Screaming like a Girl

This is what I discovered when I opened the cover to our pool skimmer for a routine cleaning….and his name is not Charlotte.  I had the most visceral reaction I think I have ever had, a “HOLY SH#T THAT IS THE BIGGEST MUTHER F’IN SPIDER I HAVE EVER SEEN”  Of course that is what I was thinking because what came out of my mouth was the loudest, highest pitch screechy scream that stereotypically could be described as “screaming like a girl”.  I must say, it is usually one of the men in my house that utters this kind of scream when coming across…usually any insect or rodent that may breach the security of our walls.  I generally mutter something really mean that resembles “big wuss” or “stupid pussy” and go kill or trap the damn thing myself.  Not this time.  In a rare moment of humility, when facing this tarantula like arachnid, I felt their fear, as irrational as it may seem.  I threw the cover back on, and finally had a friend, who had stopped over get rid of it…not before he was able to appreciate its size and I snapped a picture.  All in all, it was 2 1/2 inches or so and had TIGER STRIPES.  I think I even heard it snarl and cackle as it scurried away.  I didn’t kill it because I didn’t want its family to issue a hit for killing the big daddy.  I literally had the willies all day long every time I thought about that damn spider, and at night every time I tried to think of the heroine of “Charlotte’s Web”  I got distracted because I could swear I  heard him taunting me from under my bed.

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