Some of you have heard this story, but it bears repeating for the sake of context…When I was getting my degree in Theology, my professor asked the class to pick a verse in scripture that summed up our faith. After much thought, I chose King David dancing naked with abandon before the ark of the covenant. At first, my professor was offended, until I explained that my faith had always been stripped down, joyful and with abandonment. It’s true. Some people are good at math, or art, or sports… Faith has always been easy for me. Inside my head, belief and understanding God has always been easy and obvious…that doesn’t mean that I always understood the practical implementation of it in the world, or that it would be appreciated. Like King David would show us, even those anointed by God are flawed, because we are human. Therein lies the rub, how do the faithful stand with authority in the face of such flaws? It’s easy to be good at math and prove it on a test. But faith? I shake my head writing it, because there really isn’t any good way to prove it, beyond being a saint (which I am SO not)and not look like a total douche. I never felt the need to prove my expertise, and quite often exercise it. And anyway, why is it important?
Last year, my focus for 2014 was to walk forward on an open road, to take God at His word that he has something in mind specifically for me. If He would rid my life of illusion and pretense then I would walk forward without question, wherever that may lead. As it usually is with those kinds of promises, I had no fucking (excuse the expletive, it is part of letting go of pretense) idea what would entail. Once stripped of illusion, it is a bit frightening to realize that most of the world’s population thrives on it…including those anointed by God (and yes, I include myself). So here I am at the end of a year of walking, standing with deep fear and trepidation with the knowledge that regarding faith and God, we have so obviously gotten almost everything wrong…like 2 + 2 = 5 wrong. I’ve known it for a while, and it has slowly been eating away at me. My response to God was this: What the hell am I supposed to do with this…AND more importantly why me? I am of no consequence…people will laugh at me, especially those who know me. To which God responded, all of my children are of consequence, you said you would walk wherever I lead…and this is where I lead. So stop walking and keep quiet, or keep moving and start talking. So here I am, standing naked and afraid and feeling charged to explain what God is all about, ready to pee my pants, except I am not wearing any. And then I remembered King David dancing naked. I want that back…not the naked part, the with joyful abandoned part.
So, before I start sharing my insights (it took me ten minutes to even come up with a noun to describe it). I’m going to relearn to dance. To dance with joyful abandon that God graced me with a gift I didn’t have to pay for, and I am pretty stoked about that.
Things that I must say at the get go for the coming year :
1) I will write without pretense, and often without propriety…so I apologize ahead of time, what can I say…I’ve always been a good girl at heart and some days it may be a stretch for me.
2) I will most definitely piss people off from time to time. I can live with that, because I piss myself off more than anyone can ever know.
3) I truly believe that this is what God requires of me, in all seriousness, I do.
4) I am of sound mind, though of uncertain temperament.
5) Love is the root of everything…and is what compels my dance.
5) Understanding God doesn’t require perfection…just willingness and commitment.
6) I pray everyday, all day.
7) All God’s children are of consequence, not just those deemed so by society.