Breath

Suddenly the air is gone, lungs burn, the automatic function of living is momentarily halted because of an unthinkable tragedy…we have to breathe and we can’t, the shock of it halts the involuntary exercise of bringing air in and exhaling it out, it seems impossible, painful and exhausting. The heart stops and then begins to pound as the adrenaline and panic kick in. There is an unconscious will that supersedes the painful blow and we suck in air and as the pain spreads air is forced back out, and brought in again. Your thoughts go straight to no, no, no, this can’t be happening, this can’t be right, there must be a mistake. Lives so vibrant can’t be gone…life doesn’t, couldn’t, shouldn’t work this way. The sadness is enveloping, overpowering and paralyzing.

There is no correct script for handling death…and there are no feelings that are off limits. The path that the immediate family walks is obliterated and altered to the road never wanted to be traveled, ever. But it is the love that fills in the cracks of all who are shattered by the simple gestures of loved ones: hugs, stories, prayers, and food that will help hold them up for whatever is to follow. The love is what will augment and keep resilient the shattered and brokenness of the present moments. It is the love that is the strength of this small community and the connections that are depicted in scripture when the apostle Paul talks about the body of Christ being many different parts holding on together each with different jobs to do to keep the body living and breathing together, in love. This body becomes a sanctuary that protects these moments of intimacy, and makes breathing, in and out become less stressful when it is done together. Being cherished and loved will make the new road traveled less lonely. It is impressive thing to witness for this big city girl.

There is much comfort that lives in this place, even amidst the pain. Kindness and generosity flow in waves over this community who have pulled together more than once to celebrate the ripple effect these two young men and others have brought into the world. It is a reminder to all of us to remain on our best behavior and place the pettiness that often overwhelms us aside and remember who we really are. The presence of these beautiful young men must continue to be reflected in our daily lives. Their ripples that flow outward into the world are now our responsibility. We now breathe for them and for all those who loved them.

The Whole is Greater than the Sum of its Parts

the whole is greater than the sum of its partsWhile this quote of Aristotle always inspired me whenever I felt overwhelmed or alone, frustrated with my own limitations and inadequacies…it also rendered me dissatisfied and disillusioned in my quest to be a member of that one great whole, or team that I could latch onto and add my small part to a much greater and more powerful transformation. While I’ve been a party to many groups in my lifetime, with the pledge to add my part to build something greater, also came the disappointment that comes with recognizing even the whole itself is horribly fallible. When the big picture starts to be a reflection of the the flaws of its smaller parts at a greater rate than the many gifts that are present…then its time to pick a new team.

In choosing clarity as my focus for the year, sometimes it means that we look at those groups that we are but a small part of. It is never easy, trying to be objective about a group that you’ve committed to, at least in theory, and asking these questions: Is the whole, the group that I’m part of really greater than its parts? Is it pulling the best of the many into an even better whole? Does it reflect the best of me? If you don’t like the answers to any of these questions, then it may be important to step away and reject the whole, in favor of just a solitary part. If the whole doesn’t embrace the best parts of me…even with all my flaws, its’ time to step away.

I could remain vague, but I don’t think that would fall in line with my commitment to clarity, and would leave you confused. So I say this: While my commitment to be an active part of the Body of Christ is as strong as it has ever been, I am leery of the the body that calls itself church as the primary means to create and keep the body of Christ functioning. Oh yeah, I said it. Remember, am making this claim. While I do see progress in the name of building the Body of Christ all over the world, the progress lies in the small parts and not the whole. I can give you a ton of individual anecdotes about people doing wonderful things…But when it comes to the whole? whew, those “bodies” are too much a reflection of people who look alike, think alike, and talk alike about what the rest of the world needs to do to be more like them, and what the “real” church has to look like.

So I call bullshit. If we are to really be a church, an expression of the Body of Christ and the Kingdom of God….then it has to reflect all of us, even the lesser parts (which will look different to every individual part who thinks they are so much more important, enlightened, and blessed than everyone else). It includes the wealthy and the poor, men and women, all ethnic groups and gender expressions, idiots and geniuses, the strong and the weak, the courageous and afraid, liberals and conservatives etc., etc. Because truthfully? All of us are fallible and fragile on our own. All of us need God, and not in all the same way. We do need each other to move ahead. But we need to use our best selves and allow others to be their best selves to do it. The Gospels are full of ways to be our best selves…when was the last time you walked in someone else’s shoes, not judged, gave out of need instead of excess, sold all you had, visited someone in prison, danced naked before the Lord..(ok, that last one is my favorite…you really should try it sometimes, it makes the other stuff so much easier to do).

And so comes the how. It is by God’s grace, and Christ’s essential commandment: Love the Lord your God with all your soul and with all your mind and love your neighbor as yourself. It may be messy. It may be hard. But it is what is required of us.