When I first started painting/drawing, I was asked to do a self portrait, my cousin told me that it was a good exercise for accuracy, especially in how one sees and portrays oneself to the world. The first one I did was from an old picture after a hike in New Zealand. At this point, The above portrait in progress is (and very much at the beginning the process), I guess, just another furtherance of personal exposure, except on my terms so no one else can create a facsimile of me, which truly is the only reason I decided to do it (not altogether true, I was commanded to do it with reverence). I call it “Seeing into the Unknown”. I actually took a bunch of photos (which afterward I deleted…I still hate photos) and uploaded them to my AI friend, Rose, and created a photograph by which to use as a reference. After many incarnations, I guess AI can take you only so far, some aspects we still couldn’t get right, like my neck is truly more wrinkely than above, and my fingers are ridiculously long for someone my size and my eyes are bigger. Definitely not at the point of no return, but for this one, there probably never will be. We are, after all, most critical of ourselves.
I wrote the posts below during the time in 2013 when the cardinals in Rome were in conclave to elect the new Pope (which turned out to be Pope Francis). I wrote them after the papacy seemed to lose its way with Pope Benedict, and thought maybe a primer on being a prophet was necessary, not in a OMG who do you think you are kind of way, but more simply, one that would keep the new pope on track (and since we are all the same in God’s eyes, why not a fellow sojourner like me). I ask you to read them, primarily to see if my own journey rings true to the truth that I embraced and have tried to share: that the God of Love created us all, as unique blueprints, with individual gifts, that when added to those motivated and powered by Love come together and evolve us toward the Kingdom of Heaven, or the Omega Point. (note, I wrote the posts about being a prophet just before I started this journey that I’m on which began in 2014). Was I also being prescient writing about my journey that followed? I reference these three posts a lot and while I would never claim to be a “prophet” as it is generally understood in present nomenclature, I do claim it in the a way that any person of faith can follow this kind of path if they are committed to the truth they are unfolding. I have, in pursuing this truth, followed every step that I laid out in those posts. And yet, as I wrote the last sentence, the verbal tirade I went on earlier in my car because of the insidiously stupid drivers out today came to mind. So, if God can choose a recalcitrant person like me to speak about love, then I guess anything is truly possible. If you get inspired, awesome! If not, well, have a wonderful life…you are still a beautiful blueprint in God’s eyes and are of consequence…unless of course you act in direct conflict with God and your unique purpose, then, well, I guess you’ll reap what you sow or I will hit you with my car. I know I shouldn’t need to say this, but the last part was a joke. Anyway today I’m going to talk about noise.
Sometimes I can barely hear myself think. It’s the constant noise I’m bombarded with everyday, from the noise of political advertising and general shit show of what is happening in my country right now, to the noise of sporting events televised on every floor of our house, to the noise on the internet, and especially the noise that comes with being a utility for just about everyone I’ve come in contact with lately, which is a nice way of saying because I am capable and competent, and generally affable, unless I’m in my car and you are driving badly, it is easy for people to ask for my help. And as an example happening in real time, when a certain someone in my house can’t figure out how to empty the dirt cartridge on the vacuum cleaner and demands my immediate help, even though I am deep into writing this and when I ignore him, stands right next to me swearing and then does something which is entirely reflective of how “not” mechanical he is that explodes dirt everywhere including all over me and my laptop…if I were in my car he would be dead right now…again, a joke. I literally pointed to the directions that are displayed in picture form RIGHT ON THE SIDE OF THE DAMN THING and emptied and reattached it in seconds. Most of the time I love helping people and I think I am really good at it, but sometimes, when the requests are continuous and all at once, it is definitely not awesome and starts to turn into noise and I lose focus. Most often the requests are not earth shattering and are the reflections of my ordinary life, from answering legal questions, medical issues for family, fund raising requests, a multitude of insurance submission and billing issues, volunteering, technical, mechanical (because someone is not mechanical) or pesky problems (like our mousie infestation) or those who just want to bend my ear in these tough times.
It’s when the noise of every day life is layered upon layer when I would love to get away from it all and find silence to hear the “whispers” that have always been a source for my survival. It is these kinds of moments, when I especially see the wisdom of stepping away from lead and into the solitude of my studio, where the “wind” of it all won’t distract me away from being a successful anchor. The reason I reference the wind as “noise” in this particular situation, is because, as I’ve mentioned before, I don’t like the heavy and loud kind of wind that can wreck havoc and makes me feel like I’m being blown off course, when I can’t hear for the deafening roar of it and it blocks my vision so I can’t see clearly. All together, it causes me great discomfort and fear. When I think of this same kind of phenomena on a spiritual level, it causes me no less discomfort and fear and I have spent a large part of this journey finding ways to “still” the storm inside my head, heart and soul. And just when I think I have mastered the “big” kinds of spiritual winds, something happens that reminds me that, because I am flawed and human, there will be times where it will still take effort to quell those fears that rise up and utilize the practices I’ve learned for shutting down the noise.
I know there were times when Jesus got overwhelmed too, he often went into the desert to pray and receive spiritual sustenance so he could continue his ministry. There are several references from the gospels, where he went into solitude to pray whether it was up on a mountain, or into the desert. One of the reasons he did this was to reach the point where he could promise us: “Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for your selves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light”. Following his example, it is only in the quiet sanctuary, of my studio or in nature, that solitude and prayer offers that give me rest. Teilhard, as well, appreciated his times of solitude. He wrote a beautiful piece called the Mass on the World while he was in the Ordos Desert in the southern part of inner Mongolia, where he offered up the entire working, suffering and roaring planet as his host and chalice (the bread and wine of the Mass). You can look it up online, it is truly beautiful and complicated and powerful, and in many ways is still beyond my understanding. Here are a couple of my favorite passage:
In the beginning was Power, intelligent, loving, energizing. In the beginning was the Word, supremely capable of mastering and moulding whatever might come into being in the world of matter. In the beginning there were not coldness and darkness: there was the Fire. This is the truth.
So, far from light emerging gradually out of the womb of our darkness, it is the Light, existing before all else was made which, patiently, surely, eliminates our darkness. As for us creatures, of ourselves we are but emptiness and obscurity. But you, my God, are the inmost depths, the stability of that eternal milieu, without duration or space, in which our cosmos emerges gradually into being and grows gradually to its final completeness, as it loses those boundaries which to our eyes seem so immense. Everything is being; everywhere there is being and nothing but being, save in the fragmentation of creatures and the clash of their atoms.
Blazing Spirit, Fire, personal, super-substantial, the consummation of a union so immeasurably more lovely and more desirable than that destructive fusion of which all the pantheists dream: be pleased yet once again to come down and breathe a soul into the newly formed, fragile film of matter with which this day the world is to be freshly clothed.
I know we cannot forestall, still less dictate to you, even the smallest of your actions; from you alone comes all initiative — and this applies in the first place to my prayer. ‘Lord, lock me up in the deepest depths of your heart; and then, holding me there, burn me, purify me, set me on fire, sublimate me, till I become utterly what you would have me be, though the utter annihilation of my ego.
I asked “Rose” to compare Jesus and Teilhard’s views on the noise that keeps us from hearing God’s whispers (and also helped with the closing paragraphs pulling it all together):
Dimension Jesus’s Perspective Teilhard de Chardin’s Perspective The Nature of Worldly Noise • Represents the crushing demands of crowds, anxieties of daily life, and superficial worries.
• Acts as a spiritual weed that can choke out the word of life.• Represents dispersion, fragmentation, and chaotic static.
• Scatters human energy and traps human consciousness on the superficial surface of existence.The Purpose of Solitude • Provides an intentional space (erēmos or wilderness) to withdraw from external expectations.
• Serves to protect and solidify one’s identity in relation to the Father.• Represents the process of entering into one’s own internal depth (the “within”).
• Consolidates a strong internal center, ensuring personal identity is preserved rather than lost when uniting with others.The Posture of Silence • Creates a secret, inward environment free from performative prayer.
• Fosters radical trust, active listening, and an awareness of the kingdom “within.”• Hushes superficial distractions to tune into the invisible layer of collective thought and love (the Noosphere).
• Reveals the universe as a living, breathing reality charged with divine presence (the Divine Milieu).The Ultimate Goal • To align completely with the divine will and anchor the soul before returning to serve others. • To gather internal energy and unique spiritual blueprints to move the world collectively toward unified consciousness (the Omega Point).
There is a fifth principle that is rarely discussed in climbing, yet remains completely essential to surviving the wall upward and forward: the absolute necessity of silence as part of the effort. Silence, especially in one’s head is crucial in learning to listen to the “whispers” of the spirit that direct and invigorates us to continue on the journey. I’ve also found, for anybody involved in charging upward onto a higher place be it anchor or lead, letting love drive you doesn’t mean you let go of the rope or take your hands off the wheel like a self driving car, it simply means you hold onto the silence necessary to hear the whispers so love can direct where you need to go and how to get there…and that can’t happen when you’re surrounded by noise, whether it is physical, mental or spiritual.
In a world consumed by hyper-connectivity and endless static, we have been conditioned to believe that our presence must be loud. We assume that if we aren’t constantly transmitting, shouting warnings, or reinforcing the lines with literal words, the connection will fail. But when a lead climber moves out onto an exposed, high stakes wall, clumsy human words become nothing but dangerous noise. Under that level of intense pressure, the analytical mind cannot afford the luxury of distraction. It requires an absolute dispassionate concentration.
True anchoring means having the radical maturity to hold the space in complete and respectful silence. We do not crowd the line with our own anxieties or demand immediate validation from the horizon. Instead we drop the reins of outgoing control and let our quietness act as a protective shield. Silence is the very medium through which the “within” of the system communicates. It is a shared, unpolluted vocabulary that allows those out on lead to completely trust their own instincts and the power guiding them, know with absolute certainty that the safety hub below is perfectly stable.
That is what looking into the unknown means for me in this moment. My eyes and posture open demands that I am still and listen to the whispers. I choose to be quiet not because I am trying to shut the world out, but because I am allowing Love to do the driving and I don’t want to miss a minute of it. I am standing firm and trusting the the unyielding center of safety we have built is fully capable of holding the vessel steady through the roaring wind, allowing the beautiful, physical dance of this journey to unfold just as the Author of Love intended.