As I stated at the beginning of my year of faith, I based my journey on its definition in scripture: the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. Whereas trust, is defined as: a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something. Over my lifetime, the two words have merged and have become so intertwined, because there was far less “proof of things not seen” and clear evidence of the reliability, strength, and the presence and activity of God in my life. When it comes to people though? That is a much trickier proposition for me, which is why I harp on the “taming” process so much. (see prior post on taming). Building faith and trust in someone takes time and effort. The jumping off point, though, has to start with faith, faith in the assurance of things hoped for and the conviction of things not seen…that the possibility of future trust exists, one step at a time.

While this year has been a weird and challenging one for me, especially exposing and sharing personal experiences and feelings that run contrary to my nature, especially acknowledging the presence of my spirit guide (the implications of which either strengthen the faith and trust others have in me or obliterate it), leading me onward and as a result, I have become someone entirely new, not a 2.0 version, but a 10.0+version. And while I am rock solid in that assessment, I’m sure some are not, because words are often the source of misunderstanding, especially in translation from other languages and there is nothing I can do about that except to encourage you to take the time and develop the hindsight that gives you greater strength in your own faith in the God of love, and then perhaps, vicariously, trust in me, which is also why I love the line from “The Little Prince” which says : “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly, what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

I have learned that faith without trust is merely an academic proposition which does nothing for wielding love in the world, and through this journey I have been challenged to work and build upon what I am weakest at, and at times have also failed miserably at, only to pick myself back up, reassess and learn from my mistakes, of which there are a plethora, and begin anew. Admittedly, my track record for trust in people was abysmal in the past and I have learned to have empathy for those who fall into the same traps I did at one time. I do realize, however, that in order for all of us to fix what is broken in this world, working to strengthen the trust we have in each other is essential in order to save it. None of us can do it alone, and if we find those blueprints that we can love and celebrate with along the way, the whole endeavor will be worth it.

For now, my spirit guide says (here I go again…) that I must stay off social media because it is fucking with my head, and can only post here and the art that I complete on my Instagram and Facebook accts (which I’ve already broken once or twice…habits are hard to break). I am also still just standing in the still point and being open to receive which I hate but am trying to learn from. My son gets married on Friday, so a bit of celebrating is exactly what I need. Keeping transparent, the above picture is the so very tired me…what happens with a more than a month of hardly any sleep…hopefully that will change soon. As ever, I love you, and you will never be alone.