Now, I’m all for new experiences…BUT COME ON!!!! The statistical probability of this many things breaking in a month has to match its counterpart in winning the lottery…which I didn’t. From major appliances, to automobiles, our phone system, every satellite receiver in our house, small appliances, and our clinic adjusting tables, computers…everything bit the dust at once. True to form, I’ve been in crisis/problem solving mode for so long, I think my adrenal glands have taken flight into the body of a duck rather than choose to fight anymore. So far, I’ve been able to stifle the insane cackle of a woman losing her marbles, but it is hard…so much so, that I look like I’m hyperventilating all the time. The question, then, becomes what is worth saving? I managed to figure a couple of things out, and find acceptable help for others…but some things, well maybe the its just their time, the damage is irreparable and time to replace the broken item…which is in itself very stressful, because as you know, these major things aren’t cheap. Mix the cost of repair/replace with class rings, jackets, college application fees, senior portraits, Christmas and everyday expenditures I am ten steps behind.
And yet, I wake up (or depending on insomnia…I get up) and say my morning prayer “Lord, let me start the day embracing my gift of grace and become a miracle to someone in my own small way,” which I have to say is done with more of a smirk because it actually highlights how unable I am to see anything miraculous in my own life. I sigh, and try to remember how dark it can be before the light breaks through (at least according to Harry Potter, through whose saga ending I sobbed like a baby). I know many things are broken in this troubling time, beyond just the inanimate. I know none of us are exempt…but we are challenged to be faithful, and believe that we are never given anything we can’t handle. I know I’ll be stronger, but I hate it. I hate the part in the story where all the bad stuff happens. I would like to skip that part, please. I already know that I am strong, seriously…have you met my family? I want a working toilet that doesn’t overflow in the middle of the night through three floors, including all over my freshly washed laundry. I want to stop being irritated to death. In the same breath, I know that I should be thankful for what I do have, and what I don’t have to face what others in this world do. I would hate to go to my grave knowing that I was done in by low-level malfunction, or death of a hundred cuts. Perhaps this is the devil knowing my weakness…if this is the case, then let me remind you “Dude, give it up already…you lost the war. Go home and stay there. My soul is bullet proof, because I know if I fail…my super-power won’t, so frickin’ give it a rest.” If it isn’t Beelzebub, then hell, I must be the unluckiest person in the world and or was Kublai Khan in my last life.