Karma has been a huge thing in my life, you know the concept of what ever you put out in the universe comes back to you tenfold. I embrace this philosophy in particular, not only because it inspires hope in doing what I think is right regardless of whether or not my motivation is apparent, but also because the universe has seen fit to keep my comeuppance to about 10 seconds, when I don’t do what I know is right. I’ve learned that it is much easier to just tell the truth, be honest and accept responsibility when necessary. I know that God understands me to the core, and also that as pig-headed as I can be, I generally learn my lesson.
A while ago, (the spiral perm says it all) I was hired to speak at a large city church about perspective, being wounded and forgiveness. There were to be a few hundred people there, and my talk focused around an elementary school teacher I had, that according to my recollection had treated me quite unfairly (she once made me stick my head in the desk to suffer the humiliation of Eve). Thoughts of her always made me feel sad and wounded, and it was truly my first experience of being judged as a “naughty girl” I even think that I was going to forgive her at the end of the speech.
Just as I was about to take the pulpit, the pastoral minister approached me and said that someone had seen my name in the bulletin and wanted to say hello before I started. I know you know exactly who it was. It was that teacher. She literally ran over to me, grabbed me in an embrace and said that she always wondered what happened to one of her favorite students, yeah, I know. I was baffled. How had she retained such different memories? I was completely thrown off my game and gave one of the first extemporaneous speeches of my career. I can’t even remember what I said…except that once I realized that my hurt was more personally manufactured than an actual occurrence, I immediately began to wonder how many people out there remembered me as “that person” who was a cause of pain, and was completely clueless about it.
Perspective is a funny thing. Sometimes we are completely unaware of what we are throwing out there. What we may see as good and right, maybe hurtful to another. I am always mindful of that when I walk in the world. I trust the universe will always let me know when I need clarity. Now, when I think of that teacher, I am mindful not to waste emotional energy on perhaps a flawed perspective. She has become a part of a great life lesson instead of a lingering memory of a hurt little girl.
