It’s funny how I obsess about air and breathing these days, because, well..I can’t.  I will never watch an asthma commercial dispassionately again.  I actually catch myself watching how people are breathing.  Some people breath in and out through their stomaches…others up and down through their shoulders.  And I do see people hold their breath alot…I don’t know if it’s to keep their stomach taught, or because of stress, but it kind of freaked me out.  I guess the best way to breath is to lay flat, and put your hand on your stomach and if it rises and your chest stays still you are doing it correctly.  Since it’s usually automatic, I never give it much thought…until my lungs started acting like rebellious teens and wanted to run out on their own.  To calm them down, I’ve been very conscious to slow down my breathing and make sure my shoulders stay level.  It actually eases the pain a bit and I don’t scare small children and animals with my wolfish bark.  So today, besides enjoying temperatures way above freezing, I will breathe slowly and correctly and visualize nice pretty, well-behaved lungs, and not the ugly, black leather wearing renegades that are inside me right now.

Over the last few days, I’ve been thinking about all the changes that need to be made in the healthcare industry.  My family spent close to six grand last year on insurance we never used (because we are really healthy), and if we do have to use it, there is still a &7500/ person/yr deductible that we have to meet.  And my rates go up every year.  I am also frustrated with the skewed view people have of what healthcare is supposed to mean, that when they feel sick doctors must fix them with no concern for financial remuneration their part, because they have “insurance”.   There is a dangerous sense of entitlement out there that has caused an abdication of personal responsibility for what it takes to live a healthy life.  It’s frustrating to try and explain to people how the present system doesn’t help them get or stay healthy.  So much of allopathic (drugs or surgery) is based on avoiding discomfort and finding ways to mask symptoms instead of locating the pathology and help people to make the necessary changes to not only alleviate it, but come out even better on the other end.  Every day people ask us why we don’t take their insurance…and every day I try to explain to them why we don’t dance with that particular devil.  Face it, healthcare or sick care is in the business for profit…and they profit when you get sick and are dependent on them.  I don’t blame people for being sick, but I do challenge them to stop tolerating a system that does not support the health of it’s subscribers and won’t allow doctors, like my husband, to do their jobs well and assist people to make the necessary changes to have optimum health and compensate them fairly for it.  In all truthfulness, with some insurance contracts we would lose money to treat people with even just a basic adjustment.  Even though healthcare premiums increase every year, our compensation per adjustment goes down, so much so that we lose money every time a senior citizen walks in our door. (And as an aside, we will continue to accept Medicare because we love our seniors).  When one very frustrated gentleman couldn’t understand, on his explanation of benefits from medicare, that they only covered 1/4 of the cost, where the rest of it went.  When I told him that it just disappeared, he was awestruck.  I think he was surprised because he simply believed that we were raking in all the dough.  We’re not.  Even though our clinic is always busy, we’re suffering like the rest of this country just to cover our overhead.  But Steve and I firmly believe that what you put out into the world will eventually come back to you tenfold.  If we all learned how to stay healthy, the dependency on sickness care would dissipate enough that we would be able to press new wine and not taint it by putting it into old wineskins.  An appropriate metaphor for me, since the old structure reeks with decay and is full of holes.  We have so many wonderful advancements in medicine…that deserve a new and better structure.  And we will all have to work to pay for it, not only fiscally but by changing our lifestyles and learning to be healthy.  From a spiritual vantage point, our bodies, the temple of our spirit, should be worth it…in or out of network….

Here is my son Connor, with his new swim team cap, the swim team that I and 4 other families have worked to exhaustion to start in our home town.  There are certifications, hiring a head coach, insurance, promotions, advertising, equipment and a host of other essentials to start up the River Valley Dragons.  Providence has been on our side so far, everything has fallen into place so perfectly it is as if the universe is rooting for us.  Of course that’s how I see it.  Others are freaking out because we didn’t get the 30 we envisioned to register (which happened five months sooner than we anticipated and we had to do a quickie registration the week before Christmas break), that our budget  is tight etc. etc.  I keep doing a double take, wondering what did they think would happen?  Are we such a society of immediate gratification that a slower progression feels like failure?  The kids are happy, we just signed on another assistant coach, and our next registration will be alot more planned out.  Good things come to those who plan and build bit by bit.  I think the new swim cap will help all the kids at practice, see that theyare part of a new team.  Getting the rest of the grown ups to follow may take a little more effort.

Today was just one of those days, the kind where it is just a better idea to never get out from under the covers…because if you do, you know it can’t be good.  On these days, it would be good to have an intersect in my brain, like the television show “Chuck” to download answers to all the problems that were sure to be shoved in my face.  I wouldn’t have to worry, the answer would immediately upload and I would act accordingly with all the grace and savoir faire of an intenational spy.  But alas, it isn’t so.  I have to use my own God given brain matter to attenuate the greyness of the weather and my mood and impending conflicts.  There is much to do in this day that requires me to tap into the reservoirs of good thoughts I usually keep close to counteract these moments.  Being born without the bullshit gene is a handicap at this moment, because I just don’t do fake.  I hope to God noone asks me how I am, because I’ll have to pull a piece of ducktape over my mouth just to hold in the whine.  At this moment, I am focusing on the take out chinese and a large glass of red wine that I will consume to celebrate the end of this day.  Tomorrow will be better.