Note to the Boys

So, my dearest sons…I just want to take a moment to reflect on the insanity of our world for a moment and use the both of you to help me make some sort of sense of it.  I use you both as small microcosm of the world because of the contempt you have for one another at this very moment…mostly because you stand at polar opposites of personality types, and it is my hope, like for the rest of the world, that once you recognize that you want a lot of the same things, but simply see them from a unique perspective…the contempt will transform into both a broaden perspective and a greater appreciation for each other.  What?  a mother can’t dream?  Anyway, bear with me for a minute.

To my eldest…yes, I appreciate the fact that you are a free spirit, who can disregard societal limitations and have no trouble articulating an opinion about, well everything.  My youngest, you have a strong moral ethic, appreciation for societal rules which establish a necessary order, you are all about holding people accountable and are much more reticent to share your opinion, lest you hurt someone’s feelings or be judged for it.  What you both have to realize, is that both of those gifts can turn on you if you expect that everyone should see things the same way you do.  Elder boy, you are so vigilant about your opinion, that you terrorize anyone who may think differently than you do.  Younger boy, you are so afraid to create conflict that keeping your opinion to yourself doesn’t offer the opportunity to help someone expand their limited opinion, and silence never helped anyone.

I’m proud that both of you think and feel deeply about things and I fear, you will always be different in how you express them.  You are both intelligent young men who believe that equality extends to everyone, regardless of race or sexual orientation.  You both believe that accountability and choice go hand in hand…meaning you reap what you sow.  The kindness with which you treat your friends, and willingness to stand up for those who are being bullied will always make me proud.  The fact that you are so much more tuned into the current events of the day, places you far beyond your peers at times.  And I’m proud that you love this country and honor the military..(and that doesn’t mean that I have to condone violence..)  I’m also proud of your growing faith, and willingness to express that with all that you do. So, why can’t you appreciate, from time to time, those things you have in common instead of picking apart each others interests, and apparel, and the bizarre need you have to clone each other?  It shouldn’t have to be a competition.  Just like the present climate in our world…we can all stand as proud Americans who honor hard work and good values, and still have completely opposite approaches on how to do it.  The world won’t implode if you don’t always get your way, or the other to acknowledge that there is only one right way…because there isn’t.  It doesn’t have to make you enemies and hate each other.  So this note, hopefully, can encourage you to focus once in a while on the things that you share in common, then perhaps, some of the devisiveness will fade and I don’t have to spend so much time playing referee.

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