Omega

I know I’ve mentioned this before on my blog, but I’ve had it on my mind a lot these days.  I wear this symbol around my neck for a multitude of reasons, the most significant being its religious connotations.  Christ said he was the alpha and the omega, the beginning and the end.  I seem to have been born believing that truth.  A long time ago, my father told me of a deal he made with God about my birth.  Because of dangerous complications during my mother’s pregnancy with me, he told God that I was his, if in turn I was born healthy.  Well I was, and I guess the rest is history.  My father also told me that I wouldn’t let him touch me for the first six months of my life.  My other father, was never in question.  I just knew from the start that my heavenly father and I were intimately connected and the relationship would be nothing less than tumultuous.  I say that not because I think I am something special…sincerely I really, really don’t.  I think my life proves that.  I don’t seem like a natural candidate for a religious vocation.  What I do think is that God honored a simple prayer, and I was born with the simple gift of Knowing…which should give me a lot more peace than I feel right now, but it doesn’t always.  Think about it, when you know something, or can see it clearly even when others do not, there is no excuse for a lack of faith in any process, or words, or the power of God’s grace.  I see it as clearly as a green light telling me it’s ok to go ahead on the road to, I guess wherever.   Call me crazy, and hey I have thought that about myself  many a time.  If it weren’t for hindsight constantly reminding me of a theme to my life journey I would have chalked it up to silliness a long time ago.  For me, there are no excuses to just sit there and wait, only having the faith to move ahead because I lack the ability to really see it.  I do see it and it gives me a lot of stress.  That is why I wear the omega…as a constant reminder that the journey has already begun, and all I do in this life is directed toward the conclusion, establishing the kingdom of God.  The saddest thing for me is how off track God’s children have become, and feeling the inability to speak in a way that helps bring us back on track.  I don’t always understand the road I’m on, especially when it narrows and I don’t believe that it is possible to continue to travel on it.  That is usually because I try to get too far ahead of myself.  When I look down at my feet, though, there is always enough room to take the next step.  It is hard to live in the moment like that, but it is too hard and stressful not to because God deems it necessary to keep moving forward to get where I need to go.  Today, I grasp my omega and speak words of Thanksgiving for my gift and move one step closer, even though I don’t always want to.

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