Category: power

Dancing with the Devil

dancing with the devilI hesitated for a long time before I expressed my rage against this corporate machine, but now that my dance with this particular devil is done…let me tell you about it.  For the past few years, my family has made a special effort to live more simply, pay off debt and choose a life that isn’t inspired by all the physical trappings of modern society.  I’m not saying we live like monks, but we, like a lot of others working in health-care fields have suffered in this economy.  We want to live responsibly and not live in the mentality of blaming the world for the challenges that we may face on any given day.  Some days are better than others.  Today, having gotten out from under the single most Faustian company in the world, Bank of America, I feel free.  The holes in my stomach can heal, the frustration of feeling victimized by a company that is rife with story after story of malfeasance is over.

In all my discussions about power, I thought it was high time I took an opportunity to act powerfully in what, to me anyway, was a situation in which I had none.  Choosing to act powerfully doesn’t always mean having the upper hand.  In this instance it meant seeing a situation clearly, and also affirming the belief that I am a good and honest person who was in need of help solving a problem.  That was my platform.   While I think I’m a pretty good negotiator, I had a very positive and yet completely unfruitful conversation with a representative who was rendered speechless in the end even though the machine he worked for may have won, it was I, not he, who felt powerful at the end of our conversation.  I was completely forthright, made no excuses, wanted to resolve a problem efficiently and then proceeded to state the truth to him that not only were they unwilling to negotiate anything, I was penalized for being truthful and responsible.  Not to go into detail, any time I was put on hold so he could “check with his manager,” he came back with an even more dismal situation.   I asked him how he could stand working for this company, (not at all in a mean way, but more because I was curious) given how stressful this was…he answered me, in a tired voice, that it was his job.  I said, that I pride myself on working with people to solve problems and are usually successful in creating solutions where both sides can benefit.  I repeated back much of what the company touted in their new campaign, that they wanted to help stay connected and help people in their ordinary lives.  Being as ordinary as they come, it appeared to me that the company not only didn’t want to keep me connected they were doing their very best to make life as difficult as possible.  He had nothing to say to that.  Ironically, I felt good after the phone-call because I had done everything I could do on my end.  I ended with phrase:  “You have to know that this will catch up to your company, that the rule of the universe is that whatever you put out there comes back to you.  It certainly has for the rest of us.  But when you have an opportunity to help, and your company literally pays bonuses for pushing people to default, you have to know that eventually you and your company will have pay the price…even if all you do is answer the phone and relay your manager’s message…”  We ended the conversation politely.  I did pray for him that night, more because he didn’t seem to thrilled about working for them.  I know I sounded a bit judgmental but at that moment, it seemed so true.  Also,  he had to go back.  I don’t, and I guess that is why I win.

I learned something too.  All the years our business had a relationship with this company, like millions of others, I never thought about what a monster we helped make.  I get that it was done  completely unwittingly, but we still did our part, and I feel most definitely we paid the consequences.  Isn’t this how a lot of monsters get created?  Not by one thing, but by diffusing it among the masses until they become the catch phrase…”Too big to fail”  Perhaps this is why Jesus talks so much about the difficulty of a rich man getting into the Kingdom of God.  Today, I cut my ties with this particular devil and will for the first time in a long time sleep well.

Power, Part III

?????????????????????????????????????????????When it comes to understanding power, the last temptation that Jesus faced in the desert (at least in Luke), is the greatest show of strength and power by doing absolutely nothing at all.  It was a challenge from the devil to Jesus, to prove that he truly was the Son of God by jumping off the highest parapet of the temple.  If he truly was God’s son, God, “would command his angels concerning you, to guard you lest you dash your foot against a stone.”  To which, Jesus, unimpressed that the Devil can quote scripture, responds: “It also says you should not put the Lord, your God, to the test.”  Booyah!  Oh yeah! Take that sucka (gestures included)…That, of course, is what I would have said as the Devil skulked away, because Jesus is that hefty of an adversary even after starving in the desert for 40 days!  Most of all, though, it tells me real power is not defined by or proven by show and tell.  Think about it, I don’t know anyone who even has a tiny bit of that kind of power and doesn’t use it…including the Son of God because he chose not to.  The conundrum for me is this: Since no one else was there, how do we know that the devil wasn’t just a figment of delirium resulting from starvation, and none of these tests ever happened…should it even matter?  Even if the story is pure conjecture, it did affect how Jesus understood and utilized God’s power throughout his ministry.  Obviously, history tells us of his great miracles and his great authority and ability to command a crowd.  Most important to me, however, was that he remained true to all three lessons.  He is the most powerful figure in human history because he satiated our spiritual hunger first, showed us by example and parable that true power has nothing to do with amassing temporal kingdoms and controlling others, and most importantly, that trust in God is the true cornerstone, even if it means being subjected to torture and death.

I think about the temptations in the desert a lot, and I worry that as a Church, we are failing the three tests.   I am worried that amassing worldly wealth far outweighs the need for spiritual fulfillment.  I am worried that controlling the faithful by determining who is fit for everlasting life is more important than empowering people to be just who God created them to be…which is to be a part of the body of Christ, where every part is just as important as the next and not just the ones that hold a higher place.  I am worried that we constantly put God to the test by demanding that he answer every prayer the way we want him to…and use the result as proof that he really does love us, or is punishing us for something.  As a result of our failure, I’m worried that while the devil may have not been successful in tempting Jesus, he has been successful in tempting the Church…the whole Christian Church.

Power Part ll

satan_before_the_lordWho really has authority and power in this world?  While fasting in the desert,  the Devil told Jesus that the authority of this world was his and he could give it to anyone he wished.  All Jesus had to do was subjugate himself and worship Satan.  To this Jesus (at least in Matthew) grows angry and demands he leaves and reminds him that it only the Lord God that we are to worship and he alone shall we serve.  Curiously, I’ve often wondered if Satan really believed he controlled this world, or that it was just a trick, a slight of hand to obstruct Jesus true power.  When I look at dictators throughout history who appeared to have control of their respective kingdoms along with the allegiance and worship of their people, their power was always rooted in fear, was transient, and their people always fickle.  Selling one’s soul to the Devil for the illusion of power will never really make one powerful.  Control over someone isn’t necessarily power over them.  No one can take our power without our permission.  The Devil can’t give away what never belonged to him in the first place: our free will.  Shackles may contain us physically, but the spirit never.  Jesus knew this, which is why he knew he could command the Devil to leave.

When I look back over my life, the thought of having some form of a kingdom never appealed to me.  I don’t really want that.  But there were plenty of times that I felt controlled by someone or some circumstance. In hindsight, I realized that I simply allowed myself to believe the illusion that I was powerless.  I later understood that at any time, I could have simply said no and relied on what Jesus said…we get our power from God and serve him alone.  But hindsight is 20/20.  So, while I can’t change the past, I can change the future.  I need not convince anyone that the power they think they have over me is an illusion.  I’m the only one who needs to know and believe that they don’t.  That is the way to break the bond of power.  When that person realizes they can’t control your spirit after all, like the Devil did, they leave…perhaps not without some damage, but that what doesn’t kill us makes us stronger right?

People who desire to rule over others, generally choose those who feel powerless to begin with.  Feeling powerless opens the door to being seduced by someone who will promise you anything, all for the exchange of your soul.  A hefty price to pay for an illusion.  When you build a source of inner strength, you stop attracting those kinds of people and situations.  You attract those who will empower you and be empowered by you.

Powerless, Part 1

stone to breadI’ve been thinking a lot about power these days and how deeply I think it is misunderstood.  When I am feeling most vulnerable and powerless, I look to my greatest role model, Jesus.   In chapter four of the Gospel of Luke, Jesus has been in the desert without food for forty days and at this very vulnerable point the Devil comes to tempt him.  Initially, the Devil goes right to the heart of the matter, Jesus’ physical needs and tempts him to use his power for personal gain, to turn a stone to bread and satiate his hunger.  He refuses, and replies that we cannot live by bread alone.   It is a choice between the discomfort of hunger, to which he in his heart knew to be temporary, and satiate a desire to show off his power over nature.  That, to me anyway, is a pivotal point.  He could have begun his ministry with pomp and circumstance of showing off the power to bend everything to his will and be glorified.  But he didn’t.  He chose to live and walk as a man, and never use his power for personal gain.  Just because he could didn’t mean he should.

When I think of my own hunger, it manifests in many different kinds of deprivations, all that create discomfort.  Recognizing that weakness is when I doubt and lose faith and look to try to get rid of the discomfort the easiest way possible, is the exact moment to reject these inclinations and follow Jesus’ lead.  If I want to live like Jesus did, I must believe that these weaknesses are only temporary, and choosing be uncomfortable or embarrassed in this moment forces me to access my own true source of power, and satiate my spiritual hunger first.  While that may soothe me spiritually and philosophically, I also know what it feels like to be in the presence of someone who plays on a weakness and dares me to prove that I’m not by a show of force.  It is tempting to prove to them that I’m not what they say I am and at the same time punish them for exposing and taunting me about it.  I’ve fallen into that temptation many times in the past and have used power just to prove I have it.  I can truthfully say that I only felt weak afterwards.  Avoiding that temptation to prove yourself to someone and to stand tall and not accept the bait is and always will be the greatest show of strength.

So how is the story of changing a stone to bread different from the wedding at Cana when Jesus was asked to change water into wine?  In transforming the water into wine, he did it as a sign of who he was.  In the desert, there was no one else there.  The true source of power isn’t being able to transform a stone into bread or water into wine, but to know the power exists within to do these things first.  Is it a subtle distinction?  I think so.  I really believe if Jesus would have allowed himself to be baited into making that bread, to prove himself, he would have lost it.  In Cana, he didn’t really need to prove anything, he didn’t really want to make that transformation either, because he questioned whether was ready.  He inevitably did it because his mother asked him to, that this was the moment to start his active ministry.    Knowing you have the power to do something and doing it to prove you have it…is a sign of weakness.  But using your power so do something and use it to bring others to a greater place is not.  I’m sure that choice was always on Jesus mind.  It isn’t always obvious if we use power to make ourselves look better or to help others.  I struggle with that choice as a parent all the time.  And in a time of muscle flexing and sand pissing…i.e., “my God is better than yours”, or “my political beliefs are right and yours are wrong”, or “Money buys power”  etc.etc., that struggle becomes all the more difficult. We all need to entertain the possibility in any power struggle whether or not we are taking the devils bait.