Tag: easter

Building on the Richness in my Head

Holy Thursday, the first day in the Christian triduum, which represents Holy Thursday, Good Friday and Easter Sunday, is the most difficult for me. The last supper occurs on that day, as well as Jesus visit to the Garden of Gethsemane where he asks his fellow disciples to stay awake with him as he prepares for his coming sacrifice…in which they all fall asleep, leaving him alone in his fear and despair. I’ve written about this before: https://maryfrancesflood.com/2013/03/30/agony/ Ironically, it was when I finally fell asleep last night after hours of trying to do so that I finally received some comfort and insight.

I was in the garden…after the fact. At first, I sat quietly and waited, and finally he came in his risen form and I tried to breathe amidst the turmoil of the moment. He reached over and took my hand in his and with the other gently turned my face toward his and looked into my eyes and said: “Tell me.”

“Remember when that priest told me the movie in my head was much better than the real thing, and that I was setting myself up for disappointment? In this moment, more than ever, I feel like he may have been right. I am finding that trying to bring the richness of what is in my mind and make tangible in the world feels impeded or blocked at every turn. I so want to honor the choice you made…” The tears began to flow, “that you bore the weight of my sin, of our sins.” He rubbed his thumb over my hand and waited for me to continue. “Sitting here, is where you chose to sacrifice yourself so that people like me would have unlimited access to the power of love to wield in the world. I have spent my lifetime trying to figure out how to do that and looking around, I’m not too sure I am any better at it than I was when I started.” He looked at me with brow furrowed and sighed deeply.

“Stop trying to be perfect, you are not me!” And he put his hand up by my mouth before I could interrupt him. “I never expected you to love perfectly, or follow exactly in my footsteps. This”, pointing to the garden “was my journey, my choice, my sacrifice. I embraced it in the beginning. I knew everything that was coming, and even though I became human, and I was afraid, your beautiful face and the faces of so many other beautiful blueprints were my inspiration in that moment to say yes, to what was required of me. You, Mary Frances and others like you gave me hope that it would be all worth while. Your love and light inspired me in the darkest moment of my journey to drink from my Father’s cup. Love saved us all in that moment…and I want you to look into my eyes and let that sink in. Your journey is unique to you alone, with all you need to succeed already given to you and I am perfectly happy with your progress thus far. But I sense the depth of your sadness…so talk to me.”

“But what of those who you love, but don’t love you back? I don’t want to be a resounding gong or a clanging symbol like Paul talked about. I have forgiven and tried to appreciate all the good things I’ve been given and I’ve tried hard to love according to Scripture’s definition, promising to be unequivocal, but when I expect the same in return,…” Crest fallen, I started to fall apart, a bit, and in an incredible intimate gesture, Jesus pulled me on his lap and held me tight.

“You can’t make someone love you, if they don’t (like the song you love says)…but what you need to know is that how she decided to live with, or bury her gifts is her decision alone. I saw how hard you worked to be a good daughter. And now, I know signing that paper placing her where she is safe, is an act of love, on your part, and on your siblings part and not a betrayal. Sometimes wielding love is painful.” He turned my face toward his. “But that isn’t everything, is it?”

I sighed deeply and shook my head in the negative. “No. but compared to your sacrifice, it seems almost insipid to bring it up.”

“Love in any expression is never insipid. I would have thought you would know that by now.” He took a deep breath and continued, “All I have ever asked of you, of all of you, is believe that I am the way, the truth and the life and that none of you come to God, to love except through me…” he paused, looked at me and smirked “and I can already see the wheels turning in your head, so when I say ‘through me’ you know I mean by how you love one another, as I have taught you, so trust the plan I have for you and utilize all the gifts you’ve been given to shine your light in the darkness and you will move mountains. And believe me when I say all who seek me will find me. We are tethered together, you and I, and you need to trust that my grace is sufficient, and trust those whom I have placed with you on your journey. You are never alone. Simply concentrate on utilizing your gifts to bear good fruit in the world, and your song of love will shape the future.” He looked deep into my eyes, and said: “I know all the prayers you asked for, in goodness, not only for yourself but for others, and I always keep my promises. Remember, Love believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails…Ever” He kissed my on the forehead and I woke up to a new day,

I hope my dream can inspire you. Have a Blessed Easter…and never give up on the movie in your head.

Radiating Heaven

Today is Good Friday, and I’m reminded that to Christians, it is the holiest time of the year. It is the day that traditionally, the crucifixion narrative is read. Beyond the obvious, that is, that it is a horrific way to die, it is the hatred and fear of the mob who stood against him that frightened me the most about this story. What was it that could turn a crowd, who just days before were singing songs of adulation and waving palm fronds in his wake as he entered Jerusalem? Was it the machinations of the church leaders and Romans who turned the public against the one who had healed and supported, taught and fed them during his short ministry? I often asked myself the question, “Would I have been like them, or like Peter who denied him three times?” Perhaps it is because of the grace I have been given that I see and understand the reasons why mob rule is so dangerous, and the horror and evil that individuals en mass are capable of when fueled with angry rhetoric (especially if the source is religious). All of us are susceptible, and if you think you’re exempt and never worried about how you would respond to mob anger, I don’t think you’re being totally honest with yourself.

So with Jesus’ great sacrifice, where are the effects of this super power we celebrate on Easter Sunday? Is the extent of it held in the future promise of eternal life? Or is there a mechanism we gain to transform the world around us in the moment? I continually struggle with what makes me, as a Christian, so different than other humans, religious or not. What makes me visibly different? I truly believe, that with seeing and hearing through the gospel message I am meant to, challenged to, radiate heaven in a way that shows I fully understand what Easter means: that they will know I am his disciple because of how I love. We understand Jesus sacrifice because we are gifted with holding the Kingdom of God within us…

Asked by the Pharisees when the kingdom of God would come, he said in reply, “The coming of the kingdom of God cannot be observed,

 and no one will announce, ‘Look, here it is,’ or, ‘There it is.’ For behold, the kingdom of God is among you.”

This is where it gets tricky for me. There is so much noise and dissonance from churches around the world that not only contradict the idea that “the Kingdom of God is within” and what it is supposed to look like, but actually subvert it by redefining what heaven is through exclusive and authoritarian methods, not unlike those in power did at the time Jesus was crucified. The corruption that often lies hidden behind the righteous in power is why I continue to look to how Jesus radiated the Kingdom…extending mercy, the relinquishment of earthly power, the focus on those in need, loving your neighbor and enemy, loving God more than money, and kind civil rhetoric. That isn’t the rhythm of many professed Christians who radiate superiority, judgement, and yes, mob anger and hatred, the kinds of behaviors that Jesus deplored in his day. I think of Jesus’ quiet power standing broken and beaten in front of Pontius Pilate, refusing to be bated and justify his questions and ignorant assumptions, his quiet strength in carrying the cross and his mercy once on the cross to those criminals beside him. That is how in the worst of circumstances we radiate heaven.

Like any superpower, grace must be continually exercised, and expressed. Jesus made clear the road to heaven was to treat others as if they were indeed him. He also promised that he will come again and until then we must radiate the Kingdom of Heaven like children do or never expect to exist there. Beyond righteous behavior, we must be willing to sell all we have and follow him, and when we feel unworthy, be reminded that what is impossible for humans is forever possible with God.

Happy Easter!

Darkest Before the Dawn

he is risenThe pinnacle of our church year is Easter Sunday when after Lenten days of fasting we can shout, “Alleluia, He is Risen” and truly celebrate the joy of Jesus’ great sacrifice.  For those of us today, though, it’s all hind sight.  We already knew what was coming, we read the end of the book. Think for a moment what it was like for the disciples and the rest of those who Jesus loved (namely the women) between the last supper and that fate filled Sunday morning.  How dark, sad and lonely must their thoughts have been.  They weren’t waiting with bated breath outside the tomb for Jesus resurrection, no, they were hiding in secret, in a room, afraid for their lives.

I’ve always wondered about those dark three days, when their faith was put to the ultimate test. Did they suffer the doubt and shame of not saving their friend, or was it anger that he wouldn’t save himself, or perhaps grief that what they had believed for three years was a pipe dream, a fairy tale?  When it came right down to it did they really believe that he accomplished what he came for?  All those months of witnessing miracles and spell binding sermons and now this?  It must have been torture for them, this dark night of the soul, especially since they actually lived with Jesus every day and believed completely that he was the Son of God.  But what about the rest of us?  We have the easy part, we get to celebrate the resurrection year after year. And why I must extend this great challenge: how are we any better than those men hiding in a secret room?

While I don’t want to take away the power of the resurrection, I am amazed at how many are stuck in the darkness.  He is risen, the veil of the sanctuary torn, the dead raised, and the gates of hell broken, all as our heritage tells us and yet more than 2000 years later we still live in fear.  We, who know the end of the story and filled with His grace still persist in living lives where judgement reigns in the forefront rather than love, and condemnation rather than celebration.  Remember these words from Matthew when he spoke to his disciples: “All power in heaven and earth has been given to me. Go therefore, and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.  And behold I am with you always, until the end of the age.”

He is with us.  I truly believe that if everyone really believed those words, we would embrace everyone with love, because He is with us in every action.  That which you do to the least of them, you do to me, Jesus said that, not me.  You can’t make disciples of nations by condemning them…that is the darkness of the room talking, not one who has brought us into the light of His new day.