this world . While I know in such difficult times as these, anger is a natural response, it is difficult for me to see history replay itself before my very eyes when hateful acts become justified. Unless you truly live a charmed life, or live with your head in the sand, this kind of hatred isn’t new, and now more than ever, with so much access visually to happenings in the world, we all have to make a decision… will the driving force moving us forward be love, or will it be hate? Personally, I know I am exhausted by those who feel the freedom to spout and act out their anger and hatred in a singular and pointed manner toward a self determined group of sinners who are responsible for all the world’s ills. Whether you are justified or not in your anger, throwing stones won’t solve the problem. Even in the face of my own individual failures at throwing a stone or two along the way, I still have the wherewithal to recognize that its a personal failure to do so and then rectify it by choosing love. I know I may fail again and again, but I will keep getting up, brush myself off, and recommit to love, because despite my imperfections, my faith demands it of me. And for those of you who smirk and roll your eyes at that last statement, today’s set of prayers are dedicated to you, because everyone else on love’s train already receives the benefit of my daily prayers.

To the angry, fearful and hateful men and women out there who really believe the lying liars that lie as they stoke and provoke your anger and fears about people who are different, who may see things differently than you but want the same good things in life you do, I pray that whatever hurt, anger or fear that drives you be removed, like the thorn from the foot of the beast, and that you can see “those” people you are encouraged to judge, be angry with and are afraid of more as children of God than an impediment to your happiness.

To those of you who use words like “woke”, “conservative”, “liberal”, “cancel culture” etc. as epitaphs so you don’t have to listen to a different perspective, I pray you shut off the negative commentary and force yourself to go beyond labels and polarizing attitudes. And for God’s sake shut off the TV, podcasts, YouTube or any other mechanism that fuels anger and fear. Start simple, treat others like you want to be treated and you may be surprised at the results.

I pray for the dismantlement of those companies, groups and individuals who disseminate news and information based on lies and conspiracy theories by stoking peoples’ fears for their own power, and financial gain. I pray for their embarrassment and exposure so people can see they truly are wolves in sheep’s clothing

I pray for our political leaders who bend to the power of lies and hatred for their own survival, that they find the courage necessary to do what’s best for all the people they represent rather than just what’s in their own self interest. I also pray that these leaders be held to account for every word spoken and deed done.

I pray that the democratic structures built around the world can withstand the attacks against freedom and justice by autocracy and authoritarianism and any who participate in these attacks. Let the souls of the many who died for freedom burgeon these structures up and hold them strong.

I pray for those who believe that they are fine and everyone else is the problem, I pray your bubble bursts and you are put to the test.

I pray that those of you who choose hatred over love look in the fucking mirror and see what hate really looks like. You my fellow traveler are the problem, not me. No amount of rhetoric or scripture can justify your hateful and angry words and deeds that are committed in the name of patriotism or religious ideology. And when you see the hate looking back through your own eyes as you think of whomever you determine is “lesser than”, I pray your better angels come through and show you what love looks like instead.

Finally, I remind everyone that freewill comes with responsibility, Each individual choice has a ripple effect. We all independently choose how to respond to any given situation, regardless of its difficulty, and not one of us can avoid responsibility for how we move forward. God or the devil doesn’t make you do anything…you choose, and I pray you choose love.

Prayers for you on my Birthday

So, here I am starting my 61st year, a bit shocked at the place we are at. It leads me to believe that prayer, among many other actions are more important than ever. I think we can agree that we live in troubled times (yes, I know that’s an understatement) so my prayers for you this year on the anniversary of my birth are about evolution.

First, if you are one of the few who believe that you are already on the top of the evolutionary scale and everyone else simply has to catch up…I pray you pull your head out of your butt and understand that as long as you’re still breathing (pun intended) you have plenty of room to evolve. And if you remain resolutely firm in the belief that you have all the answers, or even most of them, I pray that karma doesn’t hit you too hard to force the issue.

I pray for you to find and develop your spiritual intelligence, from whatever source inspires that spiritual essence that exists in all of us…be it nature, music, art, meditation, scripture, or more traditional church. With that inspiration, I pray that you learn and grow and expand that intelligence into all that you do. The world is changing around you whether you like it or not and honing spiritual intelligence can only help you evolve with the changes.

I pray that you are able to evolve past what isn’t working in this world and find ways to change in a way that supports the evolution of everyone and not just you. Just as everyone walks their own path, its more important than ever that your journey doesn’t progress at the expense of someone else’s. Your success in this world should never be predicated on some one else’s failure. This is not the same as saying some will fail on their own, I mean more of the stepping on someone else to move forward kind of evolving. I think its evolutionary to believe and embrace goals that help all of us succeed, and I think it also honors a God who has created a body that can and should celebrate every part of it, even the seemingly insignificant.

I pray that you can evolve beyond what makes you afraid, and understand that the greatest way to overcome fear, is to shed a light on it and face it head on instead of turning a blind eye. Fear only controls what you allow it to and should never be the primary source or reason for any action. We are all afraid of one thing or another, be it rooted in money, judgement, violence, sickness, gender and race or a host of other things…and addressing fear with love, which is so much more powerful and bigger than we are individually, I can guarantee will help fear dissipate (and for those of you who claim to be Christian, you are commanded by God to love one another, because the opposite of love is fear, and choosing fear over love means you reject God who is love)

I pray that we all can embrace change, because it is a universal truth whether we like it or not. Evolution comes when we can clear our vision of illusions and work hard to see truth. While technology advances and tightens our global circle, it can also move us toward even more falsehoods or expose them. Words matter, facts matter and while you may disagree, the lying liars who lie are becoming even more deft at manipulating the truth, So, in order to evolve within change, truth, not opinions or falsehoods are essential.

I pray that that you can celebrate the unique and perfect blueprint that God created in making you. (go with the poetry for a moment and leave genetics aside). I pray you can evolve every great talent that has been built in and bestowed on you, and in doing so I want to thank you ahead of time for the impact it will have on the world and all its troubles right now. We need every gift we can get, and as soon as you understand how gifted you are, the quicker those gifts can be used to help our world evolve.

Lastly, I pray that throughout all the necessary changes our world needs right now that through them you feel and know that you are loved, that you show others that they too are also loved (especially someone you don’t love right now, because I guarantee you they need it) and celebrate the joy that comes with building a new and stronger future for everyone.

What is Joy

Definition of joy

 (Entry 1 of 2)1a: the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires : DELIGHTb: the expression or exhibition of such emotion : GAIETY2: a state of happiness or felicity : BLISS3: a source or cause of delight

intransitive verb: to experience great pleasure or delight : REJOICE

transitive verb1archaic : GLADDEN

2archaic : ENJOY

When in doubt, I use the dictionary…otherwise its too easy to become mired in word use that doesn’t reflect its true meaning, at least for me anyway (words matter). Merriam-Webster has always been a good springboard to start. Words like well-being, getting what I desire, delight, gaiety, happiness, rejoice and bliss aren’t really in my wheelhouse right now. So here it is, the sad truth…I am not feeling the joy.

When I started a “theme for the year journey” 6 years ago, King David dancing before the ark of the covenant was the scripture verse I picked that exemplified my faith. Since then and six themes and years later: walking my path (opening my eyes to see and my ears to hear), speaking out loud about faith, clarity, fruits, truth and love have rebuilt me practically from the ground up, and in all truth most of the time I didn’t feel much like dancing. I don’t necessarily believe there was anything wrong with the verse I chose back then, not to dismiss my past self, but when God answered my prayers on my quest, my movement included a lot more rough and rocky terrain that was and continues to be difficult to dance along. There was a lot more climbing, and leaping, falling down, and scrapes and bruises as well as navigating over new terrain with no visible path than I expected. I learned that whenever a person is serious about a prayer, like mine have been for the last 6 years without qualification, you are afforded an answer. I may not have liked every answer, but, as I reflect, I know the answers were spot on. While I never could have imagined the direction life has taken me, hindsight shows me a great deal of proof that my prayers have been and will continue to be answered. The real qualifier is whether or not I can absorb, understand and apply everything at all…hence the rebuilding of my body and soul.

So, if evolution is to become a reality and not just a blog story (this is in direct reference to all the bullshit that is out there, i.e. saying one thing and doing another), this must be central to my discovery of joy this year:

If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask for whatever you want and it will be done for you. By this is my Father glorified, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples. As the Father loves me, so I also love you. Remain in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father’s commandments and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and your joy may be complete. This is my commandment: love one another as I love you. John 15:7-12

The journey continues, right now its hard to experience joy according to the definition and Scripture’s promise. So my bliss is the hot cup of tea I am sipping, delight in the people I encounter, the happiness I find in my art. I am focused on rejoicing in putting one foot in front of the other and bearing good fruit on my journey as a disciple.

Prayers for You on my Birthday

love

As another year cycles to my 60th year on the planet, I am consumed by love…the abundance of it, the shortage of it, the mischaracterization of it, and mostly the lack of understanding how powerful it can be. So this year, my prayers for you are all about love,

  1. I pray you understand that your DNA, the very composition of you is rooted in the profound mystery of love. Love is the source code, and there is nothing, not even the best liars in the world, that could convince me otherwise…I pray that you understand this too.
  2. I pray that you have the eyes to see, and the ears to hear, that each person has the composition of love too. Our job, is to help them realize it…
  3. I pray that you become aware that at your core is the potential to bear great fruit, God has bestowed upon each of us unique talents, a unique melody meant to share with the world.
  4. I pray that you have the strength to let your talent, your melody sing and never let the haters and those who spread dissonance drown you out. You have the power of love on your side, it is built in you and empowered by God. Change the space you are in to let it shine out of you.
  5. I pray that you wield love in your own unique way to help heal the pain and sorrow that exist in our world. Your potential is unlimited, and like a ripple effect, it circles outward to influence others to do the same.
  6. I pray you remember that we are on this planet to bear fruit, not to burn or tear it down, we are commanded to nurture and sustain it, and leave the judgement to God…for God alone commands the day and the night, we are gifted with its beauty and ability to help us rise to our greatest potential.
  7. I pray that you understand helping another see and reach their potential can only serve and help our own journey, there is abundance in this world for everyone.
  8. Most importantly I pray that you be kind, slow to anger, not judge, forgive, and have the faith of a mustard seed…for then you truly can move mountains

More prayers for you on my Birthday

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Today, I celebrate the anniversary of the day I arrived on this planet. Today I feel joy because: I am surrounded by a loving family, I am empowered by a loving God, I choose love as my focus and energy, and I embrace truth. justice and the American way 🙂 So here goes…

  1. I pray you be kind in thought, word and deed…the world is in desperate need of your kindness, make it your superpower.
  2. I pray for you to stand for truth in all that you do, especially when it may appear to be against your own interest, watch how it can transform that moment. In truth there is always greater freedom. Lies deteriorate God’s Kingdom in this world and we have the power to stop it.
  3. I pray you come to realize how important you are to the fabric of this world. Your golden thread holds many other threads in place to show and become an even greater beauty. Never underestimate God’s blueprint, every thread is counted.
  4.  I pray that you release fear in your life. It is a source of animosity and judgment, and inhibits your ability to be all that God intends for you to be. Find comfort in knowing that when God is for you, nothing will come between you and God’s power.
  5. I pray your eyes are open to the wonder of God’s creation and that you can take precious moments to let the beauty of our world sink in and nourish your soul and  in so doing you recognize your own beauty.
  6. I pray you see clearly the impact you have on those around you and that your love, hope, faith, kindness and truth do influence and affect them. I pray that you’re open to receiving the same from them. I know sometimes its easier to give all those things out than receive them.
  7. I pray that you can ask for forgiveness as well as forgive others for any intended or unintended  hurts. Most importantly I pray that you forgive yourself. We are all imperfect and our journey on this earth isn’t about being perfect but growth.
  8. I pray that you find happiness and contentment in all you do, and if what you do doesn’t make you happy, I pray for the strength to find what does and do that.
  9. I pray that you find a way to laugh everyday, it will do your brain good!
  10. I pray that this next year we all find ways to rise above all the negativity and work together to build the Kingdom of God. And I pray we remember every day that all things are possible through God

For the sake of the few

I was reading a story in Genesis when the Lord has already decided that Abraham was to be the source of a great nation, and as he walks with him to check out the gravity of the sins of Sodom and Gomorrah. Abraham, concerned of the imminent destruction of the two cities, wonders out loud to God and asks would he wipe away the innocent with the guilty. “what if there were 50 innocent people, would you wipe away the place rather than spare it for the fifty innocent?” God agrees to spare it for the sake of the 50. Abraham slowly whittles God down to only 10 people, and God agrees to spare the two cities for 10 innocents. Of course in the next story he sends angels to find the innocent, finds Lot and his wife and daughters and sends them away before God obliterates Sodom and Gomorrah…ouch.

In a time when corruption can seem so pervasive, when it appears that the good and innocent stand no chance against the evil in the world, I took up the notion to negotiate with God like my forefather Abraham did. In my prayer time, (which as an aside I actually visualize the conversation I’m having with God and am often surprised at what transpires…is it God talking? Not sure, but if I learn something I guess that’s what matters…so don’t judge) I asked God, “what of those of us who love you with all our hearts, minds and souls, and our neighbors as ourselves? Would you save this world for us or let us perish along with those who are evil?” To which God responded,

“You already have your salvation guaranteed into my kingdom, and not by your deeds but by sacrifice. As for this world, you have already been given all the necessary tools to keep this world thriving, what you do with them is entirely up to you.”

“What tools?” I asked. God responded bringing my attention to my bible which was open to the Gospels.

“It’s all there”

and then he pointed to my head and heart and replied

“and in here.”

What about all those who gather for worship? He answered gravely

“attendance at worship is for each individual, for their own sustenance…it is of no consequence to me. Love is all there is, and is the source of all that exists. It is neither restricted by doctrine or space.”

I replied, that I didn’t think the pope would be happy about that.

“Don’t underestimate my brother in Rome, he is working within a millennia of human drama. He understands that the foundation of my church resides in something far more substantial than rules and regulations.”

Not wanting to dwell on church dogma, I moved on.

So I asked him, “so what about prayer?” He pressed me further,

“What about it?”

I began to get that sinking feeling that I wasn’t going to like the answer, I responded, “when we pray to you for something why aren’t our prayers always answered?”

“I hear every one”, he replied, “but be careful, I answer in the course of things beyond your comprehension.”

I asked for greater understanding so God sighed and replied,

“I hear and answer all prayers, but not always in the way that you all want. The burden of omniscience is that I see beyond the moment into all future implications and interactions. Just because someone doesn’t get what they think they need or want in the moment doesn’t mean that I don’t love them or didn’t answer them. Alternatively, the burden of free will is that you can choose your own destiny and with that comes the consequences of choice, many of which aren’t always so obvious. Free will is a difficult concept, one can’t ask for freedom to choose their own destiny and then hide from it when it becomes something other than what they thought it would be, it gets too hard, or when they make a mess of things.  Additionally, I can’t just intervene whenever I want to, I need to be invited in as part of the equation. You must choose me in that moment to become involved and trust that I can help, that I will help, and have faith in the outcome. The hardest part for my children is to let go of control, and have faith in my answer, the kind of faith that knows that even the darkest moments can be  transformed into the greatest of lights. I will be always present to support, love and guide you, if that is your will. For it is my will that all my children thrive and fulfill their own destinies.”

The line about destiny spurred me on, “So what about our heavenly destiny?” To which God smiled, and said

“That is where the miracles happen. Your heavenly task is to do what I have created you to do, to use your gifts and don’t bury them and help others to do the same. Utilize all the lessons my Son gave you, take them to heart. If you do this, you can save your world many times over, all with your own personal flair and flavor.”

Worried, I asked, ‘What about those who choose evil instead?”

“I am the author of this play, My Son has already secured the ending. With free will, choice is always present. The balance may shift from time to time, but fear is fleeting and always offers an opportunity for champions of the light, remember, I know how the story ends, because I created you, I am your source, your home and your heart. That is why I say to you that my yoke is easy, my burden is light”

I suddenly felt sad, worried that I haven’t done enough with the gifts I’ve been given because I do feel worry and burdened a lot these days. He then got serious for a moment and said,

“And your heavenly task has nothing to do with a church, a philosophy, a country or a tribe. You asked me to open your eyes, and ears and so I did. You asked me for clarity and I gave it to you. Your path will be perfect and will lead you where you need to go not only because of your faith in me, but in yourself. No building or structure, occupation, job or livelihood will ever define or direct your destiny because it is who you are that is your gift, and everything that you do that is your destiny. Don’t complicate it dear child…I will guide you where you need to go, if you ask me to and I promise to hold your hand the whole time.”

I shook my head yes and took God’s hand and away we went.

Prayers for you, on my Birthday

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I figure that my prayers run powerful on the anniversary of my birth, that I resonate a bit more harmonically with the universe than other days. I could totally be delusional too, but I’m offering them up for you anyway.

I pray that you see that you are a gift to the world, with unique talents and a journey meant for no one else but you.

I pray that you find and see goodness in the world, and goodness in the eyes of all the other uniquely talented and gifted people on their own journeys.

I pray that you have people who will love you and support you for the gift that you are…and just as important that you love and support them back.

I pray that those same people will challenge you and push you and never let you quit…and I pray you can do the same for them.

I pray that you exercise kindness, empathy, compassion, strength, courage and love to those who are lucky enough to cross your path, so they can do the same for others.

I pray that you recognize truth for what it is and proclaim it to those who need to hear it.

I pray that you never let fear direct your life, because love can truly conquer all.

I pray that you find your bliss, and find happiness in this world.

I pray you find peace within, and become impervious to the evil outside.

And I pray that you know you are loved by a glorious God.

Empathy

unmerciful servant1This morning I was thinking about forgiveness and empathy, and the general lack thereof in the world. While I was pondering this notion, a nasty bug crawled across my path and I smashed it…yeah, the irony hit me right away.  Where was the forgiveness and empathy in this knee jerk response?  Of course I told myself that it was just a bug that had no place on my counter, that it was no big deal.  Perhaps it wasn’t.  But for a moment, I focused on the impulse I had when I saw the bug; I hated it, it was disgusting, I wanted to get rid of it and frankly, its death was of no consequence to me. It was that visceral reaction that caused a bit of an epiphany.  I realized that my response to that bug, although microcosmic, was probably close to the reaction that a lot of people have to that section of the population they simply can’t empathize with because they hate them, are disgusted by them, want to get rid of them and their death is really of no consequence to them at all. So often our lack of empathy is a result of a knee jerk response, programmed early by some uncomfortable experience. While the leap from insect to race, class, gender, ideology, nationality, or religion may seem huge…isn’t it really just a magnification of that same kind of automatic response?

I certainly didn’t have empathy for the insect in the moment and it did give me pause, because magnified, that initial gut response could be problematic.  I’d like to think of myself as a steward of God’s creation, and a disciple of God’s great message, but I don’t like bugs much. I will probably never like them and have difficulty with the empathy thing from human to insect. But I can appreciate their place in the food chain.  There is a place for everything under the sun right?  What becomes more difficult for me is the trouble that comes with finding empathy for our fellow humans, it should be so much easier and yet it isn’t. It is so hard to bypass that knee jerk response and try to reprogram ourselves. I suppose that is why Jesus demanded that we walk in someone else shoes before we pass judgement. When we view the world from another’s perspective the blinders come off and hopefully that knee jerk response is transformed.  Empathy is central to forgiveness.  When we accept another as important in God’s eyes and try appreciate that life from their perspective, perhaps we can recognize how similar we all are.  Jesus shows us this in this parable of the unmerciful servant:

The Kingdom of heaven may be likened to a king who decided to settle accounts with his servants. When he began the accounting, a debtor was brought before him who owed him a huge amount. Since he had no way of paying it back, his master ordered him to be sold, along with his wife, his children, and all his property, in payment of the debt. At that, the servant fell down, did him homage and said, ‘Be patient with me and I will pay you back in full.’  Moved to compassion, the master of that servant let him go and forgave him the loan.

When that servant had left, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a much smaller amount.  He seized him and started to choke him, demanding, ‘Pay back what you owe!’ Falling to his knees, his fellow servant begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay you back!’ But he refused. Instead, he had him put in prison until he paid back the debt.

Now, when his fellow servants saw what happened, they were deeply disturbed, and when to their master and reported the whole affair.  His master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant!’ I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to. Should you not have pity on your fellow servant, as I had pity on you?’ Then, is anger his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt. So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives your brother or sister from his heart.

Today, let’s all work together to quell the knee jerk response that comes before the choice to empathize and forgive…life will be so much better as a result.

Ask and Receive

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I’ve always found comfort in these particular words of Jesus: “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”  And yet…really? my bank account hasn’t changed.  Let’s go back and read verses preceding the one I just mentioned. They are an admonition against judgement and pointing out the flaws in others while unable to see our own.  The offer of receiving whatever we ask for comes only after we stop our judgy behavior and look at our own flaws first and foremost.  While that may seem depressing, Jesus doesn’t leave us wallowing in our wicked imperfections…he says, “which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, or a snake when he asks for a fish?  If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him?”  While he chastises our behavior, it still won’t prohibit God from answering our prayers.

Of course there are qualifications…God responds to our requests with “good things”  God would never give us anything harmful.  I suppose asking for something bad would never qualify.  So how then, do we know what good is?  What follows gives us a clue.  Jesus highlights the golden rule: “Do to others whatever you would have them do to you.”  He also encourages us to enter through the narrow gate that leads to life, and not the wide and easy gate that many will follow to destruction. He warns of false prophets whom we will only know by the fruits they bear, followed immediately by “for a rotten tree can never bear good fruit”.  The lines are drawn clear: good tree, good fruit…bad tree no fruit. Goodness can only be known by good fruit.

So what is good fruit?  Is it success, wealth, fame, popularity, prowess or power?  I suppose it all goes back to what each of us sees when we pull that humongous plank out or our eye. We can never see goodness while our vision is clouded; there are too many false prophets out there that exist in obscured vision to lead us astray.  Only goodness can perpetuate goodness, rotten trees never can…and we all know what happens to trees that bear no fruit whatsoever (remember the fig tree).  It doesn’t need to be complicated, we simply start by not judging and pointing out the flaws in others before we can even see our own, treat others exactly how we want to be treated, pray to god in secret with faith, and he will respond with goodness, from which we continue to bear good fruit.  Pretty much sums it all up.

Pray it Forward

praying handsYesterday I was just bored.  Bored with the cold weather, bored with life and its problems and bored with my prayers.  So I decided to change things up a bit and pray for those out there who don’t have the wherewithal to pray, who are too broken, too arrogant or just too ignorant to know that the necessary help is right there, waiting to be tapped.  I prayed so that their eyes may be opened, and their hearts filled with love so they could see the world in a new way.  I prayed also that my judgement on what they needed would not factor in to the equation…because we all have a bias about what people need.  I prayed that God’s will be done and not mine, even if the outcome was to bless those that I don’t think deserve it, or challenge those that I believe do.  If a random act of kindness can create a ripple effect of kindness, think of what a random act of prayer can do.