Where is the Love?

thunderIn all sincerity, I’m not sure whether it is having spring and summer occur simultaneously that has thrown my whole rhythm off, or the unbearable nature of events. from shootings, to the ravages of mother nature, to the quagmire of American politics.  I’m sad much of the time…not the cry your eyes out kind, or the can’t get out of bed kind.  The sadness I feel is like a dull ache based on recognizing a pattern that too many people seem to miss and not feeling like I can act effectually enough to stop it.

The pattern I speak of is fear, the kind of fear that is so deeply in-bedded in our nation that we have begun to suffer a rigor mortise of the soul, expressed in both subtle and obvious ways.  Most obviously, it is expressed in the kind of partiality that blinds one to solutions because national pride lately is only celebrated in opposition to something else, such as guns, the government, climate change, the poor, etc.  In more subtle ways is the complete lack of civil discourse between divergent views, and sense of entitlement that isn’t extended beyond a small group of like-minded individuals.  I know I’m personally tired of being written off, or pigeon holed into a particular ideology that I certainly am not contained by because I ask questions and try to look at a situation from a multitude of perspectives.  The political flavors of the moment are too honed into a blanket kind of hate, blame, and judgment of anyone who harbors a different idea than one’s own. Personal responsibility rarely enters the picture. What is most disturbing, though, is the religious imprimatur that is often used to justify such ignorance and fear.

Jesus says that the truth will set us free, and the way to truth is through him…and he is LOVE.  Love will set us free.  So let us practice love, first and foremost.  Fear will be our demise, if we don’t utilize the powers we’ve been given…  And so I offer a reminder of our greatest gifts:  1 Corinthians 13:1-13


1
 If I speak in human and angelic tongues 2 but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.

2

And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.

3

If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing.

4

3 Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, (love) is not pompous, it is not inflated,

5

it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,

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it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.

7

It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

8

4 Love never fails. If there are prophecies, they will be brought to nothing; if tongues, they will cease; if knowledge, it will be brought to nothing.

9

For we know partially and we prophesy partially,

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but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.

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When I was a child, I used to talk as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I put aside childish things.

12

At present we see indistinctly, as in a mirror, but then face to face. At present I know partially; then I shall know fully, as I am fully known.

13

5 So faith, hope, love remain, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

With Privilege, comes Responsibility

privilegeI tell my sons this all the time.  Much of the lifestyle we live, is earned and I am proud of that.  As much, however, is not.  I am always mindful of that I live in a rich country, have freedoms that others fought for, have the ethnicity that offers more opportunity to me than to others.  I am gifted spiritually by Grace, and perfected by God’s sacrifice.  I am NOT entitled to anything, except the opportunity to love as Jesus did and help bring light to a world that often seems dimmed by smoke and subterfuge…so that we cannot see that we are blessed, created by and vindicated by God.

I can’t help thinking that if we really believed that we were greatly privileged, and wore that greatness as a badge of honor, we would embrace the responsibility to love and honor each other so much more easily.  We’ve been lulled into believing that we will never have enough, will never be enough, and the world’s acceptance matters.  We should be better at it by now, you know, loving one another and being the Body of Christ.  We are way too obsessed about gaining what is rightly ours…when nothing really is, in this temporal world, all is fleeting and none of it will matter in the next world.

I know it doesn’t mean we stop practically living in the world, but we would live differently if we really believed that we could.  I think that is what Jesus meant when he said, “Sell all you have and follow me”.  With the privilege of Grace, comes responsibility.

Mastering Ordinary Love

The song “Ordinary Love” by U2 sparked a notion in me that substantiates a belief that I’ve had for a long time.  Here is the link:

These particular words strike a chord:

“We cannot fall any further if we can’t feel ordinary love, and we cannot reach any higher if we cannot deal with ordinary love”

It seems all too often, that many Christians bypass mastering the skills of ordinary love to claim expertise in the extraordinary love of God… in reality, if we can’t master the basics, if we bypass the difficult process of learning to love as Jesus taught us, the simple everyday expression of patience, kindness, slowness to anger and judgement, walking in another’s shoes etc., we can NEVER comprehend the extraordinary love of God, and love as God does.  In a sense, it is like bypassing all that comes before any high achievement and claiming entitlement to the prize anyway.

Let me be clear, mastering ordinary love is different from sharing in the grace bestowed on us by Christ’s great sacrifice.  That gift isn’t earned, it  is free to all, but mastering love only comes with often painstaking practice and experience.  Grace is the conduit to an endless source, which only is as powerful as our ability to master ordinary love and infuse it into the world.  That is what Jesus meant when he said: “they will know you are my disciples by how you love one another.”  It doesn’t have to be complicated…it’s all laid out in the Gospels.  It is putting it to work every single day, as strenuously as we would an exercise program, with no shortcuts, that creates a Master.

 

 

Pray it Forward

praying handsYesterday I was just bored.  Bored with the cold weather, bored with life and its problems and bored with my prayers.  So I decided to change things up a bit and pray for those out there who don’t have the wherewithal to pray, who are too broken, too arrogant or just too ignorant to know that the necessary help is right there, waiting to be tapped.  I prayed so that their eyes may be opened, and their hearts filled with love so they could see the world in a new way.  I prayed also that my judgement on what they needed would not factor in to the equation…because we all have a bias about what people need.  I prayed that God’s will be done and not mine, even if the outcome was to bless those that I don’t think deserve it, or challenge those that I believe do.  If a random act of kindness can create a ripple effect of kindness, think of what a random act of prayer can do.

Thankful beyond a day

cropped-holiday-2013.jpgI avoid Black Friday as if it were the plague.  I used to think it was because I hated the crowds.  Don’t get me wrong, I do hate the crowds…but I think deep down I hate Black Friday because I don’t want it to render null and void, the belief that I have that this is truly the season of good will toward all, and a time to prepare for the entrance of light into the world.  This morning I woke up to the news of record numbers and violence for shoppers that started early on Thanksgiving.  I felt robbed, I felt sick, not because people don’t have a right to the good deal, but because it is beginning to reflect more of who we are as a culture, one obsessed with material goods and not good will toward all.  Stuff matters more and more…and it makes me sad.  It isn’t what the season is about, and I can’t help but think what a perfect diabolical plot it is for the father of lies to completely ruin what should be an essential moment in time to get us back on track, to remind us that we can be so much more than what the limitations that our physical beings offer .  We were given the gift of light, and can forever be so much more…if our focus is where it should be.  There is no store anywhere that could give us the deal that we’ve already been given, and we need to remind our souls of that.  We need to remind the world of that…and it will only happen one person at a time.  This can be a season of love and kindness, generosity and compassion, peace and goodwill, but it truly up to all of us to curb the desire for shop for the best deal, and activate the one we’ve already received.

The Secrets of North Dakota

sunflowersFor the last few days, I’ve felt like North Dakota…a never ending, unimaginably boring, flat, hot landscape.  Driving home from Bozeman, I couldn’t wait to get through it.  The reason I feel like North Dakota, is that this space I’m in, i.e. leaving my kid over 1000 miles away, is something I want to get through as quickly as possible…at break-neck speed.  I was surprised by my reaction, watching my 18 year-old impatiently hug me and jump on his bike to ride back to campus to start living his life.  The operative word being “his” life.  He’s really not mine anymore.  And beyond the feeling that I was having a heart attack, right there in that moment, I was afraid that I hadn’t completed my job, that maybe I hadn’t done all that I could do.  Mind you, I know he’s a great kid, but there is that irrational bit that irritated me all through North Dakota.  I just wanted to be done, to feel the ties severed.  Of course, the rational side of me chastised the irrational side for even entertaining that notion, he will forever be my son.

highway artFeeling crappy, I came home to an air-conditioner that didn’t work in a raging heat wave, a washing machine that didn’t work and a mess at my clinic because certain directions weren’t followed and that is all I will say about that, except that I was reminded of a particular point on my drive when I was ready to jump out of my seat from boredom.  Just when I couldn’t stand it anymore, these beautiful sunflower fields popped up.  It was a burst of color that the car-photo doesn’t do justice to.  Then, there was this beautiful sculpture alongside the road that made me smile…who’d have thunk it in North Dakota?  The secret?  Even the flattest, hardest times do contain little moments that get you through the struggle.  It turns out that North Dakota isn’t all bad, so I’m challenged to find the beauty in my own private North Dakota these next few weeks.

Let Go, Let Love

loveSo how does one apply this immutable force in everyday life?  Is there some sort of mechanism or practical application that can aid us in harnessing the power of love?  Organized religion, whether or not it seems to be the most obvious choice, is only one place and it doesn’t always do the best job.  It appears to have fallen victim to “there is only one true perspective rule.”  Let me tell you that admitting that love may not be harnessed through organized religion, gives me a great deal of sadness.

The portrayal of love in literature lifts up and celebrates its bond between sex and desire, but as I learned in Catholic school, this dangerous mix also offers, potentially, a lot of sadness. I understand that love and desire can be a lethal combination, but if King Solomon and Shakespeare are correct, it can also greatly enhance human life.  Another wise teacher told me this about love and attraction: “Attraction is like a beautiful coat.  We are all brought into the world with a certain beauty, like a beautiful coat that catches a certain person’s eye.  But it is, after all, only a coat merely attracting someone to the true essence of a person.  Truly, how can a simple coat compare to the beauty that lies underneath?”

Seeing love as an immutable force also dispels another assumption I had about love: for love to be true, reciprocation is necessary.  In fact, reciprocation should never enter the equation.  In the First Letter of John, in the Christian New Testament I used to ponder this line: “Love, then, consists in this: not that we have loved God, but that God loved us and has sent his Son as an offering for our sins”.  We should never choose to love expecting that it will be returned.  Loving another should be open ended and fearless, for John continues, “Love has no room for fear; rather, perfect love casts out all fear.  And since fear has to do with punishment, love is not perfect in one who is afraid.” 1 John 4: 7-9.   When we love without fear, the consequence often inspires reciprocation but it is in no way contingent on it. Love should never be withheld when it isn’t returned because then love’s true power becomes squelched (just ask any parent).  It was enduring the experiences of unrequited love where I learned the most about love’s true nature and was transformed as a result.  Those experiences may have caused burns but it was also those experiences where I began to discover how to wield love’s energy effectively.  Love is often most powerful when it continues to propel us forward even in the face of opposition.  When you look at love this way, the phrase “love your enemies” begins to make a lot more sense.

As an individual, the most important insight that I gained through all my trials was that the power to love on my own would always be deficient, leaving me vulnerable to harm.  With God, though, who, is love, my heart is augmented with a power that knows no boundaries.  I’ve truly found that even with the limited capacity humanity has for a full understanding of its nature, when openly and embracing the love of God, we are transformed.  For me, being burned isn’t so much of a concern any more because I have become flame-proof.  That is quite a statement to make and I have never been quite as confident to say it as I am now.  In consciously praying for God to assist my simple heart, I get results.  I can’t explain it any more clearly than that, except to say for those of you who may believe that I’ve just embraced another illusion, that the results I get aren’t anything I could have foreseen.  Of course there are always set backs, but the knowledge and experience of its power never goes away.  It’s like riding a bike—once you learn how, you never forget.

As a parent, I also have the opportunity to experience love on an even greater level.  Throughout the lives of my children, i have engaged in many things that as I single person I never would do, from boy scouts and camping, to endless amounts of time in my car and sitting on my ass while they fulfilled simple dreams.   I always talk about life in crazy town, and with three men I have very legitimate reasons for saying so.  But love is a little bit cray-cray.  When we put personal desire aside for the sake of one we love, amazing things can happen.  I was never transformed into a person who enjoyed the activities of the men in my house—in fact I still wouldn’t choose them for myself.  Yet some how I am still renewed and transformed.   It is hard to put it into words, but like the Grinch I really feel my heart grow 10 times its size, even if it is for just a few moments.

The discovery here may seem to be a simple twist of the language, but it really isn’t.  If we are to harness the great power of love, it has to be done in the way love intends, not the way we intend it.  This may seem paradoxical, at first.  How can one harness something by relinquishing control?  We can’t change the nature of love any more than we can change the nature of fire.  We, as human beings, place way too much emphasis on what love should look like, rather than simply allowing it to propel us forward.  In the face of that, remember, any expression is incidental.  Opening my heart to love means forsaking all fear and trusting that some power greater than I, knows what to do.  When love is the true conduit there is no mistaking the power that will flow through.  It is truly empowering.  In order for love to move us, we must place our own will aside, because there is too much risk of being burned if we don’t.

Thinking of the moments in my life where I felt love in its purest form move me forward, usually isn’t a Kodak moment.  It usually meant reluctantly letting go of my personal will, and moving through the tightness in my stomach that meant I was moving into uncomfortable territory and watching what unfolded.  The result was always amazing, even in a tough love situation.  The clarity of those moments can never be questioned it is just so pure.  When I allow the force of love, which for me is God, replace my small and imperfect heart, the power of those moments is truly death-defying.

My favorite Gospel is John’s.  It is my favorite not so much because of his poetry, but because of the great lengths to which he goes to help us understand love’s true nature.  For Christians, the death of Jesus on the cross is clear evidence of a love and devotion that continued even in the face of rejection by almost everyone.   It also strikes at the heart of God’s attitude toward human beings.  It isn’t the only story of a god so benevolent that he makes a sacrifice, but it surely is the best one (in my humble opinion).  It also may feel like the love bar is set too high for us lowly humans.  To utilize a power that strong may take some practice.

Love and Logic

candy dishSo how can we be sure if love is present and is what propels us forward?   Where do we go to find out what it really is so that we can begin the process of harnessing it?  There are volumes of literature, music, psychology, philosophy and theology that have tried to depict what love really is.  What more could I possibly say about love that would amount to a major discovery?  Are there any new ways to talk about the true nature of love?  Well, based on humanity’s past observations and experiences of love, we should be able to understand a few things about what it is and what it is not.   So I offer another kind of construct or tool that may offer us a unique perspective.

Let’s start with a short discussion about love via logic and mathematics. During law-school, I was re-introduced to Boolean logic as a research tool.  When searching for cases on West Law or Lexis, my classmates and I would use Boolean language which reduces words, mostly connectors like “and” and “or” to symbols. (search engines like “Google” and “Yahoo” also use this tool)  George Boole, an Irish school teacher of the mid-nineteenth century, reduced logical statements to simple arithmetic by inventing an artificial language which reduced ordinary language to its barest form.  It introduced symbols for complete sentences and for the conjunctions that connect them such as “or,” “and,” and “If/then.”   It uses different symbols for the logical subject and the logical predicate of a sentence and it has symbols for classes, members of classes, and the relationships of class membership and class inclusion.  A picture description of this would be a Venn diagram. It also differs from classical logic and its assumptions regarding the existence of the things referred to in its universal statements. The statement “All A’s are B’s” is rendered in modern logic to mean, “If anything is an A, then it is a B.”   When applying this kind of logic to the word love (A), we cannot assume that A exists, but once we do prove it does it will be the standard for everything that flows from it.  So if we can prove that A exists and know what A is, we will know if anything else, B or C for example (let’s call them given expressions), fit into the class.

I’ve already suggested that love exists beyond the human plane making it virtually impossible to “prove” in a definitive sense.  I can say emphatically, however, that love is endemic to all people.  Perhaps that is proof enough of its existence.  Having studied world religions, there are some universal qualities that give even further clarity to what love is.  Using these universal qualities (some of which will be laid out in a moment) helps to define “A”.  We should be able to exclude or include other classes, some of which, according to my research have been incorrectly applied.  How do we go about the process of inclusion/exclusion?  What follows was my first step in harnessing the power of love.

When teaching a science and religion class, I, with the help of our math teacher, used symbolic language and resulting truth tables to determine whether two statements were logically equivalent or not.  When something is A, when would it be B as well?  The reason for this approach is because when you begin speaking about love, especially to a group of individuals in the throes of hormones, not only is it hard to be objective, it’s almost impossible to break away from all the cultural baggage that they already associate with love.  Most students could not get out of the rut of interpreting or defining love merely by their physical senses, especially in a sexual or romantic sense.  While senses are important in understanding the effect love has on humanity, love is not an effect or expression, because they are unique to each individual.  But because effect and expression, or “the results” of love are what we observe, it is understandable why we have so often tried to define in love in this way.

By using a language that is, by nature, devoid of subjectivity, it’s easy to avoid defining love just as an effect or expression and see it from a different angle.  Using a truth table can tell you the conditions for which a conjunction (two statements joined by the word “and”) and dis junction (two statements joined by the word “or”) would be considered true or false from a logical perspective.  My concern was to help students apply this simple logic to qualitative statements and not only determine whether or not they were logically equivalent but also if they were true.  Not to infer that this particular approach reduces love to a mere logical process, but if we begin with universal definitions of love, then any expression (B), or effect (C) of love (A) should, logically, flow from that definer. This seemed to be one approach to help clean up the past conclusions we have made about love.  For demonstration purposes let me use two of my favorite authorities on love: Jesus and Shakespeare.

Initially, students were provided with quotes from Shakespeare and Jesus that defined aspects of love: “A rose by any other name…”, “love is patient, kind…”, “love has no room for fear…”, “love is not love which alters when it alteration finds…”, and a host of others too numerous to list.  After discussion about these statements and their validity, we listed those traits as being in the class of “A.”  We then posited conditional statements:  If “A” then “B” or “C” to see if the statements were logically equivalent.

The conditional statement I always liked to use, and which was certainly apropos to high school students, went like this: “If you love me then you will have sex with me.”  Students set up tables that included converting the statement “If you have sex with me then you love me”, adding negation “If you don’t love me then you won’t have sex with me” and what is called the contrapositive, “If you don’t have sex with me then you don’t love me,” which interesting enough, should be true (or false) when the original statement is true (or false).   The crushing blow for this particular phrase (to the students I taught anyway) was that in every word or phrase we use to define love (love is patient, love is kind, etc.) sex was never used.  So, if sex were in class “C,” it wasn’t a logical equivalent of “A.”  In fact, we discovered by our truth tables that (I admit this may have been manipulative on my part) sex, which inherently focuses on the pleasure of the individual, can actually oppose love (in its purest sense of course).  Besides generating many loud discussions by many students, they were also challenged to view love differently.

Love, like a constant in math (k), is an immutable force in the face of which an individual expression is of small consequence.  The Bhagava-gītā, states that love is indestructible and eternally existing, its constitution never changes.  So let us not define ourselves by how we express love to each other, but rather allow love to define who we can be as individuals.  The result, my friends, is heaven.  Any time I start to judge someone else’s expression of love, I remember that love is a lot bigger than I am.

Let me go even further.  Even if we can find some universal qualities to better understand the nature of love, as far as individual experience of love goes, it is as unique as a snow-flake.  Love as experienced by me is always different from how it is experienced by someone else, even if the difference is only subtle.  That is not to say that love is a personal invention.  As an individual, though, I am a unique accumulation of millions of observations and experiences so accordingly, my expressions of love will be unique to my journey.  Here is my challenge: the more we each discover about the true nature of love independently, and share it, the broader our understanding of love’s true nature will be.  The result is like a spectrum of colors, the likes of which has never been seen before.  Mind you, this kind of discovery is a process of trial and error; most of us will be burned a few times.  Despite the painful risks the rewards have to be worth it.  Whenever I feel defeated, I just try and image what modern life would be like had we not harnessed the power of fire.

Like a Seal on my Arm

heart“The day will come when, after harnessing space, the winds, the tides, and gravitation, we shall harness for God, the energies of love.  And on that day, for the second time in the history of the world, we shall have discovered fire.”  Pierre Teilhard de Chardin.

 

This is one of my most favorite quotes of all time, and what always struck me about it was the realization that fire became most useful to human evolution when we learned to harness it.  Maybe the power of love, like fire, lies in its utility.  Love serves no function in a vacuum or high in the heavens; it demands engagement and a course of action.

When humanity first harnessed fire, civilization rose to a completely different level.  Early civilization understood the ramification of fire in their lives, it was bigger and more powerful than they were, they worshiped it, and they feared it.  As civilization progressed, however, fire was no longer a source of fear; its function became a means of sustenance, of survival. They learned how to actually utilize it to improve their lives.  When it comes to the power of love do we know what its function is?  Have we the slightest clue how to utilize it?

As a child, the Catholic Church taught me that “God is love, God is bigger and more powerful than us, and we are supposed to worship and fear God”.  Looking at love as an adult, especially in view of human history, those assumptions didn’t seem to fit anymore.  Can you really harness what you can’t see or are afraid of?  When it comes to fire there is obvious proof of how successful humanity has been in harnessing it in just about every element of life.  Love, however is quite another story.  Look around.  Where is the proof?  We can wield power through: violence via sophisticated weaponry, money, and political control.  But where is the love?  Violence in schools, terrorism, addiction, starvation, child abuse, and religious wars are just a few examples of how poorly today’s culture has harnessed love’s energy.  From the looks of it, we are missing something.  As a source of power, love appears to sit up high on a shelf like grandma’s best china: brilliant and delicate but hardly utilized for fear of breaking it.  On the contrary, love isn’t fragile, as King Solomon wrote: “for stern as death is love.”  A good way to observe our past failures is to see them as an indicator that we continue to hold onto some pretty inaccurate fundamental assumptions about love and how to harness its power.  We can’t utilize what we don’t understand or fear.  I certainly know that I can’t.

This is a pivotal point in history and like fire, it is important to see love as powerful, life affirming and absolutely necessary for survival. It cannot be worshiped from afar.  Love serves no purpose from a distance.  We have to be willing to get burned in the process of harnessing its strength.  It is at this point where application of everything else from previous posts should be taken into consideration, especially in terms of stripping ourselves of illusions.  Our past assumptions have to be cleaned up in order to determine how to move ahead at this point.  Fear must be placed by the wayside, because as the first letter of John in the New Testament tells us, fear is the very thing that is diametrically opposed to love.  First and foremost, though, as individuals, we need to personally be willing to take love down off the shelf and see it as it truly is.  There are a few, throughout history who have had the fortitude to make the attempt to look at love without blinders on.  King Solomon in the Old Testament, for one, also understood the relationship between love and fire and depicts it beautifully in a poem of a bride and bridegroom:

Set me as a seal on your heart

as a seal on your arm;

For stern as death is love,

Relentless as the nether world is devotion;

its flames are a blazing fire.

Deep waters cannot quench love,

nor floods sweep it away.

Were one to offer all he owns to purchase love

he would be roundly mocked.

So, where do we begin? How do we go about shaking off all the layers of illusion that have accumulated over the years (remember the flasher metaphor)? And once we do that, then, what are the risks that come with learning how to use it?  To be honest, there have only been a few people that I’ve studied who have been pretty successful at harnessing love’s energy, but when it comes to the rest of us, we’re pretty much in the dark.

Perhaps part of the reason that the nature of love isn’t fully understood is that the word itself is often trivialized in language.  It is as easy to use the word love to describe ones feelings about pizza as it is to describe one’s soul-mate.  So, to talk about seeing love in a different way is even more difficult than talking about evil.  What source do I have but my experiences, my observations, many of which are entrenched in a culture that is obsessed with a cartoon version of love?  As a source, how am I any more accurate than anyone else?  Well, this is where it’s necessary to rely on quantum physics again.  As an observer, I am limited to certain dimensions.   Love is not limited.  Love stretches beyond experienced reality rendering our simple human expressions of it incidental in the face of what it truly is.   Love won’t be confined to what I or anybody else determines is appropriate; it is larger than we are.  Without love driving the expression, it is empty.   Let me clarify that last statement; simply saying love is the reason behind an action, even if we are under the misguided belief that it really is guiding an action, won’t necessarily make it so.   Love is so much bigger than our desire for it.

So how can we be sure if love is present and is what propels us forward?   Where do we go to find out what it really is so that we can begin the process of harnessing it?  There are volumes of literature, music, psychology, philosophy and theology that have tried to depict what love really is.  What more could I possibly say about love that would amount to a major discovery?  Are there any new ways to talk about the true nature of love so we may harness its power?  Well, based on humanity’s past observations and experiences of love, we should be able to understand a few things about what it is and what it is not.   Stay tuned.

I’m Stuck

missing boobsAll crap aside, I have tried in the last couple of days to 1) figure out what exactly drives me as an observer and 2) figure out how to improve and change what drives me as an observer.  Truthfully, I am stuck.  I’m stuck because there is a part of me, perhaps the part that is rooted in common sense, that absolutely can’t change how I view that portion of the world that is so rooted in illusion that they are convinced it is the rest of the world that is completely insane….I KNOW!  THAT VERY EXAMPLE FITS ME BOTH AS AN OBSERVER AND THOSE THAT I OBSERVE!!!  It is a bit of a conundrum.  So, I have begun to disassemble the illusory elements in my life…which also stands as proof that my willingness to accept that I may just be as crazy as those I’ve been judging, is a sign that I am in fact, not the crazy on in this observer/observed relationship.  Also, the fact that I would never go out in public with my boobs tucked into my pants because I misplaced my bra and shirt is a point on my side as well.

As far as what drives me as an observer, I would say first and foremost it is my faith as a Christian….I KNOW! MOST OF THE CRAZY PEOPLE I’VE OBSERVED ALSO INCLUDE CHRISTIANITY AS THEIR BIGGEST DRIVING FORCE!  That includes, and is not limited to those horrible spirited people who protest funerals, those that think that a woman’s body has special powers to keep from being impregnated when she is “legitimately” raped, and any or all of the “Real Housewives of Orange County.”  So, what happened?  Did we get it wrong?  I, personally, think we did.  This then, is where I will start.  Read this verse John 13: 34 & 35 and answer this question…is this how you understand your faith?  Actually read the whole chapter, it is the story of Jesus washing the disciples’ feet.  A wonderful portrayal of what is expected of authority.

I know that Jesus didn’t just grab a random person off the streets and command them to love like he did and wash their feet.  He loved these disciples.  He had journeyed with them, spent three years with them…he had tamed them.  Because he had tamed them, he knew that they would understand his command.  The ties that bound them on earth were so important when it came to building and continuing his church, and he was no longer physically with him.  They were responsible to each other, just like the Little Prince taught (see post on Taming).  I think is the most important part…I asked myself the same question: How am I responsible to Him?.  I didn’t get tamed by Jesus personally…only spiritually, and it was through a disciple that I came to understand what he was all about.  It is what made me different from any of the others that have made the same claim.  It has put me on a path of not focusing on being better than or being right…but one of being better and responsible to this phrase:  “They will know you are my disciple by how you love one another.”  The break down of illusion starts there.

Taming

the little prince

“What is essential is invisible to the eye; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly”   Antoine de Saint Exupéry.

 

The above quote, from “The Little Prince,” is where I root the fundamentals of friendship and has helped me harness love, especially in regard to the fragile nature of the human heart these days.  The gist of the tale is this: the wood fox leads the little prince on a journey of establishing ties (friendships, the true essence of taming) which makes the prince’s ordinary rose “unique in all the world.”  In the end, after the wood fox tamed the little prince and it came time for the prince’s departure, the fox was sad.  The little prince could not understand the benefit of establishing ties if the result was to end in possible sadness.  To help him appreciate taming despite the sadness, the fox sends the little prince back to a rose garden to try to understand how all the roses there were different from his solitary rose on his own little planet.  It is in the presence of all these other roses that the little prince realizes that his rose matters more than any of the others because of the time he has spent caring for her, watering her and protecting her.  It is the ties that he established with his rose that has made her so important.

The fox makes it clear to the prince that in order for taming to be successful one must observe the proper rites.  In all it’s beautiful simplicity it means that taming takes time and patience.  At first the fox told the little prince to sit at a distance and do nothing except to allow the fox to see him out of the corner of his eye.  He explains that during this initial phase the prince should say nothing at all because words are the source of misunderstanding.  Everyday the little prince was to sit a bit closer.  He also told the little prince to come back at the same time everyday so that he would begin to know at which hour his heart should be ready to greet him; consistency is everything when it comes to taming.

The wood fox explains that the process of taming causes the world to appear completely different.  For example, the fox had no use for the wheat field but after the prince had tamed him, the golden color of the wheat will always bring him the thought of the prince and give him joy.  The fox will never see the wheat field in the same way again.  It will be larger and more powerful all because he allowed himself to be tamed.  The fox also can live happily because there is at least one person who truly understands him, for one can only understand someone after they’ve been tamed.  After all is said and done and the little prince understands the essence of taming, the wood fox goes on to share a secret.  The first part is the quote cited above, and then he continues with “it is the time you have wasted for your rose which makes her so important…you become responsible forever for what you tame.”

What is particularly poignant about this story, in this fast and furious age in which we live, is that it is the time and effort put forth that makes taming successful.  The nature of today’s world certainly doesn’t endorse wasting time for anything.  The wood fox in The Little Prince believed that humans didn’t understand anything anymore because they tried to buy everything ready-made at stores.  However, there was no store anywhere where one could buy a true friend: friendship demands that we waste the necessary time and observe the proper rites to establish ties.  As an observer, it is those that I have established ties with in this world that have helped transform how I see it.   The world becomes infused with special meaning.  All of us can rework the rules we choose to abide by and focus on our inner rhythm, but ultimately it is the process of being tamed and taming others that put those rules and cosmic music to practical use.

Loss, as foreshadowed in The Little Prince, is a common element in establishing tiesBecause all of us are on different roads, with varied dreams, relationships often change or end.  The up side to this kind of loss challenges us to spend more time reflecting on how the relationships in our lives have affected how we see a wheat field.  Whenever the inevitable happens and those people I’ve established ties with begin a different journey, I’ve learned to look at it as just an opportunity for them to transform a wheat field somewhere else.  Distance can’t ruin ties, only complacency does.  True taming doesn’t rely on proximity.

Taming need not be complicated, but it may seem risky at first.  When you put yourself out there to tame and be tamed you may be rejected.  But just like the little prince did, I’ve found that if you let your heart guide you and observe the proper rites, the chances are that rejection is just an unrealized fear.  Establishing ties with someone practically demands that you put the other person first.  Taming someone for the sole benefit of my own needs almost guarantees failure.   It should come from a place of empowering, rather than having power over.  Trustworthiness is essential.   Remember the last part of the wood fox’s secret: you are responsible, forever, for what you tame.  Although being responsible for what you tame may seem daunting, try to see it for a moment as a beautiful consequence of the process.

Unfortunately taming, like the middle of many processes, is an often passed over step, because it takes time, it takes commitment and it takes patience.  We live in an electronic age that makes everything quick, easy and often anonymous.  Anonymity voids the element of responsibility, and I think it is why the ties of today are so flimsy.  How we establish ties may differ with every thing, person, place in the world, but it still demands those essential rites.  Regardless of the uniqueness of the method, the challenge remains: to reflect on who we have tamed in our lives and more importantly how we handle the responsibility.  It is a powerful thing, this taming process, especially when it commands us to rely on our hearts more than our eyes, for eyes can play tricks whereas the heart does not (contrary to popular opinion that love is blind).

You see the thing about taming is that it is subtle, and it usually occurs over a long period of time.  Those who have truly tamed me acted so subtly and consistently that I wasn’t even really conscious of it at the time, leaving me no time to run in fear.   It need not be complicated and dramatic.  Even though I’m just as big a fan of the being swept away themes in movies, I do realize they are only two hours long.  The rest of us have lifetimes to contend with, we have to go beyond the “and they lived happily ever after” line.  The work is worth it though.  I feel so much better about myself and my world knowing that the relationships I’ve established (and it doesn’t have to be many) are transforming the way others see the world.  I tame because I love; the responsibility then becomes a bonus and not a burden.  It’s not even fathomable to me to imagine what life would be like without them.  Given that life is unpredictable, I do know that even in the face of loss, life will never appear the same again.   I wear them proudly like a seal on my heart.  Now, before I get too verklempt, let me stop now so you may talk among yourselves.

And So it Goes

cropped-butterfly.jpgThe stasis is over.  Steve and I were present when his father, John Edling made that solitary journey to the Kingdom of God.  As sacred as those moments of passing can be, it wasn’t without a desperate feeling of finality.  John loved life and frankly just didn’t want to go.  He didn’t want to miss a thing and I feel that he wanted to share the journey with all of us.  I can only imagine his joy when he saw the legions of people waiting for him to arrive, his father and uncle and his champion basketball team and countless others.  The stories and the laughter and reminiscing has no limit there as well as the joy of being in a body that was no longer broken.  He can watch over all of us without pain and now has a bird’s eye view to all the comings and goings on in the lives of those he loved…because for those of us who knew him, he always had to know what was going on.  His love is transcendent now and I know he will always be watching over my sons when they get behind the wheel of a car, or are nervous, afraid or need a helping hand.  So he was in life, so now even more in heaven.  I know he worried about things he may have failed at in his life, but his children and wife all did such an exceptional job of reminding him of the color and largess of his life and that brought him peace.  I also appreciate so deeply the care he received at Christian Community Home in Osceola, Wisconsin.  They too noticed how much he was loved by the constant trail of people in and out of his room to offer their love and support.  He led a full life, a remarkable life, a life that is tightly and subtly woven into the fabric of the lives of many others.  He will be missed, yet always loved.

The Shoes of Boston

saints of boston 2Literally moments after I published “Step by Step”, I became aware of the tragedy in Boston.  While I am still walking in my shoes here in Wisconsin, I immediately asked myself what new steps I could take to appease the horror of what happened.  So I want to point out the many shoes of the Saints of Boston, who used their shoes to bring help, comfort, hope, healing and many more unbelievable qualities to those affected by the bomb at the marathon.  The response of what happened after the tragedy is proof positive that good does outweigh evil.  The evil actions of one can not quell the goodness of the many, that is the most important memory I want to take away from this tragedy.  Hopefully it will be what the rest of the world sees as well…that we are not the axis of evil that our enemies portray us to be, but strong, brave and compassionate human beings.  America is defined by those people who ran to the victims and offered their help.  Our pride is reflected in the eyes of those people who stood together singing our National Anthem at the Bruins game.  That is the America that I want to stand up and get noticed…not a blood lust for revenge.

While it is understandable to feel rage after being bombarded over and over again with news of violence, like those Saints in Boston we have to hold on to that same source of goodness that drove them so we don’t let vengeance rule the day.  In all truthfulness, I am disgusted by some of the idiotic commentary on social media escalating the blood lust for retribution or even linking our president or the government to the growing tide of violence that has swept our country.  I am tired of anger, paranoia and panic being the exemplifying qualities that define America.  We are better and stronger than that.  When we let the few who have committed heinous acts intensify our distrust of one another, then we accept defeat.  I would venture to say most Americans are like those Saints in Boston and it is the voice of those reasonable people who must guide us forward…not those that feed our fear of the government and each other.  Grieving belongs to us, vengeance belongs to God.

I pray for peace and justice, for reasonable and level heads to move us forward.  As always, first and foremost, I pray that we champion love.

The Ripple Effect

edlingsWhen it comes to influence, sometimes I think we underestimate the simple things, those simple gestures that may not seem so significant at the moment, but whose gentle influence has somehow altered the path we walk in life.  My father-in-law is like that.  He is a central figure in our small hamlet of St. Croix Falls, Wisconsin.  My husband’s family ran the funeral home in town, and everyone knows his father John.  I always laugh when my husband answers the phone with the phrase “Who died?” because I know he is talking to his father, who mentally keeps record of the people in his community.  He’s the kind of guy, you could meet once, and I don’t know if it was because he was a mnemonic master, but he would not only remember you but have pertinent details about your family and life events as well.  We’d travel all over the country and, it happened all the time, we would be at a gas station in Texas, or some other far out place and someone would come up to him and say, “Aren’t you John Edling?” and talk about how he had helped them, or how he knew a family member of theirs.   When I was in Law School, my torts professor had to miss a class because of the death of his mother and when he came back and found out I was married to an Edling, he told me that my father-in-law had arranged the funeral and what a wonderful person he was…(his father had been the butcher in town).  Things like that happen a lot.  John was voted the best athlete of all time in St. Croix Falls a couple of years ago, his high school basketball team still holds the record for the greatest point spread in Wisconsin state high school tournament history.  He in turned passed that passion forward through his children, and countless other town athletes.  Even after he stopped driving, he would still find a way to stand on the side lines of every varsity football game.

Right now, John is sick, and he is moving closer to the Kingdom of God.  His mortal life may be coming to a close, but the ripples of his influence will go on and on forever.  To him, it is effortless to help and comfort people, which is why he is so beloved.  Simple gestures are what make him a great person, gestures that touched more hearts than he will ever know, and will ripple outward through others who learned how important those gestures can be to someone’s  life.  I hope it makes him happy and gives him comfort to remember that.  I also know it will give comfort to My mother-in-law Rayola, to Steve and his siblings, Jude, David and Barbara to remember how many lives he has influenced.  He is a true character, and in many ways, Steven is just like him…generous to a fault, kind and altruistic, passionate about sports and feels totally comfortable in hanging out in boxer shorts.  Blessings John, fear not…I see a heavenly ticker tape parade in your future soon.

Agony

agony

I’ve been working on a dramatic piece called “Stations” about Jesus’ final walk to Golgotha for a while now, and it’s had many incarnations.  Lately, though, I keep coming back to the agony Jesus felt in the Garden of Gethsemane before the culmination of his great act of sacrifice.  How deep was the agony he felt that it would cause him to sweat blood, to panic so deeply, that even after all his miracles and raising Lazarus from the dead, he asked his Father to release him at the last-minute?  So, as I often do, I prayed to God for some insight into those few hours underneath the tree…and this is what came to mind.  Music is part of my process, and this piece in particular from Eric Whitacre peeled away much of what I was afraid to see, invoking such grief and deep emotion that I was almost too embarrassed to write this post.  So I add it as a context, while you read that hopefully it will add a dimension to my words.

I see a solitary figure under a tree, with sleeping men laying a short distance away.  His loneliness is palpable and He prays out to His Father for assistance and comfort.  An angel appears and quietly sits beside him, and I draw closer.  The solemnity of the angels’ presence is palpable, his tone somber as he speaks to Jesus.  What transpires between them is an understanding of what is about to happen in the next few days, that agony has begun.  The angel shows Jesus the sinfulness of humanity throughout the ages and his fury grows blinding hot, more than he ever did at the scribes and pharisees, or any other behavior we have witnessed thus far.  In his rage, he turns away and tells the angel that perhaps humanity is beyond saving.  The thought of sacrificing himself for such an abomination is unbearable to him.  The angel than takes his hand and shows him the victims of that sin…the beauty of God’s creation destroyed in the darkest and most heinous fashion and then racked in anger and despair he begs his Father to release him from drinking from this cup.

I try to empathize with Jesus, and though I haven’t seen all that the angel has shown him, I hope I have seen enough evil in my life to maybe create a speck of understanding.  Who would die for them?  The angel then turns to me and brings Jesus attention to where I am standing.  Up until this point I am an unknown presence, a simple voyeur watching a play.  As I am drawn in, fear wells up inside, I am exposed…in all my fallibility it is me that Jesus sees now in his deepest agony.  The angel points to me and says…”It is for her that you must bear this burden, so that she might live.”  Jesus turns to me and immediately the anguish in his face dissipates for a moment and he sees me, purely, flaws and all.  I am no longer an insignificant one of millions who is graced because of something that happened 2000 years ago.  I am removed from that safety of history and stand right before him, weak and pathetic.  The angel wants me to be the reason that he follows through with what will be the most painful, demoralizing and fearful moments of his life.  Completely shocked and appalled and before I can run away to avoid the guilt of being the reason for his pain he turns to heaven and says “Father, let your will be done.”  He turns to me resolved and with such eyes of love that I fall on the ground weeping.  I scream at him, “Don’t make me the reason, I am not worth going through what you about to go through.”  I fall with the weight of this realization clear in my heart to the ground…the phrase “He died for my sins” blaring into my head, and I am unable in that raw moment to safely intellectualized anything.  My soul in broken, I see that now.

Jesus pulls me up, and the moment I look into his eyes, my burden is lifted and the weight of my sins are gone.  In an instant, I know that it wasn’t only just my face that he saw but every face seen singularly,  yet all at once.  His appearance becomes a bit heavier and darker and I understand the transference of my sins and all whose eyes he gazed upon has begun.  The aura of his purity is blackened…I know now that it will be easy for him to be handed over for crucifixion.  The blackness of our sin becomes like a cloak…hiding his true nature by reflecting back to those that gaze upon him their own sinfulness.  Magnified by a millennium of sin I see now how they can hate him.  Every Good Friday service, at the part in the story when the crowd screams “crucify him!”,  I am certain I would have stood up to the crowd and fought for him.  Now, seeing him with the weight of that darkness, I don’t think I could.  It is so easy to hate the sin worn by others, when we can’t see it in ourselves.

My once broken soul has been made whole by his sacrifice, the cloak of my sin is gone.  The light of his grace can shine unfettered and bring healing to the world.  It can shine through me if I choose to be his instrument of love and peace.  And as often as I may fail, this visit to the garden will inspire me to keep trying…every day until I die.

DOMA

rainbowThis one is hard for me.  Not because I have trouble voicing my opinion…but because this issue is so rooted in fear and hatred of the gay community.  Strip away all the rhetoric and what is left is fear at its weakest and hatred at its strongest, neither of which is an acceptable motivation in my book.  Scripture teaches that the opposite of love is fear, so that is where I stand first and foremost.  Regardless of where anyone of you stand on the issue at this moment, which is a freedom richly fought for and celebrated in this country, level heads must prevail…which is easier said than done.  I know that.   I’m not the one fighting for my self-respect.  What I do know, is that I have many dear and beautiful friends who are gay whom I see as naturally no different from any of the other dear and beautiful heterosexual friends I have.   Sexual orientation isn’t something I even recognize so by extension regarding love, marriage and children I see no difference.  Period.   Except I know that in society there is one.  I know social media is rife with profile picture changes and scripture quotations making a clear unwavering stand for their positions on the issue.  So how do we come together?  We talk, we discuss, we challenge old judgments and work together, and for my part as a Christian…work together as the body of Christ.

When I hear people quote Scripture as an indictment against homosexuality, I wince.  Most often because the words are taken literally out of history and out of context.  For example, I did question someone when they quoted the first chapter of Romans to me about the literal word of God, but balked when I challenged them on their view on gun control.  Jesus did tell us to love our enemies and turn our swords into plowshares after all.  I really wasn’t trying to be a smart ass…really I wasn’t.  I did want to support the notion that it is dangerous when you use scripture to justify a bias literally on one issue and disregard it in the next.  I also challenge all of you who use Romans 1:24-32 to continue reading to the next chapter where Paul admonishes people for judging…you will be judged by the same measure with which you judge others.  Never mind that Paul in the first chapter was talking about the state of Rome under Nero, after the edict of Claudius expelled all Jews and converted Jews out of Rome…that he feared for converted Gentiles who lived there that they were falling into old pagan practices.  Never mind that the wickedness that Paul lays out in verses 29-31 could describe any one of us…so to heap all those horrible qualities on just gay people is ridiculous…period.  I also believe that to take Jesus words in Matthew as an indictment against gay people is just short of blasphemy… yeah, I said it.  Jesus was being tested by the pharisees about divorce as a means to find something to use against him, as they often did.  Jesus spoke to the hardness of the people themselves as a reason for divorce.  He went on to make sacred a union that in his time was often unfair to women, who had no voice, were considered chattel, and who could be dismissed by her husband if the marriage was unsatisfactory.  To use the beauty of a verse that celebrates love into a tool that indicts gay people renders its message void, especially since the verses that follow have Jesus blessing the children,  entering the kingdom of God by loving God and your neighbor as yourself and concluding with how hard it is for a rich man to get into heaven.  It’s curious how few take the verse “Go and sell all you have and follow me” literally…not that I would either, I’m just saying.

Jesus spent his whole ministry challenging the notion that we get to pick and choose who we love, and who we should treat with respect.  He spent his time with those whom society rejected and he often berated those that held positions of esteem…because it is wrong to use position and power to keep others out.  He is the corner-stone whom the builders rejected.  He championed our eternal destiny by bearing our flaws.  I can’t help but think, as Easter our most sacred day comes near, that we do him a dishonor when we focus more on judgement than we do championing love.  Love, as I’ve stated before is so much bigger and more powerful than our limited comprehension of it.  When it comes right down to it as Paul goes on to say in Romans…”There will be joy, honor and peace for everyone who does good…there is no partiality with God.”